Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You remind me of a boyfriend my doctor sister had at that age. He was nice guy, good-looking and a doctor. We all liked him and really thought he would be her husband. Well, she met another guy at a conference (also a doctor) and he swept her off her feet. He proposed to her within the year and she accepted. Her boyfriend was in shock. He was planning on proposing to her but he lost out to a more determined suitor. The poor guy even came over and talked to my mom. If your girlfriend is all that you say, there will be other guys interested, too. My sister and her DH have been happily married for decades with two great sons.

Your sister cheated on her boyfriend? Dude dodged a bullet. Congrats to the married cuck who can live with his eyes closed.

No, he assumed they were exclusive but never talked about it. Not about moving in or getting engaged or married. That was part of the problem, I think. She could see all their peers getting married and he seemed content going on as they were.

At 35 you are ready to propose.

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Anonymous wrote:I hope you and your girlfriend work out and make the best decision for you both. But you do seem to be on some kind of odd moral high horse. Everyone else you know seems to have done it “wrong” but you’ve convinced yourself you’re doing it all right. It reeks of insecurity and you might want to address that in either individual or joint therapy. In order to get married and have kids, you’ll have to learn to compromise - a LOT - and think outside of yourself.

You are also 35 and far too worried about what your family and others think. Who cares what anyone else besides the two of you think? You’re fully functional adults.

OP here. I never said others have done it wrong. I actually look up to parents marriage. All of my extended family are in happy longterm marriages. I want that for myself, my wife, and my kids.

I’d bet good money that none of your happily married parents and extended family had a 10/10 woman hanging around waiting until they were 38 with 6 figures liquid cash and whatever else you think you need first. They just did it. Perhaps you should consider the wisdom of their experience over your own imagination since, you know, they have achieved what you want and you have accomplished nothing so far?

OP here. I wouldn’t say I have accomplished nothing. I make great money and have enough to buy a really nice ring ( the one I’ve looked at is $22k), pay for the wedding and honeymoon, put down a hefty down payment on a home in the millions, pay off her student loan debt, and have her quit working or fund childcare expenses. I wouldn’t say that’s nothing.

If you have all that already and you still aren’t ready to propose, then this girl isn’t the one.

(Duh, you don’t trust her that she won’t divorce you, how could she possibly be the one?)

This.

(PP here, from the "no one in my family divorced" dated for 3 years and my ex had this kind of mindset. Waiting for two years to propose to "mitigiate" the risk of divorce" made no difference. Timing does not matter if you found the person. This kind of thinking does not bode well for marriage...had these stats, we are divorced (one catholic). And btw, he is four years older than me and has had a much worse time dating. He admits I would be better off. I only date younger. I am not dumb enough to remarry. Men who think like this don't work well for marriage. He is marrying an idea...not the woman. I wish I had realized this before when I wondered wtf is taking so long...him being sure...A woman is an accessory to these types.

OP: If she was the one and all this is set up, you would not be second guessing proposing now. Your thinking about marriage is going to backfire on you later. Been in this exact scenario. The timeline thing does not work. You have everything set up and ready. Your obsession with timelines being ideal is going to be a real hindrance to marriage. You will lack the ability to compromise and when kids come, well, that is going to really give you a hard time.

You are living in a fantasyland of how things "should" be rather than marrying an actual person you love. When I asked my ex why he even married me, he said: "you checked all of my boxes." You sound exactly the same.

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Anonymous wrote:I hope you and your girlfriend work out and make the best decision for you both. But you do seem to be on some kind of odd moral high horse. Everyone else you know seems to have done it “wrong” but you’ve convinced yourself you’re doing it all right. It reeks of insecurity and you might want to address that in either individual or joint therapy. In order to get married and have kids, you’ll have to learn to compromise - a LOT - and think outside of yourself.

You are also 35 and far too worried about what your family and others think. Who cares what anyone else besides the two of you think? You’re fully functional adults.

OP here. I never said others have done it wrong. I actually look up to parents marriage. All of my extended family are in happy longterm marriages. I want that for myself, my wife, and my kids.

I’d bet good money that none of your happily married parents and extended family had a 10/10 woman hanging around waiting until they were 38 with 6 figures liquid cash and whatever else you think you need first. They just did it. Perhaps you should consider the wisdom of their experience over your own imagination since, you know, they have achieved what you want and you have accomplished nothing so far?

OP here. I wouldn’t say I have accomplished nothing. I make great money and have enough to buy a really nice ring ( the one I’ve looked at is $22k), pay for the wedding and honeymoon, put down a hefty down payment on a home in the millions, pay off her student loan debt, and have her quit working or fund childcare expenses. I wouldn’t say that’s nothing.

You are rich lol. I wish I had 1/5 of what you have. Good for you though I am sure you are a high performer in your field of work.

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Anonymous wrote:If you just want to be DINKs then who cares. Also at your age, she might be best you'll ever be able to do. Let's say she hits 30 and all her friends start hitting their major life milestones and you're still not ready, but she is, and dumps you. You're now back in the dating pool with a different, older crowd of women.

OP here. Most older men always find younger women. They almost always pass up the older women for younger. Not saying it’s right but I think men my age still go for 23-30 year old women.

My point is that they are less likely to go for you as you age.

OP here. I don’t agree with that. Many men my age still date younger women and I think they can always get that. It’s women over 35 that have a harder time of ever finding a partner because men my age won’t date them.

OP, you’re gross and have cultish ideas about things. It took some prodding with these comments, but you’ve surely revealed yourself.

OP here. I’m merely speaking facts. Most women over 35+ have a much harder time finding a partner than a man 35+. Most men will date younger women instead of a woman their age. Don’t be upset because you can’t accept reality.

They’re not facts unless you can show me a peer reviewed studies. Otherwise your statement is just some anecdotal experiences you and your Peter Pan Cath-bros are spouting as truth.

OP here. You don’t live in real world.

I bet you’re such a nerd IRL. Otherwise you’d already have bagged a wonderful woman. They just didn’t want anything to do you.

OP here. What’s wrong with being a nerd?

Most men have a financial clock, just like women have a biological clock.

A man isn’t a man unless he provides for his family. I stand by that belief. I don’t believe a man 30+ should get married unless he’s financially well. Being able to provide for your wife and kids is important.

There are many, many good men out there that are not financially well. This doesn’t make them less of a man by any stretch of the imagination. It’s their character and how they treat others that makes them a man, not whether they can provide their hot sexy 10 girlfriend a house in Bethesda.

For your age, you haven’t grown up much from your fairy tale idea of what adulthood should look like. You should work on your character, sexist tendencies, and general propensity for black and white thinking before you worry about whether the one year mark is too early to buy a ring.

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Anonymous wrote:I hope you and your girlfriend work out and make the best decision for you both. But you do seem to be on some kind of odd moral high horse. Everyone else you know seems to have done it “wrong” but you’ve convinced yourself you’re doing it all right. It reeks of insecurity and you might want to address that in either individual or joint therapy. In order to get married and have kids, you’ll have to learn to compromise - a LOT - and think outside of yourself.

You are also 35 and far too worried about what your family and others think. Who cares what anyone else besides the two of you think? You’re fully functional adults.

OP here. I never said others have done it wrong. I actually look up to parents marriage. All of my extended family are in happy longterm marriages. I want that for myself, my wife, and my kids.

I’d bet good money that none of your happily married parents and extended family had a 10/10 woman hanging around waiting until they were 38 with 6 figures liquid cash and whatever else you think you need first. They just did it. Perhaps you should consider the wisdom of their experience over your own imagination since, you know, they have achieved what you want and you have accomplished nothing so far?

OP here. I wouldn’t say I have accomplished nothing. I make great money and have enough to buy a really nice ring ( the one I’ve looked at is $22k), pay for the wedding and honeymoon, put down a hefty down payment on a home in the millions, pay off her student loan debt, and have her quit working or fund childcare expenses. I wouldn’t say that’s nothing.

If you have all that already and you still aren’t ready to propose, then this girl isn’t the one.

(Duh, you don’t trust her that she won’t divorce you, how could she possibly be the one?)

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Anonymous wrote:If you just want to be DINKs then who cares. Also at your age, she might be best you'll ever be able to do. Let's say she hits 30 and all her friends start hitting their major life milestones and you're still not ready, but she is, and dumps you. You're now back in the dating pool with a different, older crowd of women.

OP here. Most older men always find younger women. They almost always pass up the older women for younger. Not saying it’s right but I think men my age still go for 23-30 year old women.

My point is that they are less likely to go for you as you age.

OP here. I don’t agree with that. Many men my age still date younger women and I think they can always get that. It’s women over 35 that have a harder time of ever finding a partner because men my age won’t date them.

I am 46. A 27-year ond and 31-year old keep blowing up my phone. As well as a 34-year-old. In my 20s, I would not consider a man over 35. No way.

OP here. You’re their sugar mama. They don’t want to marry you lol

OP here. Most men will f anything. You’re probably just one of the numbers they call. No man that age is looking to wife you.

I don't want to be a wife. It is not necessary. Not sure why you think I care about that. (And one did want to get married and I said I don't want to get married or have more kids).

And the point is that a younger woman does not want to marry a 35+ man. They really don't. It was not even a consideration. Just like an older man now is not a consideration. If you make your own money, older does no good. Women don't need older men or want them when they have their own career. Most 20s women will want 20s men. Not a 35+ man. That is when you enter the danger zone.

Don't be that guy. If you love her, marry her. You can have a year engagement.

OP here. Keep lying to yourself. Most women do date older than themselves.

dp.. the vast majority of women marry a man about 0 to 5 years older, with the average in the US being about 2.5 years age gap. Only very religious, conservative countries have a wide age gap.

DH is six years older than I am, but it just worked out that way. The previous guys I dated were 2 to 3 years older than I was.





You need therapy to work out your own issues of what you think a marriage should be like. Marriage is messy; lots of compromising; gets even harder when the kids arrive. I've been married for 20 years, and DH was 39 when we got married.

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Anonymous wrote:You remind me of a boyfriend my doctor sister had at that age. He was nice guy, good-looking and a doctor. We all liked him and really thought he would be her husband. Well, she met another guy at a conference (also a doctor) and he swept her off her feet. He proposed to her within the year and she accepted. Her boyfriend was in shock. He was planning on proposing to her but he lost out to a more determined suitor. The poor guy even came over and talked to my mom. If your girlfriend is all that you say, there will be other guys interested, too. My sister and her DH have been happily married for decades with two great sons.

Your sister cheated on her boyfriend? Dude dodged a bullet. Congrats to the married cuck who can live with his eyes closed.

OP here. Your sister is a cheater. That’s not the cute wholesome story you think it is.

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Anonymous wrote:If you just want to be DINKs then who cares. Also at your age, she might be best you'll ever be able to do. Let's say she hits 30 and all her friends start hitting their major life milestones and you're still not ready, but she is, and dumps you. You're now back in the dating pool with a different, older crowd of women.

OP here. Most older men always find younger women. They almost always pass up the older women for younger. Not saying it’s right but I think men my age still go for 23-30 year old women.

My point is that they are less likely to go for you as you age.

OP here. I don’t agree with that. Many men my age still date younger women and I think they can always get that. It’s women over 35 that have a harder time of ever finding a partner because men my age won’t date them.

I am 46. A 27-year ond and 31-year old keep blowing up my phone. As well as a 34-year-old. In my 20s, I would not consider a man over 35. No way.

OP here. You’re their sugar mama. They don’t want to marry you lol

OP here. Most men will f anything. You’re probably just one of the numbers they call. No man that age is looking to wife you.

I don't want to be a wife. It is not necessary. Not sure why you think I care about that. (And one did want to get married and I said I don't want to get married or have more kids).

And the point is that a younger woman does not want to marry a 35+ man. They really don't. It was not even a consideration. Just like an older man now is not a consideration. If you make your own money, older does no good. Women don't need older men or want them when they have their own career. Most 20s women will want 20s men. Not a 35+ man. That is when you enter the danger zone.

Don't be that guy. If you love her, marry her. You can have a year engagement.

OP here. Keep lying to yourself. Most women do date older than themselves.

A little bit older, and not an actual old person. Seven years older is already pushing it. Young women, if they have any sense, don't consider a large age gap a positive thing in the long term. They consider it a fallback option, or a fun interlude before they settle down and marry someone they consider a peer. They know the tradeoffs (spending their golden years as a caregiver to an elderly man and/or being a widow), and they know that it isn't actually prestigious or impressive to do this. The true 9s and 10s are able to attract a 9 or a 10 their own age to have a partnership marriage. They don't have to settle for someone older. And if you want a woman to overlook your age, you're going to need to accept various other tradeoffs. This might not be apparent to you at 35, but in your 40s you'll see your peers doing it and you'll understand.

Anonymous wrote:

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Anonymous wrote:I hope you and your girlfriend work out and make the best decision for you both. But you do seem to be on some kind of odd moral high horse. Everyone else you know seems to have done it “wrong” but you’ve convinced yourself you’re doing it all right. It reeks of insecurity and you might want to address that in either individual or joint therapy. In order to get married and have kids, you’ll have to learn to compromise - a LOT - and think outside of yourself.

You are also 35 and far too worried about what your family and others think. Who cares what anyone else besides the two of you think? You’re fully functional adults.

OP here. I never said others have done it wrong. I actually look up to parents marriage. All of my extended family are in happy longterm marriages. I want that for myself, my wife, and my kids.

I’d bet good money that none of your happily married parents and extended family had a 10/10 woman hanging around waiting until they were 38 with 6 figures liquid cash and whatever else you think you need first. They just did it. Perhaps you should consider the wisdom of their experience over your own imagination since, you know, they have achieved what you want and you have accomplished nothing so far?

OP here. I wouldn’t say I have accomplished nothing. I make great money and have enough to buy a really nice ring ( the one I’ve looked at is $22k), pay for the wedding and honeymoon, put down a hefty down payment on a home in the millions, pay off her student loan debt, and have her quit working or fund childcare expenses. I wouldn’t say that’s nothing.

Anonymous wrote:

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Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If you just want to be DINKs then who cares. Also at your age, she might be best you'll ever be able to do. Let's say she hits 30 and all her friends start hitting their major life milestones and you're still not ready, but she is, and dumps you. You're now back in the dating pool with a different, older crowd of women.

OP here. Most older men always find younger women. They almost always pass up the older women for younger. Not saying it’s right but I think men my age still go for 23-30 year old women.

My point is that they are less likely to go for you as you age.

OP here. I don’t agree with that. Many men my age still date younger women and I think they can always get that. It’s women over 35 that have a harder time of ever finding a partner because men my age won’t date them.

I am 46. A 27-year ond and 31-year old keep blowing up my phone. As well as a 34-year-old. In my 20s, I would not consider a man over 35. No way.

OP here. You’re their sugar mama. They don’t want to marry you lol

OP here. Most men will f anything. You’re probably just one of the numbers they call. No man that age is looking to wife you.

I don't want to be a wife. It is not necessary. Not sure why you think I care about that. (And one did want to get married and I said I don't want to get married or have more kids).

And the point is that a younger woman does not want to marry a 35+ man. They really don't. It was not even a consideration. Just like an older man now is not a consideration. If you make your own money, older does no good. Women don't need older men or want them when they have their own career. Most 20s women will want 20s men. Not a 35+ man. That is when you enter the danger zone.

Don't be that guy. If you love her, marry her. You can have a year engagement.

OP here. Keep lying to yourself. Most women do date older than themselves.

Anonymous wrote:You remind me of a boyfriend my doctor sister had at that age. He was nice guy, good-looking and a doctor. We all liked him and really thought he would be her husband. Well, she met another guy at a conference (also a doctor) and he swept her off her feet. He proposed to her within the year and she accepted. Her boyfriend was in shock. He was planning on proposing to her but he lost out to a more determined suitor. The poor guy even came over and talked to my mom. If your girlfriend is all that you say, there will be other guys interested, too. My sister and her DH have been happily married for decades with two great sons.

Your sister cheated on her boyfriend? Dude dodged a bullet. Congrats to the married cuck who can live with his eyes closed.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I hope you and your girlfriend work out and make the best decision for you both. But you do seem to be on some kind of odd moral high horse. Everyone else you know seems to have done it “wrong” but you’ve convinced yourself you’re doing it all right. It reeks of insecurity and you might want to address that in either individual or joint therapy. In order to get married and have kids, you’ll have to learn to compromise - a LOT - and think outside of yourself.

You are also 35 and far too worried about what your family and others think. Who cares what anyone else besides the two of you think? You’re fully functional adults.

OP here. I never said others have done it wrong. I actually look up to parents marriage. All of my extended family are in happy longterm marriages. I want that for myself, my wife, and my kids.

You have what they would call "performance anxiety". You fear your marriage may not live up to your standards.

Also, you never know what a couple's marriage is really like unless you are in the inside.

I really think you need therapy.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I hope you and your girlfriend work out and make the best decision for you both. But you do seem to be on some kind of odd moral high horse. Everyone else you know seems to have done it “wrong” but you’ve convinced yourself you’re doing it all right. It reeks of insecurity and you might want to address that in either individual or joint therapy. In order to get married and have kids, you’ll have to learn to compromise - a LOT - and think outside of yourself.

You are also 35 and far too worried about what your family and others think. Who cares what anyone else besides the two of you think? You’re fully functional adults.

OP here. I never said others have done it wrong. I actually look up to parents marriage. All of my extended family are in happy longterm marriages. I want that for myself, my wife, and my kids.

You brought up several examples of friends and colleagues who have all somehow screwed up, whether in financial preparation or in their attitudes about divorce.

I’m so glad I didn’t have parents who convinced me that religion, rather than common sense, should dictate my actions. It’s fine not to not “believe” in divorce but you can’t let fear rule your life. And in this case, you’re hiding behind your religious beliefs selectively. No Catholic I know would live together before marriage.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I hope you and your girlfriend work out and make the best decision for you both. But you do seem to be on some kind of odd moral high horse. Everyone else you know seems to have done it “wrong” but you’ve convinced yourself you’re doing it all right. It reeks of insecurity and you might want to address that in either individual or joint therapy. In order to get married and have kids, you’ll have to learn to compromise - a LOT - and think outside of yourself.

You are also 35 and far too worried about what your family and others think. Who cares what anyone else besides the two of you think? You’re fully functional adults.

OP here. I never said others have done it wrong. I actually look up to parents marriage. All of my extended family are in happy longterm marriages. I want that for myself, my wife, and my kids.

I’d bet good money that none of your happily married parents and extended family had a 10/10 woman hanging around waiting until they were 38 with 6 figures liquid cash and whatever else you think you need first. They just did it. Perhaps you should consider the wisdom of their experience over your own imagination since, you know, they have achieved what you want and you have accomplished nothing so far?