Anonymous
Post 10/08/2018 15:54     Subject: What's the meanest thing a partner has ever said to you?
"nobody likes you, you have no friends, your own family doesn't like you or care about you, my friends don't like you, and I never liked you"

"stupid b****"

"I wish you would die"

"no wonder your ex cheated on you"

Many degrading comments about how my career is pointless and doesn't matter.

He is on a business trip right now and I so desperately want to just leave and get a divorce, but I don't know where to start. Most of my friends and none of my family live here, and I feel so hopeless and alone.
Anonymous
Post 10/08/2018 15:37     Subject: What's the meanest thing a partner has ever said to you?

1. "We should just get divorced now if this is how it is going to be." (We were six months in and he embarrassed me in public and I called him out in private about it...and that is what he said--I should have left then)

2. "Maybe you should just get an abortion and we should get divorced" (14 months in; pregnancy was an accident...he pressured me but we were not happy)

3. "You were never sexually adventurous enough for me to really fall in love with you" (no complaints with other men...sex between us was never great...it was not me...it was that it was not good between "us"--something always missing

We are still married but I really want a divorce.
Anonymous
Post 10/08/2018 15:21     Subject: What's the meanest thing a partner has ever said to you?
That's it?
Anonymous
Post 10/08/2018 15:20     Subject: What's the meanest thing a partner has ever said to you?
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:Are there really people in the world who have never said something mean during an argument? I ask in all seriousness -- this is an eye-opener for me if true. I assumed we'd all had our moments saying things we've later regretted.


Yes there are. My DH and I argue occasionally but we don't call eachother names and we stay respectul. We stick to the subject at hand which is usually something minor like how to stack the dishwasher. IMO there is a right way and a wrong way to argue. Argument is meant to be about communication and even during an argument it's important that you communicate that you love eachother anyway.

I would dump a man who said any of the above things to me immediately. I'd rather be alone.

I think John Gottman said that the death knell of a relationship is when a partner shows contempt for the other. A lot of these comments display just that IMO.


Totally agree. I have never fought with any partner with name calling and I demand the same from them. I don’t even call him an idiot. No names, ever. It’s not OK.


DH and I have been together 15 years and NEVER name called in an argument or said cruel things. We have had some heated, angry disagreements but calling each other names is not in the play-book. How awful that some take it as a matter of course.
Anonymous
Post 10/08/2018 15:17     Subject: What's the meanest thing a partner has ever said to you?
Anonymous wrote:Single at 39, never married. This thread doesn't make me feel so bad anymore. I would like to hug all of you, you don't deserve to be treated that way.


You do realize this is a thread ABOUT terrible marriages? I could do a thread about lovely things spouses say to each other, and it would make marriage seem like the best thing ever.
Anonymous
Post 10/08/2018 14:05     Subject: Re:What's the meanest thing a partner has ever said to you?
Anonymous wrote:We had a two year old and a baby who was three or four months old. We were both working but I was doing so the overnights because the baby was nursing. I would go to bed early but the wakeups were increasingly negatively affecting me, particularly my mood. My husband would stay up later, sometimes working but frequently playing video games.

I asked him to give the baby a bottle of formula for the first feeding since he was up anyway, explaining that I thought the sleep deprivation was making me depressed. He told me yes, and then we had three nights of him not doing it and then telling me in the morning that he hadn't understood what I was asking him to do but promising he would do better that night. The last time I was practically crying as I told him that it was making me crazy that he kept saying he would help me and then making it out like I hadn't explained what I needed, and that it seemed like he wasn't willing to help me. He smirked at me and said something like "I guess so, what are you going to do about it?" I swallowed hard, thought about how limited the emotional resources I had for dealing with anything at the time were, and decided to let it go.

In retrospect, I should have started making a plan for either improving things or getting out, because it was two years after that of resentful, checked out parenting. Having to nag him to get out of bed in the morning. Anger at me for not getting him the groceries he wanted, and anger at me for asking what he wanted when I went grocery shopping. Weird suspicions about the paternity of a child who was plainly his.

A couple of months ago he yelled at me that he pretends to have to work late to avoid spending time with me and we finally had some discussions we should have had a long time ago. He understands that he seriously messed up. He's been more engaged and nicer to me. He apologized a lot. Sometimes I think it's enough and sometimes I don't.


What you described is most definitely emotional abuse, esp. the "I guess so, what are you going to do about it?" scenario. I'm glad things seem to have improved for the time being, but please know this: you never deserved to be treated this way in the first place. Not then, not now, not ever. I'm concerned about your characterization about him being "nicer," because his starting point was being emotionally abusive in the first place. I hope "nicer" isn't simply the absence of abuse.Please don't get caught in cycles of "abuse, minor improvement, more abuse, minor improvement" etc. You deserve better than that.
Anonymous
Post 10/08/2018 11:28     Subject: What's the meanest thing a partner has ever said to you?
He tries to be mean and shift conversations when it is something he forgot to do or messed up, but it just comes out laughable, immature and desperate.
But at least I know he's angry, but I rarely know what he's really angry about. He lets it fester and it comes out adjacent other conversations so lots to unpeel to figure it out.
Anonymous
Post 10/08/2018 10:16     Subject: Re:What's the meanest thing a partner has ever said to you?
That his mother was right about me!
Anonymous
Post 10/08/2018 09:06     Subject: What's the meanest thing a partner has ever said to you?
We changed our last name because we did not want anyone to think we are Jewish...said to me a Jewish person...and he knew it.
Anonymous
Post 10/08/2018 09:05     Subject: What's the meanest thing a partner has ever said to you?
One time he called me a bitch because I got mad he woke me up.

He apologized.
Anonymous
Post 10/08/2018 09:03     Subject: Re:What's the meanest thing a partner has ever said to you?
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:I hate to disappoint everyone but my DH has never said anything so mean that its stuck in my memory. He's certainly said his share of dumb things but over 34 years that's to be expected.


Do you always answer questions that don’t pertain to you?


That's pretty mean! It's nice to know that at least one person hasn't been trashed by their spouse.
Anonymous
Post 10/08/2018 09:03     Subject: What's the meanest thing a partner has ever said to you?
Told me to abort our dc#2

Told I’m to “find a new man to be the father of these children”.

We are divorced. He loves to criticize my parenting. Makes me laugh; dc would be DEAD if he’d had his way....
Anonymous
Post 10/08/2018 09:02     Subject: What's the meanest thing a partner has ever said to you?
Anonymous wrote:Where shall I start. Telling me I must be lesbian because I didn't want to sleep with him. Refusing to show any affection at all, or even be nice, for about 6 months to teach me a lesson not to gain weight. Told me he didn't want to have kids with me because I am too fat to be a good mother. Btw, I was a size 14 at the time and 5'8. We are no longer married.


Is that large?
Anonymous
Post 10/08/2018 08:54     Subject: What's the meanest thing a partner has ever said to you?
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:Where shall I start. Telling me I must be lesbian because I didn't want to sleep with him. Refusing to show any affection at all, or even be nice, for about 6 months to teach me a lesson not to gain weight. Told me he didn't want to have kids with me because I am too fat to be a good mother. Btw, I was a size 14 at the time and 5'8. We are no longer married.



After 9 pages the only truthful thing I’ve read is that
He was correct here. 5’8 and size 14 Is FAT.


. You are a terrible person.
Anonymous
Post 10/08/2018 08:32     Subject: What's the meanest thing a partner has ever said to you?
That my entire life was worthless, I've never contributed anything to society, and if I died no one would even notice.

Married him anyway. Dumb. I guess he was correct in his assessment of my intelligence.