Anonymous
Post 07/28/2025 20:20     Subject: Parent expecting me to pay back parent plus loan
Anonymous wrote:Paying off the cost of her education does not obligate OP to help her mom with future financial issues. The real issue is does OP have an obligation to pay for at least part of her education now that she has more money than she did at 18-22. If her name is not on the loan, she doesn’t have a legal obligation even though the loan was taken out for her benefit. She can tell her mother to handle it by herself. Does OP have any moral obligation?


She has no moral obligation to the lender. Let be clear about this. She would be paying the lender whose contract resides with her mother. If my parents default on their mortgage should I swoop in and make sure the mortgage lender doesn’t lose money? If my parents paid for everything I needed as a kid on credit cards, never paid the credit card company should I make sure the credit card company gets their money? No of course not.

If you believe the OP has a moral obligation to help her mother, that is different. Paying this debt may not be in the best interest of her mother. If OP doesn’t have much room to support her mother down the road when she really needs it then throwing 20 K at this may not be wise financially.
Anonymous
Post 07/28/2025 18:08     Subject: Parent expecting me to pay back parent plus loan
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:Paying off the cost of her education does not obligate OP to help her mom with future financial issues. The real issue is does OP have an obligation to pay for at least part of her education now that she has more money than she did at 18-22. If her name is not on the loan, she doesn’t have a legal obligation even though the loan was taken out for her benefit. She can tell her mother to handle it by herself. Does OP have any moral obligation?


YES! And where does the value of their relationship figure into this? What will their future together be like after the OP says to her mother, "Not my loan, not my problem"??? Sheesh, what kind of family relationships do you people have? What if her mom had said that to her when she was trying to get her degree? "Not my education, not my problem." Do you think OP would have a loving relationship with her mother now if her mother had done that, or would she be posting about it on DCUM for the rest of her life trying to drum up sympathy? I bet on the latter.

Some of you people are really cold.


Hey Richie rich-great if you can but not every young family with kids in daycare has an extra thousand or two per month to pick up a family member’s loan obligation with no advanced notice. By the time the mom casually suggested OP pick up the obligation, the loan has already been in arrears for a year.

I took out loans for college-the max allowed. My parents took out loans too. Adults need to manage their obligations-dropping it on an adult child’s lap at the last minute doesn’t make them “morally responsible.”
Anonymous
Post 07/28/2025 17:04     Subject: Parent expecting me to pay back parent plus loan
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:I got a text from my mom out of the blue with the information to pay the remaining balance off of a loan she took out for my undergraduate education. Due to a divorce and bad financial decisions, she says that she can no longer pay it and now expects me to pay it since I’m starting a new job. I’m happy to help contribute but she expects me to pay starting next month and since she hasn’t made payments in a year - she’s not sure the full balance and says vaguely that she paid 1000k monthly at one point. I’m super upset that she sprung this up on me and she claims it’s always been the plan. Does anyone else think this is unreasonable? We have a decent HHI but two kids in daycare and my husband’s student loans.


Not your loan. Not your responsibility.


Ya, that's my understanding of how a parent plus loan works. They are the sole financial responsibility of the parent. The creditor has no rights against OP, only against the parent who took out the parent-plus loan. So, OP can help pay if she wants as a gift to her mom, but she's certainly not under the gun to do so. If OP wants to help pay it off, I think OP should get all the details first and work out a repayment plan that works for her.
Anonymous
Post 07/28/2025 16:59     Subject: Parent expecting me to pay back parent plus loan
Anonymous wrote:Paying off the cost of her education does not obligate OP to help her mom with future financial issues. The real issue is does OP have an obligation to pay for at least part of her education now that she has more money than she did at 18-22. If her name is not on the loan, she doesn’t have a legal obligation even though the loan was taken out for her benefit. She can tell her mother to handle it by herself. Does OP have any moral obligation?


YES! And where does the value of their relationship figure into this? What will their future together be like after the OP says to her mother, "Not my loan, not my problem"??? Sheesh, what kind of family relationships do you people have? What if her mom had said that to her when she was trying to get her degree? "Not my education, not my problem." Do you think OP would have a loving relationship with her mother now if her mother had done that, or would she be posting about it on DCUM for the rest of her life trying to drum up sympathy? I bet on the latter.

Some of you people are really cold.
Anonymous
Post 07/28/2025 16:58     Subject: Parent expecting me to pay back parent plus loan
Anonymous wrote:Paying off the cost of her education does not obligate OP to help her mom with future financial issues. The real issue is does OP have an obligation to pay for at least part of her education now that she has more money than she did at 18-22. If her name is not on the loan, she doesn’t have a legal obligation even though the loan was taken out for her benefit. She can tell her mother to handle it by herself. Does OP have any moral obligation?


This has already been discussed upthread. OP's name is not on the loan document. As for "moral obligation," OP has already said the loan has been in arrears for at least a year and that this was the first they've heard of it. Doesn't sound like the OP has a lot of extra money around to pay this for the sake of morality.

Sad, but you can't light yourself on fire to keep other people warm.
Anonymous
Post 07/28/2025 16:49     Subject: Parent expecting me to pay back parent plus loan
Paying off the cost of her education does not obligate OP to help her mom with future financial issues. The real issue is does OP have an obligation to pay for at least part of her education now that she has more money than she did at 18-22. If her name is not on the loan, she doesn’t have a legal obligation even though the loan was taken out for her benefit. She can tell her mother to handle it by herself. Does OP have any moral obligation?
Anonymous
Post 07/28/2025 16:40     Subject: Re:Parent expecting me to pay back parent plus loan
Anonymous wrote:Ugh, people are missing the forest for the trees here!

The real issue is that OPs mom is financially incapable and stubborn. She is clinging to a fantasy that she will maintain a very large house beyond her means, has not saved anything for retirement and is still making bad financial decisions. Her mom stopped making payments a year ago. Her mom lied to her telling her the plan all along was for OP to pay the loan. Her mom informed her via text. Her mom demonstrates that she will ignore something she doesn’t like, lie and pretend the situation is different and then refuse to address or discuss it.

It is likely her mother will need or expect far more funds in the future. OP can’t bankrupt her own family bailing her mother out. Based on her mother’s previous behavior it’s likely to get ugly too as OPs mom will pretend, lie and avoid the issue. Paying off this 19 K debt that belongs to her mother may not be the best way to financially help her.

OP knows all of this, and can’t change it. But hopefully some of the posts here have offered some ideas for options OP can control, moving forward.
Anonymous
Post 07/28/2025 15:44     Subject: Re:Parent expecting me to pay back parent plus loan
Anonymous wrote:Ugh, people are missing the forest for the trees here!

The real issue is that OPs mom is financially incapable and stubborn. She is clinging to a fantasy that she will maintain a very large house beyond her means, has not saved anything for retirement and is still making bad financial decisions. Her mom stopped making payments a year ago. Her mom lied to her telling her the plan all along was for OP to pay the loan. Her mom informed her via text. Her mom demonstrates that she will ignore something she doesn’t like, lie and pretend the situation is different and then refuse to address or discuss it.

It is likely her mother will need or expect far more funds in the future. OP can’t bankrupt her own family bailing her mother out. Based on her mother’s previous behavior it’s likely to get ugly too as OPs mom will pretend, lie and avoid the issue. Paying off this 19 K debt that belongs to her mother may not be the best way to financially help her.


Well said.
Anonymous
Post 07/28/2025 15:40     Subject: Parent expecting me to pay back parent plus loan
Seems like a weird thing to say over a text, and out of the blue to boot. Maybe this was a scam text?
Anonymous
Post 07/28/2025 15:28     Subject: Parent expecting me to pay back parent plus loan
Anonymous wrote:I got a text from my mom out of the blue with the information to pay the remaining balance off of a loan she took out for my undergraduate education. Due to a divorce and bad financial decisions, she says that she can no longer pay it and now expects me to pay it since I’m starting a new job. I’m happy to help contribute but she expects me to pay starting next month and since she hasn’t made payments in a year - she’s not sure the full balance and says vaguely that she paid 1000k monthly at one point. I’m super upset that she sprung this up on me and she claims it’s always been the plan. Does anyone else think this is unreasonable? We have a decent HHI but two kids in daycare and my husband’s student loans.


Not your loan. Not your responsibility.
Anonymous
Post 07/28/2025 12:10     Subject: Re:Parent expecting me to pay back parent plus loan
Ugh, people are missing the forest for the trees here!

The real issue is that OPs mom is financially incapable and stubborn. She is clinging to a fantasy that she will maintain a very large house beyond her means, has not saved anything for retirement and is still making bad financial decisions. Her mom stopped making payments a year ago. Her mom lied to her telling her the plan all along was for OP to pay the loan. Her mom informed her via text. Her mom demonstrates that she will ignore something she doesn’t like, lie and pretend the situation is different and then refuse to address or discuss it.

It is likely her mother will need or expect far more funds in the future. OP can’t bankrupt her own family bailing her mother out. Based on her mother’s previous behavior it’s likely to get ugly too as OPs mom will pretend, lie and avoid the issue. Paying off this 19 K debt that belongs to her mother may not be the best way to financially help her.
Anonymous
Post 07/28/2025 11:22     Subject: Parent expecting me to pay back parent plus loan
Anonymous wrote:Everyone keeps going back to what OP knew pr didn’t know at 18 - but she’s not 18 any more. Her mother had been paying this loan since it was taken out, while OP has gone one to have a career, get married, build a decent HII and have 2 children while her mother is still paying that loan. And there is no way OP didn’t know that loan was still being paid.

I find it weird that you’re holding your mother, who sounds like she tried to help you, solely responsible, and not your dad at all. And the fact that she wants to keep her HOME should have nothing to do with your student loans after you’ve had time to build a career, family, and life and should have been helloing with those loans anyway. Divorce is always a hardship - it didn’t occur to you to check in within your mother?

YoU sound trolly or really cold, although there’s enough people in here that seem to agree with you.


How do you know this? Sounds like you come from a family where everyone is open about fiancnes but that isn't always the case.
Anonymous
Post 07/28/2025 11:16     Subject: Re:Parent expecting me to pay back parent plus loan
I’m not sure if this would apply to or help your parent, but worth checking:

“Consolidate your existing parent PLUS loans, and enroll in the Income-Contingent Repayment plan before July 1, 2026. Once you are on the ICR plan, you can move to the Income-Based Repayment plan, which is the only income-driven plan that will remain for the long haul. If you miss this consolidation deadline, you will be permanently blocked from any income-driven repayment plan, including RAP.”

https://www.nerdwallet.com/article/loans/student-loans/big-beautiful-bill-student-loans
Anonymous
Post 07/28/2025 10:51     Subject: Parent expecting me to pay back parent plus loan
Anonymous wrote:Everyone keeps going back to what OP knew pr didn’t know at 18 - but she’s not 18 any more. Her mother had been paying this loan since it was taken out, while OP has gone one to have a career, get married, build a decent HII and have 2 children while her mother is still paying that loan. And there is no way OP didn’t know that loan was still being paid.

I find it weird that you’re holding your mother, who sounds like she tried to help you, solely responsible, and not your dad at all. And the fact that she wants to keep her HOME should have nothing to do with your student loans after you’ve had time to build a career, family, and life and should have been helloing with those loans anyway. Divorce is always a hardship - it didn’t occur to you to check in within your mother?

YoU sound trolly or really cold, although there’s enough people in here that seem to agree with you.


That's what a loan agreement is-it's an agreement with the party who signed it, not all the other family members. Who knows if there's a dad in the picture? OP didn't mention one, so not sure why you're fixating on that. Parental loans are just that, parental loans. OP is responsible for whatever student loans they took, not for the ones his mother suddenly decided she couldn't pay.
Anonymous
Post 07/28/2025 10:47     Subject: Parent expecting me to pay back parent plus loan
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:We have very good family friends from Montgomery County where the parents took out massive loans so the kids could attend private schools. The parents are struggling to pay the loans back, literally hurting their retirement while the kids have good jobs and are making plenty of money without student loans. Yet the parents feel the continued obligation to do this. It saddens and sickens me. They had always felt that their kids should be able to attend any college they wished regardless of expense. It’s ridiculous.


Well, it was their choice. No one forced the adults to take on the debt. I have more sympathy for the students who take out massive loans at age 17/18, they're still kids. Parents should know better. But unfortunately many don't.


No, no one forced them other than UMC peer pressure. And the kids are so clueless that they don't even know their parents are struggling financially. No doubt they're not alone in this crazy town.