Anonymous wrote:If so...how much is family culture, nature vs nurture, community, luck, SES?

What makes your kids great IYO?

Age, gender and birth order of your kids.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Other people sometimes ask what I’m doing with my son, who is excited to learn, polite to adults, an hard worker and a great reader. I always demure and say “Oh but your kid is great because xyz!” but I will share with DCUM: He was born pretty easygoing and happy. He was always going to be a sensitive and bright kid. He had tantrums and meltdowns like any other kid, but we did not give in to them, and we helped him harness his energy (ADHD?) into appropriate channels.

Things I do think helped:

Having him to join things from a young age including team sports- has taught him how to make friends and be part of a group. He is comfortable in new situations now (which I never am myself!).

Putting him in music and enforcing daily practice. I attend every 40 minute lesson and take copious notes, even have my own copy of the music so we can practice together. - has taught him how to tackle hard things and stick with something in the long term.

Zero screens from birth until preschool, and even now at 9 yo he averages maybe a couple of hours per month. He does work on an iPad at school, nothing I can realistically do about that. Letting him be bored at home, in the waiting room, on airplanes, etc has helped so much.

Filling the house with books. We have over 1,000 books and read a lot. He knows how to sit in silence. He is never bored.

Having one meal, no “kids’ food.” He can and will eat anything. Same with cultural events and restaurants. He can sit through a fancy restaurant 10 course meal or a piano concert and enjoy both, simply because we have exposed him to those things and normalized them.

That’s a long collection of drivel to simply say you got lucky doing the same things many people do while experiencing different results.9

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Culture. That and family values.

15 and 17; both high achievers and hardworking. D followed by S.

We chose a more modest home in the best school district we could afford and we don’t drive luxury vehicles; preferring to put the $$ saved into college funds. We also pay 100% for our vehicles (no loans). Will have house payed off b/f kids finish college.

It is really all about values.

100% right. Car loans = rotten children.

We just paid for a new car in cash. The bank account will be a bit low for a while but I'm thrilled to know this will boost our kid's greatness!

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I just posted about girls being mean.

I have 3 kids and feel lucky to be blessed with such great kids. They are smart, good looking and athletic. I always encourage kindness and tell them how important it is for them to be nice people.

I come from a religious family. My dad is the most moral person and was exceptionally smart. I married a guy who was also smart and kind. DH is the type of guy who is good at everything. He is also trustworthy and loyal and that has worked well for him professionally.

If you are the OP of the mean girl thread, you do not come across as nice in that thread at all. You are also weirdly obsessed with kids' looks (yours and, in the other thread, your DD's friends).

I literally just wrote that having a father and husband who are both smart and kind is what makes my children great.

DH and I are both good looking and smart. We met when we were attending top grad schools and made three great kids. DH also earns a lot of money so that probably helps.

Do you realize how stupid you sound

This thread literally asked about having great kids. I have 3 great kids.

I didn’t want to just say DH and I met when we were at HYP.

But you couldn’t help yourself so you came back. That you met at college isn’t relevant. It’s what happens once the children are born that matters.

Not sure what your problem is. Yes, my kids’ privilege is stacked. They have attractive smart parents. DH earns a seven figure income and he is super hands on and KIND. He is thoughtful and adores his wife and daughter. I’m sure it is better than having a jerk dad who treats the mother poorly or didn’t go to a top school and wasn’t successful.

Anonymous wrote:Other people sometimes ask what I’m doing with my son, who is excited to learn, polite to adults, an hard worker and a great reader. I always demure and say “Oh but your kid is great because xyz!” but I will share with DCUM: He was born pretty easygoing and happy. He was always going to be a sensitive and bright kid. He had tantrums and meltdowns like any other kid, but we did not give in to them, and we helped him harness his energy (ADHD?) into appropriate channels.

Things I do think helped:

Having him to join things from a young age including team sports- has taught him how to make friends and be part of a group. He is comfortable in new situations now (which I never am myself!).

Putting him in music and enforcing daily practice. I attend every 40 minute lesson and take copious notes, even have my own copy of the music so we can practice together. - has taught him how to tackle hard things and stick with something in the long term.

Zero screens from birth until preschool, and even now at 9 yo he averages maybe a couple of hours per month. He does work on an iPad at school, nothing I can realistically do about that. Letting him be bored at home, in the waiting room, on airplanes, etc has helped so much.

Filling the house with books. We have over 1,000 books and read a lot. He knows how to sit in silence. He is never bored.

Having one meal, no “kids’ food.” He can and will eat anything. Same with cultural events and restaurants. He can sit through a fancy restaurant 10 course meal or a piano concert and enjoy both, simply because we have exposed him to those things and normalized them.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Culture. That and family values.

15 and 17; both high achievers and hardworking. D followed by S.

We chose a more modest home in the best school district we could afford and we don’t drive luxury vehicles; preferring to put the $$ saved into college funds. We also pay 100% for our vehicles (no loans). Will have house payed off b/f kids finish college.

It is really all about values.

100% right. Car loans = rotten children.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I just posted about girls being mean.

I have 3 kids and feel lucky to be blessed with such great kids. They are smart, good looking and athletic. I always encourage kindness and tell them how important it is for them to be nice people.

I come from a religious family. My dad is the most moral person and was exceptionally smart. I married a guy who was also smart and kind. DH is the type of guy who is good at everything. He is also trustworthy and loyal and that has worked well for him professionally.

If you are the OP of the mean girl thread, you do not come across as nice in that thread at all. You are also weirdly obsessed with kids' looks (yours and, in the other thread, your DD's friends).

I literally just wrote that having a father and husband who are both smart and kind is what makes my children great.

DH and I are both good looking and smart. We met when we were attending top grad schools and made three great kids. DH also earns a lot of money so that probably helps.

Do you realize how stupid you sound

This thread literally asked about having great kids. I have 3 great kids.

I didn’t want to just say DH and I met when we were at HYP.

But you couldn’t help yourself so you came back. That you met at college isn’t relevant. It’s what happens once the children are born that matters.

Not sure what your problem is. Yes, my kids’ privilege is stacked. They have attractive smart parents. DH earns a seven figure income and he is super hands on and KIND. He is thoughtful and adores his wife and daughter. I’m sure it is better than having a jerk dad who treats the mother poorly or didn’t go to a top school and wasn’t successful.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I just posted about girls being mean.

I have 3 kids and feel lucky to be blessed with such great kids. They are smart, good looking and athletic. I always encourage kindness and tell them how important it is for them to be nice people.

I come from a religious family. My dad is the most moral person and was exceptionally smart. I married a guy who was also smart and kind. DH is the type of guy who is good at everything. He is also trustworthy and loyal and that has worked well for him professionally.

If you are the OP of the mean girl thread, you do not come across as nice in that thread at all. You are also weirdly obsessed with kids' looks (yours and, in the other thread, your DD's friends).

I literally just wrote that having a father and husband who are both smart and kind is what makes my children great.

DH and I are both good looking and smart. We met when we were attending top grad schools and made three great kids. DH also earns a lot of money so that probably helps.

Different poster and I am sorry to pile on but I agree. You didn’t sound like a nice poster in your other thread and you don’t sound like someone I would enjoy IRL here too. Are you from a different culture ? Is that why we perceive you as too blunt and materialistic ? I say that kindly, if you/ your kids give the same vibe in person, that is probably why your daughter is having trouble with her friends. You may not realize it but you are not the warm and embracing/ non judgmental type that everyone likes to be around. You come across as conceited, overly confident and focused on the wrong values (beauty, status and wealth)

I don’t talk about where we went to school or money in real life. I’m also not into material items.

I do focus on quality family time. My kids are busy but we try to have family dinner a few times a week. When kids were younger, we had dinner together every night. I was anti screen when kids were younger. Teens were the last to get phones in their friend groups and we have time limits on their phones and downtime at night. I read to my kids every night when they were little and it is habit for everyone to read before bed. We let them try anything and everything and encourage trying new things, not giving up and most importantly, not being afraid to fail. We are kind to one another. My kids don’t fight with one another. My boys were not the type of boys to hit one another. This probably has to do with the very patient and tolerant nature of my oldest child. I’m not sure you can teach empathy but all my children are very empathetic. That is what makes my kids great kids. The natural good looks, doing well in school, living in a nice house, being athletic are all secondary to my kids being good kids. I’m really proud of them.

i’m sorry but it’s super weird that you feel the need to keep mentioning your kids “good looks”. This is definitely something you clearly share with your kids (that good looks should be praised) and probably why they are perceiving other kids as mean-because they themselves are actually the mean kids. Because you sound like a mean girl yourself-and the adult mean girls are far worse than the ones that are children.

Not sure why having great kids makes me the mean adult girl.

I love my kids and I do think they are beautiful. I’m not delusional. They aren’t models or anything. My sons are handsome and my daughter is super cute.

I do tell my boys how good looking they are and they say that is bc I’m their mom.

You have brought up your kid’s looks on nearly ever response you have made. Of course we all love our kids and think they are beautiful. You just seem to be really focused on how good looking you think yours are and that you seem to want everyone to be aware of it.

Nope, not overly focused on their looks at all. We are all good looking. Most of our friends are good looking. Most kids in elementary school are cute. Just being young is attractive. Our kids are smart. Most of our friends are smart, whether they were book smart or street smart and did fairly well for themselves. I am a positive person.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I just posted about girls being mean.

I have 3 kids and feel lucky to be blessed with such great kids. They are smart, good looking and athletic. I always encourage kindness and tell them how important it is for them to be nice people.

I come from a religious family. My dad is the most moral person and was exceptionally smart. I married a guy who was also smart and kind. DH is the type of guy who is good at everything. He is also trustworthy and loyal and that has worked well for him professionally.

If you are the OP of the mean girl thread, you do not come across as nice in that thread at all. You are also weirdly obsessed with kids' looks (yours and, in the other thread, your DD's friends).

I literally just wrote that having a father and husband who are both smart and kind is what makes my children great.

DH and I are both good looking and smart. We met when we were attending top grad schools and made three great kids. DH also earns a lot of money so that probably helps.

Do you realize how stupid you sound

This thread literally asked about having great kids. I have 3 great kids.

I didn’t want to just say DH and I met when we were at HYP.

But you couldn’t help yourself so you came back. That you met at college isn’t relevant. It’s what happens once the children are born that matters.

Not sure what your problem is. Yes, my kids’ privilege is stacked. They have attractive smart parents. DH earns a seven figure income and he is super hands on and KIND. He is thoughtful and adores his wife and daughter. I’m sure it is better than having a jerk dad who treats the mother poorly or didn’t go to a top school and wasn’t successful.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I just posted about girls being mean.

I have 3 kids and feel lucky to be blessed with such great kids. They are smart, good looking and athletic. I always encourage kindness and tell them how important it is for them to be nice people.

I come from a religious family. My dad is the most moral person and was exceptionally smart. I married a guy who was also smart and kind. DH is the type of guy who is good at everything. He is also trustworthy and loyal and that has worked well for him professionally.

If you are the OP of the mean girl thread, you do not come across as nice in that thread at all. You are also weirdly obsessed with kids' looks (yours and, in the other thread, your DD's friends).

I literally just wrote that having a father and husband who are both smart and kind is what makes my children great.

DH and I are both good looking and smart. We met when we were attending top grad schools and made three great kids. DH also earns a lot of money so that probably helps.

Do you realize how stupid you sound

This thread literally asked about having great kids. I have 3 great kids.

I didn’t want to just say DH and I met when we were at HYP.

But you couldn’t help yourself so you came back. That you met at college isn’t relevant. It’s what happens once the children are born that matters.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I just posted about girls being mean.

I have 3 kids and feel lucky to be blessed with such great kids. They are smart, good looking and athletic. I always encourage kindness and tell them how important it is for them to be nice people.

I come from a religious family. My dad is the most moral person and was exceptionally smart. I married a guy who was also smart and kind. DH is the type of guy who is good at everything. He is also trustworthy and loyal and that has worked well for him professionally.

If you are the OP of the mean girl thread, you do not come across as nice in that thread at all. You are also weirdly obsessed with kids' looks (yours and, in the other thread, your DD's friends).

I literally just wrote that having a father and husband who are both smart and kind is what makes my children great.

DH and I are both good looking and smart. We met when we were attending top grad schools and made three great kids. DH also earns a lot of money so that probably helps.

Do you realize how stupid you sound

This thread literally asked about having great kids. I have 3 great kids.

I didn’t want to just say DH and I met when we were at HYP.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I just posted about girls being mean.

I have 3 kids and feel lucky to be blessed with such great kids. They are smart, good looking and athletic. I always encourage kindness and tell them how important it is for them to be nice people.

I come from a religious family. My dad is the most moral person and was exceptionally smart. I married a guy who was also smart and kind. DH is the type of guy who is good at everything. He is also trustworthy and loyal and that has worked well for him professionally.

If you are the OP of the mean girl thread, you do not come across as nice in that thread at all. You are also weirdly obsessed with kids' looks (yours and, in the other thread, your DD's friends).

I literally just wrote that having a father and husband who are both smart and kind is what makes my children great.

DH and I are both good looking and smart. We met when we were attending top grad schools and made three great kids. DH also earns a lot of money so that probably helps.

Different poster and I am sorry to pile on but I agree. You didn’t sound like a nice poster in your other thread and you don’t sound like someone I would enjoy IRL here too. Are you from a different culture ? Is that why we perceive you as too blunt and materialistic ? I say that kindly, if you/ your kids give the same vibe in person, that is probably why your daughter is having trouble with her friends. You may not realize it but you are not the warm and embracing/ non judgmental type that everyone likes to be around. You come across as conceited, overly confident and focused on the wrong values (beauty, status and wealth)

I don’t talk about where we went to school or money in real life. I’m also not into material items.

I do focus on quality family time. My kids are busy but we try to have family dinner a few times a week. When kids were younger, we had dinner together every night. I was anti screen when kids were younger. Teens were the last to get phones in their friend groups and we have time limits on their phones and downtime at night. I read to my kids every night when they were little and it is habit for everyone to read before bed. We let them try anything and everything and encourage trying new things, not giving up and most importantly, not being afraid to fail. We are kind to one another. My kids don’t fight with one another. My boys were not the type of boys to hit one another. This probably has to do with the very patient and tolerant nature of my oldest child. I’m not sure you can teach empathy but all my children are very empathetic. That is what makes my kids great kids. The natural good looks, doing well in school, living in a nice house, being athletic are all secondary to my kids being good kids. I’m really proud of them.

i’m sorry but it’s super weird that you feel the need to keep mentioning your kids “good looks”. This is definitely something you clearly share with your kids (that good looks should be praised) and probably why they are perceiving other kids as mean-because they themselves are actually the mean kids. Because you sound like a mean girl yourself-and the adult mean girls are far worse than the ones that are children.

Not sure why having great kids makes me the mean adult girl.

I love my kids and I do think they are beautiful. I’m not delusional. They aren’t models or anything. My sons are handsome and my daughter is super cute.

I do tell my boys how good looking they are and they say that is bc I’m their mom.

You have brought up your kid’s looks on nearly ever response you have made. Of course we all love our kids and think they are beautiful. You just seem to be really focused on how good looking you think yours are and that you seem to want everyone to be aware of it.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I just posted about girls being mean.

I have 3 kids and feel lucky to be blessed with such great kids. They are smart, good looking and athletic. I always encourage kindness and tell them how important it is for them to be nice people.

I come from a religious family. My dad is the most moral person and was exceptionally smart. I married a guy who was also smart and kind. DH is the type of guy who is good at everything. He is also trustworthy and loyal and that has worked well for him professionally.

If you are the OP of the mean girl thread, you do not come across as nice in that thread at all. You are also weirdly obsessed with kids' looks (yours and, in the other thread, your DD's friends).

I literally just wrote that having a father and husband who are both smart and kind is what makes my children great.

DH and I are both good looking and smart. We met when we were attending top grad schools and made three great kids. DH also earns a lot of money so that probably helps.

Different poster and I am sorry to pile on but I agree. You didn’t sound like a nice poster in your other thread and you don’t sound like someone I would enjoy IRL here too. Are you from a different culture ? Is that why we perceive you as too blunt and materialistic ? I say that kindly, if you/ your kids give the same vibe in person, that is probably why your daughter is having trouble with her friends. You may not realize it but you are not the warm and embracing/ non judgmental type that everyone likes to be around. You come across as conceited, overly confident and focused on the wrong values (beauty, status and wealth)

I don’t talk about where we went to school or money in real life. I’m also not into material items.

I do focus on quality family time. My kids are busy but we try to have family dinner a few times a week. When kids were younger, we had dinner together every night. I was anti screen when kids were younger. Teens were the last to get phones in their friend groups and we have time limits on their phones and downtime at night. I read to my kids every night when they were little and it is habit for everyone to read before bed. We let them try anything and everything and encourage trying new things, not giving up and most importantly, not being afraid to fail. We are kind to one another. My kids don’t fight with one another. My boys were not the type of boys to hit one another. This probably has to do with the very patient and tolerant nature of my oldest child. I’m not sure you can teach empathy but all my children are very empathetic. That is what makes my kids great kids. The natural good looks, doing well in school, living in a nice house, being athletic are all secondary to my kids being good kids. I’m really proud of them.

i’m sorry but it’s super weird that you feel the need to keep mentioning your kids “good looks”. This is definitely something you clearly share with your kids (that good looks should be praised) and probably why they are perceiving other kids as mean-because they themselves are actually the mean kids. Because you sound like a mean girl yourself-and the adult mean girls are far worse than the ones that are children.

Not sure why having great kids makes me the mean adult girl.

I love my kids and I do think they are beautiful. I’m not delusional. They aren’t models or anything. My sons are handsome and my daughter is super cute.

I do tell my boys how good looking they are and they say that is bc I’m their mom.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Other people sometimes ask what I’m doing with my son, who is excited to learn, polite to adults, an hard worker and a great reader. I always demure and say “Oh but your kid is great because xyz!” but I will share with DCUM: He was born pretty easygoing and happy. He was always going to be a sensitive and bright kid. He had tantrums and meltdowns like any other kid, but we did not give in to them, and we helped him harness his energy (ADHD?) into appropriate channels.

Things I do think helped:

Having him to join things from a young age including team sports- has taught him how to make friends and be part of a group. He is comfortable in new situations now (which I never am myself!).

Putting him in music and enforcing daily practice. I attend every 40 minute lesson and take copious notes, even have my own copy of the music so we can practice together. - has taught him how to tackle hard things and stick with something in the long term.

Zero screens from birth until preschool, and even now at 9 yo he averages maybe a couple of hours per month. He does work on an iPad at school, nothing I can realistically do about that. Letting him be bored at home, in the waiting room, on airplanes, etc has helped so much.

Filling the house with books. We have over 1,000 books and read a lot. He knows how to sit in silence. He is never bored.

Having one meal, no “kids’ food.” He can and will eat anything. Same with cultural events and restaurants. He can sit through a fancy restaurant 10 course meal or a piano concert and enjoy both, simply because we have exposed him to those things and normalized them.

And because he's a kid who can handle that. Plenty of people have done the same as you with food and events but still ended up with a picky eater and/or a kid who doesn't enjoy concerts and long dinners out.

I think some picky eating is normal in kids, but it should be treated as a short phase. It needs to stamped out by age 4-6 IMO. I’m sure SOME will continue to be picky even with adults’ best efforts, but way too many kids are way too coddled these days by parents, restaurants, and society.

I have a child that is just above the line for being dangerously underweight, yet continues to refuse most food. It's a constant struggle to get enough calories in him, even using things like Pediasure. And this is with food therapy working with an OT.

+1

My kid also has an eating disorder that gets labeled by people who don't understand as "picky eating" and I'm sure those people think I've just fallen down on the job. In reality I work harder at expanding my kid's diet than anyone I know, including in coordination with doctors. People are quick to judge and slow to understand.