I’m surprised so many posters are offended by destination weddings. I have never been to one but I thought people typically kept them smaller and didn’t expect everyone to attend. It’s not like you’re required to go, it’s just an invitation.

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Anonymous wrote:Guilty of destination wedding (hours away) but gave +1, +2, accommodated friends of family with champagne toast but cash bar.
we had to budget but splurged with everything else big time.

So you splurged on everything except the one thing guests actually look forward to at weddings? What in the world were you thinking?

+1 Splurged on what exactly? This is exactly the type of couple who should have eloped at this destination. Why bother inviting anyone?

I know, I know. That is a DCUm no no. in retrospect we were college age poor and young and not what I would have done now but eloping was actually our plan and family still wanted to attend. we paid for a luxury hotel and rooms to accommodate everyone with 100+ people. lots of thanks for a great time and people were very generous and still talk about how great of time it was so I guess they didn't mind too much?

You paid for everyone's lodging but drew the line at the bar bill?

+1. This makes no sense. Also being college age poor and...paying fur luxury accommodations.

Yeah doesnt pass the sniff test. More likely pp splurged on their dress and rings and left guests in the lurch.

But its the internet, anyone can say they did anything and how everyone loooved it.

Or maybe they think a hotel block at holiday inn counts as covering accommodations

I would not criticize what accommodations might be available where - are you going to send someone an hour away to the Ritz, or tell them the closest places that are clean? If you are a travel snob, or think you are above it all, that is not on the bride and groom to pay for.

A hotel block isn't actually covering accommodations (nor is it luxury) which is what pp said. I was musing that they simply blocked the rooms and left guests to book it/pay for it on their own.

The worst offense for me is a combination of a destination wedding and the ask for money along with the destination wedding (or even a registry). If you’re already asking people to spend a ton of money to go to your wedding, that should be the gift. Asking people to get you stuff on top of it? Super tacky and entitled.

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Anonymous wrote:What is the difference in asking for cash and creating a list of items you want from a particular store (ie, a registry)?

The invitation should refer to neither of those things.

+1

And if there is no mention of a registry, that is because (wait for it) ......there is no registry! The couple has everything they need! Especially true if they have each lived on their own for a while, it is not as if people get married at 18 any more?! Also, just because someone is the youngest in the family, does not mean that they are still 10 years old (I have seen it!).

That's not quite right. The invitation shouldn't mention a registry, but the polite thing to do is to ask if there is one. No mention of one doesn't mean it doesn't exist.

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Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:What is the difference in asking for cash and creating a list of items you want from a particular store (ie, a registry)?

The invitation should refer to neither of those things.

+1

And if there is no mention of a registry, that is because (wait for it) ......there is no registry! The couple has everything they need! Especially true if they have each lived on their own for a while, it is not as if people get married at 18 any more?! Also, just because someone is the youngest in the family, does not mean that they are still 10 years old (I have seen it!).

To add, I think for weddings with no registry, then the couple would be happy if you just showed up with a good attitude. If not, just stay home. I'm there to (actually) support the bride and groom, not make demands.

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Anonymous wrote:Guilty of destination wedding (hours away) but gave +1, +2, accommodated friends of family with champagne toast but cash bar.
we had to budget but splurged with everything else big time.

So you splurged on everything except the one thing guests actually look forward to at weddings? What in the world were you thinking?

+1 Splurged on what exactly? This is exactly the type of couple who should have eloped at this destination. Why bother inviting anyone?

I know, I know. That is a DCUm no no. in retrospect we were college age poor and young and not what I would have done now but eloping was actually our plan and family still wanted to attend. we paid for a luxury hotel and rooms to accommodate everyone with 100+ people. lots of thanks for a great time and people were very generous and still talk about how great of time it was so I guess they didn't mind too much?

You paid for everyone's lodging but drew the line at the bar bill?

+1. This makes no sense. Also being college age poor and...paying fur luxury accommodations.

Yeah doesnt pass the sniff test. More likely pp splurged on their dress and rings and left guests in the lurch.

But its the internet, anyone can say they did anything and how everyone loooved it.

Or maybe they think a hotel block at holiday inn counts as covering accommodations

I would not criticize what accommodations might be available where - are you going to send someone an hour away to the Ritz, or tell them the closest places that are clean? If you are a travel snob, or think you are above it all, that is not on the bride and groom to pay for.

I was under the impression that mo way dances were cultural/common amongst a specific group. I’ve only been to one wedding where this happened. It was the upper Midwest, the bride was 24 and the reception was held at the local knights of Columbus hall.

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Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Guilty of destination wedding (hours away) but gave +1, +2, accommodated friends of family with champagne toast but cash bar.
we had to budget but splurged with everything else big time.

So you splurged on everything except the one thing guests actually look forward to at weddings? What in the world were you thinking?

+1 Splurged on what exactly? This is exactly the type of couple who should have eloped at this destination. Why bother inviting anyone?

I know, I know. That is a DCUm no no. in retrospect we were college age poor and young and not what I would have done now but eloping was actually our plan and family still wanted to attend. we paid for a luxury hotel and rooms to accommodate everyone with 100+ people. lots of thanks for a great time and people were very generous and still talk about how great of time it was so I guess they didn't mind too much?

You paid for everyone's lodging but drew the line at the bar bill?

+1. This makes no sense. Also being college age poor and...paying fur luxury accommodations.

Yeah doesnt pass the sniff test. More likely pp splurged on their dress and rings and left guests in the lurch.

But its the internet, anyone can say they did anything and how everyone loooved it.

Or maybe they think a hotel block at holiday inn counts as covering accommodations

or maybe they made it all up to get the DCUM crowd going.

Anonymous wrote:Worst: No +1, destination wedding. Couples will often say they don’t want random people at their wedding but offer plus ones for spouses and significant others they’ve never met. Just give all adults a plus one.

Also bad: No open bar — don’t host a party you can’t afford. Along those lines I would add an expectation that gifts cover the per person cost for the wedding.

Neutral: No kids, dry wedding, asking for cash gifts

Isn't a dry wedding worse than no open bar? At least there's alcohol!

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Anonymous wrote:My definition of a hell wedding would be a cash bar, with kids, doing the weird money dance or asking for cash presents, in someone’s backyard that I had to travel to but wasn’t a “destination wedding”. But it sounds like that’s the vibe for a lot of you. Just go to the JP and save us all the trouble.

I went to a wedding that ticked all the boxes except cash bar. Had to drive to the 45 mins to beach, park a mile away and then walk to the beach ceremony set up (there was a trolley for the wedding party but nobody else). Then walk a mile back to the parking lot, drive another 45 mins to the backyard party with tons of kids, but at least there were drinks provided. I did not participate in the money dance and was a little surprised as it was the first one I'd ever seen.

similar experience for a family member. can we just get rid of money dances?

Anonymous wrote:

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Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Guilty of destination wedding (hours away) but gave +1, +2, accommodated friends of family with champagne toast but cash bar.
we had to budget but splurged with everything else big time.

So you splurged on everything except the one thing guests actually look forward to at weddings? What in the world were you thinking?

+1 Splurged on what exactly? This is exactly the type of couple who should have eloped at this destination. Why bother inviting anyone?

I know, I know. That is a DCUm no no. in retrospect we were college age poor and young and not what I would have done now but eloping was actually our plan and family still wanted to attend. we paid for a luxury hotel and rooms to accommodate everyone with 100+ people. lots of thanks for a great time and people were very generous and still talk about how great of time it was so I guess they didn't mind too much?

You paid for everyone's lodging but drew the line at the bar bill?

+1. This makes no sense. Also being college age poor and...paying fur luxury accommodations.

Yeah doesnt pass the sniff test. More likely pp splurged on their dress and rings and left guests in the lurch.

But its the internet, anyone can say they did anything and how everyone loooved it.

Or maybe they think a hotel block at holiday inn counts as covering accommodations

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Guilty of destination wedding (hours away) but gave +1, +2, accommodated friends of family with champagne toast but cash bar.
we had to budget but splurged with everything else big time.

So you splurged on everything except the one thing guests actually look forward to at weddings? What in the world were you thinking?

+1 Splurged on what exactly? This is exactly the type of couple who should have eloped at this destination. Why bother inviting anyone?

I know, I know. That is a DCUm no no. in retrospect we were college age poor and young and not what I would have done now but eloping was actually our plan and family still wanted to attend. we paid for a luxury hotel and rooms to accommodate everyone with 100+ people. lots of thanks for a great time and people were very generous and still talk about how great of time it was so I guess they didn't mind too much?

You paid for everyone's lodging but drew the line at the bar bill?

+1. This makes no sense. Also being college age poor and...paying fur luxury accommodations.

Yeah doesnt pass the sniff test. More likely pp splurged on their dress and rings and left guests in the lurch.

But its the internet, anyone can say they did anything and how everyone loooved it.

I’m neutral on several of these: don’t care about +1s unless it’s something egregious like only one half of a married couple is invited; neutral on kids v. no kids (strongly preferred kids for my own wedding, but don’t care what others do).

I think destinations are kinda silly, but I’ll happily go if I have the budget/time off.

I’d prefer a dry wedding to a cash bar. I don’t care if you serve alcohol or not - in fact, I’ve been to some really, really fun dry weddings - but I do think it’s tacky to charge for anything at the wedding.

I’m ambivalent about the cash thing. I agree that mention of registries or anything else related to presents should never be included with an invitation. At the same time, I want to get the couple something they will appreciate. If I know they come from a culture where giving cash is the norm, I do that. Or if I inquire with the bride’s mother about a registry and am given preferences, that’s great. But somehow being told “just give us money” on an invitation or wedding website seems squicky to me somehow, in ways I can’t define or necessarily defend.

Worst: No +1, destination wedding. Couples will often say they don’t want random people at their wedding but offer plus ones for spouses and significant others they’ve never met. Just give all adults a plus one.

Also bad: No open bar — don’t host a party you can’t afford. Along those lines I would add an expectation that gifts cover the per person cost for the wedding.

Neutral: No kids, dry wedding, asking for cash gifts

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:What is the difference in asking for cash and creating a list of items you want from a particular store (ie, a registry)?

The invitation should refer to neither of those things.

+1

And if there is no mention of a registry, that is because (wait for it) ......there is no registry! The couple has everything they need! Especially true if they have each lived on their own for a while, it is not as if people get married at 18 any more?! Also, just because someone is the youngest in the family, does not mean that they are still 10 years old (I have seen it!).