Anonymous
08/02/2025 19:29
Subject: Getting married out of college?
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Love how everyone says marriage like that means happy
And how the HHI highly educated think that because it worked for them or their social circle it’s representative of anything
Only about 1/3 (maybe) of my college/grad school friends are still married. The ones who are would probably like to get divorced but don't want to ruin their lifestyle.
I’m not even remotely surprised because there’s so much unhappiness among the striver DCUM set and that no doubt extends to friends.
I’m thinking real hard and can’t come up with any college/grad friends who are divorced.
My three closest friends in college all got married by age 23—all to their high school boyfriends—and they’re all divorced now. Bitter, acrimonious UMC divorces, all with kids involved. They probably wish they had just enjoyed their prime years a bit longer on their own.
See, I gotta call bullshit. No one -- no one -- has their three closest friends all marry their high school boyfriends right after graduating college. It doesn't happen.
UMC divorce rate is like 25% or lower. Not sure I buy this either if they really are UMC.
Anonymous
08/02/2025 18:25
Subject: Getting married out of college?
Cultural context is important too. Some of us who grew up in immigrant families were discouraged from dating during our college years so we didn’t benefit from that window of social opportunity. College is a good “window” of opportunity to meet one’s spouse but there are other opportunities and ways to go about it. I would love for my kid to meet “the one” in college but am not going to have that expectation for them.
Anonymous
08/02/2025 18:15
Subject: Getting married out of college?
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:No way would I trade my 20s for marriage. I got married at 31 and had two kids by age 36. Perfect.
See that’s the thing. I didn’t trade a single thing. I just had those experiences with my dh. We still went to Ibiza and danced, backpacked Europe, went on girls only and guys only trips, supported each other through grad school. And when I reminisce on that awesome decade, dh remembers it too. We didn’t have kids until our 30s. Dh was just there like a best friend. He wasn’t claustrophobic and didn’t stop anything.
My single friends just seemed to have terrible strings of first dates, guys they were always trying to break up with and unsatisfied sex lives. Even my most independent girl friends spent a lot of their 20s unhappily.
Honestly I wouldn't have had time to date in my late 20s when I was getting started as a lawyer. So had I not been married or in a long term relationship pretty sure I would have been celibate.
Yes, this is one of the pps. Law school and being a junior associate in biglaw was brutal. Many of my single female friends either stayed single or (imo of course) really settled because they wanted a family and in most cases it didn't work out in the end. I was lucky to have met my "not serious" husband in college.
Anonymous
08/02/2025 16:11
Subject: Getting married out of college?
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:No way would I trade my 20s for marriage. I got married at 31 and had two kids by age 36. Perfect.
See that’s the thing. I didn’t trade a single thing. I just had those experiences with my dh. We still went to Ibiza and danced, backpacked Europe, went on girls only and guys only trips, supported each other through grad school. And when I reminisce on that awesome decade, dh remembers it too. We didn’t have kids until our 30s. Dh was just there like a best friend. He wasn’t claustrophobic and didn’t stop anything.
My single friends just seemed to have terrible strings of first dates, guys they were always trying to break up with and unsatisfied sex lives. Even my most independent girl friends spent a lot of their 20s unhappily.
Honestly I wouldn't have had time to date in my late 20s when I was getting started as a lawyer. So had I not been married or in a long term relationship pretty sure I would have been celibate.
Anonymous
08/02/2025 16:03
Subject: Getting married out of college?
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:No way would I trade my 20s for marriage. I got married at 31 and had two kids by age 36. Perfect.
See that’s the thing. I didn’t trade a single thing. I just had those experiences with my dh. We still went to Ibiza and danced, backpacked Europe, went on girls only and guys only trips, supported each other through grad school. And when I reminisce on that awesome decade, dh remembers it too. We didn’t have kids until our 30s. Dh was just there like a best friend. He wasn’t claustrophobic and didn’t stop anything.
My single friends just seemed to have terrible strings of first dates, guys they were always trying to break up with and unsatisfied sex lives. Even my most independent girl friends spent a lot of their 20s unhappily.
Yep, ditto. I won't deny occasionally wondering about all the men I didn't sleep with but who knows if it would have been any better.
Anonymous
08/02/2025 16:01
Subject: Getting married out of college?
Anonymous wrote:My daugher her 17 year old friend is getting married to a fellow senior in high school so college is free.
That's stupid. I don't think being married automatically gives you independent status these days. You actually have to prove that you are financially independent of your parents.
Anonymous
08/01/2025 19:02
Subject: Getting married out of college?
I loved playing around in my 20s. I cannot imagine being forever with the boys I dated in college.
Anonymous
08/01/2025 16:55
Subject: Getting married out of college?
Anonymous wrote:No way would I trade my 20s for marriage. I got married at 31 and had two kids by age 36. Perfect.
See that’s the thing. I didn’t trade a single thing. I just had those experiences with my dh. We still went to Ibiza and danced, backpacked Europe, went on girls only and guys only trips, supported each other through grad school. And when I reminisce on that awesome decade, dh remembers it too. We didn’t have kids until our 30s. Dh was just there like a best friend. He wasn’t claustrophobic and didn’t stop anything.
My single friends just seemed to have terrible strings of first dates, guys they were always trying to break up with and unsatisfied sex lives. Even my most independent girl friends spent a lot of their 20s unhappily.
Anonymous
08/01/2025 16:13
Subject: Getting married out of college?
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:My daugher her 17 year old friend is getting married to a fellow senior in high school so college is free.
I don't see the connection between being a married teen and college being free...
Maybe a married couple counts as emancipated so only their income is looked at for FA?