Anonymous
07/30/2024 15:42
Subject: Re:How do you do it all?!
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:I doubt anyone can do it all. The people claiming that they do it all because their nanny is looking after their kids are only doing the work. They are not spending time with their children to the same degree a SAHM is. So, no one is doing it all. Plus, what is doing it ALL even means. What are your priorities?
I am a highly educated SAHM. I only have two kids who are NT and high achieving. I am not doing the work that a mom with ND kids is doing. I am not juggling the needs of more than 2 kids. We do not have pets. I am not looking after the needs of pets. I am not providing elder care currently.
We live in an average neighborhood with average schools, but it is a nice, large SFH. My kids go to magnet public schools that are 45 minutes away and I drop them and pick them up every single day. I spend 3 hours on the road, my kids spend 1.5 hours travelling. But I save the cost of private school and get an amazing education for my kids. I pay for tutors for EC and acceleration for my kids, but I spend more to have them come home. This costs more but saves my kids travel times.
I pay to get some of my domestic chores outsourced. But, I am still managing this and my time goes in that.
We host pretty consistently and I do all the planning, entertainment, decorating and cooking elaborate meals for 30-50 people at times - but I pay for servers, cleaners, bartenders.
So, who is doing it ALL? No one. My kids were raised by me so I saved money on childcare and my kids got excellent care. BUT, I did not earn money for this. Thankfully, my DH makes enough that we do not need my paycheck for their college and our retirement, but if he didn't then my not earning a paycheck would have cost my family and jeopardized my children's future.
SAHM's are not spending all their time with their kids and if they are why even.. that's more odd than spending a couple hours a day with them. It's so weird, your kid gets home from school at 3pm and you stay by their side... every single one of them from 3pm-9pm. That's weird.
You homeschool?
Are you lacking reading comprehension? No, I do not homeschool but my kids are enriched and accelerated in subjects and ECs that are not covered by the school. I want them to have succeed in college and career, so I spend time in making sure that opportunities are identified or created for them so that they have an edge,
Do you lack intelligence.
I work and do the same.
One kid got a D1 scholarship to a T30 school and one plays piano and a few other instruments.
Guess what most kids on his team have 2 working parents, hard work is something you model.
Getting ahead is about who you know not what you know,
You’re an immigrant? From your writing it sounds like it
Bless your heart.
Don’t hate the player.
Anonymous
07/30/2024 14:38
Subject: Re:How do you do it all?!
It is completely possible but you do have to give up some of your expectations.
Ideally you will find a job with the option to work remotely at least part of the time. Not commuting a few days a week will be hugely helpful.
Kids in aftercare being picked up at 6 are absolutely fine. Most of our DCPS school has parents coming between 5:30-6. Kids are fine playing with their friends or doing homework until they are picked up.
Dinners, make it easy on yourself. Order groceries, use meal prep services like Hello Fresh, buy a pizza from Whole Foods once a week, meal prep on weekends.. buy takeout... whatever works!
Don't overschedule your kids.. find activities that fit your life. Sports with 1X a week practice, one game on weekends.
A nanny isn't necessary but I would really work on building your community.. neighbors, teen babysitters, other parents.. do favors when you can and call them in when you need to. I have a great support system and frequently answer calls for 'I'm stuck at work, can someone grab my kid for an hour', etc.
Ideally you will find a job with the option to work remotely at least part of the time. Not commuting a few days a week will be hugely helpful.
Kids in aftercare being picked up at 6 are absolutely fine. Most of our DCPS school has parents coming between 5:30-6. Kids are fine playing with their friends or doing homework until they are picked up.
Dinners, make it easy on yourself. Order groceries, use meal prep services like Hello Fresh, buy a pizza from Whole Foods once a week, meal prep on weekends.. buy takeout... whatever works!
Don't overschedule your kids.. find activities that fit your life. Sports with 1X a week practice, one game on weekends.
A nanny isn't necessary but I would really work on building your community.. neighbors, teen babysitters, other parents.. do favors when you can and call them in when you need to. I have a great support system and frequently answer calls for 'I'm stuck at work, can someone grab my kid for an hour', etc.
Anonymous
07/30/2024 01:55
Subject: How do you do it all?!
OP, there's a good Facebook group called Trailing Spouses that you should join and ask the same question. The group is vetted so you'll get a higher quality response than here, and you can ask questions anonymously through an admin.
I'm sorry things didn't work out overseas. DC is crazy expensive for someone on the FS pay scale, particularly if you're not a 1 or 2. I have a lot of friends who lived for extended periods at Oakwood aka the FS Slums to save money -- have you considered this?
On the bright side, as a FS family, you should have a leg up on being able to get a good au pair from a foreign country to come here and help you out. They are relatively affordable and with your spouse's consular connections, the visa stuff should be a breeze.
I'm sorry things didn't work out overseas. DC is crazy expensive for someone on the FS pay scale, particularly if you're not a 1 or 2. I have a lot of friends who lived for extended periods at Oakwood aka the FS Slums to save money -- have you considered this?
On the bright side, as a FS family, you should have a leg up on being able to get a good au pair from a foreign country to come here and help you out. They are relatively affordable and with your spouse's consular connections, the visa stuff should be a breeze.
Anonymous
07/30/2024 01:48
Subject: How do you do it all?!
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Outsourcing. Most people have a few of the following, as needed:
After care and camp
Au pair
Full time nanny
Full time or part time housekeeper
Lots of car pools
Gardener and/ or lawn guy
Family manager who makes appointments and meets the repair guy and does camp signups and vacation planning
Meal prepping service
Tutor to help the kids with studying and homework
I don't think *most* people with kids in my DCPS elementary school have a few of these. Many families do have parents who stagger schedules or use the school's after care.
Once they hit middle school they can take Metro to their activities in their own or do the activities offered at the school.
Elementary school didn't have homework. In middle school they get some time to do it at school but can manage the rest at home.
Talking to other middle school parents, many of us have found that it was easier to use aftercare in elementary school but more useful to have a parent around more after school when they're older. Anyone can handle basic elementary school challenges, but middle school friend dynamics are more complicated and the teen brain wants to take different kinds of risks.
No.
Not in DC at least, and not currently. Maybe in some other city or in a different time.
Weird comment. I'm not sure why you're writing off what my kids and their classmates do all school year.
+1. Sounds like a person who doesn’t actually have older kids in DC.
Anonymous
07/30/2024 01:27
Subject: Re:How do you do it all?!
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:I doubt anyone can do it all. The people claiming that they do it all because their nanny is looking after their kids are only doing the work. They are not spending time with their children to the same degree a SAHM is. So, no one is doing it all. Plus, what is doing it ALL even means. What are your priorities?
I am a highly educated SAHM. I only have two kids who are NT and high achieving. I am not doing the work that a mom with ND kids is doing. I am not juggling the needs of more than 2 kids. We do not have pets. I am not looking after the needs of pets. I am not providing elder care currently.
We live in an average neighborhood with average schools, but it is a nice, large SFH. My kids go to magnet public schools that are 45 minutes away and I drop them and pick them up every single day. I spend 3 hours on the road, my kids spend 1.5 hours travelling. But I save the cost of private school and get an amazing education for my kids. I pay for tutors for EC and acceleration for my kids, but I spend more to have them come home. This costs more but saves my kids travel times.
I pay to get some of my domestic chores outsourced. But, I am still managing this and my time goes in that.
We host pretty consistently and I do all the planning, entertainment, decorating and cooking elaborate meals for 30-50 people at times - but I pay for servers, cleaners, bartenders.
So, who is doing it ALL? No one. My kids were raised by me so I saved money on childcare and my kids got excellent care. BUT, I did not earn money for this. Thankfully, my DH makes enough that we do not need my paycheck for their college and our retirement, but if he didn't then my not earning a paycheck would have cost my family and jeopardized my children's future.
SAHM's are not spending all their time with their kids and if they are why even.. that's more odd than spending a couple hours a day with them. It's so weird, your kid gets home from school at 3pm and you stay by their side... every single one of them from 3pm-9pm. That's weird.
You homeschool?
Are you lacking reading comprehension? No, I do not homeschool but my kids are enriched and accelerated in subjects and ECs that are not covered by the school. I want them to have succeed in college and career, so I spend time in making sure that opportunities are identified or created for them so that they have an edge,
Do you lack intelligence.
I work and do the same.
One kid got a D1 scholarship to a T30 school and one plays piano and a few other instruments.
Guess what most kids on his team have 2 working parents, hard work is something you model.
Getting ahead is about who you know not what you know,
You’re an immigrant? From your writing it sounds like it
Bless your heart.