Anonymous
Post 08/05/2023 09:57     Subject: If adults kids don’t have kids what’s the point?
I helped raise my sister's daughter. Neither my brother nor i chose to have kids.

My mother let us know every day of our childhoods how draining it was to have kids, and how unhappy it can make you.
Anonymous
Post 08/05/2023 09:51     Subject: Re:If adults kids don’t have kids what’s the point?
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:Wow, I am childfree and so glad that my parents don't feel the way you do. They wanted to have a child to have the experience of raising a child, and that was their decision, not mine, obviously. I do not want this experience, and they understand and accept my decision. Frankly, more and more parents should expect to not have grandchildren, as younger generations come to terms with the devastation that climate change is wreaking on the earth.


I mean of course your parents told you that. That raising you was the greatest joy. They are your parents- that’s what they say because they are good a parents! They aren’t making you feel guilty for ending their line because they are good parents! Child free adults often lack this sort of self awareness IMO because they have not yet experienced one of the major seasons in life, which is to have a child. If you skip that entire season, your life is stunted. I didn’t get it either until I had kids so I’m sure you will respond with a giant eye roll, but, sorry.


I have kids and have no idea what you’re talking about.


That’s unfortunate that you didn’t experience the life changing love this poster describes. Well, unfortunate for your kids anyway.


Lol. The pp burst your bubble.
Anonymous
Post 08/05/2023 09:39     Subject: If adults kids don’t have kids what’s the point?
Anonymous wrote:I literally gave up 22 years of my life between pregnancy and up college.

From kids soccer, back to school nights, SAT tutors, 21 birthday parties, play dates, paying for everything including college.

What was point of any of it without grandkids?

Lonely sad life for me at an empty Thanksgiving table with no one to even leave my stuff too.

What was point of having kids, what was even point of career or big house?



I love my kids and loved raising them. I always thought grands would be wonderful but honestly having kids in this world is crazy to me. I think it would be selfish to bring a child in a world that is failing. IF my kids to have them, of course I will love them endlessly.
Anonymous
Post 08/04/2023 23:43     Subject: If adults kids don’t have kids what’s the point?
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:I like what my sisters friends rich grandparents did. Set up a trust giving zero to currently living people. Even time a new kid born parents get a check $200k. When that kid graduates a four year college a second check 200k the when that kid has kids more 200k checks.

Giving childless people money 💰 with no metrics attached is useless.

The kids exist to raise educated kids of their own to go on and have more kids.

The trust is inflation adjusted. I am not rich enough to do that. But I can see setting up a trust for future kids and leave none to kids.

I was thinking leaving it all in a trust leaving zero to living people then pay out 1/10 every time a kid born after my death so first kids get a bigger share of pot.

Having kids with no kids is kinda like going to a restaurant and not eating.


Ok I don't agree that everyone should have kids or that there is "no point" to having kids if they don't have kids. Just strongly, strongly disagree.

HOWEVER

I do agree that it's kind of weird to leave an adult who is past the age where they might have had kids and didn't, a huge sum of money. What is it for? If you don't have kids, you can work for 30 years (or less if you choose the right field), save intelligently, and have an amazing life where you never really worry about money. If your parents paid for your college education, you're golden. You don't have to worry about buying a house IB for good schools, sending kids to college, paying for braces, helping your kid pay for an apartment while they job hunt, etc. You also don't have to give up career opportunities to be present for your kids, as so many women especially do.

It just makes sense to give more money to adult kids who have kids (or at least give the money directly to the grandkids) than to leave huge sums to childless adults. Why, so they can have really, extra nice retirements? They don't even have anyone to leave the excess to. It makes no sense.

If none of your kids have kids, divide it evenly and let the chips fall. But if some have children and others don't, I do actually think it makes more sense to leave most of it to the people with kids so that money actually helps future generations get an education and get started in life, instead of just helping your adult child buy a vacation home or buy a really nice TV or whatever.


I'm glad my parents don't feel this way!

They are leaving each of their grandchildren money, and my sibling and I will split the rest.
They paid for both of our educations and they gave us an equal amount for a down payment on a home.

My sibling has a good marriage and a wonderful career and has raised several lovely children, most of whom will likely go on to marry, have wonderful careers and lovely children of their own. I am single, work to live, and have a dog. But we are both their children and we matter the same to them. If anything, I have a closer relationship to my parents because I don't have a family of my own, and I have the time and freedom to spend with them. We travel together. We are friends. I will probably be the one by their side at the end of their lives.

I'm not going to buy a vacation home with my inheritance. I will probably use it to pay down the debt that has accumulated due to the financial penalties of being single and possibly enjoy some things like travel for the first time.
Anonymous
Post 08/04/2023 23:06     Subject: If adults kids don’t have kids what’s the point?
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:I am the PP, and PS, yes I will help as much as I can I if/when they chose to procreate. But I vowed that I will not be the source of pressure one way or the other. Their bodies, their choices.


Not really their bodies. This ain’t the Barbie movie.

For thousands of years my family had kids and paid it forward. I doubt they expected in 2023 a future descendent would kill off their unborn children and the blood line would stop

So no not your body really,


Of course people's bodies are their own. Trust me, there is nothing special about your blood line that needs carrying on. You are simply an ant crawling on the face of the planet.


+1
All this talk about "blood line" is ridiculous.

Some of the most exceptional, talented, brilliant and beautiful people in history did not have children. The future world will manage just fine without our "aristocratic" PP's progeny.
Anonymous
Post 08/04/2023 22:54     Subject: If adults kids don’t have kids what’s the point?
Anonymous wrote:OP (and others), the problem is that you didn’t play the odds right. When you only have a kid or two, there’s always the risk that they’ll end up not having kids because lots of people don’t have kids.

We had four kids, all girls. Two have kids, and two don’t and almost certainly never will. But we’re set. No need to put pressure on anyone. And what’s nice is the ones without kids are fantastic aunts. You can like kids and not want any of your own.


I have a childless friend, and none of her five siblings has kids either. Their parents had a wonderful long retirement before the father died. A few of the kids live with the mother. They're a happy family.
Anonymous
Post 08/04/2023 22:52     Subject: If adults kids don’t have kids what’s the point?
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:I like what my sisters friends rich grandparents did. Set up a trust giving zero to currently living people. Even time a new kid born parents get a check $200k. When that kid graduates a four year college a second check 200k the when that kid has kids more 200k checks.

Giving childless people money 💰 with no metrics attached is useless.

The kids exist to raise educated kids of their own to go on and have more kids.

The trust is inflation adjusted. I am not rich enough to do that. But I can see setting up a trust for future kids and leave none to kids.

I was thinking leaving it all in a trust leaving zero to living people then pay out 1/10 every time a kid born after my death so first kids get a bigger share of pot.

Having kids with no kids is kinda like going to a restaurant and not eating.


lol

I wish I had that kind of money.


So basically it’s like welfare for rich people. Have more kids and get a bigger check,
Anonymous
Post 08/04/2023 22:50     Subject: If adults kids don’t have kids what’s the point?
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:Oh FFS. I can't scroll through all of this. But WTF.


Same. This is the weirdest thread I’ve ever seen on DCUM.



Actually what’s weird are all the posters claiming they could care less if their kids never have kids.

I’m calling B.S.
Thee urge to procreate and see your family line continue is part of our DNA.
Anonymous
Post 08/04/2023 22:49     Subject: Re:If adults kids don’t have kids what’s the point?
Yikes, this is hard for me to read, as someone who wanted children, but couldn't have any.
I'm lucky that my parents (1) supported me through years of IVF, AND (2) love and value me just the same as they always did. They are leaving each of my brother's several children an equal amount of money, and the remainder of their estate will be split equally between me and my brother. I doubt they ever considered leaving me less, even if I was childfree by choice. They wanted us both, raised us both, loved and love us both, with no strings attached.
Anonymous
Post 08/04/2023 22:32     Subject: If adults kids don’t have kids what’s the point?
Anonymous wrote:I like what my sisters friends rich grandparents did. Set up a trust giving zero to currently living people. Even time a new kid born parents get a check $200k. When that kid graduates a four year college a second check 200k the when that kid has kids more 200k checks.

Giving childless people money 💰 with no metrics attached is useless.

The kids exist to raise educated kids of their own to go on and have more kids.

The trust is inflation adjusted. I am not rich enough to do that. But I can see setting up a trust for future kids and leave none to kids.

I was thinking leaving it all in a trust leaving zero to living people then pay out 1/10 every time a kid born after my death so first kids get a bigger share of pot.

Having kids with no kids is kinda like going to a restaurant and not eating.


Ok I don't agree that everyone should have kids or that there is "no point" to having kids if they don't have kids. Just strongly, strongly disagree.

HOWEVER

I do agree that it's kind of weird to leave an adult who is past the age where they might have had kids and didn't, a huge sum of money. What is it for? If you don't have kids, you can work for 30 years (or less if you choose the right field), save intelligently, and have an amazing life where you never really worry about money. If your parents paid for your college education, you're golden. You don't have to worry about buying a house IB for good schools, sending kids to college, paying for braces, helping your kid pay for an apartment while they job hunt, etc. You also don't have to give up career opportunities to be present for your kids, as so many women especially do.

It just makes sense to give more money to adult kids who have kids (or at least give the money directly to the grandkids) than to leave huge sums to childless adults. Why, so they can have really, extra nice retirements? They don't even have anyone to leave the excess to. It makes no sense.

If none of your kids have kids, divide it evenly and let the chips fall. But if some have children and others don't, I do actually think it makes more sense to leave most of it to the people with kids so that money actually helps future generations get an education and get started in life, instead of just helping your adult child buy a vacation home or buy a really nice TV or whatever.
Anonymous
Post 08/04/2023 22:22     Subject: If adults kids don’t have kids what’s the point?
Anonymous wrote:
I think exactly like you, OP, except that I love parenting and do not regret prioritizing my children.

However, I agree with your greater point. What's the point if my line ends?

I don't know how old you are, but my uncle became a grandfather at 80+ years old. He had his daughter later in life, and she had a daughter at 36. It was probably the happiest day of his life.



+1
The desire to see your line continue is biological and innate. No one should be shaming OP for saying what most people feel deep inside.

Anonymous
Post 08/04/2023 22:12     Subject: If adults kids don’t have kids what’s the point?
Anonymous wrote:I like what my sisters friends rich grandparents did. Set up a trust giving zero to currently living people. Even time a new kid born parents get a check $200k. When that kid graduates a four year college a second check 200k the when that kid has kids more 200k checks.

Giving childless people money 💰 with no metrics attached is useless.

The kids exist to raise educated kids of their own to go on and have more kids.

The trust is inflation adjusted. I am not rich enough to do that. But I can see setting up a trust for future kids and leave none to kids.

I was thinking leaving it all in a trust leaving zero to living people then pay out 1/10 every time a kid born after my death so first kids get a bigger share of pot.

Having kids with no kids is kinda like going to a restaurant and not eating.


lol

I wish I had that kind of money.
Anonymous
Post 08/04/2023 22:11     Subject: Re:If adults kids don’t have kids what’s the point?
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:Wow, I am childfree and so glad that my parents don't feel the way you do. They wanted to have a child to have the experience of raising a child, and that was their decision, not mine, obviously. I do not want this experience, and they understand and accept my decision. Frankly, more and more parents should expect to not have grandchildren, as younger generations come to terms with the devastation that climate change is wreaking on the earth.


I mean of course your parents told you that. That raising you was the greatest joy. They are your parents- that’s what they say because they are good a parents! They aren’t making you feel guilty for ending their line because they are good parents! Child free adults often lack this sort of self awareness IMO because they have not yet experienced one of the major seasons in life, which is to have a child. If you skip that entire season, your life is stunted. I didn’t get it either until I had kids so I’m sure you will respond with a giant eye roll, but, sorry.


I have kids and have no idea what you’re talking about.


That’s unfortunate that you didn’t experience the life changing love this poster describes. Well, unfortunate for your kids anyway.


I have friends and family that do not have kids. It’s never crossed my mind that their lives are “stunted”. I still don’t understand the comment.


Maybe stunted is the wrong word. It’s a life missing a fundamental part of the human experience.

Anonymous
Post 08/04/2023 08:23     Subject: If adults kids don’t have kids what’s the point?
I like what my sisters friends rich grandparents did. Set up a trust giving zero to currently living people. Even time a new kid born parents get a check $200k. When that kid graduates a four year college a second check 200k the when that kid has kids more 200k checks.

Giving childless people money 💰 with no metrics attached is useless.

The kids exist to raise educated kids of their own to go on and have more kids.

The trust is inflation adjusted. I am not rich enough to do that. But I can see setting up a trust for future kids and leave none to kids.

I was thinking leaving it all in a trust leaving zero to living people then pay out 1/10 every time a kid born after my death so first kids get a bigger share of pot.

Having kids with no kids is kinda like going to a restaurant and not eating.
Anonymous
Post 08/04/2023 08:16     Subject: Re:If adults kids don’t have kids what’s the point?
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:Wow, I am childfree and so glad that my parents don't feel the way you do. They wanted to have a child to have the experience of raising a child, and that was their decision, not mine, obviously. I do not want this experience, and they understand and accept my decision. Frankly, more and more parents should expect to not have grandchildren, as younger generations come to terms with the devastation that climate change is wreaking on the earth.


I mean of course your parents told you that. That raising you was the greatest joy. They are your parents- that’s what they say because they are good a parents! They aren’t making you feel guilty for ending their line because they are good parents! Child free adults often lack this sort of self awareness IMO because they have not yet experienced one of the major seasons in life, which is to have a child. If you skip that entire season, your life is stunted. I didn’t get it either until I had kids so I’m sure you will respond with a giant eye roll, but, sorry.


I have kids and have no idea what you’re talking about.


That’s unfortunate that you didn’t experience the life changing love this poster describes. Well, unfortunate for your kids anyway.


I have friends and family that do not have kids. It’s never crossed my mind that their lives are “stunted”. I still don’t understand the comment.