He was a lawyer, right? I got a message the other day about someone I have professional ties to dying unexpectedly, but I think he was 52. So young, whatever the reason. I feel terrible for the family regardless of the cause of death.

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Anonymous wrote:I almost died at work the other day — I aspirated food. I bet my obit would say that I “died unexpectedly”. Thank goodness I’m still alive! 🙏

I am sincerely glad, too! That’s really scary, PP. Glad you are OK.

If you had died and you were my family member, we would have put “died unexpectedly” or perhaps “died in an accident.” We would not be a unfortunate encounter with a sandwich to be what people focused on when they heard of your death, and thought about you later on.

Ah! A caveat. Yes, an 'accident', is completely different. But that is not what has been discussed. If I heard that an otherwise healthy person between 20-60 dies unexpectedly and without any mention of cause- people, understand that, statistically, it is almost surely suicide.

Dying due to choking is not dying in an accident.
There are so many ways to die that are unexpected, not accidents, and not suicide.

Uh, the family could certainly call that an accident. Or “died accidentally.” They can use whatever words they want.

They could, but I think of accidents as things like falling, getting hit by a branch, or a car accident. I'd say choking is exactly the kind of thing one would use "unexpected" for.

Because one should expect a tree to fall on them?

Did I say that?

You did. You put choking in the 'unexpected' basket and, then, put getting hit by a falling tree in the 'expected' basket.

Did you not know you did that?

No, I did not. You are pretending that "accident" is a direct antonym of "expected". Referring to getting hit by a branch as an accident does not mean that one expects to be hit by a tree branch, just like the term "car accident" does not mean that one expects to have a collision while driving. I said that getting hit by a falling tree is an accident. I did not, as you claim, put in a "the expected basket" because, again, "accident" is not the direct opposite of "expected". And "accident" is not synonymous with "unexpected". Heart attacks are unexpected and not accidents. So are aneurisms. So are a lot of things. I would personally put choking in that category. If my loved one died by choking, I would probably say they died unexpectedly.

Huh. I'd say my spouse died of a stupid accident.

DP. Is that what you would put in his public obituary?

John Doe, beloved husband of Jane Doe and father to James Doe and Jill Doe, died of a stupid accident on July 4, 2023...

I’m going to put eaten by a shark.

My sister died in her 30s after a long illness. My parent wrote the obit and didn’t mention a cause of death because they wanted to be private about her. I told them they had to say something because people would assume OD or suicide at her age without an explanation. They didn’t know that, and put one in.

My sisters death was unexpected in the sense that she had been ill for many years, but no doctor told us she was going to die of her illness - it was chronic and needed to be managed. But she started declining, was in the hospital for a month when the doctors told us they didn’t have any other things to try to get her better. She entered hospice the next day and died eight days later.

It’s sad that people make negative assumptions about a missing cause of death. Sometimes it’s just for privacy.

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Anonymous wrote:Obviously the guy killed himself. Maybe he overdosed on drugs but you'd likley know if the guy was a drugie. So, yeah, he killed himself. Now the question is why.

Are you younger? Do you move in circles where overdoses are common?

I'm older and know a number of people who died suddenly, mostly from cardiac or brain related events. None of these have been from drugs, and only one from suicide - a 75 year old who didn't want to go on living after a disabling stroke.

So you know the cause of death of lots of people who died suddenely. Thanks for proving the point.

NP. What are you talking about? The PP could be the cousin, sibling, niece or best friend of the people she knew who died suddenly. What makes you think she isn’t inner circle for those people?

I know the cause of my cousin’s sudden death, but those outside the family probably do not know, and the obituary did not disclose it. You are very odd.

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Anonymous wrote:Suicide or OD 90% of the time. If it was a natural 'suddenly' (ie stroke or heart attack) it's usually spelled out to avoid the implications of the aforementioned causes.

This is completely untrue, but certainly a huge urban legend. I have seen it applied to to deaths from heart attacks, car accidents, drownings, rock climbing falls (twice), murder, suicide, unexpected short term illness, and so on.

You obviously don't even know what urban legend means.

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Anonymous wrote:Obviously the guy killed himself. Maybe he overdosed on drugs but you'd likley know if the guy was a drugie. So, yeah, he killed himself. Now the question is why.

Are you younger? Do you move in circles where overdoses are common?

I'm older and know a number of people who died suddenly, mostly from cardiac or brain related events. None of these have been from drugs, and only one from suicide - a 75 year old who didn't want to go on living after a disabling stroke.

So you know the cause of death of lots of people who died suddenely. Thanks for proving the point.

Anonymous wrote:If it is your “right” to know the cause of death, why aren’t you calling the family to ask? Hmm? It’s your right, after all. Call them up and demand your rights.

Calm down, "obit writer." No one is talking about rights. Wondering how others have died is a perfectly natural thing to do as it is also a manifestation of humanity itself. It would be a very cold person to be indifferent and uncaring.

In the past suicides were considered hugely shameful so people would say "died in a hunting accident" or "while cleaning his rifle." But everyone knew what it really meant.

Anonymous wrote:Suicide or OD 90% of the time. If it was a natural 'suddenly' (ie stroke or heart attack) it's usually spelled out to avoid the implications of the aforementioned causes.

This is completely untrue, but certainly a huge urban legend. I have seen it applied to to deaths from heart attacks, car accidents, drownings, rock climbing falls (twice), murder, suicide, unexpected short term illness, and so on.

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Anonymous wrote:I almost died at work the other day — I aspirated food. I bet my obit would say that I “died unexpectedly”. Thank goodness I’m still alive! 🙏

I am sincerely glad, too! That’s really scary, PP. Glad you are OK.

If you had died and you were my family member, we would have put “died unexpectedly” or perhaps “died in an accident.” We would not be a unfortunate encounter with a sandwich to be what people focused on when they heard of your death, and thought about you later on.

Ah! A caveat. Yes, an 'accident', is completely different. But that is not what has been discussed. If I heard that an otherwise healthy person between 20-60 dies unexpectedly and without any mention of cause- people, understand that, statistically, it is almost surely suicide.

Dying due to choking is not dying in an accident.
There are so many ways to die that are unexpected, not accidents, and not suicide.

Uh, the family could certainly call that an accident. Or “died accidentally.” They can use whatever words they want.

They could, but I think of accidents as things like falling, getting hit by a branch, or a car accident. I'd say choking is exactly the kind of thing one would use "unexpected" for.

Because one should expect a tree to fall on them?

Did I say that?

You did. You put choking in the 'unexpected' basket and, then, put getting hit by a falling tree in the 'expected' basket.

Did you not know you did that?

No, I did not. You are pretending that "accident" is a direct antonym of "expected". Referring to getting hit by a branch as an accident does not mean that one expects to be hit by a tree branch, just like the term "car accident" does not mean that one expects to have a collision while driving. I said that getting hit by a falling tree is an accident. I did not, as you claim, put in a "the expected basket" because, again, "accident" is not the direct opposite of "expected". And "accident" is not synonymous with "unexpected". Heart attacks are unexpected and not accidents. So are aneurisms. So are a lot of things. I would personally put choking in that category. If my loved one died by choking, I would probably say they died unexpectedly.

Huh. I'd say my spouse died of a stupid accident.

DP. Is that what you would put in his public obituary?

John Doe, beloved husband of Jane Doe and father to James Doe and Jill Doe, died of a stupid accident on July 4, 2023...

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Anonymous wrote:We know how we got here, and I sure know many birth stories, in fact IG is filled with them in great detail. I want to know how people go out, especially if they aren't 95.

I am reading more and more accounts of humane euthanasia, as people are choosing that for themselves. Also, I've noticed a lot of hospice nurses social media accts talking about death. Death is a very taboo subject, it's almost as if not talking about it means it won't happen, the way we used to whisper " cancer." Death is very natural- we are all going to die. Suicide also shouldn't be hidden because it implied shame, when, in fact, it's an illness just like any illness. I'm all for openness.

People can share birth stories, or not. If they don't share them, then no one will know about the details of the birth. I would never share my birth stories publicly.

Likewise, the family of the deceased can share, or not.

You want to know "how people go out" but you are not entitled to information that is not shared.

Actually, it is public record. So, it all will be shared.

Eventually there will be a death certificate, which is a public record. You can look that up if you are really that curious. It may or may not be accurate, based on my own experience.

In the meantime, go ahead and call the family of the deceased. I'll wait.

I just had a friend of a friend die; the obituary sad "unexpectedly" -- they knew she had breast cancer and was in treatment, but she caught a virus and took a turn for the worse unexpectedly. She was in her 40s.

Things happen.

If it is your “right” to know the cause of death, why aren’t you calling the family to ask? Hmm? It’s your right, after all. Call them up and demand your rights.

Vast majority of the time it means suicide, overdose (purposefully took a drug), or accidental poisoning (ie., took a drug and it was unknowingly laced with fentanyl). It could also indicate an alcohol-related death.

I mean, it could be anything as "died suddenly and unexpectedly" provides the cover of plausible deniability. But it's usually due to some element of shame associated with the death that the family doesn't want to discuss.

I really like how the Raskin family dealt with the suicide of their son. Honest and bittersweet.

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Anonymous wrote:We know how we got here, and I sure know many birth stories, in fact IG is filled with them in great detail. I want to know how people go out, especially if they aren't 95.

I am reading more and more accounts of humane euthanasia, as people are choosing that for themselves. Also, I've noticed a lot of hospice nurses social media accts talking about death. Death is a very taboo subject, it's almost as if not talking about it means it won't happen, the way we used to whisper " cancer." Death is very natural- we are all going to die. Suicide also shouldn't be hidden because it implied shame, when, in fact, it's an illness just like any illness. I'm all for openness.

People can share birth stories, or not. If they don't share them, then no one will know about the details of the birth. I would never share my birth stories publicly.

Likewise, the family of the deceased can share, or not.

You want to know "how people go out" but you are not entitled to information that is not shared.

Actually, it is public record. So, it all will be shared.

Anonymous wrote:We know how we got here, and I sure know many birth stories, in fact IG is filled with them in great detail. I want to know how people go out, especially if they aren't 95.

I am reading more and more accounts of humane euthanasia, as people are choosing that for themselves. Also, I've noticed a lot of hospice nurses social media accts talking about death. Death is a very taboo subject, it's almost as if not talking about it means it won't happen, the way we used to whisper " cancer." Death is very natural- we are all going to die. Suicide also shouldn't be hidden because it implied shame, when, in fact, it's an illness just like any illness. I'm all for openness.

People can share birth stories, or not. If they don't share them, then no one will know about the details of the birth. I would never share my birth stories publicly.

Likewise, the family of the deceased can share, or not.

You want to know "how people go out" but you are not entitled to information that is not shared.