Anonymous wrote:She might be feeling taken for granted.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I haven't seen OP answer the "is she paid?" question.

I'll also say that if you were two working parents of four young children who used daycare, you would have many many days when one of you needed to take leave. Because kids in daycare get sick a lot, and they don't do it on a schedule.

My guess is that using your mom like this has meant that you haven't needed to do that nearly as much, both because your kids are probably sick less often because they aren't in group care, and because your mom probably has lower standards for when she requires them to stay home.

Given that, you can use some of the time you hopefully saved.

No, she isn’t paid directly for childcare. She doesn’t expect it. Out of love and kindness, we do give her gifts.

lol

Anonymous wrote:Free help costs more than paid help. Lesson learned.

Anonymous wrote:She might be feeling taken for granted.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I haven't seen OP answer the "is she paid?" question.

I'll also say that if you were two working parents of four young children who used daycare, you would have many many days when one of you needed to take leave. Because kids in daycare get sick a lot, and they don't do it on a schedule.

My guess is that using your mom like this has meant that you haven't needed to do that nearly as much, both because your kids are probably sick less often because they aren't in group care, and because your mom probably has lower standards for when she requires them to stay home.

Given that, you can use some of the time you hopefully saved.

No, she isn’t paid directly for childcare. She doesn’t expect it. Out of love and kindness, we do give her gifts.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:A few pages back you wrote that your mother had six kids. Is she expected to watch ALL of her grandkids, or just yours?

What if one of your siblings needs her for fill-time care? Will you give up your free childcare for your sibling, since I assume your mother is obligated to help all of her grandkids?

Yea, she’s expected to watch all the grandkids, but she only watches mine and my 10 year old niece who’s homeschooled, regularly during the week. If one of my siblings needed full-time care, she’d watch theirs at the same time as mine, no problem.

Here’s how I know you’re a troll:

She’s “expected” to watch all the grandkids?

No, she is overly gracious and willingly assists you with the children you brought into this world.

She does this out of love and not obligation because there is no obligation.

I can’t imagine anybody would be so grossly entitled as to think their mother owes them childcare. And so: troll.

Yes, in our family it’s normal for grandparents to help with their grandkids. If having my mom watch our children makes us “entitled,” then wouldn’t that imply that she’d be entitled for expecting us to care for her when she needs it? It goes both ways—it’s not one-sided.

In my family, children aren’t seen as a burden, so no one views this as “free childcare.” It’s just part of being a family. For example, my brother-in-law left his three-year-old twins with us last week so he and his wife could take a spring break trip. We made it work without complaining or refusing—that’s just what we do for each other.

My mom isn’t resentful or overwhelmed caring for her grandkids; if anything, she’d be bored without it. She genuinely enjoys being involved in their lives. Like I said before, my MIL will also be babysitting my kids regularly from now on, so responsibilities would be fairly split.

I also find it confusing that so many parents say they don’t have a “village” to rely on, yet arrangements like this are sometimes criticized. This is exactly what having a supportive family network looks like.

There’s a difference between having a village and a abusing a village. I have a village and I use it sporadically, and I am extremely grateful and respectful when I do. I had the children and therefore I figure it is my responsibility to care for them without placing that burden unevenly on someone else. My mother already put in her time raising me. She shouldn’t have to put in full time raising my children.