Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Single parent. My housekeeper/nanny arrives at 7. I get up at 8 take a shower and start my full-time wfh at 8:30. My one child also gets up around that time and gets dressed, goes downstairs to a healthy breakfast, a packed lunch, and a prepped backpack. I wave them both out the door (she walks him 2 min to the bus stop) as I settle in to my fully clean, laundered, and organized house.

I work a very busy and stressful day, then pick up child from after care right before 6 pm. He does a ton of activities and usually has something every evening. All activities are calibrated to be within 10 min driving. If it’s a boring activity I catch up on admin/mail/etc. If it’s a sport/social activity I fit it a walk or socialize with other parents. Weekends we have a sport in the AM, and pm is reserved for downtime or outings with friends where both child and I enjoy the people we are with. I have friends over most Saturday evenings. I have a sitter if I want to do happy hour.

I shop for the week at Trader Joe’s on Saturday AM during an activity. I have a rotation of about five easy meals, mostly made in the instant pot.

I consciously choose quality of life in every decision. I know people think I’m excessive for having daily help, but it helps me enjoy life instead of just getting through life.

Lol. You lost me right there.

I lost her at the second line. Nanny arrives and 7 and poster sleeps for another hour.

She cleans and does the downstairs areas, makes breakfast and lunch etc. If I got up earlier I’d be in her way.

LOL

Why is DCUM always so hostile to someone who is happy and content? Why must everyone who isn't exhausted and miserable be "lying"? This poster is a single mom with what she described as a stressful job! Good for her for being able to afford the help and not martyring herself! It sounds like she can focus on work and her child, and I bet he benefits mightily! Whether she'd be in her housekeeper's way or not, another hour of rest is worthwhile in itself (her son isn't even up during that hour). The whole set up sounds great. Good for you PP!

My situation is somewhat similar to the OPs, though without the flexible work schedules (which sound pretty amazing to me). Here are a few things we've done along the way (I wouldn't say we're not exhausted, but we're generally really happy):
- Carpooling: Yes, it takes effort, but it is so worth building relationships with other parents, particularly in the case of emergencies. This means that we also try to step up as often as possible when people ask for help from us.
- Meal prep/delivery: I find the idea of making three different meals a little insane, but understand sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do. We have liked using things like Hello Fresh, which has enabled my husband and kids to make dinner; I also use weekends to batch cook and freeze stuff so I always have some cooked ground beef or chicken, or rice ready to go.
- Work out at home: Since my babies were small I embraced home workouts - I even sometimes did them at the playground watching youtube videos on my phone. There is so much content that enables you to maximize your time (I work out every day).
- Kids should be helping out: Your two older kids are definitely old enough to be doing their laundry (my 2nd grader also is responsible for folding and putting his stuff away). And I join others in the view that your 9th grader should totally be left in charge of siblings so you and your husband can go out.
- Maximize your wfh days: I don't wfr anymore, but when I did, I was able to do so much! Throw in a load of laundry, wipe down the kitchen counter, run to the grocery store, get in a workout during a conference call.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:DW and I have a pretty good lifestyle setup, yet our house always seems a mess, we don’t have time for our own hobbies, and are exhausted 24/7. We know some families who seem to make parenting and life effortless — please tell us what we are doing wrong!


Work: Dual Fed (we prioritized work life balance), both GS15, both 3 days TRO requirements. DW - TWTh, DH - MWF. Typically 40 hour week jobs, some deadlines make for longer weeks but nothing to complain about.

3 kids. One going into 9th, one going into 6th, one going into 2nd. So 3 school drop offs/pickups (oldest are in 2 diff parochial schools, there wasn’t a k-12 that worked), youngest is in walkable neighborhood public so in a couple years will walk themselves to school and back.

Activities: no travel sports. Usually 1 rec sport per kid per season or school based sport. Weekly musical lessons twice week for all kids (different times). Oldest does some clubs at school so few weekends late nights for that. Adults try to go to gym 1-2 times a week if can.


Family fun. We never hire a babysitter so, no date nights. Weekends are usually kids with friends or have friends over, and then rest of family will go to museums or hike or pool etc. typical stuff. Usually mornings sat is a big laundry and extra cleaning day. Sunday morning is church and Sunday school.

Typical day: I wake up at 7am and drive two oldest to their schools — done by 830 and head to work or WFH. Whomever is WFH that day pops out at 4 to bring them home, and then continues to work till 530 when they start dinner. Other parent drops off elementary kid and gets to work by 9, then returns home around 6.

At dinner time we make 3 types of dinner: vegetarian, omni, and picky. Two vegetarians so think sautéed tofu, omni may have broiled chicken, and picky has pasta. Everyone shares ina roasted vegetable, salad, maybe potatoes and rice. Usually simple fast meals started by WFH parent, so dinner done by 630.

One parent may duck out with a kid to rec practice or music etc depending on time schedule — will have dinner either before or after. Maybe help homework or read with youngest for those home.

Everyone heads to bed around 930, then adults clean dishes and tidy the house, and usually deep clean one project or another. May head to gym some nights.

We have a cleaner come every two weeks for deep clean of kitchen and bathrooms.

Hard to find time for other cleaning projects, household projects, or yard work.

Spouse thinks most people just have more energy and efficiency than we do; I think most people order more takeout meals, probably have family help or regular driving nanny, or are just as frazzled as us!?

So those of you parenting with ease what can we do? I know simplyfing meals would help, but vegetarians are militant, and doctor says to accommodate picky eater for now.

You’re kidding, right?

What’s kidding? Vegetarian won’t eat meat (one is my spouse) and the pediatrician was adamant about the most important thing was kid eating not what they were eating and not make food a battle because it will have unhealthy future issues like eating disorders.

So I struggle to make a “picky” meal which is enough calories and in the way will be eaten, then vegetables for the rest of us, then a protein for the two sets of eaters.

I (mom) am a picky eating vegetarian; I am raising my kids to be the same -- they know where their food comes from.

Is this the OP's wife? I don't even know what this latest post means...???
The answer here is clearly to hire more help: an afternoon sitter, a housekeeper that meals preps, something.

Our kids live walking distance to schools ( preschool, elementary, middle and high) and to major extracurricular activity they participate in. Walking distance to library, church, etc.

That is how I grew up, and I was lucky to make sure that this happened for my family. We could only afford a house that needed major repairs. 6 years later, and there is still work to be done on the house .

This location has been a blessing!

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:DW and I have a pretty good lifestyle setup, yet our house always seems a mess, we don’t have time for our own hobbies, and are exhausted 24/7. We know some families who seem to make parenting and life effortless — please tell us what we are doing wrong!


Work: Dual Fed (we prioritized work life balance), both GS15, both 3 days TRO requirements. DW - TWTh, DH - MWF. Typically 40 hour week jobs, some deadlines make for longer weeks but nothing to complain about.

3 kids. One going into 9th, one going into 6th, one going into 2nd. So 3 school drop offs/pickups (oldest are in 2 diff parochial schools, there wasn’t a k-12 that worked), youngest is in walkable neighborhood public so in a couple years will walk themselves to school and back.

Activities: no travel sports. Usually 1 rec sport per kid per season or school based sport. Weekly musical lessons twice week for all kids (different times). Oldest does some clubs at school so few weekends late nights for that. Adults try to go to gym 1-2 times a week if can.


Family fun. We never hire a babysitter so, no date nights. Weekends are usually kids with friends or have friends over, and then rest of family will go to museums or hike or pool etc. typical stuff. Usually mornings sat is a big laundry and extra cleaning day. Sunday morning is church and Sunday school.

Typical day: I wake up at 7am and drive two oldest to their schools — done by 830 and head to work or WFH. Whomever is WFH that day pops out at 4 to bring them home, and then continues to work till 530 when they start dinner. Other parent drops off elementary kid and gets to work by 9, then returns home around 6.

At dinner time we make 3 types of dinner: vegetarian, omni, and picky. Two vegetarians so think sautéed tofu, omni may have broiled chicken, and picky has pasta. Everyone shares ina roasted vegetable, salad, maybe potatoes and rice. Usually simple fast meals started by WFH parent, so dinner done by 630.

One parent may duck out with a kid to rec practice or music etc depending on time schedule — will have dinner either before or after. Maybe help homework or read with youngest for those home.

Everyone heads to bed around 930, then adults clean dishes and tidy the house, and usually deep clean one project or another. May head to gym some nights.

We have a cleaner come every two weeks for deep clean of kitchen and bathrooms.

Hard to find time for other cleaning projects, household projects, or yard work.

Spouse thinks most people just have more energy and efficiency than we do; I think most people order more takeout meals, probably have family help or regular driving nanny, or are just as frazzled as us!?

So those of you parenting with ease what can we do? I know simplyfing meals would help, but vegetarians are militant, and doctor says to accommodate picky eater for now.

You’re kidding, right?

What’s kidding? Vegetarian won’t eat meat (one is my spouse) and the pediatrician was adamant about the most important thing was kid eating not what they were eating and not make food a battle because it will have unhealthy future issues like eating disorders.

So I struggle to make a “picky” meal which is enough calories and in the way will be eaten, then vegetables for the rest of us, then a protein for the two sets of eaters.

I (mom) am a picky eating vegetarian; I am raising my kids to be the same -- they know where their food comes from.

You need to hire FT help. We have 3 kids (younger than yours) and a FT house keeper/nanny. She cleans our house, picks up the kids at 3 (3 different schools like you) and gets them to most activities (I take my oldest 2 to swim team on M and W at 5:30pm so youngest can stay home and eat with nanny at his usual time.
We never use help on weekends (or very rarely), but our week is still ok. In your summary you did not include ALL school related stuff, play dates and birthday parties. Perhaps because my kids are still
In elementary (private) school it’s busier, but MAN…. 3 school events, volunteer, field trips, teacher conferences, birthday parties, etc…. It’s a lot!

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:DW and I have a pretty good lifestyle setup, yet our house always seems a mess, we don’t have time for our own hobbies, and are exhausted 24/7. We know some families who seem to make parenting and life effortless — please tell us what we are doing wrong!


Work: Dual Fed (we prioritized work life balance), both GS15, both 3 days TRO requirements. DW - TWTh, DH - MWF. Typically 40 hour week jobs, some deadlines make for longer weeks but nothing to complain about.

3 kids. One going into 9th, one going into 6th, one going into 2nd. So 3 school drop offs/pickups (oldest are in 2 diff parochial schools, there wasn’t a k-12 that worked), youngest is in walkable neighborhood public so in a couple years will walk themselves to school and back.

Activities: no travel sports. Usually 1 rec sport per kid per season or school based sport. Weekly musical lessons twice week for all kids (different times). Oldest does some clubs at school so few weekends late nights for that. Adults try to go to gym 1-2 times a week if can.

Family fun. We never hire a babysitter so, no date nights. Weekends are usually kids with friends or have friends over, and then rest of family will go to museums or hike or pool etc. typical stuff. Usually mornings sat is a big laundry and extra cleaning day. Sunday morning is church and Sunday school.

Typical day: I wake up at 7am and drive two oldest to their schools — done by 830 and head to work or WFH. Whomever is WFH that day pops out at 4 to bring them home, and then continues to work till 530 when they start dinner. Other parent drops off elementary kid and gets to work by 9, then returns home around 6.

At dinner time we make 3 types of dinner: vegetarian, omni, and picky. Two vegetarians so think sautéed tofu, omni may have broiled chicken, and picky has pasta. Everyone shares ina roasted vegetable, salad, maybe potatoes and rice. Usually simple fast meals started by WFH parent, so dinner done by 630.

One parent may duck out with a kid to rec practice or music etc depending on time schedule — will have dinner either before or after. Maybe help homework or read with youngest for those home.

Everyone heads to bed around 930, then adults clean dishes and tidy the house, and usually deep clean one project or another. May head to gym some nights.

We have a cleaner come every two weeks for deep clean of kitchen and bathrooms.

Hard to find time for other cleaning projects, household projects, or yard work.

Spouse thinks most people just have more energy and efficiency than we do; I think most people order more takeout meals, probably have family help or regular driving nanny, or are just as frazzled as us!?

So those of you parenting with ease what can we do? I know simplyfing meals would help, but vegetarians are militant, and doctor says to accommodate picky eater for now.

You’re kidding, right?

What’s kidding? Vegetarian won’t eat meat (one is my spouse) and the pediatrician was adamant about the most important thing was kid eating not what they were eating and not make food a battle because it will have unhealthy future issues like eating disorders.

So I struggle to make a “picky” meal which is enough calories and in the way will be eaten, then vegetables for the rest of us, then a protein for the two sets of eaters.

Yes, you must be joking. You’re making yourself into a short order cook every night and then claiming you “have” to do it. Sorry. No.

You’re tired because of your ongoing choices — yes, choices. Make different ones or continue being tired. Shrug.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:We live just outside old town Alexandria. So public schools are challenged but work is a quick shot up 395 — no retail really on the way unless we detour to local Arlington.

We should have moved to Vienna I think.

Oh for the love of Pete.

Seriously. So many excuses.

Uh, what does the truth about my commute relate to excuses. It’s a 10 minute drive opposite my commute to go to a grocery store? Are maps excuses? Someplace like Vienna has much denser retail.

So you can’t go once per week? And there is no grocery store near your house? Go at 7am on a Saturday or whenever it opens. If it’s too much to go to a store, then groceries online.

You have a “reason” for why every suggestion given to you won’t work. It’s like you’re trying to make it more difficult than it has to be.

She’s enjoying playing the martyr.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Single parent. My housekeeper/nanny arrives at 7. I get up at 8 take a shower and start my full-time wfh at 8:30. My one child also gets up around that time and gets dressed, goes downstairs to a healthy breakfast, a packed lunch, and a prepped backpack. I wave them both out the door (she walks him 2 min to the bus stop) as I settle in to my fully clean, laundered, and organized house.

I work a very busy and stressful day, then pick up child from after care right before 6 pm. He does a ton of activities and usually has something every evening. All activities are calibrated to be within 10 min driving. If it’s a boring activity I catch up on admin/mail/etc. If it’s a sport/social activity I fit it a walk or socialize with other parents. Weekends we have a sport in the AM, and pm is reserved for downtime or outings with friends where both child and I enjoy the people we are with. I have friends over most Saturday evenings. I have a sitter if I want to do happy hour.

I shop for the week at Trader Joe’s on Saturday AM during an activity. I have a rotation of about five easy meals, mostly made in the instant pot.

I consciously choose quality of life in every decision. I know people think I’m excessive for having daily help, but it helps me enjoy life instead of just getting through life.

Lol. You lost me right there.

I lost her at the second line. Nanny arrives and 7 and poster sleeps for another hour.

She cleans and does the downstairs areas, makes breakfast and lunch etc. If I got up earlier I’d be in her way.

LOL

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:We live just outside old town Alexandria. So public schools are challenged but work is a quick shot up 395 — no retail really on the way unless we detour to local Arlington.

We should have moved to Vienna I think.

Oh for the love of Pete.

Seriously. So many excuses.

Uh, what does the truth about my commute relate to excuses. It’s a 10 minute drive opposite my commute to go to a grocery store? Are maps excuses? Someplace like Vienna has much denser retail.

So many excuses for EVERY single suggestion people try to give you about why it “won’t” work. It’s not just about the retail, but then, you already knew that.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:We live just outside old town Alexandria. So public schools are challenged but work is a quick shot up 395 — no retail really on the way unless we detour to local Arlington.

We should have moved to Vienna I think.

Oh for the love of Pete.

Seriously. So many excuses.

+1,000

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Single parent. My housekeeper/nanny arrives at 7. I get up at 8 take a shower and start my full-time wfh at 8:30. My one child also gets up around that time and gets dressed, goes downstairs to a healthy breakfast, a packed lunch, and a prepped backpack. I wave them both out the door (she walks him 2 min to the bus stop) as I settle in to my fully clean, laundered, and organized house.

I work a very busy and stressful day, then pick up child from after care right before 6 pm. He does a ton of activities and usually has something every evening. All activities are calibrated to be within 10 min driving. If it’s a boring activity I catch up on admin/mail/etc. If it’s a sport/social activity I fit it a walk or socialize with other parents. Weekends we have a sport in the AM, and pm is reserved for downtime or outings with friends where both child and I enjoy the people we are with. I have friends over most Saturday evenings. I have a sitter if I want to do happy hour.

I shop for the week at Trader Joe’s on Saturday AM during an activity. I have a rotation of about five easy meals, mostly made in the instant pot.

I consciously choose quality of life in every decision. I know people think I’m excessive for having daily help, but it helps me enjoy life instead of just getting through life.

Lol. You lost me right there.

Especially when the PP doesn’t even get up until an hour after the housekeeper/nanny arrives.

Also, those kids should be helping to do the dishes.

Anonymous wrote:Are you nuts? Why can't the 9th grader get paid by you to babysit occasionally? Why can't they all go to public school? Why are you making three different dinners every single night? That is INSANE. Completely, unequivocally insane.

We have a nanny who runs the kids around after school and preps/starts dinner and herds the kids through setting the table. We have twice a week cleaners. So we spot clean and load and unload the dishwasher, but that's it for cleaning. Our kids are at the same school. But they are close in age - you spaced your kids way out.

I think your schedule works like mine. I have 2 kids, 6th and 8th in private school.

Having both been in public I do think it's MUCH easier but I also think that kids need different things so ours do better with private as yours likely need theirs so I get it - there's not much you can do on the school front but know that what you signed up for is probably more work than public so that's one thing..

We also have a housecleaner but once a week - she charges us not very much weekly but we commit to once a week so it's a win win for her and us. It's prob the same as having someone come bi-weekly but once/wk is great. TRULY great. We've worked with her for many years and she's on her own not through a service but I'd look into that scenario if possible.

I think 3 kids is just hard. We have one kid in travel sport that requires a lot. It is my second job I do believe I have carpool going but practices are still 3x/week. My kids have music and I made sure they have 2 different teachers at the same time thus just one ride/wk for us. Big save on energy and time.

We have a kid who requires a LOT of help academically due to learning disabilities. We have a private tutor and we help him somewhat with homework but it's mental work in terms of just ensuring he's on track. Although now he's going into 8th grade and he has dyslexia/anxiety and ADHD so still a work in progress. I think a lot of it is mental with older kids like yours and ours.

Our kids do a lot of breakfast for dinner and they can make that. We also do different foods for everyone which sucks but that's just how it runs in our family and we do order out a LOT. But it's reasonable ie Popopyes, Chipotle, Five Guys, etc. DH and I often just snack v really eat a big meal as well so it's all about the kids.

We both WFH and I'm going to say that that is our 100000000% secret sauce for not keeling over. Prior, DH worked at the office and it was harder on me as I also work but almost always from home. Neither of us have a stressful big job - I quit being a Director as I don't need to manage more people LOL!!!!

In terms of activities - my older one also does a club on Friday nights which we can drop off. With kids both older, we can leave them at home and escape for a night out and leave them pizza for dinner sometimes although we don't do that often only because we are so lazy hahahaha! This also is a nice thing to know we can do which you may have a harder time with because your youngest is young BUT your oldest is older than my oldest so that should actually be OK.

I think from what reading your break down - it's really just
1. WFH 100% is a lifesaver
2. Try finding a cleaning lady weekly v bi-weekly
3. Go out and let the kids have pizza on their own
4. Accept that school is what it is. if possible, try to find activities that don't require so many drop offs. It's less travel that you have 1 activity per kid = min 3 activities that you are committed to driving. Look at something like music where you can drop at least 2/3 kids. This I think is draining your energy most.
5. I do think on some level - it is what it is. We are also always tired. Most parents are lying if they don't admit that (unless they have help and/or $$!).

Anonymous wrote:DW and I have a pretty good lifestyle setup, yet our house always seems a mess, we don’t have time for our own hobbies, and are exhausted 24/7. We know some families who seem to make parenting and life effortless — please tell us what we are doing wrong!


Work: Dual Fed (we prioritized work life balance), both GS15, both 3 days TRO requirements. DW - TWTh, DH - MWF. Typically 40 hour week jobs, some deadlines make for longer weeks but nothing to complain about.

3 kids. One going into 9th, one going into 6th, one going into 2nd. So 3 school drop offs/pickups (oldest are in 2 diff parochial schools, there wasn’t a k-12 that worked), youngest is in walkable neighborhood public so in a couple years will walk themselves to school and back.

Activities: no travel sports. Usually 1 rec sport per kid per season or school based sport. Weekly musical lessons twice week for all kids (different times). Oldest does some clubs at school so few weekends late nights for that. Adults try to go to gym 1-2 times a week if can.

Family fun. We never hire a babysitter so, no date nights. Weekends are usually kids with friends or have friends over, and then rest of family will go to museums or hike or pool etc. typical stuff. Usually mornings sat is a big laundry and extra cleaning day. Sunday morning is church and Sunday school.

Typical day: I wake up at 7am and drive two oldest to their schools — done by 830 and head to work or WFH. Whomever is WFH that day pops out at 4 to bring them home, and then continues to work till 530 when they start dinner. Other parent drops off elementary kid and gets to work by 9, then returns home around 6.

At dinner time we make 3 types of dinner: vegetarian, omni, and picky. Two vegetarians so think sautéed tofu, omni may have broiled chicken, and picky has pasta. Everyone shares ina roasted vegetable, salad, maybe potatoes and rice. Usually simple fast meals started by WFH parent, so dinner done by 630.

One parent may duck out with a kid to rec practice or music etc depending on time schedule — will have dinner either before or after. Maybe help homework or read with youngest for those home.

Everyone heads to bed around 930, then adults clean dishes and tidy the house, and usually deep clean one project or another. May head to gym some nights.

We have a cleaner come every two weeks for deep clean of kitchen and bathrooms.

Hard to find time for other cleaning projects, household projects, or yard work.

Spouse thinks most people just have more energy and efficiency than we do; I think most people order more takeout meals, probably have family help or regular driving nanny, or are just as frazzled as us!?

So those of you parenting with ease what can we do? I know simplyfing meals would help, but vegetarians are militant, and doctor says to accommodate picky eater for now.

Why can’t you go out on date nights? The ninth grader should be responsible enough to supervise the you get kids. Making three different meals sounds insane. Ask your Ninth grader, DH or sixth grader to help with the meals. Why do only the adults do the cleaning? All three of your kids are old enough to help.