Anonymous wrote:Has anyone pointed out that the daily mail picked this up?

https://www.dailymail.co.uk/femail/article-12924585/mother-daughter-birthday-party-invitation.html

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:DD is turning 11 and in 5th grade. This will be her last big birthday party.

In her class this year, there is a girl who is very mean to many of the other girls in the class and DD is constantly complaining about her. For example, she stole DD’s special eraser one day and threw it in the trash (the teacher later found it and the girl bragged to others about doing it). She makes rude comments about many of the girls regularly (“ugh your outfit is so ugly”) and overall is just known as a mean girl. She has friends in another class who she usually hangs out with.

Anyway, there are 10 girls in DD’s class and she wants to invite all to her birthday party except this one girl. Ordinarily I would say absolutely not to excluding one person, but I am torn.

Do I make DD invite someone who is actively mean and rude to her just so I don’t hurt one person’s feelings? Do I make her not invite a few other girls from the class that she does like just so we don’t invite everyone?

FWIW, if I do invite the mean girl she will likely come because her parents will make sure. We know them and the parents are actually really nice, so even if their daughter says she doesn’t want to attend they will probably make her, and none of her other friends would be invited so DD thinks it would be awkward.

Do not exclude this one girl and the reason I would say is unless you witnessed the "bullying" you don't know what is going on. If you don't want to invite her fine but, if you invite everyone but, this girl than your dd will become the mean girl ( if she isn't already)

Just invite half of the class.

Why are you so concerned about one girl's feelings and not another's? I highly doubt there are many situations where ALL of the girls are included except just that one who happens to be a bully. Usually, many girls might be included, and a few won't, including a bully. But, when push comes to shove, if there is a good reason to not include that one person, it might be the wake up call needed. Why are you so afraid of a bully facing consequences? Maybe it will help.

And how would that lesson be taught? Do you really think an 11 year old is going to be I didn't get invited to Alice's party because I am mean and so now I will change? Why go out of your way to be the mean girl...and face it we don't know the facts and neither does op

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:DD is turning 11 and in 5th grade. This will be her last big birthday party.

In her class this year, there is a girl who is very mean to many of the other girls in the class and DD is constantly complaining about her. For example, she stole DD’s special eraser one day and threw it in the trash (the teacher later found it and the girl bragged to others about doing it). She makes rude comments about many of the girls regularly (“ugh your outfit is so ugly”) and overall is just known as a mean girl. She has friends in another class who she usually hangs out with.

Anyway, there are 10 girls in DD’s class and she wants to invite all to her birthday party except this one girl. Ordinarily I would say absolutely not to excluding one person, but I am torn.

Do I make DD invite someone who is actively mean and rude to her just so I don’t hurt one person’s feelings? Do I make her not invite a few other girls from the class that she does like just so we don’t invite everyone?

FWIW, if I do invite the mean girl she will likely come because her parents will make sure. We know them and the parents are actually really nice, so even if their daughter says she doesn’t want to attend they will probably make her, and none of her other friends would be invited so DD thinks it would be awkward.

Do not exclude this one girl and the reason I would say is unless you witnessed the "bullying" you don't know what is going on. If you don't want to invite her fine but, if you invite everyone but, this girl than your dd will become the mean girl ( if she isn't already)

Just invite half of the class.

Why are you so concerned about one girl's feelings and not another's? I highly doubt there are many situations where ALL of the girls are included except just that one who happens to be a bully. Usually, many girls might be included, and a few won't, including a bully. But, when push comes to shove, if there is a good reason to not include that one person, it might be the wake up call needed. Why are you so afraid of a bully facing consequences? Maybe it will help.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:She’s 11 and in 5th grade. She gets to decide who she wants to invite. She doesn’t have to invite a kid who’s mean to her party. Does she have any other friends that are coming, like from sports, dance, scouts etc?

Is this the last party you are willing to give her? I have one kid who stopped having them younger than this and another who still wants parties in her teens.

This. It's not kindergarten and you do not have to invite all the girls. That only applies if you send invitations to school. Inviting the mean girl will reinforce her attitude that she can make others miserable and it doesn't matter. Time to let your daughter stand up for herself and choose who comes to her party. Do you want mean girl making fun of the party at school the week after?

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm on page 4 and don't feel like reading the rest- but I am shocked that no one has suggested calling the mom and having a talk about it. Wouldn't you want to know why your daughter was/or will be the only one not invited? OP says the mom is nice. I would start there.

Seriously? How would this go?

OP: Hi Stephanie, it’s Lindsay. I just wanted to let you know that Angelica isn’t invited to Larla’s birthday party because she’s mean.

Lindsay: ??????

Most of us have more tact then this. Sounds like you could benefit from interpersonal communications skills if this is how you approach it.

Anonymous wrote:

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Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You don't have to invite her, but you don't get to exclude just her

Why not? I wouldn't feel bad excluding the girls who torment my daughter. Why would they want to come anyway after they take votes on whether or not to let her play with them at recess?

+1 it's also not just her, it's also all the boys. Assuming this is not a single sex school, which I'm assuming it's not because class sizes are not that small afaik.

Most likely the boys wouldn't care. If a birthday party invited all the boys but, one surely that one boy would feel left out. But the girls wouldn't care.

A side story my friend has twins and this one boy picked on them. Instead of excluding they went out of their way to be kind and friendly and the kids did become real friends.

Just another perspective

I'm not going out of my way to be friendly and exclusive to the girl who wishes my daughter would just die. Nope.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You don't have to invite her, but you don't get to exclude just her

Why not? I wouldn't feel bad excluding the girls who torment my daughter. Why would they want to come anyway after they take votes on whether or not to let her play with them at recess?

+1 it's also not just her, it's also all the boys. Assuming this is not a single sex school, which I'm assuming it's not because class sizes are not that small afaik.

Most likely the boys wouldn't care. If a birthday party invited all the boys but, one surely that one boy would feel left out. But the girls wouldn't care.

A side story my friend has twins and this one boy picked on them. Instead of excluding they went out of their way to be kind and friendly and the kids did become real friends.

Just another perspective

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:DD is turning 11 and in 5th grade. This will be her last big birthday party.

In her class this year, there is a girl who is very mean to many of the other girls in the class and DD is constantly complaining about her. For example, she stole DD’s special eraser one day and threw it in the trash (the teacher later found it and the girl bragged to others about doing it). She makes rude comments about many of the girls regularly (“ugh your outfit is so ugly”) and overall is just known as a mean girl. She has friends in another class who she usually hangs out with.

Anyway, there are 10 girls in DD’s class and she wants to invite all to her birthday party except this one girl. Ordinarily I would say absolutely not to excluding one person, but I am torn.

Do I make DD invite someone who is actively mean and rude to her just so I don’t hurt one person’s feelings? Do I make her not invite a few other girls from the class that she does like just so we don’t invite everyone?

FWIW, if I do invite the mean girl she will likely come because her parents will make sure. We know them and the parents are actually really nice, so even if their daughter says she doesn’t want to attend they will probably make her, and none of her other friends would be invited so DD thinks it would be awkward.

Do not exclude this one girl and the reason I would say is unless you witnessed the "bullying" you don't know what is going on. If you don't want to invite her fine but, if you invite everyone but, this girl than your dd will become the mean girl ( if she isn't already)

Just invite half of the class.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You don't have to invite her, but you don't get to exclude just her

Why not? I wouldn't feel bad excluding the girls who torment my daughter. Why would they want to come anyway after they take votes on whether or not to let her play with them at recess?

+1 it's also not just her, it's also all the boys. Assuming this is not a single sex school, which I'm assuming it's not because class sizes are not that small afaik.

Anonymous wrote:DD is turning 11 and in 5th grade. This will be her last big birthday party.

In her class this year, there is a girl who is very mean to many of the other girls in the class and DD is constantly complaining about her. For example, she stole DD’s special eraser one day and threw it in the trash (the teacher later found it and the girl bragged to others about doing it). She makes rude comments about many of the girls regularly (“ugh your outfit is so ugly”) and overall is just known as a mean girl. She has friends in another class who she usually hangs out with.

Anyway, there are 10 girls in DD’s class and she wants to invite all to her birthday party except this one girl. Ordinarily I would say absolutely not to excluding one person, but I am torn.

Do I make DD invite someone who is actively mean and rude to her just so I don’t hurt one person’s feelings? Do I make her not invite a few other girls from the class that she does like just so we don’t invite everyone?

FWIW, if I do invite the mean girl she will likely come because her parents will make sure. We know them and the parents are actually really nice, so even if their daughter says she doesn’t want to attend they will probably make her, and none of her other friends would be invited so DD thinks it would be awkward.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You fit every stereotype OP

Still waiting for one decent explanation of why the cruel girl needs to be invited. Let's hear it. Examples have been provided in this thread, given those, justify why an invitation must be extended.

Don't you know hurt people hurt - not well adjusted people? I would try to stop the cycle which is why I said I would have my daughter either invite fewer girls or all of them. I don't condone being a bully, but I also know how to not exclude and be the bigger person.

The bigger person who's getting bullied and inviting someone who takes pleasure in hurting her. Bigger person is a way of protecting bullies.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You fit every stereotype OP

Still waiting for one decent explanation of why the cruel girl needs to be invited. Let's hear it. Examples have been provided in this thread, given those, justify why an invitation must be extended.

Don't you know hurt people hurt - not well adjusted people? I would try to stop the cycle which is why I said I would have my daughter either invite fewer girls or all of them. I don't condone being a bully, but I also know how to not exclude and be the bigger person.