Anonymous wrote:[mastodon]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think we can all agree, at least, that anyone that accepts a handout, gift, or other measure of help without providing something of commensurate value in return is a total piece of trash. So, it’s okay to accept a $5M inheritance to buy a home…so long as you turn around and pay that forward by donating $5M of your own to a charitable organization, for example. This is what most people do, or at least I would assume. I can’t imagine a society so broken down where this wouldn’t be the norm?

Pay it forward, yes - but not necessarily in that way. We do donate to charity but the way I think of paying it forward is through the generations. So we accepted all the help of college, grad school, wedding, downpayment, etc, and we will do the same for our children. And I hope they will do the same for theirs.

lol. Ensuring that all the money is kept with your own genetic line isn’t exactly paying it forward. It’s the definition of self interest.

Man, rich people are just… different.

Are they? Isn’t that what everyone tries to do for their own family, within their means? You’re saying that if you had enough money to pay for all those things for your kids you wouldn’t, and you’d give it to charity instead? That’s lovely of you but I don’t think there are many who would do that.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:People are so weird about this.

I know people who will proudly say they didn't get any parental help to buy their home, when their downpayment was funded by a 100k inheritance from a grandparent. I mean, okay, not technically parental help but obviously they didn't save up the downpayment themselves.

I know other people who get super defensive about the help their parents gave them. Why? Like, don't brag about it, but you don't have to be defensive. It is what it is.

But conversely some people DO brag and I don't get that either. Good job having wealthy parents or grandparents? I mean -- grow up.

Some people either save their entire downpayment themselves, or simply do not buy a home because they can't put one together. I do think it's impressive when people are able to buy a home with no boost from family because it can be very hard to save a large sum of money like that when you are still young. Like saving 100k in your 50s might not seem like a big deal, but doing it in your 20s/early 30s, when you are still just starting out in life, can be incredibly hard. Those folks do deserve extra kudos. It's not a moral judgement, it's just like -- wow, good on you, that required some discipline and patience that someone whose parents cut them a check didn't need to have. It's like congratulating someone for running a marathon or becoming fluent in a foreign language. It's impressive. Give them their roses.

You had me until the very end. It's not just "very hard" for some people to save that kind of money in their 20s and 30s -- it's literally impossible no matter how much "discipline and patience" you have unless you have a high paying job. You can't get blood from a stone, so to speak. You have to make a choice on how to get that money in the first place, and generally speaking the higher paying jobs at that age require selling out to The Man.

When I see two kids in their 20s, both working hard but one making far more money than the other by selling out, I'm not any more impressed with the higher earner. That's all I'm saying.

I'm the PP and I hate to break this to you, but my DH and I are not (and have never been) high earners, and we were able to save up 80k towards a down payment on a 500k house that we bought in our early 30s, on our own. We actually saved up 90k but used 10k for our wedding. At the time we made about 130k total -- I made 60k as a public interest lawyer, and he made 70k as a civil engineer. I had law school loans (which ultimately got forgiven because I stayed in public interest). DH's first job out of college paid 40k. We contributed towards 401ks but did not max them out because we wanted money for a house.

I'm not saying everyone should do this or that there is something wrong with you if you don't. But yes, it is possible to save up money for a home purchase, even in an expensive area, even in your 20s/30s, even without being a super high earner. But it requires you to reconceive what it is to be a person that age. We were not going out to bars and brunch every weekend. We didn't travel extensively, we were frugal about clothes, electronics, cars (I didn't even have a car for most of that time). It was hard but the reward was we were able to buy a home when otherwise we would not have been able to because parental assistance was simply never in the cards for us. It's not about morality but it IS about choices. We had friends who would ask us how we'd done it (I think assuming we had hidden parental contributions somewhere) and who simply didn't believe us when we said we just saved. But it's what we did. It's possible.

Absolutely it’s possible to save up to make a major purchase when you refuse to honor your commitments elsewhere. You received a handout from my hard-earned taxes even if you didn’t receive one from your parents. Pathetic.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:People are so weird about this.

I know people who will proudly say they didn't get any parental help to buy their home, when their downpayment was funded by a 100k inheritance from a grandparent. I mean, okay, not technically parental help but obviously they didn't save up the downpayment themselves.

I know other people who get super defensive about the help their parents gave them. Why? Like, don't brag about it, but you don't have to be defensive. It is what it is.

But conversely some people DO brag and I don't get that either. Good job having wealthy parents or grandparents? I mean -- grow up.

Some people either save their entire downpayment themselves, or simply do not buy a home because they can't put one together. I do think it's impressive when people are able to buy a home with no boost from family because it can be very hard to save a large sum of money like that when you are still young. Like saving 100k in your 50s might not seem like a big deal, but doing it in your 20s/early 30s, when you are still just starting out in life, can be incredibly hard. Those folks do deserve extra kudos. It's not a moral judgement, it's just like -- wow, good on you, that required some discipline and patience that someone whose parents cut them a check didn't need to have. It's like congratulating someone for running a marathon or becoming fluent in a foreign language. It's impressive. Give them their roses.

You had me until the very end. It's not just "very hard" for some people to save that kind of money in their 20s and 30s -- it's literally impossible no matter how much "discipline and patience" you have unless you have a high paying job. You can't get blood from a stone, so to speak. You have to make a choice on how to get that money in the first place, and generally speaking the higher paying jobs at that age require selling out to The Man.

When I see two kids in their 20s, both working hard but one making far more money than the other by selling out, I'm not any more impressed with the higher earner. That's all I'm saying.

I'm the PP and I hate to break this to you, but my DH and I are not (and have never been) high earners, and we were able to save up 80k towards a down payment on a 500k house that we bought in our early 30s, on our own. We actually saved up 90k but used 10k for our wedding. At the time we made about 130k total -- I made 60k as a public interest lawyer, and he made 70k as a civil engineer. I had law school loans (which ultimately got forgiven because I stayed in public interest). DH's first job out of college paid 40k. We contributed towards 401ks but did not max them out because we wanted money for a house.

I'm not saying everyone should do this or that there is something wrong with you if you don't. But yes, it is possible to save up money for a home purchase, even in an expensive area, even in your 20s/30s, even without being a super high earner. But it requires you to reconceive what it is to be a person that age. We were not going out to bars and brunch every weekend. We didn't travel extensively, we were frugal about clothes, electronics, cars (I didn't even have a car for most of that time). It was hard but the reward was we were able to buy a home when otherwise we would not have been able to because parental assistance was simply never in the cards for us. It's not about morality but it IS about choices. We had friends who would ask us how we'd done it (I think assuming we had hidden parental contributions somewhere) and who simply didn't believe us when we said we just saved. But it's what we did. It's possible.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think we can all agree, at least, that anyone that accepts a handout, gift, or other measure of help without providing something of commensurate value in return is a total piece of trash. So, it’s okay to accept a $5M inheritance to buy a home…so long as you turn around and pay that forward by donating $5M of your own to a charitable organization, for example. This is what most people do, or at least I would assume. I can’t imagine a society so broken down where this wouldn’t be the norm?

Not really. My parents give me a lot of money which has bought opportunities and I do the same for my own kids. We don’t owe anything to charity, though that’s lovely if you choose to do it.

Propagation of privilege, indeed! Thanks for reminding us why progressive taxes and high-income benefit phase outs are such a necessity.

Jealous much?

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think we can all agree, at least, that anyone that accepts a handout, gift, or other measure of help without providing something of commensurate value in return is a total piece of trash. So, it’s okay to accept a $5M inheritance to buy a home…so long as you turn around and pay that forward by donating $5M of your own to a charitable organization, for example. This is what most people do, or at least I would assume. I can’t imagine a society so broken down where this wouldn’t be the norm?

Not really. My parents give me a lot of money which has bought opportunities and I do the same for my own kids. We don’t owe anything to charity, though that’s lovely if you choose to do it.

Propagation of privilege, indeed! Thanks for reminding us why progressive taxes and high-income benefit phase outs are such a necessity.

Jealous much?

Anonymous wrote:[mastodon]

Anonymous wrote:I just don’t really understand the thread maybe. I made several million by 30 and actually turned down $$$s from wife’s parents. Seeing other parents continue to control their adult kids’ lives through $$$s (and kids allowing it) was enough of a turnoff that it seemed stupid to accept anything that would just be more money for really no reason.

My wife will inherit a bunch so she will get it eventually, but I don’t understand just taking money for s**ts and giggles.

Yes, I think you don’t understand the thread. Generally people here haven’t made several million by 30 with no help from parents. So if they are taking money from parents it isn’t for “sh*ts and giggles”. Now, there may be people who have made several million *because* they had help from parents - I’m in that category. And now I do not take any more money from parents but will be giving to my children.

Anonymous wrote:Did you get parental support (trust fund or DP help)?
How much is your current home/s worth?

Anonymous wrote:I just don’t really understand the thread maybe. I made several million by 30 and actually turned down $$$s from wife’s parents. Seeing other parents continue to control their adult kids’ lives through $$$s (and kids allowing it) was enough of a turnoff that it seemed stupid to accept anything that would just be more money for really no reason.

My wife will inherit a bunch so she will get it eventually, but I don’t understand just taking money for s**ts and giggles.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think we can all agree, at least, that anyone that accepts a handout, gift, or other measure of help without providing something of commensurate value in return is a total piece of trash. So, it’s okay to accept a $5M inheritance to buy a home…so long as you turn around and pay that forward by donating $5M of your own to a charitable organization, for example. This is what most people do, or at least I would assume. I can’t imagine a society so broken down where this wouldn’t be the norm?

Pay it forward, yes - but not necessarily in that way. We do donate to charity but the way I think of paying it forward is through the generations. So we accepted all the help of college, grad school, wedding, downpayment, etc, and we will do the same for our children. And I hope they will do the same for theirs.

lol. Ensuring that all the money is kept with your own genetic line isn’t exactly paying it forward. It’s the definition of self interest.

Man, rich people are just… different.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think we can all agree, at least, that anyone that accepts a handout, gift, or other measure of help without providing something of commensurate value in return is a total piece of trash. So, it’s okay to accept a $5M inheritance to buy a home…so long as you turn around and pay that forward by donating $5M of your own to a charitable organization, for example. This is what most people do, or at least I would assume. I can’t imagine a society so broken down where this wouldn’t be the norm?

Not really. My parents give me a lot of money which has bought opportunities and I do the same for my own kids. We don’t owe anything to charity, though that’s lovely if you choose to do it.

Propagation of privilege, indeed! Thanks for reminding us why progressive taxes and high-income benefit phase outs are such a necessity.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think we can all agree, at least, that anyone that accepts a handout, gift, or other measure of help without providing something of commensurate value in return is a total piece of trash. So, it’s okay to accept a $5M inheritance to buy a home…so long as you turn around and pay that forward by donating $5M of your own to a charitable organization, for example. This is what most people do, or at least I would assume. I can’t imagine a society so broken down where this wouldn’t be the norm?

Not really. My parents give me a lot of money which has bought opportunities and I do the same for my own kids. We don’t owe anything to charity, though that’s lovely if you choose to do it.

Anonymous wrote:I think we can all agree, at least, that anyone that accepts a handout, gift, or other measure of help without providing something of commensurate value in return is a total piece of trash. So, it’s okay to accept a $5M inheritance to buy a home…so long as you turn around and pay that forward by donating $5M of your own to a charitable organization, for example. This is what most people do, or at least I would assume. I can’t imagine a society so broken down where this wouldn’t be the norm?

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My parents paid for all of my college and grad school, a $100k+ wedding, new cars for my spouse and I for a wedding gift, and $150k for our first downpayment on a home a couple of years later. We are hoping to do the same for our kids some day, they're currently in middle school (at a private school my parents are paying for...) I know I'm very lucky.

Are you really not capable of at least paying for your own kids’ schooling?