Anonymous
Post 05/21/2025 00:12     Subject: I feel bad that my child is not gifted
I wonder where OP and her 16 year old are now…
Anonymous
Post 05/20/2025 00:17     Subject: I feel bad that my child is not gifted
My advice is love and appreciate the child you have. Giftedness isn’t the most important thin. I really believe social skills are more critical for long-term success. Also, having a good work ethic can take an average kid further than a lazy gifted one. Anyway, kindergarten really is too early to determine academic potential. My older kids were late readers and it predicted nothing. The gaps between them and their classmates disappeared. By HS they were in the same classes as the “gifted kids”.
Anonymous
Post 05/19/2025 23:57     Subject: I feel bad that my child is not gifted
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:I get it, OP. We all have our moments when we lose perspective and struggle. But reading late does not necessarily mean your child is not intelligent.

I can think of several of my childhood peers who were considered slow and did not do well in school, yet are now successful in their field of work. It's a matter of finding the right field. You need to open your mind to non-academic possibilities for your child. Only if your mind is open will you be able to help your child find his path. Instead of laying awake worrying, make an effort to help your child develop his unique talents. That is the way forward.


OP here. DH is successful and earns close to 7 figures. I stayed home and now do some consulting work so that I could focus on the children. I just feel like such a failure. I have tried so hard to enrich him. I put so much effort into a balanced schedule of studying, sports, music, etc. We do play dates, educational outings, journals, have a million books and go to the library all the time. I don't think there is anything more I can do.


There is a mother here whose child is undergoing chemotherapy. Have some perspective. One of my children has special needs and you don’t realize how blessed you are to have your “average” child.

I hope OP is a troll.
Anonymous
Post 05/19/2025 19:40     Subject: I feel bad that my child is not gifted
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:Ugh. Who the F is testing young kids for giftedness? Fire 'em.



The Op is. Being an early reader is not really proof for or against being gifted but it's often used in the parenting a gifted child arms race.


An early childhood teacher told me that early reading is a sign of some problems. By early, I mean 4yo.

My child's 6th grade teacher harassed us on 'back to school night' -
I know you Upper West Side parents really want to brag that your children are reading King Lear or Macbeth but I am here to tell you THAT IS AGE INAPPROPRIATE. And stop doing their homework for them because at this point they need to learn how to fail and how to pick themselves back up. This window closes very soon and you will be doing their homework for the rest of your lives if you don't stop NOW.

I loved this teacher. The kids hated her. But years later, they never forget her.
Anonymous
Post 05/19/2025 18:54     Subject: I feel bad that my child is not gifted
I had one child almost die shortly after birth. At the time we didn’t know if she would be functional or severely handicapped.

She learned how to ride a bike this year at 12. She entered a spelling bee and performed in her school play with a speaking role. She started piano lessons this year too. She has vision issues and is on the spectrum. I love her to pieces and am so proud of her.
Anonymous
Post 05/19/2025 18:51     Subject: I feel bad that my child is not gifted
I can’t read this entire thread because it’s so depressing. OP, don’t give up on your child. Don’t do it.

My younger child didn’t start reading until 2nd grade. She went from non-reader to a voracious reader overnight. It’s like she woke up one morning and said, “now I’m ready.” And this was after almost being held back a grade.

Kids mature at their own rates.

And there’s more than one way to show intellect. This world values more than superstar elementary school kids. You just have to open your eyes to the many ways our children can contribute meaningfully to this world.
Anonymous
Post 05/19/2025 18:34     Subject: I feel bad that my child is not gifted
Anonymous wrote:I love 20:28. Not snarky or cruel. Nice change.


10 years later, please come back OP and let us know how your 16 yo is doing!
Anonymous
Post 05/19/2025 18:30     Subject: I feel bad that my child is not gifted
I love 20:28. Not snarky or cruel. Nice change.
Anonymous
Post 02/07/2015 08:15     Subject: Re:I feel bad that my child is not gifted
Anonymous wrote:OP because you graduated Ivy doesn't make you special or more intelligent. In fact your post shows a lack of intelligence behind it. I don't mean it as an insult but it truly shows a narrow close minded perspective that is counter to what I consider a wise person.

Is your child healthy and happy? Then that should make you happy. I used to treat children with autism, some with severe challenges. What those parents wouldn't have given for their child to have a chance to be average to live a happy normal life without so many difficulties ahead of them.

You sound superficial and concerned about your ability to brag about your kid on what you deem is important. If your child not being: The most attractive, athletic, smartest and highest achieving individual makes you feel like a failure then I am sad for your kid. I think you are failing as a parent but not for the reasons you listed but because you think it's so important. I'd hate to be your kid and the pressure you would put on me so you can look good. Get your priorities straight and stop being disappointed because your child is happy and normal. You don't have to one up anyone and you know what? No one really gives a shit about your achievements or failures.


I;m not the OP - but struggling to keep mindful of my actions in this pressure cooker of raising children.
Thank you!
Anonymous
Post 02/07/2015 07:46     Subject: I feel bad that my child is not gifted
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:OP -- going to an Ivy does not guarantee success. Think back to your Harvard days -- what are your classmates doing now? I bet you a good % of them are not CEOs or scientists but have regular jobs that a graduate from UMass could also have gotten.

Also -- going to an Ivy and following the straight path also does not guarantee success. Think of how many Ivy grads are out there who take the expected path out of Princeton to ibanking and do ok there but not stellar and then hit a time in life where it's like "now what -- I never wanted this."

And I don't say this in jealousy of Ivy grads -- have 2 Ivy degrees and I've seen these things to be true over and over in myself and my classmates. The truly "successful" Ivy grads -- the ones running the world, CEOs of Fortune 500 etc -- are not only smart but hugely charismatic; so charismatic that I'm willing to bet that they their degree was from UMass instead of Harvard, they still would have found their way to the same positions.


+1 My dad went to UMass ( & didn't even graduate with honors -- the horror!) & was a top executive in a Fortune 100 company by age 40. I went to an ivy, graduated with honors & am now nearly 40 & nowhere close to being that successful in my own career.

My dad is not disappointed or heartbroken by my path in life, however. Having friends & former colleagues whose similar-aged children have either died or suffer from serious, painful illnesses (both physical & psychological), he knows & appreciates that having 2 healthy, happy daughters makes him extremely lucky.



White males super successful executives. Daughters with ivy degrees not as financially successful. Shows me the white males still out earn females in the workplace.
Anonymous
Post 02/07/2015 07:36     Subject: Re:I feel bad that my child is not gifted
Sorry for the double post
Anonymous
Post 02/07/2015 07:35     Subject: Re:I feel bad that my child is not gifted
OP, forward this link to your parents and in laws and then call them up on the phone to ask how disappointed they are in you and DH.

Ben Bolger.
http://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Benjamin_Bolger

Meanwhile...
http://www.boston.com/community/moms/blogs/parent_buzz/2013/07/child_born_without_a_brain_is_now_6_years_old.htm


A goldfish doesn't know its in water until its out. When the water you swim in is overprivileged, you lose sight of other, more tragic realities than your own.

A gifted classmate of mine went to Amherst and later an Ivy for medical school. Guess what? She died from cancer at age 32.
Anonymous
Post 02/07/2015 07:29     Subject: Re:I feel bad that my child is not gifted
OP, forward this link to your parents and in laws and then call them up on the phone to ask how disappointed they are in you and DH.

Ben Bolger.
http://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Benjamin_Bolger

Meanwhile...
http://www.boston.com/community/moms/blogs/parent_buzz/2013/07/child_born_without_a_brain_is_now_6_years_old.htm


A goldfish doesn't know its in water until its out. When the water you swim in is overprivileged, you lose sight of other, more tragic realities than your own.

A gifted classmate of mine went to Amherst and later an Ivy for medical school. Guess what? She died from cancer at age 32.
Anonymous
Post 02/05/2015 12:54     Subject: I feel bad that my child is not gifted
Being academically giftd at a young age and potential earned income are corralated, but not a science. Give your child time to develop. Maybe try HOP. Great reading program! Your child clearly has great genes-
Anonymous
Post 01/15/2015 22:17     Subject: Re:I feel bad that my child is not gifted
Anonymous wrote:Fun Facts:

1) The IQ of the average CEO is 110--not quite "gifted"
2) Albert Einstein didn't start TALKING until he was 3. And it's pretty wildly accepted he counts as "gifted"


Where you get that info? 1