Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote: I am a person whose calendar is now completely booked till Jan 10th, 2026. Then I am unavailable from 1st Feb to 10th April.

I have many friends who are super busy with family, social obligations, travel, medical treatments...and we all are empty nesters in our 50s and 60s.

My unavailability should not inconvenience anyone. It is what it is.

I am so curious about this. Can you share what you are doing each weekend (in a general sense?)

Not PP but this coming weekend is our last free one of 2025. After that we have:
- brewery day with adult friends
- out of town for sports event
- out of town with college girlfriends
- birthday parties Friday, Saturday, and Sunday (for kids)
- Thanksgiving weekend, out of town
- hosting holiday brunch at our house
- husband out of town with college guy friends
- weekends of Christmas break, so lots of activities
- adult birthday party (first weekend in January)

- brewery day with adult friends. --you can't do anything Fri or Sun?
- out of town for sports event --for all 3 days?
- out of town with college girlfriends
- birthday parties Friday, Saturday, and Sunday (for kids) --you both go to all the kids' parties?
- Thanksgiving weekend, out of town
- hosting holiday brunch at our house. --you can't do anything Friday or Sunday?
- husband out of town with college guy friends --you can't do anything Fri/Sat/Sun when husband is out of town?
- weekends of Christmas break, so lots of activities
- adult birthday party (first weekend in January)[b]

This makes it very clear that every person's definition of "weekends are booked" are completely different. In my world, almost everyone of these weekends above would be open for a friend who asked me "can you hang out?". I view a weekend as having 5 slots: Friday evening, Sat day and evening, Sun day and evening and with 2 parents there are 10 slots. A weekend is not "booked" unless all 5 spots are full for both parents.

Not a dig but it just makes a lot more sense to some of us who can't understand why someone would say "I have no free weekend for 3 months." If a free weekend means "a weekend when neither spouse has anything going on Fri-Sun" I can see how this would be.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote: I am a person whose calendar is now completely booked till Jan 10th, 2026. Then I am unavailable from 1st Feb to 10th April.

I have many friends who are super busy with family, social obligations, travel, medical treatments...and we all are empty nesters in our 50s and 60s.

My unavailability should not inconvenience anyone. It is what it is.

I am so curious about this. Can you share what you are doing each weekend (in a general sense?)

Not PP but this coming weekend is our last free one of 2025. After that we have:
- brewery day with adult friends
- out of town for sports event
- out of town with college girlfriends
- birthday parties Friday, Saturday, and Sunday (for kids)
- Thanksgiving weekend, out of town
- hosting holiday brunch at our house
- husband out of town with college guy friends
- weekends of Christmas break, so lots of activities
- adult birthday party (first weekend in January)

- brewery day with adult friends. --you can't do anything Fri or Sun?
- out of town for sports event --for all 3 days?
- out of town with college girlfriends
- birthday parties Friday, Saturday, and Sunday (for kids) --you both go to all the kids' parties?
- Thanksgiving weekend, out of town
- hosting holiday brunch at our house. --you can't do anything Friday or Sunday?
- husband out of town with college guy friends --you can't do anything Fri/Sat/Sun when husband is out of town?
- weekends of Christmas break, so lots of activities
- adult birthday party (first weekend in January)[b]

This makes it very clear that every person's definition of "weekends are booked" are completely different. In my world, almost everyone of these weekends above would be open for a friend who asked me "can you hang out?". I view a weekend as having 5 slots: Friday evening, Sat day and evening, Sun day and evening and with 2 parents there are 10 slots. A weekend is not "booked" unless all 5 spots are full for both parents.

Not a dig but it just makes a lot more sense to some of us who can't understand why someone would say "I have no free weekend for 3 months." If a free weekend means "a weekend when neither spouse has anything going on Fri-Sun" I can see how this would be.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote: I am a person whose calendar is now completely booked till Jan 10th, 2026. Then I am unavailable from 1st Feb to 10th April.

I have many friends who are super busy with family, social obligations, travel, medical treatments...and we all are empty nesters in our 50s and 60s.

My unavailability should not inconvenience anyone. It is what it is.

I am so curious about this. Can you share what you are doing each weekend (in a general sense?)

Not PP but this coming weekend is our last free one of 2025. After that we have:
- brewery day with adult friends
- out of town for sports event
- out of town with college girlfriends
- birthday parties Friday, Saturday, and Sunday (for kids)
- Thanksgiving weekend, out of town
- hosting holiday brunch at our house
- husband out of town with college guy friends
- weekends of Christmas break, so lots of activities
- adult birthday party (first weekend in January)

Anonymous wrote:OP, you don't seem to understand your own feelings very well, let alone hers.

You saw her regularly and then didn't. You probably feel a mix of lost and loss, sadness and defensiveness. Maybe some anger.

She's going through a tough time. She probably feels tired, frustrated, and overwhelmed. She probably wants to spend what little free time she has having fun, resting, letting loose, or with people who understand her.

Given that she was one of your favorite people, your spending time with her did generate some positive feelings for you.

In contrast, spending time with you didn't make her feel good. This may be, as you put it, due to your kids. But it also seems like you're emotionally deaf, which means there may be lots of times when she didn't feel great and you didn't pick up on it.

It's not too late to make things better, but first you need to do some soul searching. Or else just drop her and focus on other friends who do like spending time with you. You probably have other positive qualities that draws your other friends to you. No one's perfect.

Good luck.

Anonymous wrote:What did people do in college? There were thousands of students with lots of time. Did they socialize with everyone? No, they became friends with people who understood each other. Sometimes it’s not personal: kids who come from broken homes understand each other better than kids who don’t. Sometimes it is personal: a kid who smells has a hard time making friends.

OP, you don’t understand this other mom, whether it’s her schedule or her management closes. You even wrote on an anonymous board about your confusion. You then, even suggested she wasn’t doing as well as you.

It sounds like other moms are interested in getting together with you. Focus your energy on them.

If it turns out it’s really her schedule, you’ll learn that soon, when she initiates.

Anonymous wrote:I would take them at their word but also not take it personally. They have prioritized things other than getting together with you. It is what it is.

This is a major reason we have worked hard to cultivate and maintain a roster of family friends with kids. So on any given weekend, we can reach out to 2 or 3 and usually at least one will be up for a hang out, playdate, or group outing. And most of our friends have also cultivated other friends, so if we ever can't make an invite, it's okay and nothing hinges on our presence. So I'm never offended when people say they can't make it, and I also never feel guilty when we can't make it.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP is so entertaining. She's like a gossipy old lady who lets every thought that enters her head just stream out her mouth...

"Oh Susan's children are just so difficult. She has a children problem. Our children are going in different directions. Oh offer to watch them? Hm. One time I watched one of them cling to his mother. The husband didn't help. That Ryan. Oh Susan has a husband problem. I'll just leave her to it. She can reach out to me in the New Year. But first I'll NOT invite her to my husband's birtheday but then I will invite her to Christmas. But really, Susan just needs to reach out to me. She has so many problems. "

I don’t say this out loud. I’m only writing this on an anonymous forum.

I was just venting to DH how he and his friends can just be friends and not care about kids. My friends seem so in the thick of kids, they can’t separate.

Her kids are really struggling. I may be accused of burying the lede but one of their kids was so upset that he threatened to shoot down the school.

Anonymous wrote:OP is so entertaining. She's like a gossipy old lady who lets every thought that enters her head just stream out her mouth...

"Oh Susan's children are just so difficult. She has a children problem. Our children are going in different directions. Oh offer to watch them? Hm. One time I watched one of them cling to his mother. The husband didn't help. That Ryan. Oh Susan has a husband problem. I'll just leave her to it. She can reach out to me in the New Year. But first I'll NOT invite her to my husband's birtheday but then I will invite her to Christmas. But really, Susan just needs to reach out to me. She has so many problems. "

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Anonymous wrote:She’s just not that into you. You are probably annoying, giving off the vibe of “I’m busier than you, my husband is more successful, my kids smarter and better looking and talented”. Or maybe your politics are rubbing her the wrong way. There are a million ways to annoy other people. Better to just move on.

I absolutely do not give off the I’m better than you vibe. I do have three easy children. At the last gathering with the other friend trying to get together, our friend’s three children were violently upset. The kids are always fighting and upset. At the last school event, she was there with our three children. My kids were having a great time. I sat with friend. Her kids were fighting the entire time. They were not fighting with my kids.

We have been family friends since preschool. Our kids went to the same preschool and now attend the same elementary school.

You’re giving off the “I’m better than you” vibe right now. Maybe she has friends whose kids fight and would rather spend time with them.

Clearly there’s something about her that you like, since you care so much about how she spends her time.

She likes feeling superior to this other struggling mom. Sad.

Omg that is so not true. She is probably my favorite local friend.

We have gone on outings and on vacation with the other friend. Other friend and my kids are easy. Both mutual friend and I adore our friend. On mutual friend’s birthday last year, we did a moms dinner and the entire time, friend seemed stressed because her husband was having a hard time at home with their kids. I realized then it is very hard for her to come out alone without kids.

Friend has tried signing up activities with my kids. I have seen friend in parking lot with kid refusing to come in. Friend has told me her kids hate school and don’t want to do any activities or sports.

Her husband told my husband after last vacation that we should try to travel without kids next time.

Then it seems obvious why she doesn’t have “time” for this…she doesn’t want to leave her DH alone with the difficult kids. Maybe he loses his temper and she is their shield. There is some dynamic at play that makes this very difficult for her and you are not being very understanding about that.

Yes, she has shared that the husband has a short temper with the kids and probably her too. He gets annoyed often. My friend has both a husband and children problem.

So you know this and are still accusing her of “blowing you off”? Wtf. Have a heart. Her problems are real and not about you and your friendship.

If you want to help her, go watch her kids at her place and send her to a quiet spa afternoon to give her a break. Given she is your favorite friend and all.

We have done spa days in years past. I have offered to host kids. Last time she came, one of her kids was having a difficult time because he felt left out. There were several kids over and the kid was sitting on the side alone. Kid was upset because his brother was included in said activity and not him. I walked him over and he clung to mom.

My husband’s birthday is coming up. I don’t know if we should even invite them. I’m almost certain the husband will come and it will remind me how the friend said she is unavailable for the rest of the year.

My husband does not base his friendships around family or our children so his close friends do not include this family.

At the end of the day, our kids are going in different directions. I’m not going to use my husband to hang out with her. She can reach out in the new year if she wants.

I did not say that you should go on a spa day with her, I suggested you go to her house (where kids are most comfortable) and watch the kids while sending her to a spa. If you really want to help this favorite friend.

Obviously you don’t want to help her and don’t like her kids at all. You don’t even want to invite them to your HUSBAND’S birthday party now. Just wow.

That is not what I said. DH said he does not want a party. He wants to have a family dinner and will likely go out with his close friends, which does not include this dad.

If I asked and wanted, I could very easily make an adult only dinner and include this couple. I’m not doing that just to hang out with this friend. DH would not invite this dad to an outing with just his close friends.

Oh OP, you are beyond salvation.

Leave this poor woman off your invite list if you want.

We will probably have a big holiday party and I will invite their family.

Between work friends and colleagues and my kids’ friends’ parents, we have a lot of “friends”. Most of these friends are DH’s friends’ wives and my kids’ friends’ parents or coworker friends. My kids have a lot of friends are we are always at dance or sports and I have to associate with a ton of parents.

This friend and this friend group are the people I consider my true friends in this area.

OP you are coming on as a bit intense in this thread, but I generally get where you are coming from. I have lots of so-called "mom friends" and people I *have* to associate with and make nice with. I also have a small circle of friends that I consider "true" friends, and they are very important and precious to me. If I felt like the circle was starting to break up or fade, I'd be sad too -- and probably over-thinking and hand-wringing a bit to.

I think you're right that she is indicating to the group that she might be letting this circle go for her. Probably for a variety of reasons you've hit on. You like her, so it's ok to feel sad or bummed about that. Again, I get it. But this is life. Lucky, lucky you if you have made it to middle age and never had a friendship fade or lost before!

I'd reach out the next few times - like in early 2026 -- that you guys are trying to plan something to test the waters, but not push much more than that.

I definitely feel bad.

We went on vacation with them this summer. We went on a few outings with the other friends right before school started. I literally sat with them at the last school event.

I do not think anything bad happened between my friend and me. The adults had a good time when we had adult time, when kids were sleeping or watching an evening movie. Her kids are always miserable. I would say it is the dynamic with my kids but they are fighting amongst themselves, not with my children. My kids try to include them in activities.

It is just a stark difference when someone hangs out with you on a weekly basis for years and then says to your friends that they are not available for all of 2025.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:After writing it out, I can very easily see that my friend is going through a lot and it has nothing to do with me or my kids. She is dealing with some serious family problems.

OP, if this is all real and you are not trolling, you are sharing toooo much info about yourself and other people. If I had a “friend” like you, I would immediately close my mouth anytime I saw you. What you are writing is team too much. Maybe she realizes this and is starting ghost phase 1.

I never say anything negative about their children to others. I’m only now realizing that our kids are not friends and probably never were. I can’t even say the kids drifted apart. Besides being in the same class, they were never friends. We have 3 kids each and we always had one kid in same class together but not this year.

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Anonymous wrote:She’s just not that into you. You are probably annoying, giving off the vibe of “I’m busier than you, my husband is more successful, my kids smarter and better looking and talented”. Or maybe your politics are rubbing her the wrong way. There are a million ways to annoy other people. Better to just move on.

I absolutely do not give off the I’m better than you vibe. I do have three easy children. At the last gathering with the other friend trying to get together, our friend’s three children were violently upset. The kids are always fighting and upset. At the last school event, she was there with our three children. My kids were having a great time. I sat with friend. Her kids were fighting the entire time. They were not fighting with my kids.

We have been family friends since preschool. Our kids went to the same preschool and now attend the same elementary school.

You’re giving off the “I’m better than you” vibe right now. Maybe she has friends whose kids fight and would rather spend time with them.

Clearly there’s something about her that you like, since you care so much about how she spends her time.

She likes feeling superior to this other struggling mom. Sad.

Omg that is so not true. She is probably my favorite local friend.

We have gone on outings and on vacation with the other friend. Other friend and my kids are easy. Both mutual friend and I adore our friend. On mutual friend’s birthday last year, we did a moms dinner and the entire time, friend seemed stressed because her husband was having a hard time at home with their kids. I realized then it is very hard for her to come out alone without kids.

Friend has tried signing up activities with my kids. I have seen friend in parking lot with kid refusing to come in. Friend has told me her kids hate school and don’t want to do any activities or sports.

Her husband told my husband after last vacation that we should try to travel without kids next time.

Then it seems obvious why she doesn’t have “time” for this…she doesn’t want to leave her DH alone with the difficult kids. Maybe he loses his temper and she is their shield. There is some dynamic at play that makes this very difficult for her and you are not being very understanding about that.

Yes, she has shared that the husband has a short temper with the kids and probably her too. He gets annoyed often. My friend has both a husband and children problem.

So you know this and are still accusing her of “blowing you off”? Wtf. Have a heart. Her problems are real and not about you and your friendship.

If you want to help her, go watch her kids at her place and send her to a quiet spa afternoon to give her a break. Given she is your favorite friend and all.

We have done spa days in years past. I have offered to host kids. Last time she came, one of her kids was having a difficult time because he felt left out. There were several kids over and the kid was sitting on the side alone. Kid was upset because his brother was included in said activity and not him. I walked him over and he clung to mom.

My husband’s birthday is coming up. I don’t know if we should even invite them. I’m almost certain the husband will come and it will remind me how the friend said she is unavailable for the rest of the year.

My husband does not base his friendships around family or our children so his close friends do not include this family.

At the end of the day, our kids are going in different directions. I’m not going to use my husband to hang out with her. She can reach out in the new year if she wants.

Anonymous wrote:

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Anonymous wrote:She’s just not that into you. You are probably annoying, giving off the vibe of “I’m busier than you, my husband is more successful, my kids smarter and better looking and talented”. Or maybe your politics are rubbing her the wrong way. There are a million ways to annoy other people. Better to just move on.

I absolutely do not give off the I’m better than you vibe. I do have three easy children. At the last gathering with the other friend trying to get together, our friend’s three children were violently upset. The kids are always fighting and upset. At the last school event, she was there with our three children. My kids were having a great time. I sat with friend. Her kids were fighting the entire time. They were not fighting with my kids.

We have been family friends since preschool. Our kids went to the same preschool and now attend the same elementary school.

You’re giving off the “I’m better than you” vibe right now. Maybe she has friends whose kids fight and would rather spend time with them.

Clearly there’s something about her that you like, since you care so much about how she spends her time.

She likes feeling superior to this other struggling mom. Sad.

Then wonders why the mom is never available.

Superiority won’t make you any friends, OP. Friendship is based on connection.

Also if this is as good a mom friend as you have, your friendships aren’t very good.

I actually have a lot of friends. The friend has often told me how I have so many lovely friends and has told me how my kids take after me and that is why they are so social.

I will back off and give her space. We had different close family friend, also with dads who were friends. I had said that maybe the mom doesn’t want to hang out with us. DH told me that the husband doesn’t like his wife or kids. The dad actually likes us and our kids. They ended up getting divorced.

Anonymous wrote:

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Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:She’s just not that into you. You are probably annoying, giving off the vibe of “I’m busier than you, my husband is more successful, my kids smarter and better looking and talented”. Or maybe your politics are rubbing her the wrong way. There are a million ways to annoy other people. Better to just move on.

I absolutely do not give off the I’m better than you vibe. I do have three easy children. At the last gathering with the other friend trying to get together, our friend’s three children were violently upset. The kids are always fighting and upset. At the last school event, she was there with our three children. My kids were having a great time. I sat with friend. Her kids were fighting the entire time. They were not fighting with my kids.

We have been family friends since preschool. Our kids went to the same preschool and now attend the same elementary school.

You’re giving off the “I’m better than you” vibe right now. Maybe she has friends whose kids fight and would rather spend time with them.

Clearly there’s something about her that you like, since you care so much about how she spends her time.

She likes feeling superior to this other struggling mom. Sad.

Omg that is so not true. She is probably my favorite local friend.

We have gone on outings and on vacation with the other friend. Other friend and my kids are easy. Both mutual friend and I adore our friend. On mutual friend’s birthday last year, we did a moms dinner and the entire time, friend seemed stressed because her husband was having a hard time at home with their kids. I realized then it is very hard for her to come out alone without kids.

Friend has tried signing up activities with my kids. I have seen friend in parking lot with kid refusing to come in. Friend has told me her kids hate school and don’t want to do any activities or sports.

Her husband told my husband after last vacation that we should try to travel without kids next time.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:She’s just not that into you. You are probably annoying, giving off the vibe of “I’m busier than you, my husband is more successful, my kids smarter and better looking and talented”. Or maybe your politics are rubbing her the wrong way. There are a million ways to annoy other people. Better to just move on.

I absolutely do not give off the I’m better than you vibe. I do have three easy children. At the last gathering with the other friend trying to get together, our friend’s three children were violently upset. The kids are always fighting and upset. At the last school event, she was there with our three children. My kids were having a great time. I sat with friend. Her kids were fighting the entire time. They were not fighting with my kids.

We have been family friends since preschool. Our kids went to the same preschool and now attend the same elementary school.

You’re giving off the “I’m better than you” vibe right now. Maybe she has friends whose kids fight and would rather spend time with them.

Clearly there’s something about her that you like, since you care so much about how she spends her time.

She likes feeling superior to this other struggling mom. Sad.

Omg that is so not true. She is probably my favorite local friend.

We have gone on outings and on vacation with the other friend. Other friend and my kids are easy. Both mutual friend and I adore our friend. On mutual friend’s birthday last year, we did a moms dinner and the entire time, friend seemed stressed because her husband was having a hard time at home with their kids. I realized then it is very hard for her to come out alone without kids.

Friend has tried signing up activities with my kids. I have seen friend in parking lot with kid refusing to come in. Friend has told me her kids hate school and don’t want to do any activities or sports.

Her husband told my husband after last vacation that we should try to travel without kids next time.