Whoa!!! No blame. no assigning fault. People get to change priorities. Sorry some chick said your not good in bed.

Anonymous wrote:So, if a spouse stops having sex they clearly never got much/anything about of it to begin with. Withholding sex should be a lose/lose. Both folks should be missing out.
Most of the situations where it stopped probably started as duty sex & now folks just can’t be bothered

You are clearly a woman with an unsatisfying partner. Is it his fault you never spoke up about what you needed? Everyone is different. Some men are selfish and don't care but others are very interested but due societal pressures/norms or religious influences, the woman feels like she can't or shouldn't discuss these things.

If this person entered a marriage knowing the sex was bad, that's their own fault and they bear the blame for their situation. It was deceptive to act like you enjoyed it or the sexual contact would continue and then pull the rug out. So no, both shouldn't have to miss out.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:We are both now in our early thirties, and we have sex 2-3 times a week. I only really want to about once a week (less when stressed), but I do understand that he has different needs and was used to a different life before me. We are come from similar backgrounds, similar careers, want the same things in life, and are best friends. So far I thought that has been enough to make a wonderful relationship, and the difference in sex drives was minor especially because he proposed, but these responses are terrifying.

You are doing fine PP: just keep it up! I suspect you have different needs from your DH, like you probably need to "talk about your day" while he would be content to watch SportsCenter. But if he's a good partner, he understands your needs and makes an effort to meet them on a frequent-enough basis.

And just as you would be unhappy if he started tuning you out of the conversation you need/enjoy, he would be unhappy if you start rejecting him sexually on a regular basis. So there is nothing wrong with having different needs. There is EVERYTHING wrong with dropping your efforts to meet those needs after marriage.

x1000

Ohhh- early 30s poster. You are adoreable! Good to know you’ve got it all figured out.

So, if a spouse stops having sex they clearly never got much/anything about of it to begin with. Withholding sex should be a lose/lose. Both folks should be missing out.
Most of the situations where it stopped probably started as duty sex & now folks just can’t be bothered

B

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Lots of people stop having sex in marriages for various reasons. It does not always lead to affairs.

Consider just what a statistically rare occurrence it would be for 2 people, married to one another, simultaneously losing interest in sex. Therefore, the odds are high that the libidinous spouse IS still having sex (ie, an affair).

Actually it is about 15 percent of marriages and climbs higher as people age.

You are conflating different statistics. The 15 percent number identifies spouses who are not having sex with each other. Within that group, most of the men are still having sex.

Dream on old man.

Guess who is dreaming if she thinks any man stops having sex simply because his wife isn’t interested

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Lots of people stop having sex in marriages for various reasons. It does not always lead to affairs.

Consider just what a statistically rare occurrence it would be for 2 people, married to one another, simultaneously losing interest in sex. Therefore, the odds are high that the libidinous spouse IS still having sex (ie, an affair).

Actually it is about 15 percent of marriages and climbs higher as people age.

You are conflating different statistics. The 15 percent number identifies spouses who are not having sex with each other. Within that group, most of the men are still having sex.

Dream on old man.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Lots of people stop having sex in marriages for various reasons. It does not always lead to affairs.

Consider just what a statistically rare occurrence it would be for 2 people, married to one another, simultaneously losing interest in sex. Therefore, the odds are high that the libidinous spouse IS still having sex (ie, an affair).

Actually it is about 15 percent of marriages and climbs higher as people age.

You are conflating different statistics. The 15 percent number identifies spouses who are not having sex with each other. Within that group, most of the men are still having sex.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Lots of people stop having sex in marriages for various reasons. It does not always lead to affairs.

Consider just what a statistically rare occurrence it would be for 2 people, married to one another, simultaneously losing interest in sex. Therefore, the odds are high that the libidinous spouse IS still having sex (ie, an affair).

Actually it is about 15 percent of marriages and climbs higher as people age.

Anonymous wrote:Lots of people stop having sex in marriages for various reasons. It does not always lead to affairs.

Consider just what a statistically rare occurrence it would be for 2 people, married to one another, simultaneously losing interest in sex. Therefore, the odds are high that the libidinous spouse IS still having sex (ie, an affair).

Lots of people stop having sex in marriages for various reasons. It does not always lead to affairs.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:We are both now in our early thirties, and we have sex 2-3 times a week. I only really want to about once a week (less when stressed), but I do understand that he has different needs and was used to a different life before me. We are come from similar backgrounds, similar careers, want the same things in life, and are best friends. So far I thought that has been enough to make a wonderful relationship, and the difference in sex drives was minor especially because he proposed, but these responses are terrifying.

You are doing fine PP: just keep it up! I suspect you have different needs from your DH, like you probably need to "talk about your day" while he would be content to watch SportsCenter. But if he's a good partner, he understands your needs and makes an effort to meet them on a frequent-enough basis.

And just as you would be unhappy if he started tuning you out of the conversation you need/enjoy, he would be unhappy if you start rejecting him sexually on a regular basis. So there is nothing wrong with having different needs. There is EVERYTHING wrong with dropping your efforts to meet those needs after marriage.

x1000

Anonymous wrote:We are both now in our early thirties, and we have sex 2-3 times a week. I only really want to about once a week (less when stressed), but I do understand that he has different needs and was used to a different life before me. We are come from similar backgrounds, similar careers, want the same things in life, and are best friends. So far I thought that has been enough to make a wonderful relationship, and the difference in sex drives was minor especially because he proposed, but these responses are terrifying.

You are doing fine PP: just keep it up! I suspect you have different needs from your DH, like you probably need to "talk about your day" while he would be content to watch SportsCenter. But if he's a good partner, he understands your needs and makes an effort to meet them on a frequent-enough basis.

And just as you would be unhappy if he started tuning you out of the conversation you need/enjoy, he would be unhappy if you start rejecting him sexually on a regular basis. So there is nothing wrong with having different needs. There is EVERYTHING wrong with dropping your efforts to meet those needs after marriage.

Anonymous wrote:We are both now in our early thirties, and we have sex 2-3 times a week. I only really want to about once a week (less when stressed), but I do understand that he has different needs and was used to a different life before me. We are come from similar backgrounds, similar careers, want the same things in life, and are best friends. So far I thought that has been enough to make a wonderful relationship, and the difference in sex drives was minor especially because he proposed, but these responses are terrifying.

Most women want sex far less than men, especially in long term relationships and marriages so I wouldn't say you two are doomed. 2x per week is reasonable, and my advice is to make sure one of those times you are into it and fully engaged.

Trust me, most marriages have big libido gaps, sometimes they are permanent sometimes its just for a while when kids are young. This is partly why infidelity is so common.

That he proposed with his eyes wide open makes me think you will be fine but keep the lines of communication open.

BTW, this thread is about people who stopped having sex, not those who do it once per week. 6x per month is statistically average.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:A. Get used to relieving yourself and watching porn
B. Stay married and have affairs
C. Get Divorced now
D. Get Divorced after the kids are older

NP.

E. Masturbate.

How is that not A?

It is. PP just can’t read.