Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP started this thread as a decent person.... after listening to DCUM bitter women, OP will leave as a different person.

She started this thread as a decent person who was about to be divorced and homeless...

She could always, you know, honor her vows and not abandon her husband.

Back to this question: OP, why are you leaving this guy? You seem to like him.

OP here. I respect him as an honest person and a devoted father, but I am leaving because of ongoing emotional abuse/anger issues.

Someone else asked if I cheated: No, I never did. But I'm acutely aware that I am now more than halfway through my life, and I'd like to try and find happiness with someone else while I'm still reasonably attractive and fit.

This is a horrible reason to divorce. It is very unlikely you will find a new partner. (I am divorced but it was a horrible marriage from day 1 and I divorced because being alone FOREVER was better than staying married...that is the only scenario that should be considered. Not a pipedream that you will find someone else.)

But there is something to be said for the weight that will be lifted from her shoulders when she is single and hoping she might meet the right person as opposed to being resigned to live miserable with her DH.

Not sure if that is worth a divorce in her case, but hope is a powerful drug.

She also gets out of being his caretaker now that he's super old, underemployed, and angry. And no, it won't fall on their child because their elementary-age child is too young and will be for a long time.

But leaving a marriage in mid-life with a young child, hoping to find a replacement husband, is not a good reason, and it is unlikely. Leave to be single, fine.

He may be healthier than she is and she have the health issues. She probably cheated and going with her AP.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP started this thread as a decent person.... after listening to DCUM bitter women, OP will leave as a different person.

She started this thread as a decent person who was about to be divorced and homeless...

She could always, you know, honor her vows and not abandon her husband.

Back to this question: OP, why are you leaving this guy? You seem to like him.

OP here. I respect him as an honest person and a devoted father, but I am leaving because of ongoing emotional abuse/anger issues.

Someone else asked if I cheated: No, I never did. But I'm acutely aware that I am now more than halfway through my life, and I'd like to try and find happiness with someone else while I'm still reasonably attractive and fit.

Got it, OP. Sorry that things did not work out between the 2 of you. Take care of yourself in the divorce settlement. A bird in hand is worth 2 in the bush. You are not too far behind him in age, and there are no guarantees that the economy, the market and social security will go as planned for people your age. So take what is legally yours.

Don't forget that you may still end up taking care of him in old age because you share a child with him, so it is in your interest either way to safeguard some of your joint marital property. Many divorced parents help their children take care of their elderly parents.

And OP likely will be the parent who puts her child through college. Not her elderly ExH. But please, please, do not “trade” any present money in your divorce settlement for his future promise to fund college . It’s better to get 50% now and invest it for your child’s future than trying to enforce the divorce settlement when it’s time for your child to attend college

You have no idea what he will do or not do as you haven't talked to him. College is a choice, not a right. Many parents, married, or divorced or never married, don't pay for college. And, when you choose to alienate them, why should dad pay?

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP started this thread as a decent person.... after listening to DCUM bitter women, OP will leave as a different person.

She started this thread as a decent person who was about to be divorced and homeless...

She could always, you know, honor her vows and not abandon her husband.

Back to this question: OP, why are you leaving this guy? You seem to like him.

OP here. I respect him as an honest person and a devoted father, but I am leaving because of ongoing emotional abuse/anger issues.

Someone else asked if I cheated: No, I never did. But I'm acutely aware that I am now more than halfway through my life, and I'd like to try and find happiness with someone else while I'm still reasonably attractive and fit.

This is a horrible reason to divorce. It is very unlikely you will find a new partner. (I am divorced but it was a horrible marriage from day 1 and I divorced because being alone FOREVER was better than staying married...that is the only scenario that should be considered. Not a pipedream that you will find someone else.)

But there is something to be said for the weight that will be lifted from her shoulders when she is single and hoping she might meet the right person as opposed to being resigned to live miserable with her DH.

Not sure if that is worth a divorce in her case, but hope is a powerful drug.

She also gets out of being his caretaker now that he's super old, underemployed, and angry. And no, it won't fall on their child because their elementary-age child is too young and will be for a long time.

But leaving a marriage in mid-life with a young child, hoping to find a replacement husband, is not a good reason, and it is unlikely. Leave to be single, fine.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP started this thread as a decent person.... after listening to DCUM bitter women, OP will leave as a different person.

She started this thread as a decent person who was about to be divorced and homeless...

She could always, you know, honor her vows and not abandon her husband.

Back to this question: OP, why are you leaving this guy? You seem to like him.

OP here. I respect him as an honest person and a devoted father, but I am leaving because of ongoing emotional abuse/anger issues.

Someone else asked if I cheated: No, I never did. But I'm acutely aware that I am now more than halfway through my life, and I'd like to try and find happiness with someone else while I'm still reasonably attractive and fit.

This is a horrible reason to divorce. It is very unlikely you will find a new partner. (I am divorced but it was a horrible marriage from day 1 and I divorced because being alone FOREVER was better than staying married...that is the only scenario that should be considered. Not a pipedream that you will find someone else.)

But there is something to be said for the weight that will be lifted from her shoulders when she is single and hoping she might meet the right person as opposed to being resigned to live miserable with her DH.

Not sure if that is worth a divorce in her case, but hope is a powerful drug.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP started this thread as a decent person.... after listening to DCUM bitter women, OP will leave as a different person.

She started this thread as a decent person who was about to be divorced and homeless...

She could always, you know, honor her vows and not abandon her husband.

Back to this question: OP, why are you leaving this guy? You seem to like him.

OP here. I respect him as an honest person and a devoted father, but I am leaving because of ongoing emotional abuse/anger issues.

Someone else asked if I cheated: No, I never did. But I'm acutely aware that I am now more than halfway through my life, and I'd like to try and find happiness with someone else while I'm still reasonably attractive and fit.

This is a horrible reason to divorce. It is very unlikely you will find a new partner. (I am divorced but it was a horrible marriage from day 1 and I divorced because being alone FOREVER was better than staying married...that is the only scenario that should be considered. Not a pipedream that you will find someone else.)

Anonymous wrote:What should you get? Half of all funds accrued during marriage -- it doesn't matter how they are held (yours, his, joint, and retirement/non-retirement). Plus an adjustment in your favor for the 18 months you weren't working to care for family. The fact that you might get an inheritance is irrelevant. You never know if the money will come - the holder could get sick, need expensive elder care or the market could go down or the will could be changed. You also mention that you have a child together, and I notice that you have saved very little comparatively. Why do you have such little savings? Did you downshift a career to be the primary parent to your DC? If so, more adjustment in your favor for having a less demanding career that would allow you to do that. You will have to save more if you divorce. You have nowhere near what you need for retirement, nor do you have what you need to raise a kid by yourself, and pay for college.

Note: half of every thing accrued since marriage is not the same as half of all funds and it is consistent with a prenup that says "take out what you brought in".

Exactly! This is the law. That is it.

What should you get? Half of all funds accrued during marriage -- it doesn't matter how they are held (yours, his, joint, and retirement/non-retirement). Plus an adjustment in your favor for the 18 months you weren't working to care for family. The fact that you might get an inheritance is irrelevant. You never know if the money will come - the holder could get sick, need expensive elder care or the market could go down or the will could be changed. You also mention that you have a child together, and I notice that you have saved very little comparatively. Why do you have such little savings? Did you downshift a career to be the primary parent to your DC? If so, more adjustment in your favor for having a less demanding career that would allow you to do that. You will have to save more if you divorce. You have nowhere near what you need for retirement, nor do you have what you need to raise a kid by yourself, and pay for college.

Note: half of every thing accrued since marriage is not the same as half of all funds and it is consistent with a prenup that says "take out what you brought in".

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You sound like a decent person. He is old and will probably have some health problems. He will need that retirement money to live. I would leave retirement and split the other money in half. Then just split the kid costs.

You are relatively still young and will date again. Sounds like you are from a well off family. Just divorce amicably. No drama and no fighting about money will be good for your child. S/he will likely have to care for the elderly father one day.

Yeah, because the dating market is just bustling for 50 y/os. She's not far from retirement herself and should look out for herself.

DCUM claims that older women are more attractive than younger women. They get more dates and have no problems attracting plenty of hot young men.

Yes, older women are more attractive for smart men who think about having a happy retirement enjoying their life with a similarly minded partner.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:People are overcomplicating a simple issue. This is easy.

1. Marital property is split 50/50 or equitably.
2. Premarital property remains separate unless comingled but the burden of proof is in the party arguing that any property is seperate to prove it.
3. Inheritances that have been received are separate property unless commingled.
4. Inheritances that have not been received don’t exist. They are irrelevant because they have no value.

Divide the assets accordingly.

Agreed.

Lawyers will tell you to go after what you are entitled to under the law, because that’s their job. The law, however, is not designed to preserve goodwill or promote amicability. So, if you are in the rare case where you both want to be decent people, then you will need to resist the temptation to go after what you “could” get.

Still, you should picture how you would feel if you settled like this and then he turned into an a*hole the next day. Would you feel cheated or would you still feel like you came out OK with what was fair? It is a useful thought experiment.

It’s not about going after and getting something, it’s about keeping her share of what is already hers.

That’s fine, but I know many people who suffer through many years of legal hell and misery to “keep what’s theirs” and it’s not a great way to spend your good years.

That would be on her STBX then, if he wants to make her life legal hell over what's hers by law

She wants what’s his, not just during marriage.

Your shriveled incel brain is just making things up now. "Woman divorcing! Woman bad! Woman greedy!" Maybe try reading the posts you're responding to first.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP started this thread as a decent person.... after listening to DCUM bitter women, OP will leave as a different person.

She started this thread as a decent person who was about to be divorced and homeless...

She could always, you know, honor her vows and not abandon her husband.

Back to this question: OP, why are you leaving this guy? You seem to like him.

OP here. I respect him as an honest person and a devoted father, but I am leaving because of ongoing emotional abuse/anger issues.

Someone else asked if I cheated: No, I never did. But I'm acutely aware that I am now more than halfway through my life, and I'd like to try and find happiness with someone else while I'm still reasonably attractive and fit.

Got it, OP. Sorry that things did not work out between the 2 of you. Take care of yourself in the divorce settlement. A bird in hand is worth 2 in the bush. You are not too far behind him in age, and there are no guarantees that the economy, the market and social security will go as planned for people your age. So take what is legally yours.

Don't forget that you may still end up taking care of him in old age because you share a child with him, so it is in your interest either way to safeguard some of your joint marital property. Many divorced parents help their children take care of their elderly parents.

And OP likely will be the parent who puts her child through college. Not her elderly ExH. But please, please, do not “trade” any present money in your divorce settlement for his future promise to fund college . It’s better to get 50% now and invest it for your child’s future than trying to enforce the divorce settlement when it’s time for your child to attend college

OP's child is going to qualify for financial aid in college - mother is unemployed, and father is an underemployed senior citizen. I would take this off the table and instead focus on obtaining a division of assets under state law.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP started this thread as a decent person.... after listening to DCUM bitter women, OP will leave as a different person.

She started this thread as a decent person who was about to be divorced and homeless...

She could always, you know, honor her vows and not abandon her husband.

Back to this question: OP, why are you leaving this guy? You seem to like him.

OP here. I respect him as an honest person and a devoted father, but I am leaving because of ongoing emotional abuse/anger issues.

Someone else asked if I cheated: No, I never did. But I'm acutely aware that I am now more than halfway through my life, and I'd like to try and find happiness with someone else while I'm still reasonably attractive and fit.

Got it, OP. Sorry that things did not work out between the 2 of you. Take care of yourself in the divorce settlement. A bird in hand is worth 2 in the bush. You are not too far behind him in age, and there are no guarantees that the economy, the market and social security will go as planned for people your age. So take what is legally yours.

Don't forget that you may still end up taking care of him in old age because you share a child with him, so it is in your interest either way to safeguard some of your joint marital property. Many divorced parents help their children take care of their elderly parents.

And OP likely will be the parent who puts her child through college. Not her elderly ExH. But please, please, do not “trade” any present money in your divorce settlement for his future promise to fund college . It’s better to get 50% now and invest it for your child’s future than trying to enforce the divorce settlement when it’s time for your child to attend college

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP started this thread as a decent person.... after listening to DCUM bitter women, OP will leave as a different person.

She started this thread as a decent person who was about to be divorced and homeless...

She could always, you know, honor her vows and not abandon her husband.

Back to this question: OP, why are you leaving this guy? You seem to like him.

OP here. I respect him as an honest person and a devoted father, but I am leaving because of ongoing emotional abuse/anger issues.

Someone else asked if I cheated: No, I never did. But I'm acutely aware that I am now more than halfway through my life, and I'd like to try and find happiness with someone else while I'm still reasonably attractive and fit.

Got it, OP. Sorry that things did not work out between the 2 of you. Take care of yourself in the divorce settlement. A bird in hand is worth 2 in the bush. You are not too far behind him in age, and there are no guarantees that the economy, the market and social security will go as planned for people your age. So take what is legally yours.

Don't forget that you may still end up taking care of him in old age because you share a child with him, so it is in your interest either way to safeguard some of your joint marital property. Many divorced parents help their children take care of their elderly parents.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:"Don’t walk away with less than 50% as it’s very hard for a woman in her 50s to rebuild wealth."

The husband is significantly older than the wife here. She has many more working years ahead of her to build a retirement fund, whereas he has practically none. Plus, he's worked every year they've been married while she didn't.

That’s not true. He can start claiming social security now. It’s $3k/month if he contributed at max level. $36k a year is $750k in NPV of perpetuity. He gets it in addition to 401k. Enough to pay for a decent apartment
But OP can’t claim SS based off his, until she reaches her retirement age, eg she’s 14 -16 years behind him
Makes no sense to give up her spousal share of marital retirement. For what? To be homeless ?

+1.

We don't even know what social security will be like by the time OP is 62. It may be half of what current retirees get.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:People are overcomplicating a simple issue. This is easy.

1. Marital property is split 50/50 or equitably.
2. Premarital property remains separate unless comingled but the burden of proof is in the party arguing that any property is seperate to prove it.
3. Inheritances that have been received are separate property unless commingled.
4. Inheritances that have not been received don’t exist. They are irrelevant because they have no value.

Divide the assets accordingly.

Agreed.

Lawyers will tell you to go after what you are entitled to under the law, because that’s their job. The law, however, is not designed to preserve goodwill or promote amicability. So, if you are in the rare case where you both want to be decent people, then you will need to resist the temptation to go after what you “could” get.

Still, you should picture how you would feel if you settled like this and then he turned into an a*hole the next day. Would you feel cheated or would you still feel like you came out OK with what was fair? It is a useful thought experiment.

It’s not about going after and getting something, it’s about keeping her share of what is already hers.

That’s fine, but I know many people who suffer through many years of legal hell and misery to “keep what’s theirs” and it’s not a great way to spend your good years.

That would be on her STBX then, if he wants to make her life legal hell over what's hers by law

She wants what’s his, not just during marriage.

And where does OP state that, you idiot?

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:People are overcomplicating a simple issue. This is easy.

1. Marital property is split 50/50 or equitably.
2. Premarital property remains separate unless comingled but the burden of proof is in the party arguing that any property is seperate to prove it.
3. Inheritances that have been received are separate property unless commingled.
4. Inheritances that have not been received don’t exist. They are irrelevant because they have no value.

Divide the assets accordingly.

Agreed.

Lawyers will tell you to go after what you are entitled to under the law, because that’s their job. The law, however, is not designed to preserve goodwill or promote amicability. So, if you are in the rare case where you both want to be decent people, then you will need to resist the temptation to go after what you “could” get.

Still, you should picture how you would feel if you settled like this and then he turned into an a*hole the next day. Would you feel cheated or would you still feel like you came out OK with what was fair? It is a useful thought experiment.

It’s not about going after and getting something, it’s about keeping her share of what is already hers.

That’s fine, but I know many people who suffer through many years of legal hell and misery to “keep what’s theirs” and it’s not a great way to spend your good years.

That would be on her STBX then, if he wants to make her life legal hell over what's hers by law

She wants what’s his, not just during marriage.