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Anonymous wrote:Some of this could be solved by making more food for meals so there's plenty for everybody to get their fill at mealtime + leftovers that can be first come/first serve.

In our house, family-style takeout (pizza, Chinese) is fair game. We order plenty of food for whoever is home at mealtime and then any leftovers are first come/first serve. It's not like, there are 4 of us and 16 slices of pizza so each person gets 4 slices to eat now or later. Nope, eat however much you want now, and the rest is fair game.

If there are leftovers of individually-ordered items (like we all go out to dinner and DD brings home half her pasta dish) it belongs to the person who ordered it.

Totally different in my house. If my husband eats 3 slices of pizza and I eat 2, then I have 2 slices coming to me and he has 1. He would never eat my leftover pizza. He knows it will not end well for him.

This mentality is so strange. People eat different amounts. You expect the same exact portion for each person.

I will say, though, that since my DH and I were not raised by wolves, we always ask each other if they wanted more of something before we finish it. when a household gets big it's not always feasible to check with everyone, and it should be considered fair game unless you yourself set aside a porch with your name on it.

People eat different amounts at one time, but given enough time, I can eat the same amount of pizza as my husband. Why should he get more of that cheesy, tomatoey goodness just because he has a bigger stomach? I can have my two leftover slices for lunch, he can have his one leftover slice and a side salad for lunch.

DP with a question: Say it's the day after your pizza dinner and those 3 leftover slices are in the fridge. It's lunchtime and you are out of the house grabbing lunch with a friend. He's home and hungry. Can he eat the leftovers or does he still have to save 2 of them for you?

He would ask me and I would answer depending on what I was feeling like.

See, I think it would be courteous of him to ask (and I'd think the same if you had eaten more of the pizza the first time around as it's always courteous to ask before finishing the last of something), but I can't imagine saying no!

Courteous, maybe. But overkill. Team DH here.

The only thing killed would be my husband if he touches my pizza. And he knows it.

Ok pizza lady, you may think you're being cute, but it's really not.

This level of slice counting would never fly in a family with more than 2 ppl.

Wrong. We save pizza leftovers for the lighter eaters and don’t allow the heavy eaters to just pig out on the leftovers and we have multiple kids. Try again.

That is so odd. So you look at a pizza and say, OK there are 8 slices and 4 of us so, even though Larla always only eats 1 and your athletic teen would not be "pigging out" to eat 3, they both still get 2? Why?

Who is ordering one pizza to feed 4 people? Let's start there.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Op here. For the college kids pizza scenario, isn’t it also about taking more for oneself so they don’t have to cook or make food the next day? Not necessarily that that are excessively hungry or are they eating the additional pizza slices in the moment? I know my roommates and I would do that to keep from cooking the next day. Well, I actually know older adult relatives who have always done that fwiw at holiday dinners or events where food is buffet style. If you have something like a large meal with a group of friends and you take leftovers to eat the next day so you don’t have to cook one meal or whatnot. This happened recently at a baby shower. It did ruffle some feathers when some took large portions leaving others with just a small portion to take home. Things like macaroni and cheese, chicken wings, sandwiches and salad. Making a plate to take with you and then making more than one plate before others can make one. I do think in that case you should probably only make one unless you are taking it for family members who did not attend but are in your household.

This is a completely different question than the original question. I think it's reasonable to wait to make sure everyone who is present has firsts before you take seconds. I think it's reasonable to wait until everyone has seconds before you take thirds. I think it's reasonable to ask if anyone wants to share the last of x before you take it.

Leftovers don't exist until everyone present has eaten all they want.

BUT that is not the same as expecting the people who are present and are hungry enough to eat at that moment to stop eating so someone who is somewhere else can have some later.

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Anonymous wrote:Op here. I am definitely fascinated by the perspectives here.

Holiday PP yes that’s a great example, this would be a time where I may ask for someone to set aside my plate. Whereas another PP noted it should be a free for all for those in attendance when the meal is served. I’ve never been to a formal dinner party actually but Thanksgiving, Christmas dinner, Mothers Day brunch etc…

Ok, it’s annoying that you’re always asking people to “set aside a plate” for you.

Holiday pp here. We did it once, because we noticed MIL was happy to do so, several times, for perpetually and very late SIL. MIL took issue with doing it once for our small kids (not us, we were happy to stop at McDonalds, and we did. It was Christmas.) so, we never asked again.

DH mentioned that every night was a free for all at his house, because in spite of there being enough money, there was never enough food, and they were expected to eat chips or cereal to supplement.

OTOH, my family had less money growing up, but always had more than enough fresh, healthy food- mostly because of our gardens. It struck me as odd behaviors about food, when I met DHs family. DH agreed, once he met my family.

Are you really that shocked that your MIL ranks her own daughter above you? This plate saving business is so weird. Get to the dinner on time if it’s so important.

Wow. Okay, bitter MIL. You would refuse to feed your small grandchildren on a major holiday? And “rank” your kids/grandkids - like it is a military rank and file? Like a pack of dogs in the wild?

So gross! So telling! So primitive.

No way would that nonsense ever happen with food, in my parents or our house. We weren’t raised rich, but we were raised better.

Maybe get over your narcissistic, selfish, self centered, codependent, unhealthy, self. For shame.

Bitter MIL? Are you high? I'm not my MILs daughter and I don't expect her to be treated like that. Get to the dinner on time. What is the reason you can't do that? So weird. But your personality is really starting to shine through it's revealing.

Lol. Treated like what? Too funny.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:No I don't think that special things (like a post appt Mcdonalds lunch) get to be shared with everyone. I actually think it's more special to do it with the kid who had the appt. My kids really relish special time with me. I am fair about my time though and I don't favor one kid more than other.

One of my kids is incredibly kind. If I give her a cookie, she will break it in half for her siblings.

+1 What is the alternative? You buy extra McDonalds for the other kids who won't be home from school for 2-3 more hours? Who wants cold, soggy McD's?

Anonymous wrote:Op here. For the college kids pizza scenario, isn’t it also about taking more for oneself so they don’t have to cook or make food the next day? Not necessarily that that are excessively hungry or are they eating the additional pizza slices in the moment? I know my roommates and I would do that to keep from cooking the next day. Well, I actually know older adult relatives who have always done that fwiw at holiday dinners or events where food is buffet style. If you have something like a large meal with a group of friends and you take leftovers to eat the next day so you don’t have to cook one meal or whatnot. This happened recently at a baby shower. It did ruffle some feathers when some took large portions leaving others with just a small portion to take home. Things like macaroni and cheese, chicken wings, sandwiches and salad. Making a plate to take with you and then making more than one plate before others can make one. I do think in that case you should probably only make one unless you are taking it for family members who did not attend but are in your household.

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Anonymous wrote:Op here. I am definitely fascinated by the perspectives here.

Holiday PP yes that’s a great example, this would be a time where I may ask for someone to set aside my plate. Whereas another PP noted it should be a free for all for those in attendance when the meal is served. I’ve never been to a formal dinner party actually but Thanksgiving, Christmas dinner, Mothers Day brunch etc…

Ok, it’s annoying that you’re always asking people to “set aside a plate” for you.

Holiday pp here. We did it once, because we noticed MIL was happy to do so, several times, for perpetually and very late SIL. MIL took issue with doing it once for our small kids (not us, we were happy to stop at McDonalds, and we did. It was Christmas.) so, we never asked again.

DH mentioned that every night was a free for all at his house, because in spite of there being enough money, there was never enough food, and they were expected to eat chips or cereal to supplement.

OTOH, my family had less money growing up, but always had more than enough fresh, healthy food- mostly because of our gardens. It struck me as odd behaviors about food, when I met DHs family. DH agreed, once he met my family.

Are you really that shocked that your MIL ranks her own daughter above you? This plate saving business is so weird. Get to the dinner on time if it’s so important.

Wow. Okay, bitter MIL. You would refuse to feed your small grandchildren on a major holiday? And “rank” your kids/grandkids - like it is a military rank and file? Like a pack of dogs in the wild?

So gross! So telling! So primitive.

No way would that nonsense ever happen with food, in my parents or our house. We weren’t raised rich, but we were raised better.

Maybe get over your narcissistic, selfish, self centered, codependent, unhealthy, self. For shame.

Bitter MIL? Are you high? I'm not my MILs daughter and I don't expect her to be treated like that. Get to the dinner on time. What is the reason you can't do that? So weird. But your personality is really starting to shine through it's revealing.

You are correct. My personality is revealing that you are wrong and grossly selfish, and you don’t like it. Too bad.

If my DIL is late once to a holiday dinner, you better believe that not only are her kids having food saved for them by me, but also plates for their (gasp!) entire family.

Quel horreur!

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Op here. I am definitely fascinated by the perspectives here.

Holiday PP yes that’s a great example, this would be a time where I may ask for someone to set aside my plate. Whereas another PP noted it should be a free for all for those in attendance when the meal is served. I’ve never been to a formal dinner party actually but Thanksgiving, Christmas dinner, Mothers Day brunch etc…

Ok, it’s annoying that you’re always asking people to “set aside a plate” for you.

Holiday pp here. We did it once, because we noticed MIL was happy to do so, several times, for perpetually and very late SIL. MIL took issue with doing it once for our small kids (not us, we were happy to stop at McDonalds, and we did. It was Christmas.) so, we never asked again.

DH mentioned that every night was a free for all at his house, because in spite of there being enough money, there was never enough food, and they were expected to eat chips or cereal to supplement.

OTOH, my family had less money growing up, but always had more than enough fresh, healthy food- mostly because of our gardens. It struck me as odd behaviors about food, when I met DHs family. DH agreed, once he met my family.

Are you really that shocked that your MIL ranks her own daughter above you? This plate saving business is so weird. Get to the dinner on time if it’s so important.

Wow. Okay, bitter MIL. You would refuse to feed your small grandchildren on a major holiday? And “rank” your kids/grandkids - like it is a military rank and file? Like a pack of dogs in the wild?

So gross! So telling! So primitive.

No way would that nonsense ever happen with food, in my parents or our house. We weren’t raised rich, but we were raised better.

Maybe get over your narcissistic, selfish, self centered, codependent, unhealthy, self. For shame.

Bitter MIL? Are you high? I'm not my MILs daughter and I don't expect her to be treated like that. Get to the dinner on time. What is the reason you can't do that? So weird. But your personality is really starting to shine through it's revealing.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think I’m also more on your DHs side- who wants mcD that’s been sitting out for 3-4 hours? Setting aside a plate for someone who’s not at the party on time- if they’re running out of food, seems like people there should eat it first. I might do it if people are grabbing 2nd and 3rds or the food is sitting around and you want to put it aside to prevent all the touching?

It’s not “sitting out for 3-4 hours.” It’s in the refrigerator and it microwaves just fine, just like they microwaved it at McDonalds.

And “who wants” it? Teens. Teens do.

(not OP)

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Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Op here. I am definitely fascinated by the perspectives here.

Holiday PP yes that’s a great example, this would be a time where I may ask for someone to set aside my plate. Whereas another PP noted it should be a free for all for those in attendance when the meal is served. I’ve never been to a formal dinner party actually but Thanksgiving, Christmas dinner, Mothers Day brunch etc…

Ok, it’s annoying that you’re always asking people to “set aside a plate” for you.

Holiday pp here. We did it once, because we noticed MIL was happy to do so, several times, for perpetually and very late SIL. MIL took issue with doing it once for our small kids (not us, we were happy to stop at McDonalds, and we did. It was Christmas.) so, we never asked again.

DH mentioned that every night was a free for all at his house, because in spite of there being enough money, there was never enough food, and they were expected to eat chips or cereal to supplement.

OTOH, my family had less money growing up, but always had more than enough fresh, healthy food- mostly because of our gardens. It struck me as odd behaviors about food, when I met DHs family. DH agreed, once he met my family.

Are you really that shocked that your MIL ranks her own daughter above you? This plate saving business is so weird. Get to the dinner on time if it’s so important.

Wow. Okay, bitter MIL. You would refuse to feed your small grandchildren on a major holiday? And “rank” your kids/grandkids - like it is a military rank and file? Like a pack of dogs in the wild?

So gross! So telling! So primitive.

No way would that nonsense ever happen with food, in my parents or our house. We weren’t raised rich, but we were raised better.

Maybe get over your narcissistic, selfish, self centered, codependent, unhealthy, self. For shame.

Bitter MIL? Are you high? I'm not my MILs daughter and I don't expect her to be treated like that. Get to the dinner on time. What is the reason you can't do that? So weird. But your personality is really starting to shine through it's revealing.

Anonymous wrote:Op here. For the college kids pizza scenario, isn’t it also about taking more for oneself so they don’t have to cook or make food the next day? Not necessarily that that are excessively hungry or are they eating the additional pizza slices in the moment? I know my roommates and I would do that to keep from cooking the next day. Well, I actually know older adult relatives who have always done that fwiw at holiday dinners or events where food is buffet style. If you have something like a large meal with a group of friends and you take leftovers to eat the next day so you don’t have to cook one meal or whatnot. This happened recently at a baby shower. It did ruffle some feathers when some took large portions leaving others with just a small portion to take home. Things like macaroni and cheese, chicken wings, sandwiches and salad. Making a plate to take with you and then making more than one plate before others can make one. I do think in that case you should probably only make one unless you are taking it for family members who did not attend but are in your household.

Anonymous wrote:Op here. For the college kids pizza scenario, isn’t it also about taking more for oneself so they don’t have to cook or make food the next day? Not necessarily that that are excessively hungry or are they eating the additional pizza slices in the moment? I know my roommates and I would do that to keep from cooking the next day. Well, I actually know older adult relatives who have always done that fwiw at holiday dinners or events where food is buffet style. If you have something like a large meal with a group of friends and you take leftovers to eat the next day so you don’t have to cook one meal or whatnot. This happened recently at a baby shower. It did ruffle some feathers when some took large portions leaving others with just a small portion to take home. Things like macaroni and cheese, chicken wings, sandwiches and salad. Making a plate to take with you and then making more than one plate before others can make one. I do think in that case you should probably only make one unless you are taking it for family members who did not attend but are in your household.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Op here. I am definitely fascinated by the perspectives here.

Holiday PP yes that’s a great example, this would be a time where I may ask for someone to set aside my plate. Whereas another PP noted it should be a free for all for those in attendance when the meal is served. I’ve never been to a formal dinner party actually but Thanksgiving, Christmas dinner, Mothers Day brunch etc…

Ok, it’s annoying that you’re always asking people to “set aside a plate” for you.

Holiday pp here. We did it once, because we noticed MIL was happy to do so, several times, for perpetually and very late SIL. MIL took issue with doing it once for our small kids (not us, we were happy to stop at McDonalds, and we did. It was Christmas.) so, we never asked again.

DH mentioned that every night was a free for all at his house, because in spite of there being enough money, there was never enough food, and they were expected to eat chips or cereal to supplement.

OTOH, my family had less money growing up, but always had more than enough fresh, healthy food- mostly because of our gardens. It struck me as odd behaviors about food, when I met DHs family. DH agreed, once he met my family.

Are you really that shocked that your MIL ranks her own daughter above you? This plate saving business is so weird. Get to the dinner on time if it’s so important.

Wow. Okay, bitter MIL. You would refuse to feed your small grandchildren on a major holiday? And “rank” your kids/grandkids - like it is a military rank and file? Like a pack of dogs in the wild?

So gross! So telling! So primitive.

No way would that nonsense ever happen with food, in my parents or our house. We weren’t raised rich, but we were raised better.

Maybe get over your narcissistic, selfish, self centered, codependent, unhealthy, self. For shame.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Op here. I am definitely fascinated by the perspectives here.

Holiday PP yes that’s a great example, this would be a time where I may ask for someone to set aside my plate. Whereas another PP noted it should be a free for all for those in attendance when the meal is served. I’ve never been to a formal dinner party actually but Thanksgiving, Christmas dinner, Mothers Day brunch etc…

Ok, it’s annoying that you’re always asking people to “set aside a plate” for you.

Holiday pp here. We did it once, because we noticed MIL was happy to do so, several times, for perpetually and very late SIL. MIL took issue with doing it once for our small kids (not us, we were happy to stop at McDonalds, and we did. It was Christmas.) so, we never asked again.

DH mentioned that every night was a free for all at his house, because in spite of there being enough money, there was never enough food, and they were expected to eat chips or cereal to supplement.

OTOH, my family had less money growing up, but always had more than enough fresh, healthy food- mostly because of our gardens. It struck me as odd behaviors about food, when I met DHs family. DH agreed, once he met my family.

Are you really that shocked that your MIL ranks her own daughter above you? This plate saving business is so weird. Get to the dinner on time if it’s so important.