Anonymous
Post 08/12/2024 16:11     Subject: Re:Party requesting guests to take shoes off
To all the shoes-off (even though you’re hosting a gathering for a large number of strangers) people:

Would you be comfortable if you showed up to a restaurant and the hostess demanded you remove your shoes at the door? Why or why not?
Anonymous
Post 08/12/2024 16:11     Subject: Party requesting guests to take shoes off
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:I have a medical issue where I need to wear a brace that sits in my shoe. I literally can’t walk without it. When I am asked to remove my shoes at someone’s house I explain to the host and keep my shoes on. It has lead to some awkwardness as I have my shoes on as everyone else has to take them off. I did have one neighbor who said that taking shoes off wasn’t optional, so I apologized and left the party.


Just being shoe covers.


You’ll be shocked to learn that someone who needs a brace to walk doesn’t do well with the extra fall hazard of sliding paper over my shoes.

I left with no hard feelings when I couldn’t wear shoes. If people prioritize a shoe free house over accommodation for my issue, I’m fine with it. Truly, I am. I’m not saying that to be snarky. But that it really the situation I find myself in when people have shoe free events.


My BFF has a similar need to wear shoes. She brings indoor shoes when she goes out, or if she is in a position to not change shoes, she wears shoe covers on her indoor shoes to the door and then removes those.


NP. I have a friend with spina bifida who is in a similar situation to PP. She wears leg braces and must wear a particular kind of shoe with them otherwise she literally cannot walk at all. She has a damaged spinal cord and no feeling at all in her lower legs or feet, so the braces and shoes allow her feet to be kept in line to balance even though she can’t feel past her knees. Sort of like artificial limbs. She drives an adapted car and her walking is very slow and effortful and her balance is easily upset.

Forcing someone like this to shlep extra pairs of shoes so she can feel like a spectacle and struggle to sit down and stand up while she changes and possibly fall and generally just feel like a leper, all so outdoor shoes don’t come into the host’s house, is so breathtakingly rude. If I saw a guest with CP or spina bifida doing that to cope with a host’s requirements I would think the host was abhorrent and totally thoughtless and should never host anything again. Maybe people should also bring a second set of indoor crutches, or an indoor wheelchair, since those touch the ground?

I get the cultural gaps and I don’t wear shoes in the house either. But there are exceptions to every rule.


Nobody will expect people with such issues to take off their shoes. C'mon. People are not inflexible. Disabled, sick, or elderly individuals are in every culture and society (except N Korea).
Anonymous
Post 08/12/2024 16:05     Subject: Party requesting guests to take shoes off
The fact that people have suggested: 1) putting it on the invite ahead of time; 2) offering clean socks and slippers; and 3) offering shoe covers and there are STILL people that are adamant that they will not comply or attend is WILD.

American selfishness truly has no bounds.
Anonymous
Post 08/12/2024 16:05     Subject: Re:Party requesting guests to take shoes off
Anonymous wrote:I am always amazed at how insular these shoe threads demonstrate some DMV residents to be. How in 2024 do people not understand that shoe free is an important part of many, many cultures? If you are invited to an Asian American family's home, assume shoe free is highly likely. OP doesn't need to tell people in advance.


This is a school networking event. How in the world are the other families supposed to know it's even an Asian American family in advance?

OP can do what she wants in her house, but if she doesn't give people a heads-up on the invite, she's rude and setting herself up for some serious awkwardness.
Anonymous
Post 08/12/2024 15:57     Subject: Party requesting guests to take shoes off
Anonymous wrote:Seriously curious about everyone's foot hygiene if they can't bear the thought of being in socks in someone else's home.


I'm one that says you have to put it on the invite for exactly that reason!
If I know I'll need to be shoe free, then I'll wear cute socks or get a pedicure the day before to be prepared. Otherwise, I may have on the comfy pair with almost a hole in it or even be bare foot - and surely walking around someone's house barefoot is more gross than wearing shoes. Even if someone scrubbed their foot in the morning, it will be sweaty by a nighttime party.
Anonymous
Post 08/12/2024 14:47     Subject: Party requesting guests to take shoes off
I can't go barefoot for long because I get plantar fascitis. If I knew in advance, I would bring a clean pair of shoes to wear inside. Otherwise, I would only stay long enough to greet the hosts and have one drink while sitting in a chair.
Anonymous
Post 08/12/2024 14:40     Subject: Party requesting guests to take shoes off
Everyone has medical problems in us
Anonymous
Post 08/12/2024 14:40     Subject: Party requesting guests to take shoes off
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:I have to admit, as a Canadian, American’s requirement to wear shoes inside is completely bizarre to me. It’s another difference that, like circumcision and guns, I feel the complete polarities in our culture. I live minutes from the border so it’s not like the disparity should be so great, but it is.

This is part of why I love DCUM.


Requirement?


Sorry, worded it incorrectly. Requirements that people be allowed to wear the shoes. So many people here saying they would refuse to go, and piping in how disgusting wearing socks in a house is. I mean, isn’t that the point of socks?


People have said they have medical reasons for needing shoes, and shoe covers, even the ones with supposedly grippy soles, are too slippery. Some people use mobility aids that they also use outside. If people said, "Can I ask people to use a sanitizing wipe on their shoes or wheelchairs?" that would be a different question. So would, "Should I let people know that everyone needs to be in socks if they want to come?" But what people are saying instead is "You are filthy and you must come and be uncomfortable because my standards are higher than yours."

I am reminded that Canada does not accept immigrants with disabilities.


People don’t need to make their homes ADA compliant. People with these issues should just start bringing indoor shoes with them as a courtesy and because it’s sanitary. This is a no brainer.
Anonymous
Post 08/12/2024 14:39     Subject: Party requesting guests to take shoes off
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:I have a medical issue where I need to wear a brace that sits in my shoe. I literally can’t walk without it. When I am asked to remove my shoes at someone’s house I explain to the host and keep my shoes on. It has lead to some awkwardness as I have my shoes on as everyone else has to take them off. I did have one neighbor who said that taking shoes off wasn’t optional, so I apologized and left the party.


Just being shoe covers.


You’ll be shocked to learn that someone who needs a brace to walk doesn’t do well with the extra fall hazard of sliding paper over my shoes.

I left with no hard feelings when I couldn’t wear shoes. If people prioritize a shoe free house over accommodation for my issue, I’m fine with it. Truly, I am. I’m not saying that to be snarky. But that it really the situation I find myself in when people have shoe free events.


My BFF has a similar need to wear shoes. She brings indoor shoes when she goes out, or if she is in a position to not change shoes, she wears shoe covers on her indoor shoes to the door and then removes those.


NP. I have a friend with spina bifida who is in a similar situation to PP. She wears leg braces and must wear a particular kind of shoe with them otherwise she literally cannot walk at all. She has a damaged spinal cord and no feeling at all in her lower legs or feet, so the braces and shoes allow her feet to be kept in line to balance even though she can’t feel past her knees. Sort of like artificial limbs. She drives an adapted car and her walking is very slow and effortful and her balance is easily upset.

Forcing someone like this to shlep extra pairs of shoes so she can feel like a spectacle and struggle to sit down and stand up while she changes and possibly fall and generally just feel like a leper, all so outdoor shoes don’t come into the host’s house, is so breathtakingly rude. If I saw a guest with CP or spina bifida doing that to cope with a host’s requirements I would think the host was abhorrent and totally thoughtless and should never host anything again. Maybe people should also bring a second set of indoor crutches, or an indoor wheelchair, since those touch the ground?

I get the cultural gaps and I don’t wear shoes in the house either. But there are exceptions to every rule.


I don’t get it. Bring shoe covers or an extra pair of shoes. How hard is it?
Anonymous
Post 08/12/2024 14:36     Subject: Party requesting guests to take shoes off
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:I have a medical issue where I need to wear a brace that sits in my shoe. I literally can’t walk without it. When I am asked to remove my shoes at someone’s house I explain to the host and keep my shoes on. It has lead to some awkwardness as I have my shoes on as everyone else has to take them off. I did have one neighbor who said that taking shoes off wasn’t optional, so I apologized and left the party.


Just being shoe covers.


You’ll be shocked to learn that someone who needs a brace to walk doesn’t do well with the extra fall hazard of sliding paper over my shoes.

I left with no hard feelings when I couldn’t wear shoes. If people prioritize a shoe free house over accommodation for my issue, I’m fine with it. Truly, I am. I’m not saying that to be snarky. But that it really the situation I find myself in when people have shoe free events.


My BFF has a similar need to wear shoes. She brings indoor shoes when she goes out, or if she is in a position to not change shoes, she wears shoe covers on her indoor shoes to the door and then removes those.


NP. I have a friend with spina bifida who is in a similar situation to PP. She wears leg braces and must wear a particular kind of shoe with them otherwise she literally cannot walk at all. She has a damaged spinal cord and no feeling at all in her lower legs or feet, so the braces and shoes allow her feet to be kept in line to balance even though she can’t feel past her knees. Sort of like artificial limbs. She drives an adapted car and her walking is very slow and effortful and her balance is easily upset.

Forcing someone like this to shlep extra pairs of shoes so she can feel like a spectacle and struggle to sit down and stand up while she changes and possibly fall and generally just feel like a leper, all so outdoor shoes don’t come into the host’s house, is so breathtakingly rude. If I saw a guest with CP or spina bifida doing that to cope with a host’s requirements I would think the host was abhorrent and totally thoughtless and should never host anything again. Maybe people should also bring a second set of indoor crutches, or an indoor wheelchair, since those touch the ground?

I get the cultural gaps and I don’t wear shoes in the house either. But there are exceptions to every rule.
Anonymous
Post 08/12/2024 14:30     Subject: Re:Party requesting guests to take shoes off
We are a no shoe household but we don't ask people to take their shoes off for parties at our house. It def grosses me out, but since everyone stays on the first floor, we just clean really well the next day. I wouldn't ask the whole grade to remove their shoes if it were my house. But if someone made the request of me to remove my shoes at a party, I would be fine with it. I just wouldn't be comfortable making that request of a large group of people like a school party.
Anonymous
Post 08/12/2024 14:19     Subject: Re:Party requesting guests to take shoes off
totally fine--just maybe let people know ahead of time if you have a lot of sensitive types in your parent group
Anonymous
Post 08/12/2024 14:17     Subject: Party requesting guests to take shoes off
Anonymous wrote:I think it's fine just make sure to let your guests know ahead of time. I showed up once at a grade-wide party and was asked to take off my shoes. I complied but was a bit embarrassed with the socks had worn.



Yes I think getting ahead of this is more comfortable for everyone. Occasionally I wear flats but use powder on my feet and I don't want powdery feet if I take my shoes off. I'd also bring socks with me if I was sandals or something because my feet get cold.

So if you have guest sandals or socks, that would also be a nice touch.
Anonymous
Post 08/12/2024 14:14     Subject: Party requesting guests to take shoes off
Anonymous wrote:I have to admit, as a Canadian, American’s requirement to wear shoes inside is completely bizarre to me. It’s another difference that, like circumcision and guns, I feel the complete polarities in our culture. I live minutes from the border so it’s not like the disparity should be so great, but it is.

This is part of why I love DCUM.


That's because everyone in Canada lives in places that are snowy, muddy, and icy. The vast majority of the USA, it doesn't snow all that much. I've heard in the upper midwest in places like North Dakota it's more normal to take your shoes off when you come inside someone's house.

I live in DC and it snows maybe five days a year here.
Anonymous
Post 08/12/2024 14:12     Subject: Re:Party requesting guests to take shoes off
We are a Shoe-free household.

I also provide new pair of socks as well as hospital grade disposable shoe covers for my guests.

People are not inflexible and people know how to adjust. My DH has to wear house sneakers inside the home because of foot problems. He does not wear these shoe outdoors. He also carries disposable shoe covers when he goes to other people's homes.