Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I totally get this. My kids are just awash with hundreds of wonderful toys. But it's too much!! What they'd love would be more weekend activities, like passes to Great Country farms, soccer, the science museum, their favorite restaurant (dd has one that she begs us nonstop to go to). And another crazy thing is all the duplicates we get. I try to grab the toy before they rip it open so that I can donate it or regift it when it's in unused condition. The only thing I need less than toys is duplicates of the same toy we already own.

I just try to let it all go. I get that family doesn't want to take my kids places or do activities and toys are just an easy filler. Each set of parents spends about $500 each on my kids, so there's just mountains of toys.

wow, that is an insane amount.

Are you serious? $1000 total of grandparent spending on just toys for your kids?! What are they buying? Each kid gets a nintendo switch and a fancy new bike? I just don't understand how you can spend that much on toys.

Anonymous wrote:OP, I sympathize. It is totally reasonable to be frustrated. There are of course worse problems in life, but six big new lego sets over the holiday season? Makes my skin crawl. Of course you can deal with disposing or donating what you don't need, but it makes it a task for you. And if it's for every holiday, birthday, etc., it just wastes everyone's time and money and has a cumulative effect (having to either keep making space in your house or keep making excuses why gifts are not around/being used, etc.). I'm not sure why people don't seem to be able to conceptualize this?

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:No one ever has to buy your child a gift. Repeat that to yourself. When you tell them what to buy and what not to buy it is incredibly rude. Say thank you and then deal with the stuff. I think all you young parents who are mad at grandmas for buying stuff are entitled and come off as really rude. No one owes your child gifts. They especially don’t owe your child a specific gift that you have approved in advance. Wth. Say thank you and then deal with the stuff. And then grow up!

Great, we are in agreement! And once a gift is given the recipient is allowed to do as they please. So if the gift is a duplicate of things in the toy closet or not in line with the kids’ interests or otherwise doesn’t fit in our small house, it will go to Goodwill. I get that many Boomers live in exurban McMansions and think everyone should have a 3 car garage and endless closets to store all this stuff. But my family prioritized a smaller home near amenities because we did not choose to waste our free time with owning/storing lots of material stuff. So if you want to continue the gift giving charade, that is all well and good, but you can’t complain parents like me are entitled when we immediately donate the gifts our kids never even asked for in the first place. The entitled ones are the grandparents who think it’s their god given right to spoil the grandkids as they wish.

I'm the PP who said this (I didn't say the other snarky stuff). I think it's great you prioritize other stuff and wouldn't think you are awful for re-gifting/donating just as soon as the grandparents walk out the door. If they COMPLAIN that you donate the stuff, that's another story... what you do with the stuff once it ends up in your house is your own business.

What I was reacting to is the idea that you can dictate what/if people give your children gifts. You can't, and shouldn't. And you are in charge of whether your kids are spoiled, not your parents. You can teach them not to EXPECT gifts - each one is a lovely surprise, followed up by a handwritten thank you note, and then given away to a needy child if you so choose. If your kids are picking up on your angry attitude toward your parents then you are communicating that:

people owe them gifts and they can dictate what people give them (or should be able to) and they can get mad if they don't get the right stuff/the right amount of stuff.

THIS is what's going to make them insufferable and spoiled, btw, not the grandparents giving them stuff.

I am not a grandparent, btw, and I have small children. And I still think the original rant seems entitled and ungrateful.

Ok, but if we the parent offer the grandparent a gift suggestion (in the right price range, of course!), and truthfully tell that grandparent that their grandchild would LOVE the suggested gift, has been talking about it non-stop for months, etc., and then grandparent ignores that suggestion and instead buys lots of little toys/clothes they select with very little thought about their grandchild's interests, and the reason grandparent does that is because grandparent thinks it makes it look like they love their grandchild so so so so much by giving lots of stuff, then that is literally selfish on the part of the grandparent. Not malicious or anything, but by definition selfish. Only the grandparent -- not the child -- is happy in that situation. It's frustrating for us parents.

JFC. Suggestions are SUGGESTIONS. What you’re giving are gift *demands.*

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:No one ever has to buy your child a gift. Repeat that to yourself. When you tell them what to buy and what not to buy it is incredibly rude. Say thank you and then deal with the stuff. I think all you young parents who are mad at grandmas for buying stuff are entitled and come off as really rude. No one owes your child gifts. They especially don’t owe your child a specific gift that you have approved in advance. Wth. Say thank you and then deal with the stuff. And then grow up!

Great, we are in agreement! And once a gift is given the recipient is allowed to do as they please. So if the gift is a duplicate of things in the toy closet or not in line with the kids’ interests or otherwise doesn’t fit in our small house, it will go to Goodwill. I get that many Boomers live in exurban McMansions and think everyone should have a 3 car garage and endless closets to store all this stuff. But my family prioritized a smaller home near amenities because we did not choose to waste our free time with owning/storing lots of material stuff. So if you want to continue the gift giving charade, that is all well and good, but you can’t complain parents like me are entitled when we immediately donate the gifts our kids never even asked for in the first place. The entitled ones are the grandparents who think it’s their god given right to spoil the grandkids as they wish.

I'm the PP who said this (I didn't say the other snarky stuff). I think it's great you prioritize other stuff and wouldn't think you are awful for re-gifting/donating just as soon as the grandparents walk out the door. If they COMPLAIN that you donate the stuff, that's another story... what you do with the stuff once it ends up in your house is your own business.

What I was reacting to is the idea that you can dictate what/if people give your children gifts. You can't, and shouldn't. And you are in charge of whether your kids are spoiled, not your parents. You can teach them not to EXPECT gifts - each one is a lovely surprise, followed up by a handwritten thank you note, and then given away to a needy child if you so choose. If your kids are picking up on your angry attitude toward your parents then you are communicating that:

people owe them gifts and they can dictate what people give them (or should be able to) and they can get mad if they don't get the right stuff/the right amount of stuff.

THIS is what's going to make them insufferable and spoiled, btw, not the grandparents giving them stuff.

I am not a grandparent, btw, and I have small children. And I still think the original rant seems entitled and ungrateful.

I think you’re reading a lot into my post about what I would share with my children (FWIW, I would never vent to them about this, what I say on an anonymous message board is different than what I say in my home).

Sure there are ungrateful, micromanaging parents out there who try to control gifts because it doesn’t go with their aesthetic or whatever. But there are also absolutely manipulative grandparents who use gifts to throw shade at your parenting or to push boundaries. I’m talking comments about how they commuted a long distance to have a large enough house to buy lots of things for their kids. Or telling your kids “Grandma bought you the all these toys because she loves you most.” That sure brings up some awkward situations with in-laws. Or who buy things like those giant ride on cars when you’re living in a 2 bedroom apartment in a dense area and have nowhere to store or ride them. It creates marital stress b/c the spouse wants you to rein it in. So respectfully, you are fortunate if you have not experienced this. But I don’t think it’s fair to call parents ungrateful as a blanket rule for wanting reasonable limitations on how gifts are handled.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:No one ever has to buy your child a gift. Repeat that to yourself. When you tell them what to buy and what not to buy it is incredibly rude. Say thank you and then deal with the stuff. I think all you young parents who are mad at grandmas for buying stuff are entitled and come off as really rude. No one owes your child gifts. They especially don’t owe your child a specific gift that you have approved in advance. Wth. Say thank you and then deal with the stuff. And then grow up!

Great, we are in agreement! And once a gift is given the recipient is allowed to do as they please. So if the gift is a duplicate of things in the toy closet or not in line with the kids’ interests or otherwise doesn’t fit in our small house, it will go to Goodwill. I get that many Boomers live in exurban McMansions and think everyone should have a 3 car garage and endless closets to store all this stuff. But my family prioritized a smaller home near amenities because we did not choose to waste our free time with owning/storing lots of material stuff. So if you want to continue the gift giving charade, that is all well and good, but you can’t complain parents like me are entitled when we immediately donate the gifts our kids never even asked for in the first place. The entitled ones are the grandparents who think it’s their god given right to spoil the grandkids as they wish.

I'm the PP who said this (I didn't say the other snarky stuff). I think it's great you prioritize other stuff and wouldn't think you are awful for re-gifting/donating just as soon as the grandparents walk out the door. If they COMPLAIN that you donate the stuff, that's another story... what you do with the stuff once it ends up in your house is your own business.

What I was reacting to is the idea that you can dictate what/if people give your children gifts. You can't, and shouldn't. And you are in charge of whether your kids are spoiled, not your parents. You can teach them not to EXPECT gifts - each one is a lovely surprise, followed up by a handwritten thank you note, and then given away to a needy child if you so choose. If your kids are picking up on your angry attitude toward your parents then you are communicating that:

people owe them gifts and they can dictate what people give them (or should be able to) and they can get mad if they don't get the right stuff/the right amount of stuff.

THIS is what's going to make them insufferable and spoiled, btw, not the grandparents giving them stuff.

I am not a grandparent, btw, and I have small children. And I still think the original rant seems entitled and ungrateful.

Ok, but if we the parent offer the grandparent a gift suggestion (in the right price range, of course!), and truthfully tell that grandparent that their grandchild would LOVE the suggested gift, has been talking about it non-stop for months, etc., and then grandparent ignores that suggestion and instead buys lots of little toys/clothes they select with very little thought about their grandchild's interests, and the reason grandparent does that is because grandparent thinks it makes it look like they love their grandchild so so so so much by giving lots of stuff, then that is literally selfish on the part of the grandparent. Not malicious or anything, but by definition selfish. Only the grandparent -- not the child -- is happy in that situation. It's frustrating for us parents.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:No one ever has to buy your child a gift. Repeat that to yourself. When you tell them what to buy and what not to buy it is incredibly rude. Say thank you and then deal with the stuff. I think all you young parents who are mad at grandmas for buying stuff are entitled and come off as really rude. No one owes your child gifts. They especially don’t owe your child a specific gift that you have approved in advance. Wth. Say thank you and then deal with the stuff. And then grow up!

Awesome! Then PLEASE feel free to skip all together.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:No advice OP, just sympathy. Mine don't spend $500 each per kid but I would wager to say that between two grandparents, me/DH and a bunch of aunts/uncles, my kids probably end up with well over $700 each worth of stuff on Christmas. It's ridiculous. I have asked for YEARS for them to buy experience gifts and they refused for years. I will say that my MIL does listen to the gift suggestions that I give her and has started with gift cards, classes, etc. But my mother is still a problem and the kids are all over 10 now so old enough to appreciate that kind of gift. She asks me what they want, I tell her, she gets about 75% of it (she either forgets the other 25% of things I say or it isn't fun enough for her) and then tells me she hasn't spent enough yet so I either make things up or she buys random stuff they don't want/need because she has to reach her "limit" per kid. Its absolutely crazy--just lower the limit.

My kids are now aged out of most toys (they still love Legos) but now they want "collectibles" which they feel need to be displayed. So instead of dealing with toy storage, I am now dealing with finding enough space for them to display all of this crap. Honestly, I think the toys were easier. But off I got o IKEA this weekend to prepare for the onslaught of "collectibles" this holiday season.

This is so bizarre. Your kids feel the need for the collectibles to be displayed, so you go to IKEA? Why don’t you tell your kids that they won’t be displayed and throw the collectibles away if you don’t have room?

Because I'm not mean?

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:No advice OP, just sympathy. Mine don't spend $500 each per kid but I would wager to say that between two grandparents, me/DH and a bunch of aunts/uncles, my kids probably end up with well over $700 each worth of stuff on Christmas. It's ridiculous. I have asked for YEARS for them to buy experience gifts and they refused for years. I will say that my MIL does listen to the gift suggestions that I give her and has started with gift cards, classes, etc. But my mother is still a problem and the kids are all over 10 now so old enough to appreciate that kind of gift. She asks me what they want, I tell her, she gets about 75% of it (she either forgets the other 25% of things I say or it isn't fun enough for her) and then tells me she hasn't spent enough yet so I either make things up or she buys random stuff they don't want/need because she has to reach her "limit" per kid. Its absolutely crazy--just lower the limit.

My kids are now aged out of most toys (they still love Legos) but now they want "collectibles" which they feel need to be displayed. So instead of dealing with toy storage, I am now dealing with finding enough space for them to display all of this crap. Honestly, I think the toys were easier. But off I got o IKEA this weekend to prepare for the onslaught of "collectibles" this holiday season.

What’s your address? I’ll take the collectibles off your hands.

LOL--I would gladly give them to you but its not collectibles--it's plastic figurines (and not the valuable kind) and lego projects and art projects and...you get the idea. That's why collectibles was in quotes. I don't mind a little of it but they want to display everything and its everywhere. I liked it better when I could just throw the toys in bins and hide them. Now I can't do that. One Lego set per Christmas would be ideal. My kids get 6 big sets between Christmas and their winter birthdays and it's a lot.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:No advice OP, just sympathy. Mine don't spend $500 each per kid but I would wager to say that between two grandparents, me/DH and a bunch of aunts/uncles, my kids probably end up with well over $700 each worth of stuff on Christmas. It's ridiculous. I have asked for YEARS for them to buy experience gifts and they refused for years. I will say that my MIL does listen to the gift suggestions that I give her and has started with gift cards, classes, etc. But my mother is still a problem and the kids are all over 10 now so old enough to appreciate that kind of gift. She asks me what they want, I tell her, she gets about 75% of it (she either forgets the other 25% of things I say or it isn't fun enough for her) and then tells me she hasn't spent enough yet so I either make things up or she buys random stuff they don't want/need because she has to reach her "limit" per kid. Its absolutely crazy--just lower the limit.

My kids are now aged out of most toys (they still love Legos) but now they want "collectibles" which they feel need to be displayed. So instead of dealing with toy storage, I am now dealing with finding enough space for them to display all of this crap. Honestly, I think the toys were easier. But off I got o IKEA this weekend to prepare for the onslaught of "collectibles" this holiday season.

This is so bizarre. Your kids feel the need for the collectibles to be displayed, so you go to IKEA? Why don’t you tell your kids that they won’t be displayed and throw the collectibles away if you don’t have room?

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:No advice OP, just sympathy. Mine don't spend $500 each per kid but I would wager to say that between two grandparents, me/DH and a bunch of aunts/uncles, my kids probably end up with well over $700 each worth of stuff on Christmas. It's ridiculous. I have asked for YEARS for them to buy experience gifts and they refused for years. I will say that my MIL does listen to the gift suggestions that I give her and has started with gift cards, classes, etc. But my mother is still a problem and the kids are all over 10 now so old enough to appreciate that kind of gift. She asks me what they want, I tell her, she gets about 75% of it (she either forgets the other 25% of things I say or it isn't fun enough for her) and then tells me she hasn't spent enough yet so I either make things up or she buys random stuff they don't want/need because she has to reach her "limit" per kid. Its absolutely crazy--just lower the limit.

My kids are now aged out of most toys (they still love Legos) but now they want "collectibles" which they feel need to be displayed. So instead of dealing with toy storage, I am now dealing with finding enough space for them to display all of this crap. Honestly, I think the toys were easier. But off I got o IKEA this weekend to prepare for the onslaught of "collectibles" this holiday season.

What’s your address? I’ll take the collectibles off your hands.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:No one ever has to buy your child a gift. Repeat that to yourself. When you tell them what to buy and what not to buy it is incredibly rude. Say thank you and then deal with the stuff. I think all you young parents who are mad at grandmas for buying stuff are entitled and come off as really rude. No one owes your child gifts. They especially don’t owe your child a specific gift that you have approved in advance. Wth. Say thank you and then deal with the stuff. And then grow up!

Great, we are in agreement! And once a gift is given the recipient is allowed to do as they please. So if the gift is a duplicate of things in the toy closet or not in line with the kids’ interests or otherwise doesn’t fit in our small house, it will go to Goodwill. I get that many Boomers live in exurban McMansions and think everyone should have a 3 car garage and endless closets to store all this stuff. But my family prioritized a smaller home near amenities because we did not choose to waste our free time with owning/storing lots of material stuff. So if you want to continue the gift giving charade, that is all well and good, but you can’t complain parents like me are entitled when we immediately donate the gifts our kids never even asked for in the first place. The entitled ones are the grandparents who think it’s their god given right to spoil the grandkids as they wish.

I'm the PP who said this (I didn't say the other snarky stuff). I think it's great you prioritize other stuff and wouldn't think you are awful for re-gifting/donating just as soon as the grandparents walk out the door. If they COMPLAIN that you donate the stuff, that's another story... what you do with the stuff once it ends up in your house is your own business.

What I was reacting to is the idea that you can dictate what/if people give your children gifts. You can't, and shouldn't. And you are in charge of whether your kids are spoiled, not your parents. You can teach them not to EXPECT gifts - each one is a lovely surprise, followed up by a handwritten thank you note, and then given away to a needy child if you so choose. If your kids are picking up on your angry attitude toward your parents then you are communicating that:

people owe them gifts and they can dictate what people give them (or should be able to) and they can get mad if they don't get the right stuff/the right amount of stuff.

THIS is what's going to make them insufferable and spoiled, btw, not the grandparents giving them stuff.

I am not a grandparent, btw, and I have small children. And I still think the original rant seems entitled and ungrateful.

Ok, but if we the parent offer the grandparent a gift suggestion (in the right price range, of course!), and truthfully tell that grandparent that their grandchild would LOVE the suggested gift, has been talking about it non-stop for months, etc., and then grandparent ignores that suggestion and instead buys lots of little toys/clothes they select with very little thought about their grandchild's interests, and the reason grandparent does that is because grandparent thinks it makes it look like they love their grandchild so so so so much by giving lots of stuff, then that is literally selfish on the part of the grandparent. Not malicious or anything, but by definition selfish. Only the grandparent -- not the child -- is happy in that situation. It's frustrating for us parents.

“..then grandparent ignores that suggestion and instead buys lots of little toys/clothes they select..”

This is the way gifting happens! If you want your children to have some thing that they want specifically then buy it for them yourself.

Huh, no it's not! Most people make intentional effort to gift people items that they know align with the recipient's interests or that they think/know they want. Like, my mom loves to bake, so I buy her bakers' tools, etc. This seems to go out the window when it's grandparents buying gifts for their grandkids.

(And of course I myself end up buying my kids the items they want.)

Anonymous wrote:No advice OP, just sympathy. Mine don't spend $500 each per kid but I would wager to say that between two grandparents, me/DH and a bunch of aunts/uncles, my kids probably end up with well over $700 each worth of stuff on Christmas. It's ridiculous. I have asked for YEARS for them to buy experience gifts and they refused for years. I will say that my MIL does listen to the gift suggestions that I give her and has started with gift cards, classes, etc. But my mother is still a problem and the kids are all over 10 now so old enough to appreciate that kind of gift. She asks me what they want, I tell her, she gets about 75% of it (she either forgets the other 25% of things I say or it isn't fun enough for her) and then tells me she hasn't spent enough yet so I either make things up or she buys random stuff they don't want/need because she has to reach her "limit" per kid. Its absolutely crazy--just lower the limit.

My kids are now aged out of most toys (they still love Legos) but now they want "collectibles" which they feel need to be displayed. So instead of dealing with toy storage, I am now dealing with finding enough space for them to display all of this crap. Honestly, I think the toys were easier. But off I got o IKEA this weekend to prepare for the onslaught of "collectibles" this holiday season.

Anonymous wrote:No advice OP, just sympathy. Mine don't spend $500 each per kid but I would wager to say that between two grandparents, me/DH and a bunch of aunts/uncles, my kids probably end up with well over $700 each worth of stuff on Christmas. It's ridiculous. I have asked for YEARS for them to buy experience gifts and they refused for years. I will say that my MIL does listen to the gift suggestions that I give her and has started with gift cards, classes, etc. But my mother is still a problem and the kids are all over 10 now so old enough to appreciate that kind of gift. She asks me what they want, I tell her, she gets about 75% of it (she either forgets the other 25% of things I say or it isn't fun enough for her) and then tells me she hasn't spent enough yet so I either make things up or she buys random stuff they don't want/need because she has to reach her "limit" per kid. Its absolutely crazy--just lower the limit.

My kids are now aged out of most toys (they still love Legos) but now they want "collectibles" which they feel need to be displayed. So instead of dealing with toy storage, I am now dealing with finding enough space for them to display all of this crap. Honestly, I think the toys were easier. But off I got o IKEA this weekend to prepare for the onslaught of "collectibles" this holiday season.