Anonymous wrote:How long is your commute? How do you commute? That matters.

I had a lot of resentment in the early years because my husband didn’t seem to understand that I had a hard stop every day to leave work at get to daycare. He didn’t work super late, but he could take the extra 15-30 min to finish up an email or type up notes from a meeting before leaving. When you have a job where you aren’t clocking in and out for a set shift, you don’t realize how flexible the last 20 min of your day are until you are like Cinderella at midnight only it’s 5pm sharp and daycare.

If you drive and the commute is long, one or both of you can rearrange meetings to have one on one checkpoints while you drive. If you can work remotely, your husband can leave early and take the 4:30pm call from the daycare parking lot. You both need to get creative.

If you are taking time away from work to pump, I would argue that he can rearrange his 4:30 meeting until you are done pumping and then you can both figure out an alternative schedule one day a week.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I don't think OP has come back to respond/answer any questions.
OP (if you are still reading) what kind of daycare is this that pick up has to be so early? The best solution is to find a daycare that is open long enough hours to accommodate your ( plural-meaning both you and your husband) work schedule.

OP here. I didn't come back and respond because of all the dumb comments I saw telling me that I need to give up on my career, how dare I send my baby to daycare etc. The issue at hand is not daycare hours, rather that neither of us want the baby to be at daycare for 9+ hours.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I can think of a gazillion reasons unrelated to childcare for which someone might reasonably request to change the regular time of a weekly meeting. Regular weekly meetings are almost never set in stone, unless it's a core fuction of the job but nothing in the OP indicates this. So I do not get all the folks who say you can't ask for this and OP shouldn't expect her DH to do this - that's just ridiculous.

What concerns me most is one of you already making lots of schedule changes to accomodate the new pickup/dropoff schedule while the other one refuses to make *any*. As many others have said, that is not reasonable in any universe and foreshadows lots of problems in the future when flexibility will become necessary.

FWIW, my DH makes $300k+/yr as an individual contributor at a major tech firm (so, not management or executive). I make $30k/yr as a part time, fully WFH nonprofit staffer. We have two preteen SN kids with crazy schedules. I do 75% of regular pickups and dropoffs, and closer to 90% of the random appointments and sick days - that's the main reason for my PT/WFH schedule. However, ~4 times a year I have to travel for work for a week at a time (nonnegotiable core function of my job), and he takes over everything without question or complaint. He will even shift his on-call rotation to accomodate my travel if necessary. Because we are a team, and we approach our family calendar as a team effort.

Sure, some places still follow outdated/sexist norms, but the status quo won't change if no one bothers to try. I'm not even saying DH has to change the meeting, but it's about the attitude. This would absolutely be a hill I'd die on.

According to what OP said, her Dh is ok with the child attending daycare as much as needed to accommodate work schedules, while she feels the child should be in daycare fewer than 9 hours per day. If it's important to OP, SHE should be the one to figure it out. It's inappropriate of her to demand that he jeopardize his career prospects to accommodate her want.
Whether in daycare or with the parents, the child will be safe and cared for.

+1

If they are not on the same page about how much day care is ok, and OP has decided to adjust her schedule to make that happen, it doesn't follow that he is required to make the same career-limiting choices if he doesn't think they are necessary to raising their kid.

And for those saying there is no harm asking to move a standing meeting, I assure you that I've accommodated those requests without question but rolled my eyes and lowered my opinion of the askers who felt that their personal needs/wants were superior to everyone else who was just quietly adjusting without pushing everyone else around. I don't want to be that colleague, and sounds like OP's husband doesn't want to either.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I can think of a gazillion reasons unrelated to childcare for which someone might reasonably request to change the regular time of a weekly meeting. Regular weekly meetings are almost never set in stone, unless it's a core fuction of the job but nothing in the OP indicates this. So I do not get all the folks who say you can't ask for this and OP shouldn't expect her DH to do this - that's just ridiculous.

What concerns me most is one of you already making lots of schedule changes to accomodate the new pickup/dropoff schedule while the other one refuses to make *any*. As many others have said, that is not reasonable in any universe and foreshadows lots of problems in the future when flexibility will become necessary.

FWIW, my DH makes $300k+/yr as an individual contributor at a major tech firm (so, not management or executive). I make $30k/yr as a part time, fully WFH nonprofit staffer. We have two preteen SN kids with crazy schedules. I do 75% of regular pickups and dropoffs, and closer to 90% of the random appointments and sick days - that's the main reason for my PT/WFH schedule. However, ~4 times a year I have to travel for work for a week at a time (nonnegotiable core function of my job), and he takes over everything without question or complaint. He will even shift his on-call rotation to accomodate my travel if necessary. Because we are a team, and we approach our family calendar as a team effort.

Sure, some places still follow outdated/sexist norms, but the status quo won't change if no one bothers to try. I'm not even saying DH has to change the meeting, but it's about the attitude. This would absolutely be a hill I'd die on.

According to what OP said, her Dh is ok with the child attending daycare as much as needed to accommodate work schedules, while she feels the child should be in daycare fewer than 9 hours per day. If it's important to OP, SHE should be the one to figure it out. It's inappropriate of her to demand that he jeopardize his career prospects to accommodate her want.
Whether in daycare or with the parents, the child will be safe and cared for.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Men are expected to work the same hours as colleagues. Women can switch stuff around. May not be fair, or ideal, but that's how it goes. Good thing he gets it, hopefully his career will stay on track.

Not true. -a working mom

Okay, so women are expected the same hours as well? That’s definitely true of the content to be mommy tracked.

But men don’t generally get mommy tracked, they get laid off

You must be a dinosaur.

I’m just speaking from my experience, i was similar to OP. Maybe things have changed in the last 5 years radically, that is possible. But never being available after 3pm seems like a career killer unless you are like an AI SME or some niche skill.

But OP already works those hours, and there's no reason to say he's going to be laid off for working those hours.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Men are expected to work the same hours as colleagues. Women can switch stuff around. May not be fair, or ideal, but that's how it goes. Good thing he gets it, hopefully his career will stay on track.

Not true. -a working mom

Okay, so women are expected the same hours as well? That’s definitely true of the content to be mommy tracked.

But men don’t generally get mommy tracked, they get laid off

You must be a dinosaur.

I’m just speaking from my experience, i was similar to OP. Maybe things have changed in the last 5 years radically, that is possible. But never being available after 3pm seems like a career killer unless you are like an AI SME or some niche skill.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Men are expected to work the same hours as colleagues. Women can switch stuff around. May not be fair, or ideal, but that's how it goes. Good thing he gets it, hopefully his career will stay on track.

Not true. -a working mom

Okay, so women are expected the same hours as well? That’s definitely true of the content to be mommy tracked.

But men don’t generally get mommy tracked, they get laid off

You must be a dinosaur.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Men are expected to work the same hours as colleagues. Women can switch stuff around. May not be fair, or ideal, but that's how it goes. Good thing he gets it, hopefully his career will stay on track.

Not true. -a working mom

Okay, so women are expected the same hours as well? That’s definitely true of the content to be mommy tracked.

But men don’t generally get mommy tracked, they get laid off

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Men are expected to work the same hours as colleagues. Women can switch stuff around. May not be fair, or ideal, but that's how it goes. Good thing he gets it, hopefully his career will stay on track.

Not true. -a working mom

Anonymous wrote:Men are expected to work the same hours as colleagues. Women can switch stuff around. May not be fair, or ideal, but that's how it goes. Good thing he gets it, hopefully his career will stay on track.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I probably missed this, but why do you have to rearrange meetings for drop off? Why can't you just drop off early? Our daycare opened at 7:00.

Essentially Op has massive daycare guilt and wants to keep it to a minimum time. We did the same thing, but both our careers are mommy tracked so she needs to go in eyes wide open