OP, it is NOT reasonable of you to voice an opinion re: where he overnights. Of course it is reasonable of you to not allow overnight guests at your house.

Get some boundaries OP. This is not the hill to die on

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My 21 year old son met a girl at college in Feb. He sometimes sleeps over there at her place. I do not like this at all and we are butting heads. He has just come home from college and is furious we wont be allowing him to visit her overnight (1 hr away) while she is still at college.

Am I being unreasonable? He sometimes spends 36 hours straight with her.

Why to the bolded?

We are Catholic. We don't need to sleep over like that. Also, I just personally condone this.

Then you shouldn’t sleep over with YOUR bf. Your son is a grown-ass adult

My 18 yr old college student does this. Like it or not, I Never even thought of making this an issue.

Anonymous wrote:My 21 year old son met a girl at college in Feb. He sometimes sleeps over there at her place. I do not like this at all and we are butting heads. He has just come home from college and is furious we wont be allowing him to visit her overnight (1 hr away) while she is still at college.

Am I being unreasonable? He sometimes spends 36 hours straight with her.

Yes completely unreasonable.

*oops, I meant she was 18 when she and her BF had their first "sleepover"

My parents were like OP. I vowed never to be like them. My DD is 18 and has been in a committed relationship for 3 years (which in teen timelines is the equivalent of a 25 year marriage). We are friends with the boy's parents. We talked to our kids sep about safe sex, emotions, etc. over the years. When they stayed together for so long we even discussed among us how we would all be totally fine with them having their first experiences in this context -- a long term, caring relationship. The time came when my DD casually threw out,"would it be ok if he stayed over" and we said back "sure" and that was that. No weird loud s$x orgies or drug use or spirals into satanic rituals. She and the BF just leveled up their relationship. That weekend we invited the parents over and we all have a BBQ as if nothing changed (again, we were already friends with that parents and did stuff together) and I could tell that she and her BF were thankful that none of us were making some weird big deal out of it. When they went to college, they decided to break up because they are on opposite coasts, but we all remain friends and the ex-BF even sends us a text every now and then to say hello or to pass on some interesting thing he saw online. I wouldn't be shocked if they eventually found their ways back to each other and boy will we be glad we weren't like OP. Even if they don't, we set the stage for openness with DD about relationships.

Anonymous wrote:An adult child who is supported by his parents should follow thier rules. Doesn't seem like there is much choice.

He's not having sex at OPs house. What rules does she have, no sleepovers? I get being annoyed that your car is gone for 36 hours, but deal with that - figure out public transportation or get him his own car. Policing where he sleeps is petty and stupid.

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Anonymous wrote:OP you are leaving out a lot of details. Did he drop out of college? Why is he living with you?

I actually agree with you that I would not be loaning my car to my 21 YO son who has chosen to live at home (not working?) and whose priority is driving an hour to see his girlfriend.

Tell him to get his life back on track and then worry about the GF.

He did not drop out. He has just finished school. He is now back at home.

What does this mean? College? What college finished classes already?

Graduated college. Done school. Classes are done. He just finished exams Friday. Exams were done earlier than normal

No college in the US has finished classes.

We are in Canada but that doesn't matter. He finshed a bit early. Not sure why this is so surprising for people. Only 3 of his classes had exams and he got lucky to finish early.

You’re posting this on a DC forum and you live in Canada and cannot abide your 21 YO son sleeping over with his girlfriend. Lmao

Also no Canadian parent would be as overbearing as OP

My MIL (Canadian) tried to control dh with money and could be very overbearing.

Anonymous wrote:My parents never ever would have been cool with this. No. People are just becoming morally loose.

Agreed. My kids have to follow my rules unless they can really launch. They are welcome to work towards a good career and support themselves and live the life they want as adults.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

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Anonymous wrote:Absolutely. He's an adult. You're having a hard time letting go but he needs to figure out independence and relationships and you need to give him the space to do it. You don't have to let her stay overnight at your house (your rules and all) but you will push him away if you try to forbid him to go to hers. I've seen this dynamic play out a few times u and it can be really damaging to your relationship with him. You are basically saying "I don't trust you to make decisions in your own life".

I'm basically saying, I don't support acting like a $lut. He doesn't need to sleep over. I didn't do that stuff.

Then you missed out on some fun times of life. You can stay over at a girlfriend/boyfriend's place without being a $lut. How do you think you figure out what you like and don't like in a partner? Let me guess, OP is boring and married a boring, predictable person that she pretends to still like being with because that's the way marriage is "supposed' to be done.

You don't need to sleep over to figure that out. OMG. I don't need to sleep next to a guy to know that. What is wrong with going home to sleep?

So performative and fake, worrying what the Jones might think. Newsflash, the Jones don't give a rat's ass.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You are being unreasonable, yes. And exactly how do you plan to stop it?

I can't stop it but I won't be giving him use of my car to go there.

If he won't follow our rules, he can support himself.

Your job as a parent is to model good adult relationships. Why wouldn’t you encourage this? Unless, of course, you married your son. My suspicion is this is the case.

https://www.amazon.com/When-Hes-Married-Mom-Mother-Enmeshed/dp/0743291387

The term is ‘mother enmeshed’

You can agree to have a difference of opinion but you don't need to inconvenience yourself (by lending your car) to assist him in something you don't support. As a responsible adult (?), he should respect that stance.

Idk if OP is a troll, doing a social experiment, getting some material for an article or has some mental health issues but its an interesting thread.

You are being so unreasonable.