Anonymous wrote:My mom was a prostitute and at some point on separate occasions had sex with her BIL and one of her sisters
My stepgrandfather molested several of my other aunts and carried on an affair with one (which my grandmother knew about and turned a blind eye)
My Dad went to prison for selling drugs
(I don't have any communication with my family as a result of having all of this knowledge)
Although I would consider myself a success compared to most of my family (make 6 figures and great career) I'm ashamed that I never finished university

Your mom had sex with her sister?

I can relate to some of your other family secrets.

My mom was a prostitute and at some point on separate occasions had sex with her BIL and one of her sisters
My stepgrandfather molested several of my other aunts and carried on an affair with one (which my grandmother knew about and turned a blind eye)
My Dad went to prison for selling drugs
(I don't have any communication with my family as a result of having all of this knowledge)
Although I would consider myself a success compared to most of my family (make 6 figures and great career) I'm ashamed that I never finished university

Anonymous wrote:My dad molested his sister when they were young adults. He told me when I was about 17 because I saw her be really mean to him one day and he felt like he had to tell me why she was so angry with him. It changed my view of him forever.

It is pretty unforgivable.

My dad molested his sister when they were young adults. He told me when I was about 17 because I saw her be really mean to him one day and he felt like he had to tell me why she was so angry with him. It changed my view of him forever.

wow, some pretty intense stuff on this board. my family's secrets are a little tamer, but I bet if I were able to dig more, i could. What i do know...

my paternal greatgrandfather was a SOB who lived in a big house with his sister,he imported a wife from germany who was essentially a servant and lived in separate, poorer quarters with the kids She was allowed to see him on sundays, when she served him and his sister dinner.

my maternal grandmother was a deeply disturbed woman who was most likely sexually abused by her father, who was a pretty awful man and used to pit all the kids against each other. she and all her siblings went on to have only one child.

my father had an affair when I was 12, and I knew about it before my mom.

when my parents split up, my mom checked herself into a mental institution .a year later she slept with some guy, got pregnant (at 44!) and had an abortion (evidently the fetus was not viable). I hated knowing all this.

Anonymous wrote:Well this thread solidified my choice to remain childless. I would never want my children to know my dark secret. I'm a former escort turned nanny. I guess it never dawned on me how that might effect the people who love me.

Escorting is physically risky and morally questionable (although Australia legalized it), but really, don't let that impact your decision to have children. It's not as if you sold drugs, stole or murdered someone, right? Like any business, it is something for something.

Anonymous wrote:Well this thread solidified my choice to remain childless. I would never want my children to know my dark secret. I'm a former escort turned nanny. I guess it never dawned on me how that might effect the people who love me.

shouldnt stop you. who would ever find out?

My grandmother was my grandfather's second wife -- at the same time. When my grandmother's first husband died, she was left a widow with 6 children. My grandfather was her first husband's best friend. He married my grandmother even though he had a wife with whom he had a few children already. Him and my grandmother then had a couple children -- my aunt and my mom -- before he died. For the longest time I wondered why half of my uncles had a different last name than the other half.

Well this thread solidified my choice to remain childless. I would never want my children to know my dark secret. I'm a former escort turned nanny. I guess it never dawned on me how that might effect the people who love me.

Anonymous wrote:My dirty laundry is out for all to see, for good or bad. It kind of feels good not to have any deep dark secrets that are not revealed.

No family secrets? I guess you just haven't heard the stories yet.

My dirty laundry is out for all to see, for good or bad. It kind of feels good not to have any deep dark secrets that are not revealed.

I don't know, but I've always felt there is one. I remember almost nothing until I was 5. It's really weird to feel there is something but not to know. I've never looked into it - too afraid of false recovered memories.

My sister, who was a drug addict, got pregnant by her black boyfriend at 19. (in the 60's this was very taboo) My mother told her she should get an abortion and if she didn't my mother would never accept the child. Eventually my mother came around and "accepted" my niece, but I think she always felt ashamed that she had a half black granddaughter (born out of wedlock), especially around her conservative family. For many years I didn't tell people my sister had a child.

Didn't think I had one but reading all of the painful memories on this thread brought one to the surface: My dad slept with my aunt (his brother's wife). My mother screamed this at me while we were having some fight and then I refused to talk to her for a year or so. Apparently they went to "hot tub parties" in the 70s or whatever and that was the scene. Dad and his brother are on great terms and my dad still sees my aunt (though she and my uncle are now divorced) all the time. They live down the street and socialize with their new spouses all they time. They just went on a trip to Palm Springs together. I don't really care. But it left a scar.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Both of my parents spent time in mental institutions. They lied about it to us as children and still don't want anyone to know. It doesn't really bother me or my siblings, but it is clearly their secret, so we don't share it.

A follow up on this. My parents aren't truthful about why they were committed. I'm not sure my siblings necessarily realize, but it wasn't just depression. The facts don't add up.

Are you worried about you or your kids inheriting the predisposition?

I'm not. I actually cannot figure out how two such borderline personalities produced several completely normal kids.

I dated a borderline for fortunately not very long (6 months) but they were quite memorable- my psychologist who helped me decipher the messed up person that seemed so normal the majority of the time.. borderline's view things as "I'm ok, you're not ok"...2 BPs increase your risk tremendously-"Borderline Personality Disorder is about five times more common among first-degree biological relatives of those with the disorder than in the general population."