My husband and I always went Dutch went we first dated, then alternated who paid as we were more established as a couple. All of my relationships were very egalitarian. Any man who wouldn't let me reciprocate a dinner or pay my fair share didn't last, so I guess we had different values.

Anonymous wrote:I usually make the effort to pay on the first date and it is usually turned down. Went out with someone who let me split. Otherwise I liked him, but it was a turnoff. Is it a red flag?

Isn't this the same as when no mean yes = date rape. Or no mean no? Or no sometimes means yes?

Anonymous wrote:I wonder if the women who insist that the man pay for dates are the same women who later complain that their husbands don't help around the house? I wonder if there is a correlation between women and men who believe in traditional dating roles and men and women who believe in traditional dating responsibilities.

Undoubtedly there are men who are very chivalrous when it comes to dating and then also believe in a 50/50 split of household chores decision making, etc., but I wonder.

I personally feel people should do whatever floats their boat. When dating, I would not take anyone anywhere where if they didn't offer to pay it would be a problem.

What I do find to be a turnoff is women who insist that men open doors for them, pay for dates, take out the garbage, etc., but these same women couldn't cook their way out of a paper bag, act like they should be the head of the household, expect men to change diapers just as much as they do and so on.

PP here. I meant to type "I wonder if there is a correlation between women and men who believe in traditional dating roles and men and women who believe in traditional household responsibilities."

I wonder if the women who insist that the man pay for dates are the same women who later complain that their husbands don't help around the house? I wonder if there is a correlation between women and men who believe in traditional dating roles and men and women who believe in traditional dating responsibilities.

Undoubtedly there are men who are very chivalrous when it comes to dating and then also believe in a 50/50 split of household chores decision making, etc., but I wonder.

I personally feel people should do whatever floats their boat. When dating, I would not take anyone anywhere where if they didn't offer to pay it would be a problem.

What I do find to be a turnoff is women who insist that men open doors for them, pay for dates, take out the garbage, etc., but these same women couldn't cook their way out of a paper bag, act like they should be the head of the household, expect men to change diapers just as much as they do and so on.

Red flag

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If he makes loads of money, perhaps he liked the fact that you weren't a gold digger. He probably gets a lot of ladies after his money. See what happens on date number two before you condemn the guy.

But personally, I have never paid on a first date. When the bill comes, I put up mild resistance and offer to pay (never split) and then give in gracefully. If someone asked me to go Dutch, I would assume that we would part friends. So, in future OP, don't win the bill paying tussle or offer to split it...

Yes. When I dated, the men who asked me or let me pay were the ones I put in the friends category. They never got any.

So basically you are a whore?

No, not a whore. I'm married. Definitely never sold myself for money.

Does my husband buying me an engagement ring make me a whore?

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If he makes loads of money, perhaps he liked the fact that you weren't a gold digger. He probably gets a lot of ladies after his money. See what happens on date number two before you condemn the guy.

But personally, I have never paid on a first date. When the bill comes, I put up mild resistance and offer to pay (never split) and then give in gracefully. If someone asked me to go Dutch, I would assume that we would part friends. So, in future OP, don't win the bill paying tussle or offer to split it...

Yes. When I dated, the men who asked me or let me pay were the ones I put in the friends category. They never got any.

So basically you are a whore?

No, not a whore. I'm married. Definitely never sold myself for money.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If he makes loads of money, perhaps he liked the fact that you weren't a gold digger. He probably gets a lot of ladies after his money. See what happens on date number two before you condemn the guy.

But personally, I have never paid on a first date. When the bill comes, I put up mild resistance and offer to pay (never split) and then give in gracefully. If someone asked me to go Dutch, I would assume that we would part friends. So, in future OP, don't win the bill paying tussle or offer to split it...

Yes. When I dated, the men who asked me or let me pay were the ones I put in the friends category. They never got any.

So basically you are a whore?

Anonymous wrote:If he makes loads of money, perhaps he liked the fact that you weren't a gold digger. He probably gets a lot of ladies after his money. See what happens on date number two before you condemn the guy.

But personally, I have never paid on a first date. When the bill comes, I put up mild resistance and offer to pay (never split) and then give in gracefully. If someone asked me to go Dutch, I would assume that we would part friends. So, in future OP, don't win the bill paying tussle or offer to split it...

Yes. When I dated, the men who asked me or let me pay were the ones I put in the friends category. They never got any.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Why would you offer to split if you didn't want to split? Today, there's no real dating rules as there used to be. You ask him to split, and then you expect him to read your mind to know that you didn't actually want to split the bill. And now you're criticizing him for behaving inappropriately.

You sound like a lot of my friends who can't figure out why they don't have a husband. Mind games.

This was my first thought too. OP, this is what's wrong with dating. Don't play games. If you don't want to pay or don't think you should pay (I have issues with that, but whatever, not the focus here), don't OFFER to pay. I can't understand why in the hell you would offer when you had no intention of actually paying and are now pissed off that you had to pay.

I agree with these 2 PP's. He took what you offered on face value OP. So you want to tag him with a red flag, yet you were dishonest and disingenuois in your offer. You get a red flag too.

I am a woman but I grew up with 5 brothers so I have seen the dating ritual from both sides. A lot of women develop all these standards, games and rituals regarding dating and then wonder why they keep attracting losers. Honestly, men are not that complicated and most do not even know that they are supposed to be participating in this ritualistic dance. They are just trying to get to know you better, get laid or both. They are not evaluating you as a life partner on the first date.

Oh and with my DH, I asked him out first and I paid.

To each her own. I didn't pay for my husband when dating and I also didn't pay for my ring. Dating a man I had to "court" would be such a turn off. Was he not enough of a man to simply ask you out? Super lame.

Anonymous wrote:I don't currently, but have, grown all my own food, lived off grid and without electricity, raised slaughtered and preserved my own meat, canned all the food, raised the sheep that provided the wool for my clothing, and built barns and housing. Now I work and earn the money that enables me to purchase most of these things, probably from sweatshops in darkest Africa. I am independent now and was independent then, and I still do not need a man to pay my way. And yes, I had kids. Their dad did what most men do: nothing.

I don't expect a man to pay on the first date because I have no need to be impressed by his earning power and no wish to be obligated.

LOL.

If he makes loads of money, perhaps he liked the fact that you weren't a gold digger. He probably gets a lot of ladies after his money. See what happens on date number two before you condemn the guy.

But personally, I have never paid on a first date. When the bill comes, I put up mild resistance and offer to pay (never split) and then give in gracefully. If someone asked me to go Dutch, I would assume that we would part friends. So, in future OP, don't win the bill paying tussle or offer to split it...

Run for the hills. Polite of you to offer - dickish of him to accept.

Geez. I have never offered to split a date and I never will. Never had anyone suggest it. I grew up with a cheap father who, despite having been sent to boarding schools growing up and being very wealthy, would bitch and moan over every tiny expense he had to pay. I definitely dont want a man like that so seeing how they react to getting the check is a good indicator.

I should revise: in college I paid for some of my boyfriend's expenses. he drove a range rover and would sometimes try but I would often swat his hand away under the guise of being a "cool, independent woman." Yeah, that worked out awesome. Totally emasculated him and messed up the power balance of our relationship. only later did I realize how much it really bothered him, despite him telling me how much he hated it at the time. That's what taught me the lesson: always let the dude pay. If he is any kind of stand up guy with his life together he will WANT to. Anyone who doesnt want to is not worth hanging around. And forcing your own payment will mess up the, "me-man, you-woman," hot primal dynamic guys like so very much.

Anonymous wrote:The man is pursuing the women period. F that up and you f up the balance of the entire relationship.
Broke man on a budget? Don't want to waste money on a maybe gurl? We have free museums and coffe is 2 bucks.

+1