Anonymous
Post 10/11/2023 17:22     Subject: Re:Being summoned back to the office four days a week and anxious/sick over it
Anonymous wrote:I think what can truly help working parents is a 6 hr day on-site and then ability to log in for 2 hrs from home. This can curtail so much anxiety around pick ups, getting dinner on the table etc.

My kids were 9 when COVID hit and they are 13 now, DH and I both WFH for last 4 yrs and we have zero stress levels in terms of pickups, dinner etc. I do go in 1-2 days/week but I have the option to go in for 5-6 hrs and then resume work when I reach home.

IMO not needing to spend 8hrs+commute time is a game changer.


I don't know about this, my manager is willing to give that flexibility (which I appreciate! He's really trying!), but if you have a very long commute it doesn't make up for the fact that the 3 hours round trip you lose comes from somewhere. Either you can't pick up kids, or you make up work when you're home together in the evening, or you don't sleep.

Long commutes are just really hard, and no, some of us can't move closer for family/dual career/financial reasons (it's not that we've "prioritized a McMansion in the exurbs" or whatever the DCUM straw man is). It was so great to live without them, or at least minimize them for a while.
Anonymous
Post 10/11/2023 16:59     Subject: Being summoned back to the office four days a week and anxious/sick over it
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:Since COVID, I have worked from home and it's been wonderful. I'm super productive - and also cozy at home. I am a huge introvert and I savor not having to "face" the world. And, a lot of my work is independent anyway. I wear my soft pants, I light a candle next to my desk, I can dash out to pick up my kids, I have soup simmering ... and I get a TON DONE.

We go back in person next week and I feel legit sick to my stomach. I wake up at 4am sweaty and panicked. The commute sucks. The rows of cubicles blow. The entire vibe is just...not home. I hate it and it's making me feel ill. Like the work but hate office culture. I don't know what to do.


The bolded, plus laundry, a quick trip to grocery store, etc, are exactly why so many companies are requiring RTO.


Yup. The “I get a ton done” is always referencing personal stuff during work hours. These people getting so worked up about going back to the office are so transparent. Find a new job, negotiate, or go back. The whining and fake panic attacks are ridiculous.


Yep. I am a teacher (I am half time and work 2.5 days a week) and I see it in the HUGE increase of parents picking up elementary kids at school at 2:30 (vs. using aftercare) and also how many more people are shopping in stores midday running errands. All of these people's employers think they are working.


Our school did not nor does have many buses. We have no option but to pick up our kids


Eye roll. Some of us pay for before and after care


I live in Arlington County and there are problems staffing extended day. After 3 years! of trying to get a spot, I give up. We’ve already adjusted our work schedules to accommodate (I start early in the morning and end in time to meet the bus). So yeah you may see me at the park with my kids after school or running an errand with them mid-afternoon. But I’m still working full time. This wouldn’t be manageable with a commute to add in. Maybe the school systems should be paying more to actually get new hires if getting parents back in the office is that important.


Your arrangement with your employer is your business. But don’t pretend it’s anyone’s responsibility other than yours (and your husband’s) to secure after school care for your child. There are lots of options other than onsite extended day.


This is the sort of sentiment that is not right for collective good of society. Let’s make small accommodations for working parents, leaving kids with others for extended periods or in front of screens is destroying our nation. Before you even start with the argument that it’s your choice to work, just stop. Majority of us don’t have a choice, both parents must work to afford a decent house, schools, lifestyle etc.

Next time you complain about shootings and mental health issues, think of how impossible everything is for working parents, as a society we need to prioritize families. Currently, it’s a dog eat dog world out there and “families matter”is used conveniently only during elections.

A civilized nation can and should do better than this.
Anonymous
Post 10/11/2023 16:51     Subject: Being summoned back to the office four days a week and anxious/sick over it
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:Since COVID, I have worked from home and it's been wonderful. I'm super productive - and also cozy at home. I am a huge introvert and I savor not having to "face" the world. And, a lot of my work is independent anyway. I wear my soft pants, I light a candle next to my desk, I can dash out to pick up my kids, I have soup simmering ... and I get a TON DONE.

We go back in person next week and I feel legit sick to my stomach. I wake up at 4am sweaty and panicked. The commute sucks. The rows of cubicles blow. The entire vibe is just...not home. I hate it and it's making me feel ill. Like the work but hate office culture. I don't know what to do.


The bolded, plus laundry, a quick trip to grocery store, etc, are exactly why so many companies are requiring RTO.


Yup. The “I get a ton done” is always referencing personal stuff during work hours. These people getting so worked up about going back to the office are so transparent. Find a new job, negotiate, or go back. The whining and fake panic attacks are ridiculous.


Yep. I am a teacher (I am half time and work 2.5 days a week) and I see it in the HUGE increase of parents picking up elementary kids at school at 2:30 (vs. using aftercare) and also how many more people are shopping in stores midday running errands. All of these people's employers think they are working.


Our school did not nor does have many buses. We have no option but to pick up our kids


Eye roll. Some of us pay for before and after care


I live in Arlington County and there are problems staffing extended day. After 3 years! of trying to get a spot, I give up. We’ve already adjusted our work schedules to accommodate (I start early in the morning and end in time to meet the bus). So yeah you may see me at the park with my kids after school or running an errand with them mid-afternoon. But I’m still working full time. This wouldn’t be manageable with a commute to add in. Maybe the school systems should be paying more to actually get new hires if getting parents back in the office is that important.


Your arrangement with your employer is your business. But don’t pretend it’s anyone’s responsibility other than yours (and your husband’s) to secure after school care for your child. There are lots of options other than onsite extended day.
Anonymous
Post 10/11/2023 15:38     Subject: Being summoned back to the office four days a week and anxious/sick over it
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:Since COVID, I have worked from home and it's been wonderful. I'm super productive - and also cozy at home. I am a huge introvert and I savor not having to "face" the world. And, a lot of my work is independent anyway. I wear my soft pants, I light a candle next to my desk, I can dash out to pick up my kids, I have soup simmering ... and I get a TON DONE.

We go back in person next week and I feel legit sick to my stomach. I wake up at 4am sweaty and panicked. The commute sucks. The rows of cubicles blow. The entire vibe is just...not home. I hate it and it's making me feel ill. Like the work but hate office culture. I don't know what to do.


The bolded, plus laundry, a quick trip to grocery store, etc, are exactly why so many companies are requiring RTO.


Yup. The “I get a ton done” is always referencing personal stuff during work hours. These people getting so worked up about going back to the office are so transparent. Find a new job, negotiate, or go back. The whining and fake panic attacks are ridiculous.


Yep. I am a teacher (I am half time and work 2.5 days a week) and I see it in the HUGE increase of parents picking up elementary kids at school at 2:30 (vs. using aftercare) and also how many more people are shopping in stores midday running errands. All of these people's employers think they are working.


Our school did not nor does have many buses. We have no option but to pick up our kids


Eye roll. Some of us pay for before and after care


I live in Arlington County and there are problems staffing extended day. After 3 years! of trying to get a spot, I give up. We’ve already adjusted our work schedules to accommodate (I start early in the morning and end in time to meet the bus). So yeah you may see me at the park with my kids after school or running an errand with them mid-afternoon. But I’m still working full time. This wouldn’t be manageable with a commute to add in. Maybe the school systems should be paying more to actually get new hires if getting parents back in the office is that important.
Anonymous
Post 10/11/2023 15:31     Subject: Re:Being summoned back to the office four days a week and anxious/sick over it
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:I think what can truly help working parents is a 6 hr day on-site and then ability to log in for 2 hrs from home. This can curtail so much anxiety around pick ups, getting dinner on the table etc.

My kids were 9 when COVID hit and they are 13 now, DH and I both WFH for last 4 yrs and we have zero stress levels in terms of pickups, dinner etc. I do go in 1-2 days/week but I have the option to go in for 5-6 hrs and then resume work when I reach home.

IMO not needing to spend 8hrs+commute time is a game changer.


This would be lovely and a perfect compromise. I'd like to work 7-3:30 at the office or something like that. And then hours more later.


It’s worth asking your supervisor if you can be on-site for 5-6 hrs and then WFH, and say you are willing to come in 3 days instead of two. I did the same and it worked because they were begging people for more on-site days.
Anonymous
Post 10/11/2023 14:57     Subject: Re:Being summoned back to the office four days a week and anxious/sick over it
Anonymous wrote:I think what can truly help working parents is a 6 hr day on-site and then ability to log in for 2 hrs from home. This can curtail so much anxiety around pick ups, getting dinner on the table etc.

My kids were 9 when COVID hit and they are 13 now, DH and I both WFH for last 4 yrs and we have zero stress levels in terms of pickups, dinner etc. I do go in 1-2 days/week but I have the option to go in for 5-6 hrs and then resume work when I reach home.

IMO not needing to spend 8hrs+commute time is a game changer.


This would be lovely and a perfect compromise. I'd like to work 7-3:30 at the office or something like that. And then hours more later.
Anonymous
Post 10/11/2023 14:54     Subject: Being summoned back to the office four days a week and anxious/sick over it
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:Quit and find a different job.


Not an option for me!! I need money!
then find a different job and then quit.


I think as a society it will benefit us if we are accommodating of working parents, less mental health issues in kids held us all.
Anonymous
Post 10/11/2023 14:52     Subject: Re:Being summoned back to the office four days a week and anxious/sick over it
I think what can truly help working parents is a 6 hr day on-site and then ability to log in for 2 hrs from home. This can curtail so much anxiety around pick ups, getting dinner on the table etc.

My kids were 9 when COVID hit and they are 13 now, DH and I both WFH for last 4 yrs and we have zero stress levels in terms of pickups, dinner etc. I do go in 1-2 days/week but I have the option to go in for 5-6 hrs and then resume work when I reach home.

IMO not needing to spend 8hrs+commute time is a game changer.
Anonymous
Post 10/11/2023 14:44     Subject: Being summoned back to the office four days a week and anxious/sick over it
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:Quit and find a different job.


Not an option for me!! I need money!
then find a different job and then quit.
Anonymous
Post 10/11/2023 13:59     Subject: Being summoned back to the office four days a week and anxious/sick over it
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:I'm confused. Presumably you went into the office before covid hit and you didn't get sick to your stomach and have panic attacks.

I don't understand why you feel that way now. I mean, sure it sucks to have to RTO, but not understanding why you are getting legit panic attacks over it.


Exactly. You'll adjust.

I think you are feeling this way because you think that the employer is taking away something from you. But in reality, they adjusted for the pandemic and are adjusting things back to normal now.


+1 so true
Instead of being grateful for the time working at home, people are feeling punished returning to the status quo pre-covid. Nothing lasts forever.


not so.
we used to need to use payphones on the street to call ppl when we were out. We don't now bc we have cells. We used to need to cross atlantic by ship but now we have planes. Should we start using payphones again and sailing to france bc we are just 'going back to normal'? progress happens and gives us the gift of time and convenience. Trying to turn the clock back just causes resentment and people like op will find better jobs that understand that and the ones who are stuck in the past will lose good employees and only be able to hire the desperate and second rate (or extroverts!)


These are not good analogies. Nothing is lost by using a cell phone instead of a pay phone or a plane instead of a ship.

A lot is lost when humans don't interact together face to face. No your Teams chat and zoom are not even remotely the same thing. I understand some of you don't care and don't want to ever interact with humans at work. But it's not unreasonable that your employer is not okay with the tradeoffs and losses.


I'm an introvert and feel more comfortable talking on Teams, and feel like I contribute more than when in person.
Anonymous
Post 10/11/2023 12:36     Subject: Being summoned back to the office four days a week and anxious/sick over it
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:Since COVID, I have worked from home and it's been wonderful. I'm super productive - and also cozy at home. I am a huge introvert and I savor not having to "face" the world. And, a lot of my work is independent anyway. I wear my soft pants, I light a candle next to my desk, I can dash out to pick up my kids, I have soup simmering ... and I get a TON DONE.

We go back in person next week and I feel legit sick to my stomach. I wake up at 4am sweaty and panicked. The commute sucks. The rows of cubicles blow. The entire vibe is just...not home. I hate it and it's making me feel ill. Like the work but hate office culture. I don't know what to do.


The bolded, plus laundry, a quick trip to grocery store, etc, are exactly why so many companies are requiring RTO.


Yup. The “I get a ton done” is always referencing personal stuff during work hours. These people getting so worked up about going back to the office are so transparent. Find a new job, negotiate, or go back. The whining and fake panic attacks are ridiculous.


Yep. I am a teacher (I am half time and work 2.5 days a week) and I see it in the HUGE increase of parents picking up elementary kids at school at 2:30 (vs. using aftercare) and also how many more people are shopping in stores midday running errands. All of these people's employers think they are working.


Our school did not nor does have many buses. We have no option but to pick up our kids


Eye roll. Some of us pay for before and after care
Anonymous
Post 10/11/2023 12:01     Subject: Being summoned back to the office four days a week and anxious/sick over it
Anonymous wrote:All these people pretending they are working every second in the office are full of it. They are wasting just as much time on long lunches and water cooler talk.


Not to mention the same internet surfing and playing around on phones. I really don't believe the narrative that these people that suck at working from home miraculously become better workers in the office. Plenty of ways to avoid doing work at the office.
Anonymous
Post 10/11/2023 11:46     Subject: Being summoned back to the office four days a week and anxious/sick over it
Anonymous wrote:All these people pretending they are working every second in the office are full of it. They are wasting just as much time on long lunches and water cooler talk.


True. There is a fair amount of messing around in office. But I would argue that building relationships among coworkers is slightly more valuable to the organization than making soup and playing with candles in between carpool runs.

But I would also say there is absolutely zero value to coming into an empty office, which is what is happening in my office. We are supposed to be in three days a week. I have gone entire months being the only one in my office except operations staff, because RTI isn’t actually enforced.
Anonymous
Post 10/11/2023 11:35     Subject: Being summoned back to the office four days a week and anxious/sick over it
Anonymous wrote:I went back in work in person 5 days a week in Prior job remote three years.

My new job I started same time as another person who is hybrid. Only 3 days in office. Which means 40 percent of time his chair is empty. His learning curve is so slow. People don’t go to him for much as why bother the chair is empty most days. He also knows less people. He asks me who does what a lot.

Recently he asked about promotion. Was told since all people are not hybrid he will have to come to work five days a week. It was like he was hit with a cold pail of water.

His problem, or my problem or her problem whatever case is. I stopped doing any zoom or on line meetings or even outlook meetings with remote people. I only meet in person. The more people do that the harder it gets to do remote.



Hopefully, your job doesn't involve a whole lot of fifth grade math. (Or writing, or knowing the difference between less and fewer, but one thing at a time.)
Anonymous
Post 10/11/2023 11:10     Subject: Being summoned back to the office four days a week and anxious/sick over it
Anonymous wrote:I work in a global organization. I supervise a global team. I have employees in Stockholm, Warsaw, New York, Singapore and London. The boss is based in Ohio and travels constantly.

Please explain why I need to commute to an office to take my calls with these people every day and how that makes me more productive? I don’t actually work with the other people who are physically in the office, except rarely and on those rare occasions we do arrange face-to-face meetings (but we don’t spend daily time together since we all are working on multiple projects).

And if you agree I can do the same job from home as I could managing a global team from an office, do you also agree that I am equally productive in both settings?

Or should I have to be physically present in the office for the 0300 conference calls with Singapore?


This. But someone who works in healthcare like the PP or my boomer mother can’t understand this. They can’t wrap their heads around the fact that my team members and people I work with are not even in my region. It’s like they think we all have offices next to each other including clients.