Anonymous wrote:I think its cool that you got married early. I kind of like the old-fashioned way. It just wasnt meant to be for me. I wasnt great at relationships. People my age and younger are also dealing with a tough economy, and many people cant pay their own rent, let alone start a family. Male value may decrease with time, but thats probably like after 40 from what i can tell. I dont undersyand your issue with me, because i do want to meet the right person. Id imagine youd want to encourage that, instead of telling us single people in their 30's to give up and calling people names. You got some issues it seems.

As for "desirable" men just taking what they want and not overthinking, there is some truth in that. But its hard to turn off all these exceptional analysis skills.

I am the 30 yo from before. The issue is you go back and forth between trying to be a nice guy and making douchebag comments about women your age and older. It would be more palatable if you would just own it, but instead you insult and then play victim. And you're debating with WOMEN and doing this. It's why I tried to point it out to you earlier. A good woman is going to spot a man with sour grapes (bitterness) from a mile away. It's the same dig over and over. Referencing crow's feet for a 30yo woman, a wrinkly 41 yo married woman who must be unwanted by her spouse...what woman would feel secure settling down with a man who reduces women's value solely to looks? Would you say these things in front of your mother, sister? It's just off putting and comes across like you expected to have a better advantage than women your age and view single women who can attract men they prefer as a threat somehow.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think its cool that you got married early. I kind of like the old-fashioned way. It just wasnt meant to be for me. I wasnt great at relationships. People my age and younger are also dealing with a tough economy, and many people cant pay their own rent, let alone start a family. Male value may decrease with time, but thats probably like after 40 from what i can tell. I dont undersyand your issue with me, because i do want to meet the right person. Id imagine youd want to encourage that, instead of telling us single people in their 30's to give up and calling people names. You got some issues it seems.

As for "desirable" men just taking what they want and not overthinking, there is some truth in that. But its hard to turn off all these exceptional analysis skills.

You are ok, I guess. I am kind of venting, not really because of you, but because of stories I am hearing from my friend in the dating trenches. She is over 40, very attractive and, from what I can tell, it's really soul crushing out there.

NP - I can tell you that it's not easy - not that there aren't a lot of options, there are, but just as you mentioned your GF is having a tough go it, I have found this to be as a 40-something single dad in my own case. I mentioned this on another thread - women are flaky, and often, though not always, don't know what they want even if they claim to be looking (e.g., having an active on-line profile). They'll visit a profile over and over, engage in a couple of emails (or a couple of phone calls if we chatted at bar or something), disappear and then try to re-engage and when the guy has moved on, they rarely see what their behavior (or lack of desire to go for it) contributed to them still being unattached.

In my own experience, it has never been a problem to meet women - online or in real life - if the woman says she's interested but her actions contradict that, I simply move on and chose not to waste my time. They come back weeks later with a bevy of excuses - and some can be reasonable - but to me, they're just playing around. Maybe they were like this in the 30s, I don't know. But the two women I have dated for about 3-4 months each over the past year were attractive professionals - maybe not the 10 on the hot charts, but certainly head-turners and had their shit together. this is what matters, at least for me and many men I know who are successful professional single dads - we're not all pigs trying to nail every piece of ass walking down the street. The shame of it is so many women who are posting here talk big and certainly have had their share of disappointments I'm sure, but have they looked at themselves to understand what is keeping them finding that relationship that's eluded them thus far?

Anonymous wrote:I think its cool that you got married early. I kind of like the old-fashioned way. It just wasnt meant to be for me. I wasnt great at relationships. People my age and younger are also dealing with a tough economy, and many people cant pay their own rent, let alone start a family. Male value may decrease with time, but thats probably like after 40 from what i can tell. I dont undersyand your issue with me, because i do want to meet the right person. Id imagine youd want to encourage that, instead of telling us single people in their 30's to give up and calling people names. You got some issues it seems.

As for "desirable" men just taking what they want and not overthinking, there is some truth in that. But its hard to turn off all these exceptional analysis skills.

You are ok, I guess. I am kind of venting, not really because of you, but because of stories I am hearing from my friend in the dating trenches. She is over 40, very attractive and, from what I can tell, it's really soul crushing out there.

"Somewhere out there there's a Somewhere out there there's a 41 year old guy sick of his wrinkled, annoying wife and wondering why he got married so early."

More like millions of 41 year old guys sick of their wrinkled, annoying wives and wondering why they got married so early.

I think its cool that you got married early. I kind of like the old-fashioned way. It just wasnt meant to be for me. I wasnt great at relationships. People my age and younger are also dealing with a tough economy, and many people cant pay their own rent, let alone start a family. Male value may decrease with time, but thats probably like after 40 from what i can tell. I dont undersyand your issue with me, because i do want to meet the right person. Id imagine youd want to encourage that, instead of telling us single people in their 30's to give up and calling people names. You got some issues it seems.

As for "desirable" men just taking what they want and not overthinking, there is some truth in that. But its hard to turn off all these exceptional analysis skills.

Anonymous wrote:Im sorry, but youre talking about a perspective from the mid 90's or so. You might also be a prole. In my professional circle, nobody got married before 25 and few did before 30. If you look at the average age of men marrying in the DC area its something like 32 or 33. So your husband is the outlier, not me. Its 2013 time to get with the program.

My value went up as I aged. Thats not true for every guy, but its true for me. Not sure what to tell you...im in good shape, with a prestigious job and there are lots of attractive 28-33 women to date. I dont disparage you or your choices, perhaps you should stop insulting people for theirs.

and yet, you are trying to pick up women (a few pages back) on an anonymous board... so much for your value and options. i am sure there are attractive women out there to date, but if they or you were all that, you would have been married by now.

and yes, the average age at first marriage went up and all that, but it went up 2-3 years, not 10 years, like you want to believe. like everybody else, you hang out with people who are similar to you (like many single women here as well) so you live in illusion that things have changed drastically (women having children in their forties etc). in reality, they have changed only so slightly.

also, the fact remains that male value decreases with age, ceteris paribus. now, there are cases where people change significantly, but in most cases, ceteris paribus holds and men and women both have less options as they age - even if they lose options at different rates. bwt, both DH and i are phds so it took a while for our careers to take off. however, having married early helped our careers, not hurt them, because we could spend our time focused on developing our knowledge and skills, not wasting time with boring strangers or sorting through endless online profiles. in any case, we had many many options and would have been foolish to have passed them on. pretty much all people i know of who are single in their thirties are single because they didn't have good or any options (this is surprisingly common).

Somewhere out there there's a 41 year old guy sick of his wrinkled, annoying wife and wondering why he got married so early.

right. well, this kind of explains why you are still single. speaking abstractly, you think that my husband would benefit from leaving me because he could presumably find a younger woman but that's because you still don't understand that age is a hindrance for men, as well as women. my husband would not be able to find a woman his own age who is like me (all such women have been married for more than 10 years), nor a young woman like me (because those women, just like me, are looking at young men, just like he was, not at aging 40+ men with a wife and kids).

another thing: desirable men never think about this stuff. they never "game" anything, nor do they think too much about their value, how it changes, who attracts whom, alphas, betas, the average age at marriage etc etc. they just go with their manly guts and get exactly what they need and want. they don't "get with programs", they fall in love and get married because they are men, not calculating wimps. i am so tired of left-over men (not directly, but through a friend who is a widow and dating) parading around self-importantly because hey, they are men, and therefore their looks don't matter ( ) and they will be desirable, like, forever. yeah right.

Im sorry, but youre talking about a perspective from the mid 90's or so. You might also be a prole. In my professional circle, nobody got married before 25 and few did before 30. If you look at the average age of men marrying in the DC area its something like 32 or 33. So your husband is the outlier, not me. Its 2013 time to get with the program.

My value went up as I aged. Thats not true for every guy, but its true for me. Not sure what to tell you...im in good shape, with a prestigious job and there are lots of attractive 28-33 women to date. I dont disparage you or your choices, perhaps you should stop insulting people for theirs. Somewhere out there there's a 41 year old guy sick of his wrinkled, annoying wife and wondering why he got married so early.

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Anonymous wrote:Ok, what age are you that you prefer someone younger than mid 30s? Cause im not having much trouble finding dates.

30yo woman. Prefer to date 27-34, someone I could've attended HS with. I date older sometimes, but I prefer guys who wanted to settle down sooner in life. Single women 35+ usually are because there are so many men their ages who are still exhibiting frat boy like behavior and sleeping around, not the other way around. I'd rather the guy who was commitment minded alot sooner in life. I've primarily attracted younger men the past few years, particularly 2-3 years younger and I wish I'd been more open-minded sooner. I still date men ages 35-38, but I'd rather a divorced guy in that category. Someone who is just starting to think about settling down at that age is usually incompatible for me. Most of the married guys I know that I consider good guys closed the deal in their 20s and early 30s. I'm sure there are older guys who are fine too, but I usually find myself thinking "Yeah, no wonder he is still single" after dates with older, never married guys.

I don't doubt you're having few problems finding dates. There's a lid for every pot.

Nice spin. Single women 35 plus are still single because of the men? Um, no. Theyre single generally because they fucked up when they were most attractive. In college, they didnt get locked down. In grad school, they didnt get locked down. Theres a reason for that. Maybe they wanted to be sluts for badboys, maybe they were focused on "career", maybe theyre just not that attractive. But its probably that they werent "ready" to commit when lots of guys were interested.

In my case, i changed careers (for the better) at about 30. So i wasnt really looking for settling down until recently. Thats not all i'm looking for, but certainly open to it. And i am probably going to be more open to it than most guys in their late 20s. Plus i went to a combined junior/senior hs.

Every single desirable man that I knew since elementary school was married by 35.

Every single desirable woman that I know was engaged or married by 30. What's your point?

that you are not desirable.

Im picturing you as maybe 25 lbs overweight, in my age range, single, and very bitter that guys can improve their value past 25 (while women cant).

I am 40, married at 23 to a then 24 yo college boyfriend who was at a time dirt poor but now makes loads of money (which was btw quite easy to predict). I made my choice in time, but so did he. If we didnt get married then, neither of us would have been available at 30, let alone 35.

I picture you as someone who thought his value would go up as he ages, but it didnt. There is a reason you didnt get married young. Age is not an asset for men, either, just something less desirable women are willing to put up with more than vice versa. So your value is going down, just not as steeply.

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Anonymous wrote:Ok, what age are you that you prefer someone younger than mid 30s? Cause im not having much trouble finding dates.

30yo woman. Prefer to date 27-34, someone I could've attended HS with. I date older sometimes, but I prefer guys who wanted to settle down sooner in life. Single women 35+ usually are because there are so many men their ages who are still exhibiting frat boy like behavior and sleeping around, not the other way around. I'd rather the guy who was commitment minded alot sooner in life. I've primarily attracted younger men the past few years, particularly 2-3 years younger and I wish I'd been more open-minded sooner. I still date men ages 35-38, but I'd rather a divorced guy in that category. Someone who is just starting to think about settling down at that age is usually incompatible for me. Most of the married guys I know that I consider good guys closed the deal in their 20s and early 30s. I'm sure there are older guys who are fine too, but I usually find myself thinking "Yeah, no wonder he is still single" after dates with older, never married guys.

I don't doubt you're having few problems finding dates. There's a lid for every pot.

Nice spin. Single women 35 plus are still single because of the men? Um, no. Theyre single generally because they fucked up when they were most attractive. In college, they didnt get locked down. In grad school, they didnt get locked down. Theres a reason for that. Maybe they wanted to be sluts for badboys, maybe they were focused on "career", maybe theyre just not that attractive. But its probably that they werent "ready" to commit when lots of guys were interested.

In my case, i changed careers (for the better) at about 30. So i wasnt really looking for settling down until recently. Thats not all i'm looking for, but certainly open to it. And i am probably going to be more open to it than most guys in their late 20s. Plus i went to a combined junior/senior hs.

Every single desirable man that I knew since elementary school was married by 35.

Every single desirable woman that I know was engaged or married by 30. What's your point?

that you are not desirable.

Im picturing you as maybe 25 lbs overweight, in my age range, single, and very bitter that guys can improve their value past 25 (while women cant).

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Anonymous wrote:Ok, what age are you that you prefer someone younger than mid 30s? Cause im not having much trouble finding dates.

30yo woman. Prefer to date 27-34, someone I could've attended HS with. I date older sometimes, but I prefer guys who wanted to settle down sooner in life. Single women 35+ usually are because there are so many men their ages who are still exhibiting frat boy like behavior and sleeping around, not the other way around. I'd rather the guy who was commitment minded alot sooner in life. I've primarily attracted younger men the past few years, particularly 2-3 years younger and I wish I'd been more open-minded sooner. I still date men ages 35-38, but I'd rather a divorced guy in that category. Someone who is just starting to think about settling down at that age is usually incompatible for me. Most of the married guys I know that I consider good guys closed the deal in their 20s and early 30s. I'm sure there are older guys who are fine too, but I usually find myself thinking "Yeah, no wonder he is still single" after dates with older, never married guys.

I don't doubt you're having few problems finding dates. There's a lid for every pot.

Nice spin. Single women 35 plus are still single because of the men? Um, no. Theyre single generally because they fucked up when they were most attractive. In college, they didnt get locked down. In grad school, they didnt get locked down. Theres a reason for that. Maybe they wanted to be sluts for badboys, maybe they were focused on "career", maybe theyre just not that attractive. But its probably that they werent "ready" to commit when lots of guys were interested.

In my case, i changed careers (for the better) at about 30. So i wasnt really looking for settling down until recently. Thats not all i'm looking for, but certainly open to it. And i am probably going to be more open to it than most guys in their late 20s. Plus i went to a combined junior/senior hs.

Every single desirable man that I knew since elementary school was married by 35.

Every single desirable woman that I know was engaged or married by 30. What's your point?

that you are not desirable.

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Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Ok, what age are you that you prefer someone younger than mid 30s? Cause im not having much trouble finding dates.

30yo woman. Prefer to date 27-34, someone I could've attended HS with. I date older sometimes, but I prefer guys who wanted to settle down sooner in life. Single women 35+ usually are because there are so many men their ages who are still exhibiting frat boy like behavior and sleeping around, not the other way around. I'd rather the guy who was commitment minded alot sooner in life. I've primarily attracted younger men the past few years, particularly 2-3 years younger and I wish I'd been more open-minded sooner. I still date men ages 35-38, but I'd rather a divorced guy in that category. Someone who is just starting to think about settling down at that age is usually incompatible for me. Most of the married guys I know that I consider good guys closed the deal in their 20s and early 30s. I'm sure there are older guys who are fine too, but I usually find myself thinking "Yeah, no wonder he is still single" after dates with older, never married guys.

I don't doubt you're having few problems finding dates. There's a lid for every pot.

Nice spin. Single women 35 plus are still single because of the men? Um, no. Theyre single generally because they fucked up when they were most attractive. In college, they didnt get locked down. In grad school, they didnt get locked down. Theres a reason for that. Maybe they wanted to be sluts for badboys, maybe they were focused on "career", maybe theyre just not that attractive. But its probably that they werent "ready" to commit when lots of guys were interested.

In my case, i changed careers (for the better) at about 30. So i wasnt really looking for settling down until recently. Thats not all i'm looking for, but certainly open to it. And i am probably going to be more open to it than most guys in their late 20s. Plus i went to a combined junior/senior hs.

Every single desirable man that I knew since elementary school was married by 35.

Every single desirable woman that I know was engaged or married by 30. What's your point?

I am 36 and dating a 55 yo. He is wonderful, I don't notice the age difference.

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Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Ok, what age are you that you prefer someone younger than mid 30s? Cause im not having much trouble finding dates.

30yo woman. Prefer to date 27-34, someone I could've attended HS with. I date older sometimes, but I prefer guys who wanted to settle down sooner in life. Single women 35+ usually are because there are so many men their ages who are still exhibiting frat boy like behavior and sleeping around, not the other way around. I'd rather the guy who was commitment minded alot sooner in life. I've primarily attracted younger men the past few years, particularly 2-3 years younger and I wish I'd been more open-minded sooner. I still date men ages 35-38, but I'd rather a divorced guy in that category. Someone who is just starting to think about settling down at that age is usually incompatible for me. Most of the married guys I know that I consider good guys closed the deal in their 20s and early 30s. I'm sure there are older guys who are fine too, but I usually find myself thinking "Yeah, no wonder he is still single" after dates with older, never married guys.

I don't doubt you're having few problems finding dates. There's a lid for every pot.

Nice spin. Single women 35 plus are still single because of the men? Um, no. Theyre single generally because they fucked up when they were most attractive. In college, they didnt get locked down. In grad school, they didnt get locked down. Theres a reason for that. Maybe they wanted to be sluts for badboys, maybe they were focused on "career", maybe theyre just not that attractive. But its probably that they werent "ready" to commit when lots of guys were interested.

In my case, i changed careers (for the better) at about 30. So i wasnt really looking for settling down until recently. Thats not all i'm looking for, but certainly open to it. And i am probably going to be more open to it than most guys in their late 20s. Plus i went to a combined junior/senior hs.

Every single desirable man that I knew since elementary school was married by 35.

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Anonymous wrote:I'm 30 and I wouldn't date a man more than 5 years older than me. I really cringe when older men hit on me. When I see 50 year old dudes, all I can think of is my father.

do you hate your father? you seem to have issues

I am the other 30yo who posted earlier. I will and have dated older than 5 years older but I have to admit that men around 50ish make me think of my father too. I wouldn't feel comfortable bringing someone my dad's age home. My dad works with high schoolers and guys used to tease me that he would end up with some woman my age. Fortunately, my dad refers to anyone under 35 as kids and has dated age-appropriate women post divorce. I don't consider 50 to be old but I feel like if I am compatible with someone that age, something is off with him. Recently, I met a guy overseas and we were chatting at the bar. He was mid-50s and he finally said "Ok I'm sure you're too young, but how old is your mom and is she single? Do you have any pics of her?" Funny thing was, I almost asked the same about his 27 yo son until he told me he was engaged.lol

Not that it matters since I don't fear aging the way the male PP does, neither of my parents have crow's feet yet so I doubt I will anytime soon. We can agree to disagree on the rest.

Im not sure which male poster "fears" aging, you might be talking about me because we corresponded in this thread. But i'd never encourage you to date 50 year olds. Im 35. Guy being a few years older is normal. 20 years is not.

I always think it's funny when I see single 30 somethings be so picky when it comes to dating. Tick tock, ladies.