Anonymous
12/15/2024 13:19
Subject: Dad’s new “companion” after mom’s death
Everyone, at any age, should have a legal document, a pre nup, even post nup to secure their assets.
With regard to second marriages- make it important to respect them. They aren't lesser, they are just as important. It isn't instead of, it's an " and." The remaining spouse is alive and perfectly able and willing to have another life. It's not disrespectful to the deceased spouse. These people aren't your "new" parents, but they are legitimate spouses of the remaining parent. It's great if the parent protects the assets for the kids, but, again, they still have good reasons for leaving assets to their new spouse. These marriages are sometimes decades long as well. No offspring is entitled to an inheritance.
With regard to second marriages- make it important to respect them. They aren't lesser, they are just as important. It isn't instead of, it's an " and." The remaining spouse is alive and perfectly able and willing to have another life. It's not disrespectful to the deceased spouse. These people aren't your "new" parents, but they are legitimate spouses of the remaining parent. It's great if the parent protects the assets for the kids, but, again, they still have good reasons for leaving assets to their new spouse. These marriages are sometimes decades long as well. No offspring is entitled to an inheritance.
Anonymous
12/15/2024 13:14
Subject: Dad’s new “companion” after mom’s death
MY MIL met someone after my FIL died. They're very happy together. They are not going to get married, and finances are separate.
I'm happy for her. If someone wants companionship, they should find someone new and be happy.
I'm happy for her. If someone wants companionship, they should find someone new and be happy.
Anonymous
12/15/2024 13:10
Subject: Dad’s new “companion” after mom’s death
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Honestly we were all happy after a few years that dad wanted companionship. Women keep men alive and healthier.
BUT: have a conversation about estates because my dad wanted wife #2 to become our mother 2.0/give her the family home etc (even though were in our 30s/40s) so we had to point out that mum's plans for the estate wasn't for it to go to some random woman. Luckily he seemed to understand that finally.
You are right that bringing up estate issues with a parent is an important topic to bring up. However, you must also understand that your parent still has agency (unless declared incompetent) and they still have the right to make their own choices.
Here's where you are wrong. You call your father's wife "some random woman" which is very disrespectful to her and your father. Would you like it if your spouse's family called you "some random" person? What about your mother - would it have been right if she had been referred to as "some random woman" when she married your father?
Most laws, religions and decent people show basic respect for a person's spouse. Whether it's their first or not. Why don't you do the same in this case. I do think you are very wrong in your attitude which comes across loud and clear in your post. You obviously don't like your father's wife and it comes across as "stepmother/SM" bigotry.
It was your father's mistake to think you should treat SM like a mother. SM may not have even known about his 2.0 request or disagreed and he did it anyway.
It is easy to set up a will/trust to leave assets so there is no mistake about who gets what. But as for the "family" home, that may be a different case. If your father and his wife are living in this house then they may be there for decades, depending on life expectancy. Do you really expect that if they live there for decades and your father passes, you would expect SM to pack up and get out of the home she's known for decades, because it's your "family" home?
Yet you seem to think it's perfectly fine for her to spend decades of her life caring for your father, keeping him "healthier and happy," being his companion & nurse, yet when she's an old widow it's perfectly fine to toss her out on her a$$ because, well you know, she's nothing but a stepmother.
Coming in at the twilight years of a lonely old man’s life to steal his and his late wife’s net worth compiled over decades from their kids and grandkids does make you a random. Not blood and never will be.
Your comment shows how truly ignorant, and misogynistic, you are. Most women who are currently in their 60s and 70s have worked for a good portion of their life, if not all of it. Many of them have their own social security, their own savings, their own retirement accounts and probably own their own properties. They are also educated enough to know about estate planning and setting up trusts. They are just as interested in protecting their assets as they are in any potential spouse/partner.
And "blood" doesn't mean people are honest or caring. There are countless stories of heartless adult children who discard their parents and only keep in touch to inquire about inheritance.
True, some blood can be bad too. My dad remarried someone half his age. Dad died, and now his widow is living in a home that was our family home. I see all kinds of situations. Hopefully, her dad doesn't remarry at that age. In the mid 70s no reason.
Anonymous
12/15/2024 13:03
Subject: Re:Dad’s new “companion” after mom’s death
OP we have a friend who is almost 70. He's been dating quite awhile. Many do not have great retirements, or decent finances and want him to be a ATM. It's one thing to date, but he should never remarry. A lot of elderly abuse out there, financial and what.
Anonymous
12/14/2024 17:40
Subject: Dad’s new “companion” after mom’s death
Np, Our situations are so nearly identical that I had to read it carefully to ensure I didn't write it. I have yet to go through all the pages, but so far, I see that you are catching a lot of flack. Chin up--your feelings are entirely normal.
My parents were married for 45 years at the time of my mom's death. He remarried after nearly seven years. He and the woman did not cohabitate; she lives in another state. I've met her a few times and don't care for her, but I took delight in not having to engage with her much.
I was also worried about inheritance issues, but my dad took extreme care with keeping all finances separate and in a trust. I warned him that I did not trust her, and rightfully so. He died a few months ago, and within less than 18 hours of his death, she inquired about his estate and felt entitled even though they never lived together and had no joint property/accounts.
I recommend sticking to your druthers and trusting your instincts because I was right about mine. If your dad has any money, even a dollar, she will feel entitled to it if they marry.
My parents were married for 45 years at the time of my mom's death. He remarried after nearly seven years. He and the woman did not cohabitate; she lives in another state. I've met her a few times and don't care for her, but I took delight in not having to engage with her much.
I was also worried about inheritance issues, but my dad took extreme care with keeping all finances separate and in a trust. I warned him that I did not trust her, and rightfully so. He died a few months ago, and within less than 18 hours of his death, she inquired about his estate and felt entitled even though they never lived together and had no joint property/accounts.
I recommend sticking to your druthers and trusting your instincts because I was right about mine. If your dad has any money, even a dollar, she will feel entitled to it if they marry.
Anonymous
12/14/2024 15:23
Subject: Dad’s new “companion” after mom’s death
It’s been 6 years and you are upset? Let your dad have a companion. Your mom is not coming back and I assume she would want him to be happy. You should want him to be happy too
Anonymous
12/14/2024 05:36
Subject: Dad’s new “companion” after mom’s death
OP, are you six years old? Dad's new gf is not trying to replace your mom. Stop acting like a child. I'm shocked an adult would write this. If I die young, then I hope my husband finds someone, and I hope my child doesn't act like a jerk and try to take away his happiness.
Anonymous
12/12/2024 06:25
Subject: Dad’s new “companion” after mom’s death
Anonymous wrote:OP, I have stage 4 breast cancer, not sure what the future will bring for me, but I absolutely will want my spouse to find someone else to share the rest of his life with after I die (not 3 months after, of course ☺️- but 6 years is more than long enough). In a way I’d view it as a complement to our marriage.
We are 50 and have college aged children, fwiw. It would sadden me me to think that my kids would interfere with my spouse/their dad enjoying the rest of his life with a companion or second wife, if he so chooses.
+1
You are a sweetheart and I hope things go well for you and peacefully.
Anonymous
12/12/2024 00:01
Subject: Re:Dad’s new “companion” after mom’s death
This post cannot be real. Maybe it’s an age and gender swapped thing, written by a widowed mom about her starting to date a new guy.
Anonymous
12/11/2024 23:11
Subject: Dad’s new “companion” after mom’s death
compliment, not complement
Anonymous
12/11/2024 23:11
Subject: Dad’s new “companion” after mom’s death
OP, I have stage 4 breast cancer, not sure what the future will bring for me, but I absolutely will want my spouse to find someone else to share the rest of his life with after I die (not 3 months after, of course ☺️- but 6 years is more than long enough). In a way I’d view it as a complement to our marriage.
We are 50 and have college aged children, fwiw. It would sadden me me to think that my kids would interfere with my spouse/their dad enjoying the rest of his life with a companion or second wife, if he so chooses.
We are 50 and have college aged children, fwiw. It would sadden me me to think that my kids would interfere with my spouse/their dad enjoying the rest of his life with a companion or second wife, if he so chooses.
Anonymous
12/11/2024 20:23
Subject: Dad’s new “companion” after mom’s death
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Six YEARS after he held your mom’s hand until the end? Grow up, princess. It may shock you to hear that your father has a life of his own, and he deserves to be happy.
You’ll be grateful enough when she drives him to medical appointments and is there when he falls in the shower. Get therapy and get some perspective. It’s not all about YOU. I’m glad your father isn’t alone. Good for him.
Wow, driving him to medical appointments...he could drive himself to or uber to. That is totally worth a new woman stealing all of OP's inheritance.
That's your take on this?
You sound like a real sweetheart
Yes, because it happens all the time.
Did it happen to you and that hussy stole what was rightfully yours?
Anonymous
12/11/2024 19:06
Subject: Dad’s new “companion” after mom’s death
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Six YEARS after he held your mom’s hand until the end? Grow up, princess. It may shock you to hear that your father has a life of his own, and he deserves to be happy.
You’ll be grateful enough when she drives him to medical appointments and is there when he falls in the shower. Get therapy and get some perspective. It’s not all about YOU. I’m glad your father isn’t alone. Good for him.
Wow, driving him to medical appointments...he could drive himself to or uber to. That is totally worth a new woman stealing all of OP's inheritance.
That's your take on this?
You sound like a real sweetheart
Yes, because it happens all the time.
Anonymous
12/11/2024 17:54
Subject: Dad’s new “companion” after mom’s death
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Six YEARS after he held your mom’s hand until the end? Grow up, princess. It may shock you to hear that your father has a life of his own, and he deserves to be happy.
You’ll be grateful enough when she drives him to medical appointments and is there when he falls in the shower. Get therapy and get some perspective. It’s not all about YOU. I’m glad your father isn’t alone. Good for him.
Wow, driving him to medical appointments...he could drive himself to or uber to. That is totally worth a new woman stealing all of OP's inheritance.
That's your take on this?
You sound like a real sweetheart
Anonymous
12/11/2024 16:37
Subject: Dad’s new “companion” after mom’s death
Anonymous wrote:Six YEARS after he held your mom’s hand until the end? Grow up, princess. It may shock you to hear that your father has a life of his own, and he deserves to be happy.
You’ll be grateful enough when she drives him to medical appointments and is there when he falls in the shower. Get therapy and get some perspective. It’s not all about YOU. I’m glad your father isn’t alone. Good for him.
Wow, driving him to medical appointments...he could drive himself to or uber to. That is totally worth a new woman stealing all of OP's inheritance.