Anonymous wrote:OP here. I ask this because all the men that I know spend very little time with their kids. They provide financially but make very little effort to spend time with their kids or parent. It seems like many men love the idea of a family but don’t actually want to be an active parent.

I remember watching Jimmy Kimmel and the dad’s couldn’t even get their kid’s birthday’s right. The mom’s knew all the answer’s

Are you surrounded by families that have affluent workaholic fathers? With or without working mother spouses? That's one type of person that there are a lot of in DC.

Date remembering is emotional labor. That usually falls to women. Not knowing dates has very little to do with love.

Anonymous wrote:Do men love their kids? Like truly love their kids or do they just take care of them out of obligation?

You gotta be simple minded to ask those questions…

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:DH claimed to "love" our dog so much - he's love how she'd sit with him, loved talking about her, loved showing people her picture (she was a beautiful large dog he thought was very cool)....and gave no shits whether or not she was walked, did absolutely nothing to help with her anxiety (which had her miserable) or really cared for in any real way.

Dads often seem like this - love like its a noun that you have for someone / something versus a verb that involves actions and care about their wellbeing

This is how my dad "loves" me. He liked to brag on my good grades and college acceptances but he has virtually no interest in me as a person. He only cares about me insofar as I can reflect something positive back on to him.

Fortunately my DH is a way better dad than that. He truly likes spending time with our DD and cares about her as a person. It's more important to him that she feels good about herself and content in her life than that she achieves things he could brag about to others. I love that about him.

My late dad was the same way. But he was not a bad dad. He just wasn't the type to be affectionate. His way of showing that he cares was through actions money for whatever I needed, if something bothered me he inquired about specific things he could do to solve them. But as a society now we are demanding more from men, we want them to see a more emotional side. I am not sure if that's always fair and I say this as a woman. My current DH is more affectionate but not as practical. I still had to call my dad to fix many things or if I needed something urgent to be fix.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

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Anonymous wrote:

I remember watching Jimmy Kimmel and the dad’s couldn’t even get their kid’s birthday’s right. The mom’s knew all the answer’s

You do know those are set up that way, right? It is funny because we can all laugh at the old Dad doesn't know anything trope. One of the view stereotypes we are still allowed to relish in. Wouldn't be funny if they showed the Dads that do know.

It’s not set up in that the dad stands there and PRETENDS to not know any answers. He really doesn’t.

If they put on multiple dads who could rattle off their kids teachers, doctors, best friends names, I’d applaud that and be ecstatic.

I don’t they have the data or tape to do that though.

Wow. I am not the dad of the year but come on now I know their teachers names, drs names and addresses, best friends names because geez lol

Good for you.

My spouse worked from home and had to take the kid immediately after school to the orthodontist. Same one she’s been to all year monthly and where they all get their teeth cleaned.

He still emergency texts me at work 15 mins before to ask for the location. Wtf is that. I told him if he really cannot recall, to ask the 9 yo not me.

I will shamefully raise my hand and say I am guilty of this as well. It's not that I don't love my kids or don't care I just think some us dads take these little details for granted.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

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Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

I remember watching Jimmy Kimmel and the dad’s couldn’t even get their kid’s birthday’s right. The mom’s knew all the answer’s

You do know those are set up that way, right? It is funny because we can all laugh at the old Dad doesn't know anything trope. One of the view stereotypes we are still allowed to relish in. Wouldn't be funny if they showed the Dads that do know.

It’s not set up in that the dad stands there and PRETENDS to not know any answers. He really doesn’t.

If they put on multiple dads who could rattle off their kids teachers, doctors, best friends names, I’d applaud that and be ecstatic.

I don’t they have the data or tape to do that though.

Wow. I am not the dad of the year but come on now I know their teachers names, drs names and addresses, best friends names because geez lol

Good for you.

My spouse worked from home and had to take the kid immediately after school to the orthodontist. Same one she’s been to all year monthly and where they all get their teeth cleaned.

He still emergency texts me at work 15 mins before to ask for the location. Wtf is that. I told him if he really cannot recall, to ask the 9 yo not me.

My DH texted last year to confirm the school to pick one of our kids up at - the same school he'd he'd been at for 1.5 years

I had to reread your post three times because my mind couldn’t comprehend that one could forget which school the kids went to. My brain kept looking for the word “time” or some other pickup practicality until it went “oohhhhhhh.”

Anonymous wrote:Come with my husband and I to our Compassionate Friends Meeting and listen to the fathers (including my husband) who have lost their children. You have no idea of the level of men's grief when their children die and their attachment to their children.

+1. My friend lost his son at 5 years old. It’s been 15 years and he’s never been the same. He has remarried and has another child now but the depression and grief will never leave him

Men love their kids and family. They want to provide for them and they are proud of the success of their family members.

This is normal and a biological instinct to give the best to their children.

I'm sorry that you had a shitty father and a shitty husband. WOW.

Anonymous wrote:DH claimed to "love" our dog so much - he's love how she'd sit with him, loved talking about her, loved showing people her picture (she was a beautiful large dog he thought was very cool)....and gave no shits whether or not she was walked, did absolutely nothing to help with her anxiety (which had her miserable) or really cared for in any real way.

Dads often seem like this - love like its a noun that you have for someone / something versus a verb that involves actions and care about their wellbeing

This is how my dad "loves" me. He liked to brag on my good grades and college acceptances but he has virtually no interest in me as a person. He only cares about me insofar as I can reflect something positive back on to him.

Fortunately my DH is a way better dad than that. He truly likes spending time with our DD and cares about her as a person. It's more important to him that she feels good about herself and content in her life than that she achieves things he could brag about to others. I love that about him.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

I remember watching Jimmy Kimmel and the dad’s couldn’t even get their kid’s birthday’s right. The mom’s knew all the answer’s

You do know those are set up that way, right? It is funny because we can all laugh at the old Dad doesn't know anything trope. One of the view stereotypes we are still allowed to relish in. Wouldn't be funny if they showed the Dads that do know.

It’s not set up in that the dad stands there and PRETENDS to not know any answers. He really doesn’t.

If they put on multiple dads who could rattle off their kids teachers, doctors, best friends names, I’d applaud that and be ecstatic.

I don’t they have the data or tape to do that though.

Wow. I am not the dad of the year but come on now I know their teachers names, drs names and addresses, best friends names because geez lol

Good for you.

My spouse worked from home and had to take the kid immediately after school to the orthodontist. Same one she’s been to all year monthly and where they all get their teeth cleaned.

He still emergency texts me at work 15 mins before to ask for the location. Wtf is that. I told him if he really cannot recall, to ask the 9 yo not me.

My DH texted last year to confirm the school to pick one of our kids up at - the same school he'd he'd been at for 1.5 years

DH claimed to "love" our dog so much - he's love how she'd sit with him, loved talking about her, loved showing people her picture (she was a beautiful large dog he thought was very cool)....and gave no shits whether or not she was walked, did absolutely nothing to help with her anxiety (which had her miserable) or really cared for in any real way.

Dads often seem like this - love like its a noun that you have for someone / something versus a verb that involves actions and care about their wellbeing

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

I remember watching Jimmy Kimmel and the dad’s couldn’t even get their kid’s birthday’s right. The mom’s knew all the answer’s

You do know those are set up that way, right? It is funny because we can all laugh at the old Dad doesn't know anything trope. One of the view stereotypes we are still allowed to relish in. Wouldn't be funny if they showed the Dads that do know.

It’s not set up in that the dad stands there and PRETENDS to not know any answers. He really doesn’t.

If they put on multiple dads who could rattle off their kids teachers, doctors, best friends names, I’d applaud that and be ecstatic.

I don’t they have the data or tape to do that though.

Wow. I am not the dad of the year but come on now I know their teachers names, drs names and addresses, best friends names because geez lol

Good for you.

My spouse worked from home and had to take the kid immediately after school to the orthodontist. Same one she’s been to all year monthly and where they all get their teeth cleaned.

He still emergency texts me at work 15 mins before to ask for the location. Wtf is that. I told him if he really cannot recall, to ask the 9 yo not me.

I don’t know why so many men are wasting their time going on a tic for tac against women who have mad up their mind about dads.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

I remember watching Jimmy Kimmel and the dad’s couldn’t even get their kid’s birthday’s right. The mom’s knew all the answer’s

You do know those are set up that way, right? It is funny because we can all laugh at the old Dad doesn't know anything trope. One of the view stereotypes we are still allowed to relish in. Wouldn't be funny if they showed the Dads that do know.

It’s not set up in that the dad stands there and PRETENDS to not know any answers. He really doesn’t.

If they put on multiple dads who could rattle off their kids teachers, doctors, best friends names, I’d applaud that and be ecstatic.

I don’t they have the data or tape to do that though.

Wow. I am not the dad of the year but come on now I know their teachers names, drs names and addresses, best friends names because geez lol

Lots of good cop / bad cop parenting styles long ago, and still today. Lots of Zero Parenting Tools or Style too.