YHL
Post 03/07/2012 10:30     Subject: Re:I am a spuse that cheats, Ask me anything.
Anonymous wrote:Can one of the other posters having an affair weigh and say why? Basically the OP is giving no information - just sparse yes/no responses and refuses to give any insight on why she is doing it or the real experience of it. This is why this thread is not great. I think it's obvious because other posters are weighing in to try and fill it out with their experiences. Can another poster having an affair either start their own thread or just take up this thread. The OP is boring and doing herself a disservice. I think is probably a troll.


I'm having an affair because something was missing. I begged for years for my soon to be ex husband to give me time and intimacy. Not just sex. For years my sex life consisted of him doing his thing on top of me,rolling over and going to sleep. I tried lingerie, costumes,games. He would rather be on his playstation all day. I just got tired of begging for affection. Now I don't have to.
That's the funny thing about affairs. Now that I pay no attention to him, he wants to spend time with me.
Anonymous
Post 03/07/2012 10:23     Subject: I am a spuse that cheats, Ask me anything.
Would your spouse be open to exploring how you could get these other needs met? Either him/herself or by exploring other means in a sanctioned manner?
Anonymous
Post 03/07/2012 10:21     Subject: I am a spuse that cheats, Ask me anything.
Anonymous wrote:Do you live in fear that every time your wife calls you, THAT is going to be the phone call where she informs you she's discovered your affair and you're busted? Because the constant upkeep of deceit knowing the other shoe could drop at any moment is what would make an affair unbearable for me.


That's a big part of the excitement of it. And lover must always be nice to me. I wouldn't put up with the moods in him that I put up with in hubby.
Anonymous
Post 03/07/2012 10:21     Subject: I am a spuse that cheats, Ask me anything.
Maybe time to do the big M/F reveal? Though I'm not sure why it was so secretive to begin with...

I found out my husband had cheated on me last year and it was devastating. He says he has the compartmentalizing thing too and that he has different needs (flirting/excitement/new sex) that a spouse can't meet. He never talked to me about these needs before going out to get them on his own. It wasn't the sex that was so hurtful as much as the lies. Knowing that someone flat out lied to you for selfish reasons is unbelievably hurtful. We have two kids, so I'm trying to remain in the marriage for a year, but my heart isn't in it and I think we'll end up divorced. In the mean time though, his cheating has been super expensive and has caused long-term emotional damage to me and the kids and financial damage to us and even career damage since his partner was someone he worked with. Yipee! And he didn't think he'd get caught either.
Anonymous
Post 03/07/2012 10:15     Subject: I am a spuse that cheats, Ask me anything.
9:53 again. Here's another example. I don't get why you are so cagey - you started the thread. Why start it if you don't want to answer?


I have answered you, I am not sure what rock bottom is. Do you know wha tyour ultimate happiness would be? and if you reach it, do you stop trying to reach higher?
Anonymous
Post 03/07/2012 10:12     Subject: Re:I am a spuse that cheats, Ask me anything.
The thing is, you seem like a terrible communicator so I guess I would like to ask. Given that you don't seem to be communicating well on this thread. Is this indicative of your communication in real life? Do you think that your marriage has poor communication? Why do you think that is? Is this to blame in some way for your affair?

I'm sure you will just answer no, no, n/a, no so not to be rude but can someone else having an affair weigh in on the question?


I don't care how i write on here, we have great communcation, imagine the couple you and your spouse look up to and say why can't we talk like them? I don;t blam ethe affair on anything, it was a choice that was made based on what i wanted to do. I don't need to look any deeper, I enjoy it.
Anonymous
Post 03/07/2012 10:08     Subject: I am a spuse that cheats, Ask me anything.
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:Losing everything you love because you've lost yourself....that's rock bottom. So what do you love, what are you afraid to lose the most?


For you that would be rock bottom, I am not sure it would be rock bottom for me.


Okay then Still didn't answer the questions.


9:53 again. Here's another example. I don't get why you are so cagey - you started the thread. Why start it if you don't want to answer?
Anonymous
Post 03/07/2012 10:07     Subject: Re:I am a spuse that cheats, Ask me anything.
OP, this is 9:53 here again. I'm not sure that is true. Someone asked on page 1.

Anonymous wrote:Does your spouse have any idea? Do you have kids?

What led you to cheat - boredom?


You replied

Anonymous wrote:

has no idea, kids, yes, boredom, the routine, same thing day after day after day


That's pretty different to what you just wrote. Also, if you know people are going to ask very obvious follow up questions, instead of giving a one word answer, why not just answer them in your initial answer instead of giving random sentence fragments.

The thing is, you seem like a terrible communicator so I guess I would like to ask. Given that you don't seem to be communicating well on this thread. Is this indicative of your communication in real life? Do you think that your marriage has poor communication? Why do you think that is? Is this to blame in some way for your affair?

I'm sure you will just answer no, no, n/a, no so not to be rude but can someone else having an affair weigh in on the question?
Anonymous
Post 03/07/2012 10:03     Subject: I am a spuse that cheats, Ask me anything.
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:Losing everything you love because you've lost yourself....that's rock bottom. So what do you love, what are you afraid to lose the most?


For you that would be rock bottom, I am not sure it would be rock bottom for me.


Okay then Still didn't answer the questions.


I think rock bottom would be being alone left with nothing but the cat in a nursing home.
Anonymous
Post 03/07/2012 10:02     Subject: Re:I am a spuse that cheats, Ask me anything.
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:Can one of the other posters having an affair weigh and say why? Basically the OP is giving no information - just sparse yes/no responses and refuses to give any insight on why she is doing it or the real experience of it. This is why this thread is not great. I think it's obvious because other posters are weighing in to try and fill it out with their experiences. Can another poster having an affair either start their own thread or just take up this thread. The OP is boring and doing herself a disservice. I think is probably a troll.


OP here,

no one asked me why I do it, they all seem to want to know other things.

BTW, I have not said if I am m or f

Why do I do it? I have a need to be treated differently than the way I am treated at home. It is not the lack of sex at home, it is the lack of being treated ways that are not the way I am treated everyday. I don't always want to be treated like we are dating, sometimes I want to be treated poorly, like a king or queen, and then be used. It is hard to do that when things are so routine everyday.

I have different needs, this fills that need.


Have you shared this with your spouse? And if not, why not?
Anonymous
Post 03/07/2012 10:01     Subject: I am a spuse that cheats, Ask me anything.
Anonymous wrote:Losing everything you love because you've lost yourself....that's rock bottom. So what do you love, what are you afraid to lose the most?


For you that would be rock bottom, I am not sure it would be rock bottom for me.


Okay then Still didn't answer the questions.
Anonymous
Post 03/07/2012 09:58     Subject: Re:I am a spuse that cheats, Ask me anything.
Anonymous wrote:Can one of the other posters having an affair weigh and say why? Basically the OP is giving no information - just sparse yes/no responses and refuses to give any insight on why she is doing it or the real experience of it. This is why this thread is not great. I think it's obvious because other posters are weighing in to try and fill it out with their experiences. Can another poster having an affair either start their own thread or just take up this thread. The OP is boring and doing herself a disservice. I think is probably a troll.


OP here again, the questions are boring, that is why the answers are boring.
Anonymous
Post 03/07/2012 09:58     Subject: Re:I am a spuse that cheats, Ask me anything.
Anonymous wrote:Can one of the other posters having an affair weigh and say why? Basically the OP is giving no information - just sparse yes/no responses and refuses to give any insight on why she is doing it or the real experience of it. This is why this thread is not great. I think it's obvious because other posters are weighing in to try and fill it out with their experiences. Can another poster having an affair either start their own thread or just take up this thread. The OP is boring and doing herself a disservice. I think is probably a troll.


OP here,

no one asked me why I do it, they all seem to want to know other things.

BTW, I have not said if I am m or f

Why do I do it? I have a need to be treated differently than the way I am treated at home. It is not the lack of sex at home, it is the lack of being treated ways that are not the way I am treated everyday. I don't always want to be treated like we are dating, sometimes I want to be treated poorly, like a king or queen, and then be used. It is hard to do that when things are so routine everyday.

I have different needs, this fills that need.
Anonymous
Post 03/07/2012 09:54     Subject: I am a spuse that cheats, Ask me anything.
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:Do you hate yourself? Are you a narcissist? Why don't you just get divorced? What would you do if your spouse cheated? Would you like your kids to find out?


There is no guilt, I do not hate myself, If my spouse did, so be it, if I caught my spouse, it shows me they are not too smart about it.


Have you ever heard of a comma splice?


I think I did once.
Anonymous
Post 03/07/2012 09:53     Subject: Re:I am a spuse that cheats, Ask me anything.
Can one of the other posters having an affair weigh and say why? Basically the OP is giving no information - just sparse yes/no responses and refuses to give any insight on why she is doing it or the real experience of it. This is why this thread is not great. I think it's obvious because other posters are weighing in to try and fill it out with their experiences. Can another poster having an affair either start their own thread or just take up this thread. The OP is boring and doing herself a disservice. I think is probably a troll.