Anonymous wrote:I will never, ever take a vacation again where I cannot control my own accommodations. The one time I did this it was a complete disaster - got stuffed into the dark back bedroom, damp, bugs, one bathroom for five people, ughhjj. I was SO unhappy. It’s one think to have your IL tag along; another to be completely miserable and uncomfortable AND have to deal with IL on top of that.

And then there are IL's who see to it thqt you are as UNcomfortable as possible, but would of course deny it.....

Worst bedroom every year? You know who that is for!

Best bedroom every year? Same.....

I will never, ever take a vacation again where I cannot control my own accommodations. The one time I did this it was a complete disaster - got stuffed into the dark back bedroom, damp, bugs, one bathroom for five people, ughhjj. I was SO unhappy. It’s one think to have your IL tag along; another to be completely miserable and uncomfortable AND have to deal with IL on top of that.

Anonymous wrote:Come on, OP, there’s some middle ground here, and you know it. You’re getting the house, either way. If they are willing to cram, fine. But hard no on the food.

“We will not be buying and providing food and drink for everyone again. Frankly, we were a little surprised that you guys didn’t so much as buy your own groceries or offer to get takeout dinner a few nights, when we were graciously paying for a beach house.” Yes, I would be that pointed about it.

Um, no! They forced OP and her kids to cram into a single room. It's not like the in-laws crammed into one space.

Oh man, I could have written this, with slightly different facts.

I would give them the choice of joining you in a bigger house where they pay their share or telling them they can get their own place nearby. With the food, you can either offer to buy it all and they pay you back for their share, or you can provide X meals and when the food is gone you and your husband and kids go out alone.

I cannot tell you the years of agony I suffered dealing with my in-laws and trying to share a house at the beach with them. Their selfishness and greed was astounding - they expected us to pay for everything, make all the food, and clean the house after they would conveniently vacate one day early.

Sorry OP, this sucks. Good luck to you.

In most beach house rentals there is a limit to how many people are allowed. Usually 2 per bedroom plus 2 (assumes a fold out couch). So 8 total and it sounds like at least 9-10 with everyone. So tell them you’re sorry but the owner is asking renters to keep what’s allowed so they don’t get in trouble. Then you can offer to host grandparents for 2 days or whatever but I’d sure keep that limited.

Tell your DH that if they come, you are OFF DUTY w/r/t meals (planning, shopping, cooking, cleanup). And then stick to it. "Dinner? I'm not sure what Dave has planned."

I’m sorry OP. That is so frustrating and I would be upset too.

At least now you know what the real issue is at hand. It’s a partner issue. You both need to be on the same page and agreed before inviting anyone else, including family, into your plans.

Can you guys talk about this an reset expectations? And whatever comes out of it he needs to handle things, and honestly, with his parents and sibling. In the long run it will be good to get this communication issue straightened out with him. I know it’s a huge pain right now and so disappointing, but in case it makes you feel any better a lot of us have been there.

The first family beach vacation we planned after kids my mother in law invited herself onto it. Like she literally bought a ticket and didn’t tell any of us. I only found out because I invited her to join for a couple days when she told me she was getting there first and would be with us for the 2 weeks. I told my husband thinking he would tell her to back off but instead he was like “oh that’s fine just ignore her if you get annoyed”. Well it was NOT a pleasant time and let’s just say that was the last time that was allowed to happen. Some adults just struggle to set boundaries with their own adult parents.

Anonymous wrote:You should just rent the bigger house you found and tell your husband that either he can ask his family to pitch in or your family covers all the cost. Better than feeling crammed in.

I actually like this idea. Better (to have enough space!) than acting like you don't want them there, by renting too small of a house.

You should just rent the bigger house you found and tell your husband that either he can ask his family to pitch in or your family covers all the cost. Better than feeling crammed in.

Anonymous wrote:Wasn't this obvious? I got the impression from your OP that your husband was cool with it and it was only you who wasn't. Your husband said it wouldn't go over well. That was him telling you to back off.

+1

Give a little, OP.

Wasn't this obvious? I got the impression from your OP that your husband was cool with it and it was only you who wasn't. Your husband said it wouldn't go over well. That was him telling you to back off.

Since it is a friend’s house you are renting the solution is easy. Tell your family that the owners limit the number of people who are allowed to stay in the house. You can even have your friend email you a “reminder” that you are not allowed more than xxxxx people (the number of your family members) in the house overnight.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, you and your husband need to decide what you want to do and go from there. Whatever the plan is, it will be easier if the two of you are on the same page.

We are the “poor” relatives on my husband’s side and not once have we invites ourselves on family members’ vacations or felt like they needed to host us, so to the PPs suggesting OP might be the “rich” relative who owes everyone else a free vacation, no.

I'm PP and I'm not saying they "owe" it. Of course they don't have to, and if they did pay it would be an incredibly generous thing to do.

Going on vacations with my extended family is one of my favorite childhood memories. The games we played inside, the beach time, how we all got to know one another, etc. Those vacations created bonds for me that I still have in adulthood. And the aunt and uncle who were doing the lion's share of renting the beach house -- I have a great relationship with them today, and check in on them and keep up with them to make sure they're doing okay. They are -- they don't need me. But they were good to me and I think of them in that light. If they needed something, I'd be there for them.

It's not all about money. You can make it about money, and then you'll miss out on the relationships.

Of course if they all make about the same amount and the rest of the family is just freeloading thoughtlessly, forget it.

Good for you for though childhood memories, but that's not what happens in every extended family vacation.

Great that she had great memories. She was a child and wasn't burdened with the responsibilities.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Any update from OP?

+1

:CRICKETS:

Anonymous wrote:Any update from OP?

+1