Anonymous wrote:Sometime in the past 10 years or so, Americans have lost sight of that and now it's all "me, me, me!" at weddings

Only 10 years? Shit American weddings have been ME ME ME for generations.

If I attend a wedding reception at 7pm, I honestly don't want my kids there with me. If it does not suit my schedule, I decline - just as I would with any other social activity. It does not mean I don't love and support the couple if I don't go.

I was dumb and stupid and said no kids at mine. I wish I had not. The few kids that my family and friends had at the time would have been fine.

One of the first PPs here who's SIL is getting married, and literally every sibling or cousin is out of town and has kids. I think she's going to be in for a rude awakening when people decline bc of the no kids rule. Yes of course it is her decision but she needs to live with the consequences.

Anonymous wrote:So this couple "made their wedding expensive and inconvenient." How rude.

On another thread, you'll be bashing a different couple for being cheap by not hosting a full bar or providing a gluten-free kosher vegetarian option.

And then you'll go berserk on the couple that does invite your precious kids but schedules the ceremony during nap time and doesn't serve dinner by 4:45pm.

Can I just summarize this 10-page thread for you in plain English?

This wedding is Not About You And Your Oh-So Complicated Logistics. It doesn't matter whether you think kids belong at a wedding, they are not invited to this one. Either find a babysitter or don't go.

And can I summarize "… and if I don't go you don't get to be pissy about it" in plain English for you?

Anonymous wrote:So this couple "made their wedding expensive and inconvenient." How rude.

On another thread, you'll be bashing a different couple for being cheap by not hosting a full bar or providing a gluten-free kosher vegetarian option.

And then you'll go berserk on the couple that does invite your precious kids but schedules the ceremony during nap time and doesn't serve dinner by 4:45pm.

Can I just summarize this 10-page thread for you in plain English?

This wedding is Not About You And Your Oh-So Complicated Logistics. It doesn't matter whether you think kids belong at a wedding, they are not invited to this one. Either find a babysitter or don't go.

BRAVO! Thank you. I'm going to post this on my fridge.

Anonymous wrote:I have no problem with kid free weddings, if the couple has no problem with me declining the invitation of its an out of town wedding. I can't afford to fly to the ceremony and fly grandma to home or wedding to be childcare.

I like the idea of the couple hiring a babysitter or two for the evening, and putting on a movie and ordering pizzas for the kids. Sounds like a win for everyone that way.

That is the key -- have whatever kind of wedding you want just don't get upset if people decline the invitation. Some people really do give you a guilt trip for not being there for their out-of-town "special day" despite it being a big logistical problem for families with kids. (in-town weddings, IMO, are a whole different thing -- really, how do you get through life without having a babysitter or who that you can use when needed?).

There needs to be good manners on both sides -- if kids aren't invited, don't bring them. If you don't want to invite kids, don't harass your guests about their declining an invite. If it's super-important to you that someone come from out of town to attend your no-kids wedding, make arrangements for the kids.

I think so much of comes down to family culture clash. I'm surprised at the number of people here who say they've never been to weddings with kids. EVERY wedding in my large extended family has included kids. It's expected and I for one enjoy kids at weddings. A third of the guests at my wedding were under 16. And these aren't casual backyard weddings. One cousin even invited young kids to his evening wedding with a reception at a bar. My kids (then 3 and 4) did well at the ceremony and came to the reception for a little while and then went home with their other young cousins, babysitter arranged by local relatives. I would not have minded at all if kids had been excluded from that wedding but it was out of town and my cousin wanted the kids there. He & the bride and his sister (who has 4 kids) made the ceremony + part of reception + babysitter arrangements before we arrive so we went with the flow.

^I am the PP you quoted. I loved having the little ones all over the dance floor. We have some amazing pictures, including DH, me, and the two girls holding hands and dancing together. But even pre-kids I have always liked kids, especially my nieces, and I was pretty un-phased by kid stuff (like a bit of unruly running around).

We didn't go extremely out of our way to make it kid friendly in that we didn't get married in an exceptionally casual environment, there was alcohol and a sit down meal, and we didn't have a circus or a moon bounce or an arts and crafts table or a babysitting station with a movie. The reception was in the evening, so I got that those with young kids and babies needed to leave shortly after the ceremony. However, we did try to accommodate our guests the best we could while still having the wedding we wanted, especially because our families had to travel from out of town. The nieces were at a picky eating stage, so our caterer made more kid-friendly plates for them--that sort of thing. My SIL is more lax than a lot of people about her kids staying up late for special occasions, so the girls stayed until something like 9:30 or 10, but they had a great time since they love to dance and there was cake.

It wasn't really a big deal for us to have kids there--the environment was nice and everyone seemed to have a good time, but I guess I'm generally more go-with-the-flow about that sort of stuff than some of the posters on here.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
I think its narcissistic to think that your kids belong at every event. You wouldn't expect to bring them to a cocktail party, which is essentially what a wedding is.

I see no problem with it. If you can't be apart from your kids for 4 hours, that's a problem.


I had a no-kid wedding for this reason. We wanted an elegant evening party.


You can have an elegant evening party and have kids. We did. I'm not saying you should allow kids but to say it can't be a nice wedding with children is ridiculous.

I agree with you PP. We had an elegant evening party, but kids were there. Some people left early if their kids were babies. My 2.5 and 6 year old nieces had a blast killing the dance floor. I was so in the moment during my wedding that something like a baby crying wouldn't have phased me in the least. The six year old ADORED being in the wedding because she got to be a flower girl for her cool aunt and favorite uncle and still talks about it now. Everyone can have the party they want, and if it's no kids, whatever, but I personally don't get it.

Oh dear. I am sure the bride and groom adored having your kids skidding around the dance floor while you were in the moment.

Given that she was the bride, it sounds like it was fine.

Some of you are really crazy.

Right? The twit pp couldn't wait to post before reading the whole paragraph.

I had a very formal, very expensive, no kids wedding. One person brought a baby anyway. I thanked her for coming, assuming she had no childcare options and didn't make a big deal of it.

Anonymous wrote:I think the poster with all those nursing babies made a decision not to attend many out of town weddings when she had 4 kids Not the bride and grooms problem.

+1

This was a most enlightening thread! If you can't afford being an attendant just decline. Weddings can get expensive. Not everyone has a casual field day wedding

I think the poster with all those nursing babies made a decision not to attend many out of town weddings when she had 4 kids Not the bride and grooms problem.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It does make it more complicated if it is a family OOT wedding and/or one or both spouses have been asked to be attendants.

Every family wedding up until the most recent 2 had been kid-friendly. And honestly, having the kiddos there was ALWAYS the best part. So, it surprised me when 2 of my cousins had weddings in the past few years where kids were not invited.

I don't begrudge them having the wedding they want or can afford or whatever. But there was this whole "oh, why can't you come?" attitude that we got that was a bit upsetting. Let's see, my parents are part of the family, so there goes the weekend sitter we have used in other cases? It doesn't seem like much fun to have to have someone sit in a hotel room babysitting while their spouse is at the party? I'm not going to leave my kid with some random stranger in a town I don't live in just so I can go to a wedding? I might have attended if there had been a kid's room at the event, but there wasn't, so my parents went and we stayed at home. I hate missing big events for members of my extended family, but I didn't have much choice. My two older cousins (brother and sister, both married with kids) did attend, and their dad and mom (my aunt and uncle) stayed back from the reception so that their adult children could attend. Great for them, but I wasn't going to do that to my parents. Again, it is what it is, but don't make me feel guilty for having to decline.

Making you feel guilty or expressing their disappointment? Grow up, when you decide to have kids you know logistics become more complicated. I knew this going in, was this a surprise to you?

Um, no, I was saying that there were family members (not necessarily the bride and groom) questioning why we couldn't come. I thought it was pretty obvious and there should be no guilt trip laid on us for declining. It's fine that my two older cousins and aunt and uncle made their arrangement, but I didn't feel right about my parents having to miss the event entirely just so we could go. Yes, I realize having kids can complicate things/change logistics - it seemed like my extended family didn't realize we had choices to make, though.

Now, we did attend an OOT wedding for another cousin where our child was invited, but my parents offered to head back to the hotel with her once she got tired. Kiddo partied until 9:30 or 10, and then it was time to go and her grandparents were fine with heading out a little early. We would have taken her out ourselves had they not offered.

So this couple "made their wedding expensive and inconvenient." How rude.

On another thread, you'll be bashing a different couple for being cheap by not hosting a full bar or providing a gluten-free kosher vegetarian option.

And then you'll go berserk on the couple that does invite your precious kids but schedules the ceremony during nap time and doesn't serve dinner by 4:45pm.

Can I just summarize this 10-page thread for you in plain English?

This wedding is Not About You And Your Oh-So Complicated Logistics. It doesn't matter whether you think kids belong at a wedding, they are not invited to this one. Either find a babysitter or don't go.