What a strange post. My parents are relatively affluent and can afford to fly to see my sister and her son. However, what they can't do is change all their arrangements at the drop of a hat to help her out the same way that they can for me and my son, who live in their same city. They visit my nephew about every other month, they see my son at least every other week for an hour or two. It's not the same.

My mom moved 500 miles away from where she and we grew up. She loves driving and never considered the fact that one day she won’t be able to do it anymore. Last time she drove up here, she somehow turned her phone off and got lost on a drive she’s done 50x. It was very scary, and I was about to call the police when she finally figured out to stop for help and someone turned her phone back on and I was able to track her down.

Anonymous wrote:Not everyone can afford to fly, OP.

This is true.
Especially those on a fixed income.

I grew up 20 minutes from both sets of my grandparents and it made a huge difference. When an emergency came up (like my mom needing to take my dad to the hospital in the middle of the night), my grandpa could be there quickly. They could be relied upon for semi-regular babysitting, and we could visit them every week, or drop in on them easily. Sometimes we went to their house and just watched the baseball game on TV with them for a couple hours, and there was no pressure to make every moment special, because it wasn't limited and rare. When my cousins who lived far away would visit, it was always a thing that needed to be scheduled and programmed to make the most of the visit. As a result of living nearby, I had a super-close relationship with all of my grandparents that was really easy to develop and maintain.

Now, I live a 10-12 hour drive from my parents and my in laws (in opposite directions). When we have had medical emergencies, we've called friends to watch our kids instead of being able to call our parents, which is fine, but we're lucky to have developed those kinds of drop-everything friendships. And our kids have a close relationship with their grandparents, but we have to work really hard at it, be really purposeful about arranging visits, and use video calling regularly. We're lucky they only live one time zone away, so video calling isn't difficult to arrange, but if they were on the west coast, or overseas, it would be a lot more difficult to schedule.

TLDR: It's perfectly reasonable to be upset that you live far away from family, even if you can take an airplane to visit them. Living far away requires a lot more effort to build and maintain a close relationship, and puts more demands on visits when they do happen.

Anonymous wrote:As grandparents get older they also have a lot more health issues and flying and travel in general, isn’t quite as simple as it seems.

+1. My parents were frequent plane travelers throughout their life and in recent years don’t feel comfortable doing it anymore. Maybe you have young healthy grandparents for your kids but most elderly do slow down quite a bit.

Anonymous wrote:Not everyone can afford to fly, OP.

And not everyone can "afford" to live near both sets (or any sets) of grandparents. Adults/cou0ples make choices about where to live based on Job opportunities, environment for raising kids, etc.
We live in a VHCOL area. One kid has landed after college in a great area/MCOL and loves it there. Sure it's a 2 flight from us (or a 2.5 hour drive and then one flight) but we would never complain about that---they have found the job they love and can afford to live without our assistance (that would not be likely in our area). They have saved over $100K in 4 years towards a downpayment for a home. They are making a life for themselves and if we want to see them (and any future grandkids) we will fly to them and/or pay for them to fly to us.

Just be kind.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Re: Boomer entitlement! This is what’s changed in a generation: Boomer grandparents EXPECT to be hyper-involved in all aspects! Childcare! Photos on SM! Going to every event! Elaborate vacations! Hands-on help with the grands! Calling them Grands! Goofy-cool grandma names : Gigi & Lulu & Mimi & Glamma with Pops! Holiday cards holding the grands like they are the parents!

All the above so they get all the attention! Am I the grandma or mom? Look at us - active grandparents! I don’t look like a grandma!

Sounds great but it’s all smoke and mirrors. Everything’s a facade. There’s no deep relationship there because that’s messy and imperfect. These grandparents are only around for the photo ops and will be absent during illnesses, accidents, setbacks and stressful situations then wonder why they never see their young adult grandchildren anymore.

Who are you actually talking about? Sounds personal. Why are you generalizing to other people's parents?

This is a thread about an extraordinarily common phenomena: boomer parents who don't know their place.

If that's not your family, jog on.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:A lot of this comes down to the myth that you can’t express love without being physically close and hyper-involved. Grandparents who can’t or don’t travel or get to see their grandkids all the time don’t love them less and aren’t loved less.

What we’re talking about is insistent neediness from boomers. It’s not about you! If you are filled with genuine love, that will show and be repaid! Don’t force it!

Expressing love and knowing someone are different things entirely. When your child sees a grandparent for 4 days at a time at ages 3, 6 and 9, I assure you they love each other, but they do not know each other.

I knew my grandparents and loved them and they knew and loved me despite seeing each other only on summer vacations and the occasional weekend in the school year. Maybe your relationships are all facile, but not everyone is like you. Constantly forcing yourself into someone's life and demanding they show their affection in physical and material ways is pathetic.

Anonymous wrote:Re: Boomer entitlement! This is what’s changed in a generation: Boomer grandparents EXPECT to be hyper-involved in all aspects! Childcare! Photos on SM! Going to every event! Elaborate vacations! Hands-on help with the grands! Calling them Grands! Goofy-cool grandma names : Gigi & Lulu & Mimi & Glamma with Pops! Holiday cards holding the grands like they are the parents!

All the above so they get all the attention! Am I the grandma or mom? Look at us - active grandparents! I don’t look like a grandma!

Sounds great but it’s all smoke and mirrors. Everything’s a facade. There’s no deep relationship there because that’s messy and imperfect. These grandparents are only around for the photo ops and will be absent during illnesses, accidents, setbacks and stressful situations then wonder why they never see their young adult grandchildren anymore.

Who are you actually talking about? Sounds personal. Why are you generalizing to other people's parents?

Anonymous wrote:A lot of this comes down to the myth that you can’t express love without being physically close and hyper-involved. Grandparents who can’t or don’t travel or get to see their grandkids all the time don’t love them less and aren’t loved less.

What we’re talking about is insistent neediness from boomers. It’s not about you! If you are filled with genuine love, that will show and be repaid! Don’t force it!

Expressing love and knowing someone are different things entirely. When your child sees a grandparent for 4 days at a time at ages 3, 6 and 9, I assure you they love each other, but they do not know each other.

Re: Boomer entitlement! This is what’s changed in a generation: Boomer grandparents EXPECT to be hyper-involved in all aspects! Childcare! Photos on SM! Going to every event! Elaborate vacations! Hands-on help with the grands! Calling them Grands! Goofy-cool grandma names : Gigi & Lulu & Mimi & Glamma with Pops! Holiday cards holding the grands like they are the parents!

All the above so they get all the attention! Am I the grandma or mom? Look at us - active grandparents! I don’t look like a grandma!

Sounds great but it’s all smoke and mirrors. Everything’s a facade. There’s no deep relationship there because that’s messy and imperfect. These grandparents are only around for the photo ops and will be absent during illnesses, accidents, setbacks and stressful situations then wonder why they never see their young adult grandchildren anymore.

OP, can you really not think of any reasons why traveling by air may be difficult for some people other than lack of awareness that airplanes exist?

And how often do you actually see the people in your life who are an airplane flight away? And if these are people with whom you have no prior relationship, like a newborn grandchild, how many visits will it take to have a real relationship?

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Seriously, you can get on a plane and be there for any signficant events your family wants you there for and you won't haunt them when they don't want you...

I obviously want to see them a lit more often than just significant events. I want to see them if they need babysitter help at the last minute. Sporting events. Their baseball games. Geez. You're sad.

I assume this whole thread was started and is mainly populated by trolls to keep discussion going, but I’ll note that I agree with this poster— grandparents live close by and have seen my kids at least once a week, if not more, since birth, and it’s enabled them to have a very close relationship with my kids. They absolutely enrich my kids’ lives AND make a lot of our life possible— they fill in with child care emergencies, they show up to events (major and minor), and they take the kids to their house to give us some space and time to ourselves. They have developed close relationships with my kids which would be much harder (not impossible but definitely harder) if they lived farther away.

I know it doesn’t work out this way for everyone but I am so grateful to my parents and my ILs for how much they form a community for my kids— and how much they help us, as two busy parents! I didn’t realize how much we would rely on them and now I can’t imagine them not being there. I loved my own grandparents but they all lived far away, and our relationship was more distant. My kids are almost as familiar with their grandparents as they are with us and it’s so great!

So you’re just in this thread to make people feel shitty with your made-up stories?

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Seriously, you can get on a plane and be there for any signficant events your family wants you there for and you won't haunt them when they don't want you...

I obviously want to see them a lit more often than just significant events. I want to see them if they need babysitter help at the last minute. Sporting events. Their baseball games. Geez. You're sad.

I assume this whole thread was started and is mainly populated by trolls to keep discussion going, but I’ll note that I agree with this poster— grandparents live close by and have seen my kids at least once a week, if not more, since birth, and it’s enabled them to have a very close relationship with my kids. They absolutely enrich my kids’ lives AND make a lot of our life possible— they fill in with child care emergencies, they show up to events (major and minor), and they take the kids to their house to give us some space and time to ourselves. They have developed close relationships with my kids which would be much harder (not impossible but definitely harder) if they lived farther away.

I know it doesn’t work out this way for everyone but I am so grateful to my parents and my ILs for how much they form a community for my kids— and how much they help us, as two busy parents! I didn’t realize how much we would rely on them and now I can’t imagine them not being there. I loved my own grandparents but they all lived far away, and our relationship was more distant. My kids are almost as familiar with their grandparents as they are with us and it’s so great!