Anonymous wrote:Think this is more a husband problem than anything else
If money is not an issue, Yale obviously. Husband is an idiot. But congratulations with the Yale acceptance. And good luck with the divorce
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:OP here - first, thank you all for your responses, much appreciated!
I wanted to address a few questions that came up in people's posts:
- Nope, definitely not a troll
- DS has a few other acceptances, Tufts and a few SLACs, which we have said "no" to because they'd be more expensive than Yale
- Yes, I did mean Penn State, not UPenn
- DS's counselor was overcautious this year with the safety, target, reach lists (last year quite a few kids at DS's high school had bad surprises); Penn State was his safety, Yale was his reach. Honestly, I didn't think he would get in. It turns out neither did my DH given how much of a lottery it is these days
- DS is undecided in terms of major and career direction. He has a pretty good idea of what he does not want to do which is med school, engineering or academia; currently, he is leaning towards either law school and/or landing a job after college, possibly consulting, and then looking at business/law school
- in a fortunate position where we do not need to take out loans to cover the additional 35k/yr for Yale
- no other kids, just this one
DH and DS nearly got into a fight about this earlier. I can feel that my DS is already starting to resent his dad for the pushback. What the interaction revealed to me is that DS's Yale acceptance triggered issues for my DH. DH came from a low-income family, worked his way through community college and then transferred to State U where he had to work two jobs to support himself as his family was in no position to help. Through a combination of immense hard work and luck, he has done well for himself and for our family. Hence, he told our son today that he can succeed from anywhere and does not need a fancy degree from Yale to do it, especially for an additional 35k/yr. And that he is very lucky we can even pay the Penn State tuition, since DH had to put himself through school.
It is obvious I need to talk to both and bring them together. I am afraid that DH's life experiences and personal pain are making him shortsighted. I will share some of your comments with him as well because I don't think he quite grasps what attending Yale could actually mean for DS.
Thank you again for your input.
With these additional details, I would go with Yale.
I posted earlier in this thread saying Penn State due to financial reasons. But, I take that back for your specific situation.
Anonymous wrote:OP here - first, thank you all for your responses, much appreciated!
I wanted to address a few questions that came up in people's posts:
- Nope, definitely not a troll
- DS has a few other acceptances, Tufts and a few SLACs, which we have said "no" to because they'd be more expensive than Yale
- Yes, I did mean Penn State, not UPenn
- DS's counselor was overcautious this year with the safety, target, reach lists (last year quite a few kids at DS's high school had bad surprises); Penn State was his safety, Yale was his reach. Honestly, I didn't think he would get in. It turns out neither did my DH given how much of a lottery it is these days
- DS is undecided in terms of major and career direction. He has a pretty good idea of what he does not want to do which is med school, engineering or academia; currently, he is leaning towards either law school and/or landing a job after college, possibly consulting, and then looking at business/law school
- in a fortunate position where we do not need to take out loans to cover the additional 35k/yr for Yale
- no other kids, just this one
DH and DS nearly got into a fight about this earlier. I can feel that my DS is already starting to resent his dad for the pushback. What the interaction revealed to me is that DS's Yale acceptance triggered issues for my DH. DH came from a low-income family, worked his way through community college and then transferred to State U where he had to work two jobs to support himself as his family was in no position to help. Through a combination of immense hard work and luck, he has done well for himself and for our family. Hence, he told our son today that he can succeed from anywhere and does not need a fancy degree from Yale to do it, especially for an additional 35k/yr. And that he is very lucky we can even pay the Penn State tuition, since DH had to put himself through school.
It is obvious I need to talk to both and bring them together. I am afraid that DH's life experiences and personal pain are making him shortsighted. I will share some of your comments with him as well because I don't think he quite grasps what attending Yale could actually mean for DS.
Thank you again for your input.
Anonymous wrote:If your child wants to go to Yale and you can afford it, I’d let him make the decision. But don’t go to Yale because it is more “prestigious” than Penn State (if that matters a lot to you/your child) I went to Yale (primarily because it was “prestigious” and still to this day wish I had chosen a different school for various reasons. I had a good time, did well academically, but Yale is not the best “fit” for every student. Where you went to school doesn’t matter nearly as much as what you do wherever you are.
Anonymous wrote:I will keep checking on this thread until OP says her DS is going to Yale. Or that he disowned them. One is going to happen.
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:I got into both Yale and Penn State and I went to Yale. My parents didn't give me a hard time about it but helped me pay and supported me taking out loans. I met people at Yale I wouldn't have met at Penn State. Even now, the Yale name on my resume means more on job applications than the Penn State name would. I would make the same choice again.
How much loans can students take out? That $5,500K or so a year that every student can take out obviously won't cut it. Was it actually your parents who took out the loans? Or co-signed your loans? Research says below:
$5,500 to $12,500 per year
The maximum amount that undergraduate students can borrow each year in federal direct subsidized and unsubsidized loans ranges from $5,500 to $12,500 per year, depending on their year in school and whether they're a dependent or independent student.
I went about 30 years ago when I think tuition and board were about 35 K/year, and I think I took out 15K in loans per year. We used my savings and my parents paid the rest. My parents also helped me pay off my loans afterwards, which was extremely kind of them.
Anonymous wrote:Yale hands down.
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:OP here - first, thank you all for your responses, much appreciated!
I wanted to address a few questions that came up in people's posts:
- Nope, definitely not a troll
- DS has a few other acceptances, Tufts and a few SLACs, which we have said "no" to because they'd be more expensive than Yale
- Yes, I did mean Penn State, not UPenn
- DS's counselor was overcautious this year with the safety, target, reach lists (last year quite a few kids at DS's high school had bad surprises); Penn State was his safety, Yale was his reach. Honestly, I didn't think he would get in. It turns out neither did my DH given how much of a lottery it is these days
- DS is undecided in terms of major and career direction. He has a pretty good idea of what he does not want to do which is med school, engineering or academia; currently, he is leaning towards either law school and/or landing a job after college, possibly consulting, and then looking at business/law school
- in a fortunate position where we do not need to take out loans to cover the additional 35k/yr for Yale
- no other kids, just this one
DH and DS nearly got into a fight about this earlier. I can feel that my DS is already starting to resent his dad for the pushback. What the interaction revealed to me is that DS's Yale acceptance triggered issues for my DH. DH came from a low-income family, worked his way through community college and then transferred to State U where he had to work two jobs to support himself as his family was in no position to help. Through a combination of immense hard work and luck, he has done well for himself and for our family. Hence, he told our son today that he can succeed from anywhere and does not need a fancy degree from Yale to do it, especially for an additional 35k/yr. And that he is very lucky we can even pay the Penn State tuition, since DH had to put himself through school.
It is obvious I need to talk to both and bring them together. I am afraid that DH's life experiences and personal pain are making him shortsighted. I will share some of your comments with him as well because I don't think he quite grasps what attending Yale could actually mean for DS.
Thank you again for your input.
I mean, he's not wrong.
You're right--he's not wrong. There's just not enough of a difference in the quality of education or the ability level of the students.
I agree, though, with everyone who says the conversation about money should have happened well before applications were sent in, and that dad needs to let DS pick whichever school he wants, even if it's for the wrong reason. He'll be fine either way.