Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:How old are your kids? People are having kids much later in life especially if they have careers. Your grandkids may still be coming but you need to give it some time. Until all your kids have either said "we're not having kids" or reach mid to late 40s I wouldn't rule it out.

ages 33 (she's married) and 31 - have said no kids
age 34 - she is not dating and doesn't want to but does talk about children at some point. Thinking about freezing eggs but has no money to do it. She just bought a house.
age 35 - he would like to be in a relationship and have kids but it doesn't appear to be happening, or at least it is casually.

so I guess it COULD happen later, but I think the odds are not good.

If you have the money - help your daughter freeze her eggs. We are helping our kids so that money is not the deciding factor over whether to have kids or hampering their ability to go from one to two or three. Nothing extravagant, but help with down payment to get one extra bedroom, help with infertility costs, etc.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Instead of telling OP to accept her children as they are, I find it insulting that many keep saying they’ll change their minds. The national birth rate has been declining for a long time people. If you can lead a fulfilling childfree life, why bother to have children? You should be glad that being childfree by choice is a choice for women in 2022. It wasn’t in 1952 so please celebrate progress.

OTOH, the young adults now are completely self-absorbed and extremely immature.

That is why they are not having children.

They learned to be that way from their parents. Mental illness gets passed down.

Nope, this is generational, absolutely. Do you really think the birth rate is dropping because of these parents? This generation was raised, by society, by the culture, and by advice, to think they are the center of everyone's universe. They think the problems of this time period are unique to them, that even worse times in history weren't as bad as their own. And they cannot imagine giving up any iota of their lifestyle to dote on anyone else. Their old age is going to look very,very bleak. Even without their own children, there will be no one to care for them in the care industry. But a lot of pet rescues will inherit $$.

By that point there will be AI caregivers. There will truly be no need for children.

We had neighbors 30 years older who we got to know when I was pregnant with my first. They never had kids and are both only children. We have since moved (as have they) and we visit them and vice versa. They are amazing, delightful bonus family and see my kids about as much as my parents and more than my in-laws! They have been so helpful at times both with advice and with willingness to help watch my children. They are similarly close to a friend’s grandchild - when he was sick and hospitalized for a few weeks they got a room in the hotel by the hospital and took shifts so the parents could eat and sleep. They met in their 40s and for various reasons chose not to adopt but have been so fabulous. Maybe you could somehow help a family with kids? I realize it’s not the same, but we’re so glad they are so close to us!

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:How old are your kids? People are having kids much later in life especially if they have careers. Your grandkids may still be coming but you need to give it some time. Until all your kids have either said "we're not having kids" or reach mid to late 40s I wouldn't rule it out.

ages 33 (she's married) and 31 - have said no kids
age 34 - she is not dating and doesn't want to but does talk about children at some point. Thinking about freezing eggs but has no money to do it. She just bought a house.
age 35 - he would like to be in a relationship and have kids but it doesn't appear to be happening, or at least it is casually.

so I guess it COULD happen later, but I think the odds are not good.

OMG, you had 4 kids in 4 years?! No wonder they don’t want children. They were probably traumatized by the chaos and lack of attention growing up.

Maybe they will surprise you!
I didn’t start trying until 36 and ended up with 3 kids! My parents were delighted of course My younger sister on the other hand is now 42 and still “thinking about it.”
I believe my parents have given up on a grand baby from her, which is too bad because she lives on the same block as them, whereas I and my kids live in another country and see them very infrequently. I guess it is still better than no grandkids.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Instead of telling OP to accept her children as they are, I find it insulting that many keep saying they’ll change their minds. The national birth rate has been declining for a long time people. If you can lead a fulfilling childfree life, why bother to have children? You should be glad that being childfree by choice is a choice for women in 2022. It wasn’t in 1952 so please celebrate progress.

OTOH, the young adults now are completely self-absorbed and extremely immature.

That is why they are not having children.

They learned to be that way from their parents. Mental illness gets passed down.

Nope, this is generational, absolutely. Do you really think the birth rate is dropping because of these parents? This generation was raised, by society, by the culture, and by advice, to think they are the center of everyone's universe. They think the problems of this time period are unique to them, that even worse times in history weren't as bad as their own. And they cannot imagine giving up any iota of their lifestyle to dote on anyone else. Their old age is going to look very,very bleak. Even without their own children, there will be no one to care for them in the care industry. But a lot of pet rescues will inherit $$.

Tell the egg freezing daughter to have a baby now and help her raise it? Or even raise it for her?

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:How old are your kids? People are having kids much later in life especially if they have careers. Your grandkids may still be coming but you need to give it some time. Until all your kids have either said "we're not having kids" or reach mid to late 40s I wouldn't rule it out.

ages 33 (she's married) and 31 - have said no kids
age 34 - she is not dating and doesn't want to but does talk about children at some point. Thinking about freezing eggs but has no money to do it. She just bought a house.
age 35 - he would like to be in a relationship and have kids but it doesn't appear to be happening, or at least it is casually.

so I guess it COULD happen later, but I think the odds are not good.

So help her out with the cost if it is so important to you?

Anonymous wrote:So much mental illness, family dysfunction, and feminism on this thread. Impossible to separate one from the other.

Hey we found the forced birther. I bet you would love to see women forced to have children to satisfy your desire to control their lives and give them no autonomy

Grandkids are overrated. You’ll get over it.

I’m so sorry, OP.

Anonymous wrote:Instead of telling OP to accept her children as they are, I find it insulting that many keep saying they’ll change their minds. The national birth rate has been declining for a long time people. If you can lead a fulfilling childfree life, why bother to have children? You should be glad that being childfree by choice is a choice for women in 2022. It wasn’t in 1952 so please celebrate progress.

Agreed. It is important that emotionally disturbed people who are not fit to be parents be encouraged not to be.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Instead of telling OP to accept her children as they are, I find it insulting that many keep saying they’ll change their minds. The national birth rate has been declining for a long time people. If you can lead a fulfilling childfree life, why bother to have children? You should be glad that being childfree by choice is a choice for women in 2022. It wasn’t in 1952 so please celebrate progress.

OTOH, the young adults now are completely self-absorbed and extremely immature.

That is why they are not having children.

Not quite. Women have way more opportunities nowadays, and a lot of people simply aren’t cut out to be good parents (mine sure weren’t).

I’m glad that fewer people are having children and that being childfree is becoming more acceptable.

Wow too bad your mom didn't feel the way you do.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Instead of telling OP to accept her children as they are, I find it insulting that many keep saying they’ll change their minds. The national birth rate has been declining for a long time people. If you can lead a fulfilling childfree life, why bother to have children? You should be glad that being childfree by choice is a choice for women in 2022. It wasn’t in 1952 so please celebrate progress.

OTOH, the young adults now are completely self-absorbed and extremely immature.

That is why they are not having children.

They learned to be that way from their parents. Mental illness gets passed down.

Anonymous wrote:I don't think I'll have any and I have 4 adult children. I imagine I'll need to grieve over the fact. It's not my kids' jobs to have children for me to enjoy.
And it's no one's business why they're not having any.
However, I thought my life would look a little different. We still have a big life that we enjoy. But, I thought it would include grandchildren.
Anyone else?

Your children learned their values from you. Evidently they must believe you didn't care too much for the ones you had. Why repeat your mistake?