Anonymous
10/23/2023 15:30
Subject: Re:Not sexually fulfilled in otherwise great marriage
Anonymous wrote:My sex Life is good but not great but the rest of my marriage is really all I could hope for. Requiring “great” in all parts of a marriage is not going to happen. Plenty of marriages fall apart even when the sex is great. My divorced sister still has periodic sex with her ex because that’s all he was good for.
No marriage is perfect OP. My DH is a great provider and decent father and all I can handle in bed. He's emotionally a cyborg though.
Anonymous
10/23/2023 15:08
Subject: Re:Not sexually fulfilled in otherwise great marriage
You're married to Mr. Roper and you're Helen.
Anonymous
10/23/2023 15:02
Subject: Re:Not sexually fulfilled in otherwise great marriage
it's the '20s... men are becoming much less sexual.
Anonymous
10/23/2023 14:59
Subject: Re:Not sexually fulfilled in otherwise great marriage
Anonymous wrote:My sex Life is good but not great but the rest of my marriage is really all I could hope for. Requiring “great” in all parts of a marriage is not going to happen. Plenty of marriages fall apart even when the sex is great. My divorced sister still has periodic sex with her ex because that’s all he was good for.
Sure - but for many, sexual fidelity is literally part of the marital contract. So if it’s so unimportant, why do we care about our spouses having sex with other people? It’s not like OP is asking her husband to take up tennis or knitting.
Anonymous
10/23/2023 14:56
Subject: Re:Not sexually fulfilled in otherwise great marriage
This is a little off thread but I remember being at a 3-4 day touchy feely seminar many years ago. One of the guys in my group, none of whom I knew beforehand, went on about the great marriage he had. The last night after dinner he said to me, I swear, “I’m the guy who could give you great pleasure.” Somehow I was smart enough to say “Sorry, but you look nothing like my husband”. So here’s a butt hole who goes on about his great marriage and then wants to have sex with someone else. Later that night when I told my husband the story he howled at my brilliant response and then he said “ did you mean it?”
Anonymous
10/23/2023 14:13
Subject: Re:Not sexually fulfilled in otherwise great marriage
My sex Life is good but not great but the rest of my marriage is really all I could hope for. Requiring “great” in all parts of a marriage is not going to happen. Plenty of marriages fall apart even when the sex is great. My divorced sister still has periodic sex with her ex because that’s all he was good for.
Anonymous
10/23/2023 14:05
Subject: Not sexually fulfilled in otherwise great marriage
Anonymous wrote:I think if you did a poll there are many men and women out there who don't have the perfect ideal sex life in their marriage - their wives and husbands don't have sex as frequently as they wish or do the sex acts they wish or meet all their sexual needs and keep them always feeling sexually satisfied.
I would say you are far from alone OP. Given everything else is good, I am not sure what you have is worth giving up. You have an active sex life and it sounds like everything else is great.
It would be interesting to poll middle age men and women and see what percent say they have the sex life they want and feel sexually fulfilled and satisfied by their spouse. My guess is that number would be quite low.
NP.
OP is far from being alone in this situation. Hope your situation resolves itself for the better, OP.
Anonymous
10/23/2023 13:03
Subject: Not sexually fulfilled in otherwise great marriage
Anonymous wrote:I think if you did a poll there are many men and women out there who don't have the perfect ideal sex life in their marriage - their wives and husbands don't have sex as frequently as they wish or do the sex acts they wish or meet all their sexual needs and keep them always feeling sexually satisfied.
I would say you are far from alone OP. Given everything else is good, I am not sure what you have is worth giving up. You have an active sex life and it sounds like everything else is great.
It would be interesting to poll middle age men and women and see what percent say they have the sex life they want and feel sexually fulfilled and satisfied by their spouse. My guess is that number would be quite low.
There is big difference between "mutual" and "perfection" - it seems that OP is describing that her sex life is not mutual ... DH is getting what he wants and she isn't. She hasn't provided us with background on if he has explained WHY he is ignoring her / saying no. But it seems like a power play / laziness / disregard based on what has been posted.
Anonymous
10/23/2023 10:01
Subject: Not sexually fulfilled in otherwise great marriage
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Literally grab him by his ball$ and tell him if things don’t change for the better, he won’t be needing these things anymore… Why stay and be unfulfilled?
You and Trump would get along well. He can grab you by the pu$$y and you can grab him by the ball$ and both can make threats about sex or else. What a delightful relationship.
Salty much? Oh, you’re of the participation trophy generation. Bet you get your feelings hurt at the drop of a hat. Bet you cry when someone calls you to the carpet. Bet you whine when you don’t get your way. How’s your portfolio doing with Sleepy Joe in charge? STFU
Are you drunk or just always incoherent?
Anonymous
10/23/2023 09:24
Subject: Not sexually fulfilled in otherwise great marriage
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Literally grab him by his ball$ and tell him if things don’t change for the better, he won’t be needing these things anymore… Why stay and be unfulfilled?
You and Trump would get along well. He can grab you by the pu$$y and you can grab him by the ball$ and both can make threats about sex or else. What a delightful relationship.
Salty much? Oh, you’re of the participation trophy generation. Bet you get your feelings hurt at the drop of a hat. Bet you cry when someone calls you to the carpet. Bet you whine when you don’t get your way. How’s your portfolio doing with Sleepy Joe in charge? STFU
Anonymous
10/23/2023 09:14
Subject: Re:Not sexually fulfilled in otherwise great marriage
Anonymous wrote:Many women complain about never having sex, let alone just missionary. I agree with you that variety is important in many things including sex. You need to take charge physically so get him on his back and climb on. Don’t ask, just do it. My husband lets me make the decision on what we do and he seems pretty satisfied.
Wow, imagine if the genders were reversed. "Don't ask, just turn her over and put it in." Men deserve consent too!
Anonymous
10/23/2023 08:36
Subject: Not sexually fulfilled in otherwise great marriage
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:I see a therapist but my husband refuses . Normal therapy or sex therapy he refuses it all . That’s why I was saying my situation is similar to OP . No an AP is not the first route obviously but weve been bickering over this for a long time
I understand. After more than 10 years of problems (mostly no sex) I had an emotional affair and came VERY CLOSE to a PA, but I just couldn't do it. Our life is otherwise great but it makes you crazy to feel unloved and trapped. We nearly divorced but started counseling and are doing better now.
DH has also never gone down on me. I enjoy doing it for him. Honestly it's the least of our probems but I have never been with another man and it's a little sad that the things he totally refuses to do are things I may never do, ever. I am up for anything and everything, I just wish he were more enthusiastic and adventerous.
Thanks for writing this . It gives me hope that maybe I could be more forward in how I’m really about to walk out on him and convince him to go to counseling . I understand some sexual things may be unfulfilled for you and I do hope he comes around
Well the sexual problems were just a symptom of much worse problems. The emotional affair definitely functioned like an exit affair, and in the beginning of counseling I was basically staying because divorce would create a lot of disruption to my otherwise pleasant life. But things are a lot better now.
Anonymous
10/23/2023 08:28
Subject: Not sexually fulfilled in otherwise great marriage
According to Pew Research (2019) Marriage and Cohabitation in the US report - approx 35% of individuals who are married are satisfied sexually in their marriage.
But still a higher % than those who are single.
Lowest satisfaction is in the mid 30s to mid 40s age group and lower in men than women (but not by a lot).
But still a higher % than those who are single.
Lowest satisfaction is in the mid 30s to mid 40s age group and lower in men than women (but not by a lot).
Anonymous
10/23/2023 08:22
Subject: Not sexually fulfilled in otherwise great marriage
Anonymous wrote:Let me start off by saying that I love my husband very much. We have been together almost half my life and he is a wonderful father and husband. I know nobody has perfect relationships and that you always have to take the good with the bad etc…
Although we have, what I would consider an “active” sex life-I have told him multiple times that there are things I want to do. Now these aren’t even taboo or crazy things. These are literally things that most other people would consider regular and normal. But he has basically straight out refused even though he has told me he did these things in previous relationships (as did I). This just keeps upsetting me more and more and my dilemma is this:
1. I don’t feel like I should have to give up what I want. We only get this one life. I want to enjoy it to its absolute fullest.
2. I don’t feel like anybody should be manipulated/ convinced to do something sexually they don’t want to do. I wouldn’t want someone doing that to me either.
So do I just plan on not having what I want sexually for the rest of my life? That just seems so depressing. Although I feel like we have a strong marriage-this is a big deal to me and I just feel like I can’t get over it. I do have a therapist and I do talk about it with them.
Thoughts?
Only you can decide what your priorities and opportunities are but you may find out that your assessment was incorrect. If you are ready to deal with the consequences, it would be easier to make a decision.
Anonymous
10/23/2023 08:13
Subject: Not sexually fulfilled in otherwise great marriage
Anonymous wrote:Literally grab him by his ball$ and tell him if things don’t change for the better, he won’t be needing these things anymore… Why stay and be unfulfilled?
You and Trump would get along well. He can grab you by the pu$$y and you can grab him by the ball$ and both can make threats about sex or else. What a delightful relationship.