Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I have kept a rental property in our city in case our kids want to move back home someday. Right now, it provides us with significant cash flow, but we don't really need it, and I'd let the kids live there while they save money to buy their own home. They can't move back home. We are both a little older, a little OCD and love quiet evenings, so having 20-somethings in and out would be hard. One of them, in particular, clashes too much with DH to live with us after 22.

just curious, did you have kids late in life? I know older people struggle with adaptability.

DP: nope, we had our kids at 30 and 35. we have downsized to a 2bed/2bath condo in the city, near our previous home (15 miles away). We love it, but it's not a place for more than the 2 of us for very long. We will happily help our 20 yo financially should they return to our city after college (VHCOLA) and help them get a rental in our condo bldg or a nearby apartment building. Best of both worlds---they are living in our city, nearby yet all of us have our space. With only a 2bedroom, we like the 2nd bedroom for Work from home and just to have extra space (set up ironing and clothes drying in there, sort the bills/etc) so I can keep the rest of the place (not much) clutter free.

This sounds cruel to do. No place for them summers or holidays.

They have a place--the 2nd bedroom for summers and breaks---it's all theirs. They have a major city right outside their home, walking distance to anything you'd want.
The older kid was already "flying" when we did this, and living 2K miles away. So when all are home, we rent the guest suite in our bldg for one or a hotel room 1 block away for them to have a place to sleep. And if it's only 3-4 days, sometimes one sleeps on the couch.

Why is it cruel to want to do what you as a parent want once kids are not home 75% of the time? I spent 18+ years crafting our lives so that it was best for the kids (living in suburbs with great schools, spending weekends at kid's activities, taking vacations that work for the kids, etc). Once they head to college, I no longer need to keep a 5 bedroom massive home in the burbs, unless that is what "I want".

They always have a place to come to, it's just not a massive bedroom with en suite bathroom that they grew up with. And we will help them financially if they land back "near home" after college. I think most kids would prefer that rather than living with their parents at age 22+.

It's nice for them to have a small bedroom for them to land on holidays, but not such a cush setup that they are disincentivized from getting their own place and becoming an adult. I'm like you - whenever I have any guests, including someday adult children, I can't relax. I have to cater to them, clean up after them, worry about meals, etc. Also, it's unreasonable to expect a twenty-something to keep the schedule of a fifty-something introvert who prefers to read over watch or hear sports on the TV, and who wakes up anytime someone comes or goes.

Anonymous wrote:Cruel? np here. I disagree. My parents sold our family home right after my HS graduation. When I came home for visits during college, I was visiting a location where I had no roots. I did that some but I also saw my old childhood life was over. That's ok. It kick-started my adult life. I was thinking early in college where likely would I want to live? What was the cost of living like? Could I rent an apartment and how much would it cost? I'd like to try-it-out for a summer. What skills would I need to get a good job. Supporting myself, of course. What classes would help with this? I was way-ahead of my peers, being an adult, imo, when I graduated from college.

We are 15 miles from "the family home kids grew up in for MS/HS". Our kid's friends still all live there, the families haven't moved. When my kid is home, they spend part of their time out there at their 2 besties places (they live next door to each other). So they have our home and those homes to be at anytime they want (seriously, we are all like one big family, the kids are welcomed to be at any of our places anytime). So my kid still has their roots, just not in our specific house, but everything else is accessible easily. And as a bonus they get our new apartment/condo in an amazing city. It does help a kid realize it's time to adult, as well as it is healthy to realize Mom & Dad are people too, who have a life and interests that revolve around more than just the daily wants of their offspring.
Fact is my kid comes home for 4 day fall break, 4 days at thanksgiving, 2-3 week xmas break and 1 week spring break and summer. Now they are a junior, they didn't come home for fall break (went to Europe to visit friends studying abroad), and will be going with friends for spring break to Caribbean. So only home for xmas this year, as we went closer to them for the 4 days at thanksgiving. And most likely their summer internship will be not "at home", so it was 2 years of them home, and now they are moving on to not coming home for half the breaks, as that is what college kids spreading their wings do.

So nope, I don't regret moving on to have the life we want as "empty nesters"---I expect my kids to fly as well. If it's near us, we will help with rent since we are the ones who "downsized". But I dont' regret moving out of the massive house, just because the "kids might come back home". There are other ways to solve that issue, that still allow us the life we envision