Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It sounds like these children with sibling playmates don’t know how to entertain themselves. Sibling goes and they’re nagging their parents? How old are these kids? That’s an underrated skill that parents of one child probably overlook since their kids can do it.

How many posters said that theirs will nag? One?

Most of the time, the other parent is busy, even if at home. My youngest is a preschooler and can play by herself for long stretches of time, but it's still not safe to leave her with my spouse if he is busy and completely checked out.

The assumption is that your husband would check back in to parent his child.

That's not always possible, which is why people have nannies or use daycare even if they work from home. 🤷‍♀️

That's great for you that this never comes up.

PP here again -- for what it's worth, I have a very involved husband (more than me) AND I work from home and I have daycare. Please don't equate people who WAH without daycare to be parents who are checked out of parenting.


1) People NEED day care if they work from home. I have very independent, not high energy kids -- and have worked from home for 15 years. If I didn't have a nanny, it would be irresponsible. I happen to be a woman but it doesn't matter what my gender is. My husband works in a physical office. Unless you are doing something truly mindless, you would be checked out of work in most cases if you expected to take care of kids while WAH regularly.
2) Dad who check when kids are around out do occur, of course. So do mothers. Sometimes, depending on the age/kid, that is fine when the kids are around. It's also healthy to have down time if any gender or parent. OP seems to expect downtime for parents to not occur if it interferes with her child's wants/needs. There's a good argument to say that's no one else's problem besides the OP's.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It sounds like these children with sibling playmates don’t know how to entertain themselves. Sibling goes and they’re nagging their parents? How old are these kids? That’s an underrated skill that parents of one child probably overlook since their kids can do it.

How many posters said that theirs will nag? One?

Most of the time, the other parent is busy, even if at home. My youngest is a preschooler and can play by herself for long stretches of time, but it's still not safe to leave her with my spouse if he is busy and completely checked out.

The assumption is that your husband would check back in to parent his child.

That's not always possible, which is why people have nannies or use daycare even if they work from home. 🤷‍♀️

That's great for you that this never comes up.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It amazes me how quick posters are to jump on only children and their parents. There is zero in OP’s posts that one could use to extrapolate that her kid is not nice to her friends’ siblings - you all are imparting that to OP’s statement that her kid isn’t often invited for playdates. It is really hurtful to those of us with only children to make negative generalizations about us and our kids, espexially since many of us are not in this position by choice (although many are, too, and my comments are equally applicable). I would never, ever make negative statements about other based on their family size, but for some reason there is free reign to dump on families of onlies.

OP, I think this is just a matter of convenience, not anything personal to your daughter. It is usually easier for parents balancing multiple kids’ schedules to just drop their kid at your house. Be glad kids like coming to your house- hopefully that will follow as your daughter ages and you will be grateful to be the house kids want to hang in when your daughter is middle/hs age .

(Also, minor point but multiple posters have criticized her / her kid for not being inclusive to the older sibling at the zoo playdate - OP said that kid was bored! and it is ridiculous to think a 12 yr old could not stay home alone.)

Can you not read? OP specifically complained about her only having to play with younger siblings hanging around AT the other person's house! That her only wants to play with the friend only, not friend plus sibling.

I'm a DP. This was the sentence from the OP:

The friends who have younger siblings always come to the playdates, even though the moms don't even ask if that's okay and it annoys my child to have younger siblings trying to play with her and her friend when they want time together.

I actually read that as the OP's DD getting annoyed that a sibling CAME to the playdate that OP set up.

Yes, and OP dropped and ran, so we don't know if she made the mom stay or not. I think this all comes down to the mom staying during the playdate. I didn't get the impression that the mom dropped off a 7 and 4 year old and left. I got the impression that OP expects parents to stay.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It sounds like these children with sibling playmates don’t know how to entertain themselves. Sibling goes and they’re nagging their parents? How old are these kids? That’s an underrated skill that parents of one child probably overlook since their kids can do it.

How many posters said that theirs will nag? One?

Most of the time, the other parent is busy, even if at home. My youngest is a preschooler and can play by herself for long stretches of time, but it's still not safe to leave her with my spouse if he is busy and completely checked out.

The assumption is that your husband would check back in to parent his child.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It sounds like these children with sibling playmates don’t know how to entertain themselves. Sibling goes and they’re nagging their parents? How old are these kids? That’s an underrated skill that parents of one child probably overlook since their kids can do it.

How many posters said that theirs will nag? One?

Most of the time, the other parent is busy, even if at home. My youngest is a preschooler and can play by herself for long stretches of time, but it's still not safe to leave her with my spouse if he is busy and completely checked out.

Anonymous wrote:It sounds like these children with sibling playmates don’t know how to entertain themselves. Sibling goes and they’re nagging their parents? How old are these kids? That’s an underrated skill that parents of one child probably overlook since their kids can do it.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My daughter’s former best friend was an only and it was a nightmare to host her. We had an open yard policy where all the neighborhood kids were welcome to play in our yard and vice versa. My daughter’s friend would come over and demand that my younger son not be allowed to play on ours or our neighbors’ swingset equipment while she and my daughter were outside playing. The mom would also constantly invite my daughter, husband and me to do stuff with their family (go to pool, come over for dinner, etc.) and forget that we had a four year old son at home. The mom was not pleased when our families weren’t as close and she would send nasty texts accusing us of liking our neighbors and other friends better. Well, yeah, of course we were closer with other families that had multiple, same aged kids and were inclusive of all my children.

It’s not rocket science.

The bossiest kid I know is the youngest of 3 kids. Should I now assume all youngest children are this way? Or all families of 3 kids? You have experience with one bossy kid who happened to be an only child. But go ahead and generalize and teach your kids to do the same .

Children with siblings can also be annoying. They often don’t get invited back either.

It’s not as though any mom is thinking, “Who should we have over this weekend? Not Larla, she’s an only child.” It’s more one child begging, “Can Larla come over this weekend?” If the other child begs for Larla too, Mom will invite Larla. If the other child is indifferent or occupied, Mom may still invite Larla. But if the younger child says, “No! Larla’s mean to me!” Larla won’t get the invite, especially if Mom spent the last play date breaking up dealing with high maintenance kid. Mom will probably say, “What about Larlo instead?” And if both kids get excited about Larlo, Larlo gets the invite.

Yes, of course - this is reasonable and applies no matter the kid. I am the poster you quoted, but the posters *I* was responding to overtly said they don’t want only children over for playdates because they are too [self centered, exclusionary, high maintenance, insert rude adjective].

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I’m the mom of an only so I have some perspective. I understand why you are annoyed. I am usually the mom initiating the play date. My son’s friends all have siblings that they play with fairly often so play dates aren’t as much of a priority.

I try to be accommodating and understanding. I have one friend whose husband works many weekends so she is with all 3 kids by herself. I will make an extra effort to go pick up her son, who is my son’s friend so she can have one on one time with her middle child while the baby is napping. I have an extra car seat in my car so I can take a friend with my son on an excursion.

We don’t receive the reciprocation I would like but the alternative is lots of loneliness for my social kid. It is possible that I am a sucker but I will make that sacrifice for the good of my kid.

\

As the parent of multiple kids, here is what you have to understand: you are making this sacrifice for your kid, not for your friend -- or even your friend's kid. Her kid likely has his/her own, built-in playmates typically and there's no real need to create exrtra socializing in the same way there would be as an only. Just because your kid/ you are desparate for a playdate, they aren't necessarily (even if it's nice) and they own you nothing.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It amazes me how quick posters are to jump on only children and their parents. There is zero in OP’s posts that one could use to extrapolate that her kid is not nice to her friends’ siblings - you all are imparting that to OP’s statement that her kid isn’t often invited for playdates. It is really hurtful to those of us with only children to make negative generalizations about us and our kids, espexially since many of us are not in this position by choice (although many are, too, and my comments are equally applicable). I would never, ever make negative statements about other based on their family size, but for some reason there is free reign to dump on families of onlies.

OP, I think this is just a matter of convenience, not anything personal to your daughter. It is usually easier for parents balancing multiple kids’ schedules to just drop their kid at your house. Be glad kids like coming to your house- hopefully that will follow as your daughter ages and you will be grateful to be the house kids want to hang in when your daughter is middle/hs age .

(Also, minor point but multiple posters have criticized her / her kid for not being inclusive to the older sibling at the zoo playdate - OP said that kid was bored! and it is ridiculous to think a 12 yr old could not stay home alone.)

Can you not read? OP specifically complained about her only having to play with younger siblings hanging around AT the other person's house! That her only wants to play with the friend only, not friend plus sibling.

I'm a DP. This was the sentence from the OP:

The friends who have younger siblings always come to the playdates, even though the moms don't even ask if that's okay and it annoys my child to have younger siblings trying to play with her and her friend when they want time together.

I actually read that as the OP's DD getting annoyed that a sibling CAME to the playdate that OP set up.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This is why I almost never initiate playdates. I have 3 and it's impossible to line up 3 simultaneous playdates so no one is left out. If one child has a friend over I will never hear the end of it about how bored one of the other kids is. Usually this is between my 2 youngest who play very well together on their own. It's not worth the hassle so we just don't initiate play dates very often or at all. They aren't bored since they have each other.

Do you think they'll grow out of this? Or do you have a plan for how to ease them out of the codependency? This dynamic isn't very good for their development.

This is about as sound as saying that only children aren't able to socialize, which is to say, it isn't.
Also, it sounds like OTHER people do initiate playdates.

This person will tell her child "no you can't play with your friends ever, because your younger siblings will annoy me." She's isolating her kids because she's too put out to parent any of them individually. How is that ok for her kids?

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My daughter’s former best friend was an only and it was a nightmare to host her. We had an open yard policy where all the neighborhood kids were welcome to play in our yard and vice versa. My daughter’s friend would come over and demand that my younger son not be allowed to play on ours or our neighbors’ swingset equipment while she and my daughter were outside playing. The mom would also constantly invite my daughter, husband and me to do stuff with their family (go to pool, come over for dinner, etc.) and forget that we had a four year old son at home. The mom was not pleased when our families weren’t as close and she would send nasty texts accusing us of liking our neighbors and other friends better. Well, yeah, of course we were closer with other families that had multiple, same aged kids and were inclusive of all my children.

It’s not rocket science.

The bossiest kid I know is the youngest of 3 kids. Should I now assume all youngest children are this way? Or all families of 3 kids? You have experience with one bossy kid who happened to be an only child. But go ahead and generalize and teach your kids to do the same .

Children with siblings can also be annoying. They often don’t get invited back either.

It’s not as though any mom is thinking, “Who should we have over this weekend? Not Larla, she’s an only child.” It’s more one child begging, “Can Larla come over this weekend?” If the other child begs for Larla too, Mom will invite Larla. If the other child is indifferent or occupied, Mom may still invite Larla. But if the younger child says, “No! Larla’s mean to me!” Larla won’t get the invite, especially if Mom spent the last play date breaking up dealing with high maintenance kid. Mom will probably say, “What about Larlo instead?” And if both kids get excited about Larlo, Larlo gets the invite.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This is why I almost never initiate playdates. I have 3 and it's impossible to line up 3 simultaneous playdates so no one is left out. If one child has a friend over I will never hear the end of it about how bored one of the other kids is. Usually this is between my 2 youngest who play very well together on their own. It's not worth the hassle so we just don't initiate play dates very often or at all. They aren't bored since they have each other.

Do you think they'll grow out of this? Or do you have a plan for how to ease them out of the codependency? This dynamic isn't very good for their development.