Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Among Asians it is common to marry someone your parents have pre-approved but cheat with partners of your own choosing. You can divorce and marry your affair partner when your parents pass away. As cynical as it sounds, a lot of people are cool with this.

Never heard this in my life

People are just writing random things. This is not a thing and especially not one that is "common". -Another Korean-American married to a South Asian-American.

Anonymous wrote:Among Asians it is common to marry someone your parents have pre-approved but cheat with partners of your own choosing. You can divorce and marry your affair partner when your parents pass away. As cynical as it sounds, a lot of people are cool with this.

Never heard this in my life

Anonymous wrote:I let my DD marry outside my culture and religion. I am Indian Hindu. I am ok with it.

You let her? Did she ask for your permission or you just kept your mouth shut?

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Among Asians it is common to marry someone your parents have pre-approved but cheat with partners of your own choosing. You can divorce and marry your affair partner when your parents pass away. As cynical as it sounds, a lot of people are cool with this.

I have not heard of this as a common practice. Infidelity, especially among husbands, yes, but common to cheat and then marry one's AP? No.
-Korean American

same. I don't think that ^PP knows many Asians.

- another Korean American

I'm Muslim American, many friends and family members (of both genders) married outside of their race, religion, sect, heritage, ethnicity, SEC etc and almost all parents eventually came around. Of course they wouldn't approve if a 17 year old without a high school diploma or job was asking for it but if an educated and employed 32 year old adult child wants it, matter is taken seriously. Its easier to accept their choice when they have track record of sensible decisions. Almost 80% of these marriages turned out to he very successful.

Anonymous wrote:Among Asians it is common to marry someone your parents have pre-approved but cheat with partners of your own choosing. You can divorce and marry your affair partner when your parents pass away. As cynical as it sounds, a lot of people are cool with this.

I have not heard of this as a common practice. Infidelity, especially among husbands, yes, but common to cheat and then marry one's AP? No.
-Korean American

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:People who come to the US wanting 100% acceptance yet they do not reciprocate and want an exception to be bigoted. I saw this first hand with the Muslim refugees that we took in from Syria and Afghanistan in the resettlement programs.

In the US, your adult children are free to marry anyone. If you don’t like it, you can go back to your country.

The vast majority of people in the US are immigrants. Everyone brought their own belief systems when they came. People who are native to the US make up quite a small minority.

How long do you think you have to be here? The Native people weren’t Americans because there was no such thing. My father’s side has been here since the 1850’s. My mother’s side a couple of decades later. There’s no culture except American in our family.

Wait- is this a serious post? I certainly wouldn’t want my kid to marry someone who thinks this way let alone admits to thinking this way. This would be a major parenting fail.

Posts like this make (some) white people just look bad and sound so naive.

You missed the point. Someone was claiming we are all immigrants. So when do you get to call yourself American? All I know is America, how am I not American?

Think what way exactly? Instead of pulling up a tired comment like “parenting fail” put some thought into and intelligently explain what the problem is. Also undocumented people who’ve been living and working in America for years are American.

Among Asians it is common to marry someone your parents have pre-approved but cheat with partners of your own choosing. You can divorce and marry your affair partner when your parents pass away. As cynical as it sounds, a lot of people are cool with this.

I will accept and welcome any spouse my children choose, as long as they are a good person who makes them happy.

I married into a family who has never accepted our marriage (religious differences) & it is not something I would ever wish upon anyone. We have been married for 20 years but I certainly would not make the same choice again. Conventional wisdom is “they will get over it” but not in our case. Horrendously stressful/painful for my DH, for me, and for them as well (even if I don’t agree with their reasoning or their way of expressing it). We tried for years to improve the relationship- even moving to live nearby for several years- but it just isn’t something they can get past. Our kids barely know that entire side of the family and only see them briefly maybe once every 5yrs or so. DH barely talks to them at all anymore. I haven’t spoken to any of them in years. We live a 2hr flight away.

Not something I would recommend to anyone. I will say that if you are a parent who feels this way, it is actually kinder to firmly tell adult child AND the presumed spouse upfront that you 1000% will not support the marriage, will never support the marriage and will not be changing your mind. Make sure the presumed spouse knows FOR SURE that you are serious. If my in-laws had done this, I would not have married my DH. I really did not want things to be this way. Others might still marry in anyway, but at least they know what they are in for & have been given a clear picture.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:In the end, it is racism/discrimination to claim that one race/ethnicity/religion is acceptable for marriage, even if someone believes they have valid reasons for their beliefs.
If you believe that a human being is not enough to be a member of your family for reasons beyond a person's control (i.e., the color of their skin, the religion of their family of origin), just own it and sit with your discomfort.
I just roll my eyes especially at progressive liberals who claim to be anti-racist and inclusive, and yet blather on about how people should marry within their own race or religion. The intellectual dishonesty and pretzel-twisting logic is astounding.

Ironically, you sound very narrow minded and like you have very limited deep experiences with other cultures

Actually, the opposite. And I have found open-minded people in the many cultures I have lived in, which suggests to me that it is not too high a bar to expect people to be more inclusive.

Anonymous wrote:If you send your kids to stand in rain, they are more likely to get wet. If you raise your kids in a country as a minority, they are more likely to find their partners among majority. If you are too afraid, raise them in countries where you are in majority.

This is so true.

It's unreasonable to expect your kids to be successful in this country without assimilating to some degree. A lot of people end up marrying people that they work with or go to school with, and that could mean someone NOT in their race, ethnicity, etc..

My parents are immigrants and didn't want me to marry outside our race, and only a few ethnicities were acceptable. I'm the youngest, and after being here for 30 years, they accepted my choice of spouse who is of a different race. They love him now.

Anonymous wrote:So clearly everyone rings their own cultural bias into this question.

Wanting to marry someone who shares a common interest with you- like religion or culture or food or language- is not racist. What a weird use of that word. Do you also call a woman sexist if she wants to marry a man only? Same logic.

Similar question recently in the college board- interesting honest discussion there.

I don't actually have a problem with someone wanting to marry within their own race/religion/culture, whatever. I have a problem with parents not "allowing" their adult (or old enough to date) kids to make such decisions on their own. That is what this discussion is about.

Anonymous wrote:My parents (1st gen) voiced these kinds of ideas when my sibling and I were young/still at home.

Once we became adults, they had much less control.

Now my sibling is in their late 30s, and I think my parents would welcome ANYONE as long as sibling got married.

haha that was exactly me. My dad thought I'd be an old maid. He even said that during his speech LOL

I let my DD marry outside my culture and religion. I am Indian Hindu. I am ok with it.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Drove a carpool recently and one of the teens remarked on who his parents would allow him to marry. Others agreed. At least one set of the parents is second Gen, born and raised here. It was a little surprising to me how strict some parents in the DMV are in 2025.

Anyone else encounter this?

Indian?

JD Vance's wife seems fine with it. Kamala Harris' mom dealt with it as well.

Mamdani's mom did it.

Both of Mamdani’s parents are of Indian descent. They do not practice the same religion.

Indian Hindu and Indian Muslim? Yeah it normally would be a big problem. It would have been an issue except parents are super liberals, intellectuals, highly educated and extremely well known in their fields.

When you are a certain super high SES - then religion, race, caste, nationality, gender preference, sexuality and age - does not hold any meaning. Then only SES, network and prestige matters.