Anonymous
Post 02/18/2024 17:29     Subject: Caught 13 YO DD drinking w/ friends, how to handle
Where did she say she was neglecting her child? She said she was occupied with the SN older sibling and needed to give more attention to the 13YO - that is very different than “neglect.” The mom is not out at the bars. The mom is not so enmeshed in dating or work or yoga classes that she can’t pay attention to the 13YO. She has a SN kid. No, a 13YO should not be drinking and hooking up, and it does seem like she is trying to get attention, but you all are outrageously judgmental. I truly hope your kids never go through anything like this.

And this is timely https://parentingteensandtweens.com/parenting-teens-means-dealing-with-their-bad-choices/?fbclid=IwAR0Rcx3vQKwa2tiRII2rwptY3_Q3PCFcjJMyR1tt8IULVyeZjVizpRKRbkc
Anonymous
Post 02/18/2024 17:21     Subject: Caught 13 YO DD drinking w/ friends, how to handle
Ladies who let their daughters wear crop tops and shorts so short their cheeks are hanging out: what do you think the girls are trying to accomplish? They want others to think they are sexy. Why are you all so surprised that they are experimenting sexually?
Anonymous
Post 02/18/2024 17:11     Subject: Caught 13 YO DD drinking w/ friends, how to handle
Anonymous wrote:The responses on here are just horrible. The judgment and cruelty are the reason people are leaving this site.

OP, I’m sorry your daughter is going through this and you are overwhelmed. I agree she needs something by more than punishment - it seems like she is acting out to get attention. If you can afford it, individual and family therapy will help. Do you have any family member who can help with respite care for your SN kid?

And for the other posters - I wouldn’t be so holier than thou. This can happen even to kids of involved, loving parents. It is insane to call for a CPS investigation or removal from the home. Have any of you ever been involved in the foster care system? Because it is deeply traumatizing to kids.

Except this mom is neglecting her child. You’re pathetic and couldn’t care less about his child. You care more about being nice to the mom.
Anonymous
Post 02/18/2024 17:06     Subject: Caught 13 YO DD drinking w/ friends, how to handle
Anonymous wrote:^^ I would also be willing to bet that many of the parents responding above have younger kids. I had it all figured out when my kids were 10, too.


I dunno. I have a 14 year old. It’s not CPS worthy but drinking and sexual activity at 13? That doesn’t happen to most people and some pretty basic supervision and just old fashioned paying attention is going to do a lot to prevent that.

The group sleepovers. Such a red flag and people don’t seem to see it either. A good chance they are not baking cookies and painting each other’s finger nails and watching wholesome movies. By 13, why do you think they even want to have them anymore??? It’s not 4th grade. At least a kid wanting to do them a bunch should give you pause to dig a little bit further.
Anonymous
Post 02/18/2024 16:57     Subject: Caught 13 YO DD drinking w/ friends, how to handle
^^ I would also be willing to bet that many of the parents responding above have younger kids. I had it all figured out when my kids were 10, too.
Anonymous
Post 02/18/2024 16:54     Subject: Caught 13 YO DD drinking w/ friends, how to handle
The responses on here are just horrible. The judgment and cruelty are the reason people are leaving this site.

OP, I’m sorry your daughter is going through this and you are overwhelmed. I agree she needs something by more than punishment - it seems like she is acting out to get attention. If you can afford it, individual and family therapy will help. Do you have any family member who can help with respite care for your SN kid?

And for the other posters - I wouldn’t be so holier than thou. This can happen even to kids of involved, loving parents. It is insane to call for a CPS investigation or removal from the home. Have any of you ever been involved in the foster care system? Because it is deeply traumatizing to kids.
Anonymous
Post 02/18/2024 16:52     Subject: Caught 13 YO DD drinking w/ friends, how to handle
Anonymous wrote:Why is everyone saying OP’s kid fell in with a fast crowd. OP’s kid IS the fast crowd.


+1!
Anonymous
Post 02/18/2024 16:38     Subject: Re:Caught 13 YO DD drinking w/ friends, how to handle
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:You all are so judgmental. OP already acknowledges that she has been negligent due to an older SN child. This can happen to any kid who falls in the wrong crowd. It happened to DD’s old friend from a W school. Fell into wrong crowd, was drinking, vaping, marijuana, sleeping around in 9th grade. Started slowly in middle school. Parents pulled her out and ended up moving to a small town in a different state. Some of the same issues persisted. Basically, you can’t run away from the issue. Kid will find the same fast crowd wherever they move. Both parents were super attentive. Mom was SAH, very involved. She was on PTA, volunteered at school. She did everything that most people are discussing on here. I knew the family for years and was shocked as well. A lot of these issues are a lot more prevalent than most on here realize.


Sorry, judgement is called for here. Her 13 year old has been doing this a long time and she had no clue. She’s that checked out and it has put her daughter at enormous risk. She deserves to feel judged and shamed then she might actually parent her poor kid.


+1
Anonymous
Post 02/18/2024 16:38     Subject: Caught 13 YO DD drinking w/ friends, how to handle
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:I can’t believe ppl here don’t realize that this happening more than you think. I hear it all as a middle school teacher. Nothing shocks me anymore. I would say more than half of my school is vaping IN SCHOOL


Of Course no children of the moms here do that.


Plenty do, read what the moms who are defending the op are saying. It’s pathetic.
Anonymous
Post 02/18/2024 16:36     Subject: Caught 13 YO DD drinking w/ friends, how to handle
Anonymous wrote:I can’t believe ppl here don’t realize that this happening more than you think. I hear it all as a middle school teacher. Nothing shocks me anymore. I would say more than half of my school is vaping IN SCHOOL


Of Course no children of the moms here do that.
Anonymous
Post 02/18/2024 16:29     Subject: Re:Caught 13 YO DD drinking w/ friends, how to handle
Anonymous wrote:You all are so judgmental. OP already acknowledges that she has been negligent due to an older SN child. This can happen to any kid who falls in the wrong crowd. It happened to DD’s old friend from a W school. Fell into wrong crowd, was drinking, vaping, marijuana, sleeping around in 9th grade. Started slowly in middle school. Parents pulled her out and ended up moving to a small town in a different state. Some of the same issues persisted. Basically, you can’t run away from the issue. Kid will find the same fast crowd wherever they move. Both parents were super attentive. Mom was SAH, very involved. She was on PTA, volunteered at school. She did everything that most people are discussing on here. I knew the family for years and was shocked as well. A lot of these issues are a lot more prevalent than most on here realize.


Sorry, judgement is called for here. Her 13 year old has been doing this a long time and she had no clue. She’s that checked out and it has put her daughter at enormous risk. She deserves to feel judged and shamed then she might actually parent her poor kid.
Anonymous
Post 02/18/2024 16:28     Subject: Caught 13 YO DD drinking w/ friends, how to handle
Anonymous wrote:Why is everyone saying OP’s kid fell in with a fast crowd. OP’s kid IS the fast crowd.


Excellent point. Op’s daughter is the kid you want to keep your kid away from.
Anonymous
Post 02/18/2024 16:27     Subject: Caught 13 YO DD drinking w/ friends, how to handle
Why is everyone saying OP’s kid fell in with a fast crowd. OP’s kid IS the fast crowd.
Anonymous
Post 02/18/2024 15:26     Subject: Re:Caught 13 YO DD drinking w/ friends, how to handle
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:You all are so judgmental. OP already acknowledges that she has been negligent due to an older SN child. This can happen to any kid who falls in the wrong crowd. It happened to DD’s old friend from a W school. Fell into wrong crowd, was drinking, vaping, marijuana, sleeping around in 9th grade. Started slowly in middle school. Parents pulled her out and ended up moving to a small town in a different state. Some of the same issues persisted. Basically, you can’t run away from the issue. Kid will find the same fast crowd wherever they move. Both parents were super attentive. Mom was SAH, very involved. She was on PTA, volunteered at school. She did everything that most people are discussing on here. I knew the family for years and was shocked as well. A lot of these issues are a lot more prevalent than most on here realize.


Good to know.
The new recommendation is to not be a super attentive parent and be there for one’s child.


+1
Anonymous
Post 02/18/2024 15:23     Subject: Re:Caught 13 YO DD drinking w/ friends, how to handle
Anonymous wrote:You all are so judgmental. OP already acknowledges that she has been negligent due to an older SN child. This can happen to any kid who falls in the wrong crowd. It happened to DD’s old friend from a W school. Fell into wrong crowd, was drinking, vaping, marijuana, sleeping around in 9th grade. Started slowly in middle school. Parents pulled her out and ended up moving to a small town in a different state. Some of the same issues persisted. Basically, you can’t run away from the issue. Kid will find the same fast crowd wherever they move. Both parents were super attentive. Mom was SAH, very involved. She was on PTA, volunteered at school. She did everything that most people are discussing on here. I knew the family for years and was shocked as well. A lot of these issues are a lot more prevalent than most on here realize.


True, but those crowds are usually obvious(I said usually). Why were they allowed to be friends?