Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:All I ever learn from DCUM posts like this is that certain people should not mix. Thank goodness for my friends. Our wanting to be together has nothing to do with social hierarchy. It has everything to do with wanting to spend time with people who understand us. It excludes everyone who wants to burn us at the stake for this wish.

Does it also include people who are incredibly dramatic and have a victim complex? “Burn us at the stake,” come onnnn

It includes who we want and excludes who we want. The power of friendship

Well that’s confusing since the whole thread is about how apparently excluding anyone, ever makes you a “mean girl”

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:All I ever learn from DCUM posts like this is that certain people should not mix. Thank goodness for my friends. Our wanting to be together has nothing to do with social hierarchy. It has everything to do with wanting to spend time with people who understand us. It excludes everyone who wants to burn us at the stake for this wish.

Does it also include people who are incredibly dramatic and have a victim complex? “Burn us at the stake,” come onnnn

It includes who we want and excludes who we want. The power of friendship

Anonymous wrote:All I ever learn from DCUM posts like this is that certain people should not mix. Thank goodness for my friends. Our wanting to be together has nothing to do with social hierarchy. It has everything to do with wanting to spend time with people who understand us. It excludes everyone who wants to burn us at the stake for this wish.

Does it also include people who are incredibly dramatic and have a victim complex? “Burn us at the stake,” come onnnn

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Don't give them an opportunity to be mean to you. Ignore them!

x100000

Come on. Don't be ridiculous. When your kids wants to join in a game at recess and the other girls say "NO!" and run away from you how do you ignore that? Is your solution that the kid who just wants to play should know their place and never even ask? Just sit there on a bench alone? No.

This reads like you really want your kid to be in the “in crowd” and are fighting reality. 2nd-3rd grade is old enough for kids to flock towards people they enjoy spending time with.

Can we agree to ignore this PP? Saying it’s ok for 7 and 8 year olds to be left out at school because others want to only play with kids they “flock towards” is insane.

Kids don’t have any choice over whether or not they are at school! A certain level of kindness and inclusion in a compulsory education environment should be required and expected by parents.

Flip the script… Your kid comes home and tells you someone is chasing her around the playground and kicking and screaming to be included. You would tell your child to ignore them.

Your language tips me off to the fact your child may have SNs and so this conversation isn’t for you.

DP. Oh, my goodness. So you are saying a child with special needs can’t be part of this conversation? You do understand that kids with SNs are much more likely to be the victims of mean girl behavior (sorry, relational aggression) and bullying than any other group? That they are the least likely to be the kids who engage in such behavior? Are you saying kids with SNs should just suck it up? Really?

Your language is the tip off here, not PPs. We see you now.

Kids with learning disabilities can be part of that so called popular group and they can be mean. There’s no one scenario.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My unpopular opinion is most of these girls aren’t actually “mean.” “Mean girl” is what they get called by the moms who are intimidated by and hate their moms and transfer it to the daughters.

Agree. I always roll my eyes when I see these posts. The “mean girls” are just girls that aren’t interested in OP’s daughter. Nothing mean is actually happening. Same with the moms. Is another mom really being “mean” to you at school drop off? C’mon. So dumb.

And there are always posts like yours to roll my eyes at. You just cannot believe there are girls who don’t want to be friends with the mean girls. They just want the mean girls to go away.

Then those kids should stop engaging. Your kid isn’t trying to negotiate peace in the Middle East. Your kid is in the mix as well.

Those kids are not engaging. They are minding their own business when some mean girl and her friends sit down at lunch and start talking smack about her right in front of her as if she isn’t there. Not my child, BTW, so I can be objective in this situation. There are mean kids who seek out others just to be mean. You really don’t get this, do you?

That’s not how the mean behavior has gone down in my kids ES. Maybe it’s different where you are. You don’t have to bash people for having a different lived experience.

And you and some of the other PPs can quit your gaslighting.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Don't give them an opportunity to be mean to you. Ignore them!

x100000

Come on. Don't be ridiculous. When your kids wants to join in a game at recess and the other girls say "NO!" and run away from you how do you ignore that? Is your solution that the kid who just wants to play should know their place and never even ask? Just sit there on a bench alone? No.

This reads like you really want your kid to be in the “in crowd” and are fighting reality. 2nd-3rd grade is old enough for kids to flock towards people they enjoy spending time with.

Can we agree to ignore this PP? Saying it’s ok for 7 and 8 year olds to be left out at school because others want to only play with kids they “flock towards” is insane.

Kids don’t have any choice over whether or not they are at school! A certain level of kindness and inclusion in a compulsory education environment should be required and expected by parents.

Girl, you are literally telling other posters to ignore me because you don’t like my messaging. You may need to go back to elementary school and get your head on straight. Practice what you preach! don’t hate the player, hate the game!

DP. You are a troll or a mean girl. You should be ignored. That's the advice, right? Ignore the mean girls.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Mean is subjective. What exactly are the girls and moms doing you find to be so mean, OP?

- Excluding other girls
- Making fun of other girls or boys (verbally or in notes/pictures that are passed around the classroom)
- Telling kids not to play with or be friends with certain girls or boys.

It feels weird to be an adult referring to a 9 year old as a “mean girl.” I don’t think they are bad kids. They are just navigating the culture of the classroom in a way that works best for them.
I don’t think the moms are bad people either. They don’t deliberately set out to hurt people. They just see the world in terms of these social hierarchies and are trying to come out on top.

I’m a high school teacher and to some degree all of these behaviors are typical and age appropriate all through k-12. (Excluding extremes such as bullying but that’s not what you’re describing.)

They may be typical at a certain age, but using the word "appropriate" when it comes to them and saying they are not bullying is BS!!!!

Excluding, making fun of, or telling other kids not to play with a specific person is, in fact, classic bullying.

I would hate to know what you think qualifies as bullying.

Some teacher you must be. The ultimate useless bystander.

Please know the difference between “appropriate” and “age appropriate.”

Pls know the appropriate adult response to a kid bullying another kid is to first protect the kid being bullied.

My post clearly said this does NOT apply to actual bullying, which of course parents and teachers will immediately address. But not everything that parents call “mean girl” behavior is bullying (not even close) and most of it is age appropriate and just normal kid behavior.

Some of us disagree vehemently that the things listed are "normal" or "age-appropriate" behaviors. I know plenty of girls who did not behave that way, esp. not in middle or high school, because we had parents that taught us that kind of behavior was not acceptable. Kids in middle and high school KNOW when they are being mean. Condoning being mean as part of growing up is flat out BS.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Don't give them an opportunity to be mean to you. Ignore them!

x100000

Come on. Don't be ridiculous. When your kids wants to join in a game at recess and the other girls say "NO!" and run away from you how do you ignore that? Is your solution that the kid who just wants to play should know their place and never even ask? Just sit there on a bench alone? No.

This reads like you really want your kid to be in the “in crowd” and are fighting reality. 2nd-3rd grade is old enough for kids to flock towards people they enjoy spending time with.

Can we agree to ignore this PP? Saying it’s ok for 7 and 8 year olds to be left out at school because others want to only play with kids they “flock towards” is insane.

Kids don’t have any choice over whether or not they are at school! A certain level of kindness and inclusion in a compulsory education environment should be required and expected by parents.

Girl, you are literally telling other posters to ignore me because you don’t like my messaging. You may need to go back to elementary school and get your head on straight. Practice what you preach! don’t hate the player, hate the game!

She is telling people to ignore a bully.
If you want to engage in this behavior and teach your kids to write mean notes or make fun of kids for having special needs, then go for it.

No one has to listen to you tell us why it’s okay.

You’re projecting. No one is saying that behavior is okay.

We are talking about:

- Excluding other girls
- Making fun of other girls or boys (verbally or in notes/pictures that are passed around the classroom)
- Telling kids not to play with or be friends with certain girls or boys.

Many people are saying that it’s okay, developmentally appropriate, and that it isn’t really “mean.”

And their moms are doing this to you also, as per the OP? Means girls and their mean mom?

What do you think, pp? What’s your experience with girls who engage in this behavior?
Are their moms volunteering at soup kitchens and trying to reach out to recent immigrants to teach them about PowerSchool?

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My unpopular opinion is most of these girls aren’t actually “mean.” “Mean girl” is what they get called by the moms who are intimidated by and hate their moms and transfer it to the daughters.

Agree. I always roll my eyes when I see these posts. The “mean girls” are just girls that aren’t interested in OP’s daughter. Nothing mean is actually happening. Same with the moms. Is another mom really being “mean” to you at school drop off? C’mon. So dumb.

And there are always posts like yours to roll my eyes at. You just cannot believe there are girls who don’t want to be friends with the mean girls. They just want the mean girls to go away.

Then those kids should stop engaging. Your kid isn’t trying to negotiate peace in the Middle East. Your kid is in the mix as well.

Those kids are not engaging. They are minding their own business when some mean girl and her friends sit down at lunch and start talking smack about her right in front of her as if she isn’t there. Not my child, BTW, so I can be objective in this situation. There are mean kids who seek out others just to be mean. You really don’t get this, do you?

That’s not how the mean behavior has gone down in my kids ES. Maybe it’s different where you are. You don’t have to bash people for having a different lived experience.

How does it go down? What sort of mean behavior (your words)? The acceptable kind?

Girls literally hanging onto other kids coats and begging to be included. My husband saw it on a field trip. Girls making up stories and running to the teachers in order to get the “cooler” kids in trouble.

Isn’t that just age appropriate behavior? Can’t you just tell your child to ignore it?

To clarify, it’s okay for less popular kids to talk trash about popular kids and try to get them in trouble, but not vice versa? Not to mention the physical assault. A child literally tore my daughters sleeve. That’s the hill you want to die on?

I don’t know. My husband cares about his children and wouldn’t stand by and watch his daughter being assaulted, so I can’t really relate.

I bet you’d be the first one calling the cops if my husband had to pry your kid off of mine.

Again, my husband is pretty comfortable disciplining little girls without resorting to physical violence.

I really can’t relate to what it’s like to live with a guy who might have the cops called on him during a field trip.

That sounds rough. I’m glad he didn’t get involved.

I used to think mean girls and mean boys learned that behavior from parents and older siblings, until I had a mean kid of my own. I honestly don't know where it comes from. Our older child is the opposite of a mean kid, more apt to be targeted by mean kids if anything. But the younger one is so different from the rest of us -- loves creating drama, picks on people, constantly tries to be the center of attention, and somehow wields social power. Sometimes there is no explanation for it.

Not all of us parents of mean kids are secretly encouraging it. Some of us really try to model better behavior and tamp down the socially manipulative behavior.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My unpopular opinion is most of these girls aren’t actually “mean.” “Mean girl” is what they get called by the moms who are intimidated by and hate their moms and transfer it to the daughters.

Agree. I always roll my eyes when I see these posts. The “mean girls” are just girls that aren’t interested in OP’s daughter. Nothing mean is actually happening. Same with the moms. Is another mom really being “mean” to you at school drop off? C’mon. So dumb.

And there are always posts like yours to roll my eyes at. You just cannot believe there are girls who don’t want to be friends with the mean girls. They just want the mean girls to go away.

Then those kids should stop engaging. Your kid isn’t trying to negotiate peace in the Middle East. Your kid is in the mix as well.

Those kids are not engaging. They are minding their own business when some mean girl and her friends sit down at lunch and start talking smack about her right in front of her as if she isn’t there. Not my child, BTW, so I can be objective in this situation. There are mean kids who seek out others just to be mean. You really don’t get this, do you?

That’s not how the mean behavior has gone down in my kids ES. Maybe it’s different where you are. You don’t have to bash people for having a different lived experience.

How does it go down? What sort of mean behavior (your words)? The acceptable kind?

Girls literally hanging onto other kids coats and begging to be included. My husband saw it on a field trip. Girls making up stories and running to the teachers in order to get the “cooler” kids in trouble.

Isn’t that just age appropriate behavior? Can’t you just tell your child to ignore it?

To clarify, it’s okay for less popular kids to talk trash about popular kids and try to get them in trouble, but not vice versa? Not to mention the physical assault. A child literally tore my daughters sleeve. That’s the hill you want to die on?

I don’t know. My husband cares about his children and wouldn’t stand by and watch his daughter being assaulted, so I can’t really relate.

I bet you’d be the first one calling the cops if my husband had to pry your kid off of mine.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Don't give them an opportunity to be mean to you. Ignore them!

x100000

Come on. Don't be ridiculous. When your kids wants to join in a game at recess and the other girls say "NO!" and run away from you how do you ignore that? Is your solution that the kid who just wants to play should know their place and never even ask? Just sit there on a bench alone? No.

This reads like you really want your kid to be in the “in crowd” and are fighting reality. 2nd-3rd grade is old enough for kids to flock towards people they enjoy spending time with.

Can we agree to ignore this PP? Saying it’s ok for 7 and 8 year olds to be left out at school because others want to only play with kids they “flock towards” is insane.

Kids don’t have any choice over whether or not they are at school! A certain level of kindness and inclusion in a compulsory education environment should be required and expected by parents.

Girl, you are literally telling other posters to ignore me because you don’t like my messaging. You may need to go back to elementary school and get your head on straight. Practice what you preach! don’t hate the player, hate the game!

She is telling people to ignore a bully.
If you want to engage in this behavior and teach your kids to write mean notes or make fun of kids for having special needs, then go for it.

No one has to listen to you tell us why it’s okay.

You’re projecting. No one is saying that behavior is okay.

We are talking about:

- Excluding other girls
- Making fun of other girls or boys (verbally or in notes/pictures that are passed around the classroom)
- Telling kids not to play with or be friends with certain girls or boys.

Many people are saying that it’s okay, developmentally appropriate, and that it isn’t really “mean.”

And their moms are doing this to you also, as per the OP? Means girls and their mean mom?

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Don't give them an opportunity to be mean to you. Ignore them!

x100000

Come on. Don't be ridiculous. When your kids wants to join in a game at recess and the other girls say "NO!" and run away from you how do you ignore that? Is your solution that the kid who just wants to play should know their place and never even ask? Just sit there on a bench alone? No.

This reads like you really want your kid to be in the “in crowd” and are fighting reality. 2nd-3rd grade is old enough for kids to flock towards people they enjoy spending time with.

Can we agree to ignore this PP? Saying it’s ok for 7 and 8 year olds to be left out at school because others want to only play with kids they “flock towards” is insane.

Kids don’t have any choice over whether or not they are at school! A certain level of kindness and inclusion in a compulsory education environment should be required and expected by parents.

Girl, you are literally telling other posters to ignore me because you don’t like my messaging. You may need to go back to elementary school and get your head on straight. Practice what you preach! don’t hate the player, hate the game!

She is telling people to ignore a bully.
If you want to engage in this behavior and teach your kids to write mean notes or make fun of kids for having special needs, then go for it.

No one has to listen to you tell us why it’s okay.

You’re projecting. No one is saying that behavior is okay.

We are talking about:

- Excluding other girls
- Making fun of other girls or boys (verbally or in notes/pictures that are passed around the classroom)
- Telling kids not to play with or be friends with certain girls or boys.

Many people are saying that it’s okay, developmentally appropriate, and that it isn’t really “mean.”

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My unpopular opinion is most of these girls aren’t actually “mean.” “Mean girl” is what they get called by the moms who are intimidated by and hate their moms and transfer it to the daughters.

Agree. I always roll my eyes when I see these posts. The “mean girls” are just girls that aren’t interested in OP’s daughter. Nothing mean is actually happening. Same with the moms. Is another mom really being “mean” to you at school drop off? C’mon. So dumb.

And there are always posts like yours to roll my eyes at. You just cannot believe there are girls who don’t want to be friends with the mean girls. They just want the mean girls to go away.

Then those kids should stop engaging. Your kid isn’t trying to negotiate peace in the Middle East. Your kid is in the mix as well.

Those kids are not engaging. They are minding their own business when some mean girl and her friends sit down at lunch and start talking smack about her right in front of her as if she isn’t there. Not my child, BTW, so I can be objective in this situation. There are mean kids who seek out others just to be mean. You really don’t get this, do you?

That’s not how the mean behavior has gone down in my kids ES. Maybe it’s different where you are. You don’t have to bash people for having a different lived experience.

How does it go down? What sort of mean behavior (your words)? The acceptable kind?

Girls literally hanging onto other kids coats and begging to be included. My husband saw it on a field trip. Girls making up stories and running to the teachers in order to get the “cooler” kids in trouble.

Isn’t that just age appropriate behavior? Can’t you just tell your child to ignore it?

To clarify, it’s okay for less popular kids to talk trash about popular kids and try to get them in trouble, but not vice versa? Not to mention the physical assault. A child literally tore my daughters sleeve. That’s the hill you want to die on?

I don’t know. My husband cares about his children and wouldn’t stand by and watch his daughter being assaulted, so I can’t really relate.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Don't give them an opportunity to be mean to you. Ignore them!

x100000

Come on. Don't be ridiculous. When your kids wants to join in a game at recess and the other girls say "NO!" and run away from you how do you ignore that? Is your solution that the kid who just wants to play should know their place and never even ask? Just sit there on a bench alone? No.

This reads like you really want your kid to be in the “in crowd” and are fighting reality. 2nd-3rd grade is old enough for kids to flock towards people they enjoy spending time with.

Can we agree to ignore this PP? Saying it’s ok for 7 and 8 year olds to be left out at school because others want to only play with kids they “flock towards” is insane.

Kids don’t have any choice over whether or not they are at school! A certain level of kindness and inclusion in a compulsory education environment should be required and expected by parents.

Flip the script… Your kid comes home and tells you someone is chasing her around the playground and kicking and screaming to be included. You would tell your child to ignore them.

It depends.
If they have mutual friends and are all playing tag together or whatever, I would tell my daughter to deal with whatever she didn’t like or find other people to play with.

I wouldn’t tell her to tell the other kids not to play with the girl she finds annoying and to taunt her together.

What advice are you giving your daughter? Stop moving the goal posts. I’m not asking what advice you’re giving your daughter for her to turn around and give to other kids.
I’m telling my kid she doesn’t need to engage with someone hanging off of her and begging her to be besties.

I’m not moving the goal posts. I tell my daughter to deal with it if the kids all want to play tag together. It’s not okay to tell everyone that they have to choose between my daughter and this other little girl.