Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Either the DNA connection to a child is deeply meaningful or it isn’t. If it’s this meaningful to OP’s sister, she should understand why it’s meaningful to OP as well. If the idea of not having a genetic connection to the child you’re raising is painful, you should be able to understand that the idea of having someone else raise your biological offspring is also potentially painful.

NP. This is almost word for word what I wanted to write. And fwiw the genetic connection is very important to me and I couldn’t have someone else raising my child. I’d be very uncomfortable with this request and I wouldn’t look at the sister the same way again.

So your genetic connection to your nonexistent potential child is so important that you don't value your genetic connection to your actual sister enough to be able to maintain a healthy relationship.

It's how it goes. The parent/child relationship is much more important than a sibling relationship. What decent parent values their sibling more than their own child? This genetic connection isn't as casual as some are trying to make it seem.

We’re not talking about an actual child. We’re talking about how the question about donating one’s eggs to a sibling is apparently so blatantly offensive that it should never be asked.

Of course the genetic connection is really important to some people and they’d never be comfortable donating their eggs. That’s fine. That’s also different than whether the question can even be asked.

Uhhh... I guess that's why many of us cannot get on the same wavelength. We're thinking of this as a child, not eggs.

You're thinking of an egg you may or may not donate to a sibling as a living, breathing child?

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Either the DNA connection to a child is deeply meaningful or it isn’t. If it’s this meaningful to OP’s sister, she should understand why it’s meaningful to OP as well. If the idea of not having a genetic connection to the child you’re raising is painful, you should be able to understand that the idea of having someone else raise your biological offspring is also potentially painful.

NP. This is almost word for word what I wanted to write. And fwiw the genetic connection is very important to me and I couldn’t have someone else raising my child. I’d be very uncomfortable with this request and I wouldn’t look at the sister the same way again.

So your genetic connection to your nonexistent potential child is so important that you don't value your genetic connection to your actual sister enough to be able to maintain a healthy relationship.

It's how it goes. The parent/child relationship is much more important than a sibling relationship. What decent parent values their sibling more than their own child? This genetic connection isn't as casual as some are trying to make it seem.

We’re not talking about an actual child. We’re talking about how the question about donating one’s eggs to a sibling is apparently so blatantly offensive that it should never be asked.

Of course the genetic connection is really important to some people and they’d never be comfortable donating their eggs. That’s fine. That’s also different than whether the question can even be asked.

Uhhh... I guess that's why many of us cannot get on the same wavelength. We're thinking of this as a child, not eggs.

No, I mean this is a complete hypothetical when a sibling asks you to consider donating eggs. There is no child, embryo, or even eggs on the table at that point. It’s a question from an actual living sibling about your comfort with a hypothetical scenario. That’s it.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Either the DNA connection to a child is deeply meaningful or it isn’t. If it’s this meaningful to OP’s sister, she should understand why it’s meaningful to OP as well. If the idea of not having a genetic connection to the child you’re raising is painful, you should be able to understand that the idea of having someone else raise your biological offspring is also potentially painful.

NP. This is almost word for word what I wanted to write. And fwiw the genetic connection is very important to me and I couldn’t have someone else raising my child. I’d be very uncomfortable with this request and I wouldn’t look at the sister the same way again.

So your genetic connection to your nonexistent potential child is so important that you don't value your genetic connection to your actual sister enough to be able to maintain a healthy relationship.

It's how it goes. The parent/child relationship is much more important than a sibling relationship. What decent parent values their sibling more than their own child? This genetic connection isn't as casual as some are trying to make it seem.

We’re not talking about an actual child. We’re talking about how the question about donating one’s eggs to a sibling is apparently so blatantly offensive that it should never be asked.

Of course the genetic connection is really important to some people and they’d never be comfortable donating their eggs. That’s fine. That’s also different than whether the question can even be asked.

Uhhh... I guess that's why many of us cannot get on the same wavelength. We're thinking of this as a child, not eggs.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Either the DNA connection to a child is deeply meaningful or it isn’t. If it’s this meaningful to OP’s sister, she should understand why it’s meaningful to OP as well. If the idea of not having a genetic connection to the child you’re raising is painful, you should be able to understand that the idea of having someone else raise your biological offspring is also potentially painful.

NP. This is almost word for word what I wanted to write. And fwiw the genetic connection is very important to me and I couldn’t have someone else raising my child. I’d be very uncomfortable with this request and I wouldn’t look at the sister the same way again.

So your genetic connection to your nonexistent potential child is so important that you don't value your genetic connection to your actual sister enough to be able to maintain a healthy relationship.

It's how it goes. The parent/child relationship is much more important than a sibling relationship. What decent parent values their sibling more than their own child? This genetic connection isn't as casual as some are trying to make it seem.

We’re not talking about an actual child. We’re talking about how the question about donating one’s eggs to a sibling is apparently so blatantly offensive that it should never be asked.

Of course the genetic connection is really important to some people and they’d never be comfortable donating their eggs. That’s fine. That’s also different than whether the question can even be asked.

Well, presumably the siblings would know each other well enough to know that the potential donee would never go for something like this. If the close sibling and highly valuable relationship exists.

That’s a big presumption. I’m the PP who declined to be her sister’s surrogate. She didn’t know if I’d say yes or no, and I definitely wasn’t comfortable with doing it. I said no without issue and didn’t expect her to read my mind. As is probably normal, the question of whether we’d be surrogates for one another hadn’t come up prior to her personal fertility issues. I’d certainly never thought of it.

I didn't do it, but I have a friend who did it for her cousin. They still have a lovely relationship. The child is now a teenager and knows and it hasn't changed anyone's relationship.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Either the DNA connection to a child is deeply meaningful or it isn’t. If it’s this meaningful to OP’s sister, she should understand why it’s meaningful to OP as well. If the idea of not having a genetic connection to the child you’re raising is painful, you should be able to understand that the idea of having someone else raise your biological offspring is also potentially painful.

NP. This is almost word for word what I wanted to write. And fwiw the genetic connection is very important to me and I couldn’t have someone else raising my child. I’d be very uncomfortable with this request and I wouldn’t look at the sister the same way again.

So your genetic connection to your nonexistent potential child is so important that you don't value your genetic connection to your actual sister enough to be able to maintain a healthy relationship.

It's how it goes. The parent/child relationship is much more important than a sibling relationship. What decent parent values their sibling more than their own child? This genetic connection isn't as casual as some are trying to make it seem.

We’re not talking about an actual child. We’re talking about how the question about donating one’s eggs to a sibling is apparently so blatantly offensive that it should never be asked.

Of course the genetic connection is really important to some people and they’d never be comfortable donating their eggs. That’s fine. That’s also different than whether the question can even be asked.

Well, presumably the siblings would know each other well enough to know that the potential donee would never go for something like this. If the close sibling and highly valuable relationship exists.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Either the DNA connection to a child is deeply meaningful or it isn’t. If it’s this meaningful to OP’s sister, she should understand why it’s meaningful to OP as well. If the idea of not having a genetic connection to the child you’re raising is painful, you should be able to understand that the idea of having someone else raise your biological offspring is also potentially painful.

NP. This is almost word for word what I wanted to write. And fwiw the genetic connection is very important to me and I couldn’t have someone else raising my child. I’d be very uncomfortable with this request and I wouldn’t look at the sister the same way again.

So your genetic connection to your nonexistent potential child is so important that you don't value your genetic connection to your actual sister enough to be able to maintain a healthy relationship.

It's how it goes. The parent/child relationship is much more important than a sibling relationship. What decent parent values their sibling more than their own child? This genetic connection isn't as casual as some are trying to make it seem.

We’re not talking about an actual child. We’re talking about how the question about donating one’s eggs to a sibling is apparently so blatantly offensive that it should never be asked.

Of course the genetic connection is really important to some people and they’d never be comfortable donating their eggs. That’s fine. That’s also different than whether the question can even be asked.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Either the DNA connection to a child is deeply meaningful or it isn’t. If it’s this meaningful to OP’s sister, she should understand why it’s meaningful to OP as well. If the idea of not having a genetic connection to the child you’re raising is painful, you should be able to understand that the idea of having someone else raise your biological offspring is also potentially painful.

NP. This is almost word for word what I wanted to write. And fwiw the genetic connection is very important to me and I couldn’t have someone else raising my child. I’d be very uncomfortable with this request and I wouldn’t look at the sister the same way again.

So your genetic connection to your nonexistent potential child is so important that you don't value your genetic connection to your actual sister enough to be able to maintain a healthy relationship.

It's how it goes. The parent/child relationship is much more important than a sibling relationship. What decent parent values their sibling more than their own child? This genetic connection isn't as casual as some are trying to make it seem.

I am somewhat surprised by how many people would not do this. My younger SIL donated eggs to my older SIL (both are my husband’s sisters) and it was before the younger SIL had kids of her own (she later had 3 kids). Everyone handled it well and the kids (turned out to be B/G twins) have always known the story of their birth. It may have helped that the two families did not live close to each other so only saw each other once or twice a year. The younger SIL did try to have a closer relationship with the girl twin but she was not very transparent about it and, since she can be a bit “much”, the boy twin really didn’t seem to care and the kids truly viewed her as their aunt.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Either the DNA connection to a child is deeply meaningful or it isn’t. If it’s this meaningful to OP’s sister, she should understand why it’s meaningful to OP as well. If the idea of not having a genetic connection to the child you’re raising is painful, you should be able to understand that the idea of having someone else raise your biological offspring is also potentially painful.

NP. This is almost word for word what I wanted to write. And fwiw the genetic connection is very important to me and I couldn’t have someone else raising my child. I’d be very uncomfortable with this request and I wouldn’t look at the sister the same way again.

So your genetic connection to your nonexistent potential child is so important that you don't value your genetic connection to your actual sister enough to be able to maintain a healthy relationship.

Couldn’t have said it better.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Either the DNA connection to a child is deeply meaningful or it isn’t. If it’s this meaningful to OP’s sister, she should understand why it’s meaningful to OP as well. If the idea of not having a genetic connection to the child you’re raising is painful, you should be able to understand that the idea of having someone else raise your biological offspring is also potentially painful.

NP. This is almost word for word what I wanted to write. And fwiw the genetic connection is very important to me and I couldn’t have someone else raising my child. I’d be very uncomfortable with this request and I wouldn’t look at the sister the same way again.

So your genetic connection to your nonexistent potential child is so important that you don't value your genetic connection to your actual sister enough to be able to maintain a healthy relationship.

Wow. I haven’t read all of these but I woukd 100% do it and hope my daughters woukd for each other too. But we are all very close and I understand if it’s not for everyone.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Either the DNA connection to a child is deeply meaningful or it isn’t. If it’s this meaningful to OP’s sister, she should understand why it’s meaningful to OP as well. If the idea of not having a genetic connection to the child you’re raising is painful, you should be able to understand that the idea of having someone else raise your biological offspring is also potentially painful.

NP. This is almost word for word what I wanted to write. And fwiw the genetic connection is very important to me and I couldn’t have someone else raising my child. I’d be very uncomfortable with this request and I wouldn’t look at the sister the same way again.

You couldn’t look at your sister the same way for merely asking???

The PPs explained pretty well why it's not just a mere ask. I don't get how people make it sound like this is the same as asking to borrow the car or to babysit for a weekend (which most on DCUM would complain about and say the sister should have had backup arrangements, lol).

It’s exactly the same. It’s just asking. Just say no. There is no need to be this over the top dramatic.

Honestly, some of you sound like you’re either insane or just REALLY bored in your everyday lives.

Or are incapable of putting yourself in someone else’s shoes. Some of these people say they would never look at their sibling the same way again if he or she dared to even ask the question! I am so sad for their siblings. So much judgment, so little interest in understanding / authentic family relationships.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Either the DNA connection to a child is deeply meaningful or it isn’t. If it’s this meaningful to OP’s sister, she should understand why it’s meaningful to OP as well. If the idea of not having a genetic connection to the child you’re raising is painful, you should be able to understand that the idea of having someone else raise your biological offspring is also potentially painful.

NP. This is almost word for word what I wanted to write. And fwiw the genetic connection is very important to me and I couldn’t have someone else raising my child. I’d be very uncomfortable with this request and I wouldn’t look at the sister the same way again.

You couldn’t look at your sister the same way for merely asking???

The PPs explained pretty well why it's not just a mere ask. I don't get how people make it sound like this is the same as asking to borrow the car or to babysit for a weekend (which most on DCUM would complain about and say the sister should have had backup arrangements, lol).

It’s exactly the same. It’s just asking. Just say no. There is no need to be this over the top dramatic.

Honestly, some of you sound like you’re either insane or just REALLY bored in your everyday lives.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Who is “making fun”? What is family for if you can’t feel comfortable asking for something personal and deeply important to you? These aren’t neighbors or coworkers.

My sister asking me to be her surrogate was a bit awkward and I felt somewhat guilty saying no. But damn, I’d never fault my sister for even asking. It’s something that mattered to her a lot.

There's one making fun right at the top of this page.

I am glad you and your sister were able to work it out, sincerely.

No one is making fun of the fact that such a request can feel awkward or induce guilt. It’s poking fun at the absurd indignation that your sister owes you an obligation to mind read your level of discomfort and never ask.