Anonymous wrote:DH and I are both lawyers - I’m an in-house lawyer at a large company and he’s a partner at a big firm. He’s definitely a high-quality man from my perspective, although he doesn’t meet all of the criteria you set. For example, he works more than medium hours, grew up middle class (not sure why that matters). But, he is a great husband and dad who is devoted to our family and he earns a lot of money.

Between my colleagues, DH’s colleagues, friends, neighbors, parents of our kids’ friends, etc., I know many married men who fall into this category. Not one of them is married to a woman remotely similar to the one you describe, OP. The overwhelming majority are married to a woman with a similar level of education. I know lots of two lawyer families, two doctor families, an MD and a PhD in a related field, a dentist and a Dr, etc. In most situations, both spouses work, but we also know a decent percentage where one (usually the wife) becomes a SAHP. I can also think of some where the husband is in a high earning profession and the wife was a teacher or a nurse and then became a SAHM after kids were born. But this is less common than the first scenario l.

I do not, however, know one “high quality” man who married a woman who never had a career and lacks basic life skills like driving a car. Sorry, OP, but I think she’s going to have a tough time.

Anonymous wrote:OP here, update. So my younger cousin is home from school visiting, and we talked, and I told her everything that was said here. She still thinks she’s capable of finding that kind of man. I told her she needs to be more independent (like driving), and she said she’ll think about it and work on it later, when she actually needs to. She doesn’t really see the need to drive right now, but says if it becomes necessary in the future—like when she has kids and needs to handle school activities or emergencies—then she’ll learn. That’s mainly why she hasn’t prioritized it so far.

I also feel like I may have made her sound kind of helpless and bland, isn’t really accurate. She’s actually great with kids, very smart, self-aware, and aware of what’s going on around her and in the world. She’s always done really well in school too (4.0). She’s not clueless at all—she just lacks motivation when it comes to working or pursuing a career. The shyness is just part of her personality. She also doesn’t really have specific hobbies like yoga, sports, etc., but she is busy with school—she reads more in-depth material and does a lot of writing which she enjoys. Most of her time is spent doing schoolwork and spending time with family, so she’s not just wasting time. As for life skills like cooking and cleaning, she’s perfectly capable once she learns—she just didn’t have much experience before but is starting to learn now. She’s been asking me what kinds of meals men typically like, and I’ve been helping her learn how to cook—she’s actually doing really well with it.

You guys might assume, based on her age, that she’d be interested in someone her own age, but she’s actually very set on finding an older, more established man. She’s still very hopeful and set on this. She’s 21, a junior in college, and specifically interested in an older, more established man (she said up to ~15 years older but not much beyond that). She’s not really interested in guys her own age due to finances and just thinks they’re too young.

Her main question now is where she would even meet someone like this—like specific cities, places, or settings where older, established men tend to be. Are there certain apps, social scenes, or environments where this is more common? She says she’s willing to put in the effort to make it happen.

Anonymous wrote:Forget India. Forget the coasts and the 1.4mil avg suburbia spots.

Go to Utah!! And may the odds be ever in her favor

Anonymous wrote:If she can make her rich guy move to a cheaper cost of living country, they can have cook, cleaners, drivers, nannies etc.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Curious to hear perspectives on this woman’s chances with high-quality men:

Profile of the Woman:
-Early 20s
-Highly attractive (8–9/10), natural “clean soft girl” aesthetic for her husband
-Well-groomed but minimal makeup / low-maintenance; always clean and polished for her husband
-Quiet, introverted, very shy; very quiet in public
-Homebody, small social circle (has one best friend)
-Polite, very nice, empathetic, caring, people-pleasing, loyal, not manipulative or mean
-Limited dating history, hasn’t dated seriously, but has tried talking to guys online
-Won’t be social with in-laws initially; quiet unless spoken to, warms up gradually if she likes them
-Hates cooking and cleaning, but learning specifically to cook and maintain household perfectly for her future husband
-Lazy with her chores now, but will run a perfect household for her husband
-Excellent at hosting and organizing events
-Always intends to look attractive and well-presented for her husband
-Doesn’t drive (dislikes being out alone)
-Wants marriage/kids, traditional setup
-No specific hobbies, but would enjoy traveling and being a wife and mom
-Lifestyle goals: not super high maintenance

Type of Man She Wants:
-Doctor (cardiologist, orthopedic surgeon, anesthesiologist, pediatrician, etc.), high-earning entrepreneur, or other high-paying professional
-Comes from a good/wealthy family
-Well-educated, went to a good school
-Put-together, stable, takes the lead but values wife equally
-Has friends but not overly social/popular
-Charismatic but not over-the-top
-Relatively attractive, tall, great personality
-Family-oriented, prioritizes wife and children
-Medium work hours; flexible doctor or business owner
-Wants kids as soon as possible
-Will take the lead on finances but values her input for household and family decisions

Questions:
What are her realistic chances of attracting a man like this?
How much do her introverted, very quiet personality and lack of hobbies affect her desirability?
Does her lack of driving or career ambition matter at this level?
How does her selective domestic commitment (hates chores/cooking but perfect for husband, always well-groomed, hosting, caring) play in long-term marriage?
Any other traits or behaviors she should adopt to increase her chances?

Not judging—just genuinely curious what people have actually observed in real life.

Man's perspective here:

You seem to view yourself entirely as a prospective accessory to the man you want. You spend a lot of time talking about your appearance (and you seem to have a very high opinion of yourself) but nothing that makes you interesting or gives you any sort of personality. You sound kind of boring, frankly, and this assertion that you're going to suddenly overcome your inherent laziness to please a man is unconvincing. Your lack of ambition (except for landing a man who will knock you up ASAP) is not very attractive, either.

While it's fine to have standards, your ideal man is a fantasy or at the very least a unicorn. A high-earning doctor or entrepreneur is not likely to have "medium work hours" or have that flexible a job schedule; they are going to have high and constant professional demands. Your expectations for limited friends and charisma are also weird.

Do answer your specific questions:

-- Your chances aren't particularly realistic. Sorry, they're just not. Too many contradictions in your wish list, and ambitious, successful men generally want the same in a partner, and you've already said that's not you. You could be hot and demure as hell, and he'll shaboink you, but he isn't going to marry you.
-- You're not very interesting. Being an introvert isn't a strike. But the blah personality and lack of interests really is a turnoff.
-- As said, yes, your lack of drive is going to be a turnoff for the type of man you seek.
-- "Selective domestic commitment" = laziness. Huge turnoff. Hard pass.
-- To improve your chances, get a personality, get some interests, and develop a work ethic.

Anonymous wrote:A lot of successful men want accomplished wives, even if they decide to SAH after kids.