Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I want to say, my DH and I have friends, while we are both somewhat awkward (ADHD, both) but also we drink and live in the city. This is good/bad/neutral depending on your POV, but drinking brings people together. Drinking is also very bad for human bodies, especially if you do it daily for tens of years out of a life expectancy of 70-80.

That's the sort of thing I contemplate. My friends are really good we do vacations, get kids together, create community. We also are mostly functional alchohol abusers with excellent jobs and enough money not to worry.

There are others, above my class, who enjoy the above as well as happiness, health, functional relationships, etc. Raised by actual loving, healthy people. The ones I see jogging when I'm hungover. I am assuming they also have amazing friendships too.

Other factors: living in a place for an amount of time. Taking the initiative to get involved. Joining, being a member of a hobby group. Giving, taking time to give what you can to your community. It's how to meet people, improve yourself, and help others. Even drunks can manage that.

This is quite possibly the finest piece of writing I’ve ever seen on the mommy group.
Thank you

You are welcome, I love you, thanks for the appreciation. I am Charlia Bukowski.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I want to say, my DH and I have friends, while we are both somewhat awkward (ADHD, both) but also we drink and live in the city. This is good/bad/neutral depending on your POV, but drinking brings people together. Drinking is also very bad for human bodies, especially if you do it daily for tens of years out of a life expectancy of 70-80.

That's the sort of thing I contemplate. My friends are really good we do vacations, get kids together, create community. We also are mostly functional alchohol abusers with excellent jobs and enough money not to worry.

There are others, above my class, who enjoy the above as well as happiness, health, functional relationships, etc. Raised by actual loving, healthy people. The ones I see jogging when I'm hungover. I am assuming they also have amazing friendships too.

Other factors: living in a place for an amount of time. Taking the initiative to get involved. Joining, being a member of a hobby group. Giving, taking time to give what you can to your community. It's how to meet people, improve yourself, and help others. Even drunks can manage that.

I’ve thought about this, too. We used to drink way too much but made friends in the process. This bviwas back when the kids were staring school and we were meeting school families. Drunken game nights, drunken dinner parties, drunken moms nights out. I’m not encouraging this, but if OP and her DH are dry, maybe that’s why he doesn’t get invited to office social events?

Anonymous wrote:What happened to your friends from college and grad school?

Anonymous wrote:OP, people are visual (especially in the DMV) and they also expect to be marketed to in super-savvy ways. You and DH need to try some fun, out of the box ways to make friends and the first step in doing that is announcing you guys are in the market for fabulous new friends. For about 20 bucks you can have a baseball hat or t-shirt made with a fun slogan printed on it, maybe it’s: Will U Hear My Plea and Befriend Me? Doesn’t have to be that, but that’s the idea. The idea is to call it out(!) and address the 600-pound gorilla in their room. Friends are out there and they care.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I want to say, my DH and I have friends, while we are both somewhat awkward (ADHD, both) but also we drink and live in the city. This is good/bad/neutral depending on your POV, but drinking brings people together. Drinking is also very bad for human bodies, especially if you do it daily for tens of years out of a life expectancy of 70-80.

That's the sort of thing I contemplate. My friends are really good we do vacations, get kids together, create community. We also are mostly functional alchohol abusers with excellent jobs and enough money not to worry.

There are others, above my class, who enjoy the above as well as happiness, health, functional relationships, etc. Raised by actual loving, healthy people. The ones I see jogging when I'm hungover. I am assuming they also have amazing friendships too.

Other factors: living in a place for an amount of time. Taking the initiative to get involved. Joining, being a member of a hobby group. Giving, taking time to give what you can to your community. It's how to meet people, improve yourself, and help others. Even drunks can manage that.

I’ve thought about this, too. We used to drink way too much but made friends in the process. This was back when the kids were staring school and we were meeting school families. Drunken game nights, drunken dinner parties, drunken moms nights out. I’m not encouraging this, but if OP and her DH are dry, maybe that’s why he doesn’t get invited to office social events?

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:How were you raised? Did you see your parents entertaining and hosting a lot? Were you invited to a lot of dos? We have a large social circle and some close friends. I like to have people over. Most people will attend but never reciprocate and that is a-ok.

For me to host people I need to put aside time, effort and resources. Hosting also requires a mindset and skillset. It is a culmination how functional your marriage, family life, finances, social upbringing, health, household, network, social status and organizing ability is. There is a reason that the rich will hire party organizers and caterers to host their parties, because it is time consuming.

We do not care if people do not reciprocate because most people are not capable of reciprocating. They are short of money, time, have other priorities, cannot cook, cannot clean, are busy with work, are depressed, have a small house, do not have the infrastructure, are low energy or are not socialized for entertaining. We are grateful that people can take the time to come for our events. Are you capable of being the person who hosts potlucks or low cost pizza parties? Would you be ok hosting a tea party or a book club? And would you be ok if you never get invited back?

NP

This is so lovely to see. I bet you’re an excellent friend and neighbor. My parents didn’t host much, and I have a small house. I definitely see myself in this, though we did host things 4-6 times a year. I’d like to do more now and feel a bit stuck. Your post gives me ideas.

To the original PP, it sounds like you host people just to show off. I wouldn’t like having you for a friend based on your high and mighty ‘I have resources and you don’t’ attitude.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:How were you raised? Did you see your parents entertaining and hosting a lot? Were you invited to a lot of dos? We have a large social circle and some close friends. I like to have people over. Most people will attend but never reciprocate and that is a-ok.

For me to host people I need to put aside time, effort and resources. Hosting also requires a mindset and skillset. It is a culmination how functional your marriage, family life, finances, social upbringing, health, household, network, social status and organizing ability is. There is a reason that the rich will hire party organizers and caterers to host their parties, because it is time consuming.

We do not care if people do not reciprocate because most people are not capable of reciprocating. They are short of money, time, have other priorities, cannot cook, cannot clean, are busy with work, are depressed, have a small house, do not have the infrastructure, are low energy or are not socialized for entertaining. We are grateful that people can take the time to come for our events. Are you capable of being the person who hosts potlucks or low cost pizza parties? Would you be ok hosting a tea party or a book club? And would you be ok if you never get invited back?

NP

This is so lovely to see. I bet you’re an excellent friend and neighbor. My parents didn’t host much, and I have a small house. I definitely see myself in this, though we did host things 4-6 times a year. I’d like to do more now and feel a bit stuck. Your post gives me ideas.

Anonymous wrote:How were you raised? Did you see your parents entertaining and hosting a lot? Were you invited to a lot of dos? We have a large social circle and some close friends. I like to have people over. Most people will attend but never reciprocate and that is a-ok.

For me to host people I need to put aside time, effort and resources. Hosting also requires a mindset and skillset. It is a culmination how functional your marriage, family life, finances, social upbringing, health, household, network, social status and organizing ability is. There is a reason that the rich will hire party organizers and caterers to host their parties, because it is time consuming.

We do not care if people do not reciprocate because most people are not capable of reciprocating. They are short of money, time, have other priorities, cannot cook, cannot clean, are busy with work, are depressed, have a small house, do not have the infrastructure, are low energy or are not socialized for entertaining. We are grateful that people can take the time to come for our events. Are you capable of being the person who hosts potlucks or low cost pizza parties? Would you be ok hosting a tea party or a book club? And would you be ok if you never get invited back?