Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Any post that starts with "can i.." Troll.

No adult asks permissions and so many posts are worded this way that I'm certain this is a troll.

OP here. My other son ( not the dad of my autistic grandson) is not happy with this. In fact he is very upset that this is unfair. I told him how I divide my money is only my business.

Does the other son think it's unfair that his nephew has a lifelong disability? I can't see rewarding that kind of entitlement (and expecting to inherit *any* money is entitled behavior).

Both of his kids have ADHD.- the other son

ADHD is as debilitating as mild Autism. In fact, if the mildly autistic grandkid has a good IQ, they might end up doing better than the kids with ADHD. Tons of HFA folks work in the tech sector.

Anonymous wrote:Sure. It's your money, you can do whatever you want with it. And it's no one else's business.

This may be true. But, it's an a-hole thing to do. And will create a lot of resentment and animosity. If that is what you want your legacy to be, go for it.

If you can't make your own business decisions without asking for other people's opinions, you need to be more confident, OP. I am not leaving anything to anyone. I raised my kids to be free and independent and to pull themselves up by their own bootstraps. My money is mine. What I do with it is my business. Business is business, and personal feelings have no place in business. If someone gets their feelings hurt after I am gone, they'll just have to grow a backbone and try to not be so easily offended in the future. It'll be a good lesson for them. Don't ask for permission, OP. Just do stuff. That's always been my motto.

Can’t you give him some now, quietly?

Wow

Unfortunately OP, you just chose who you will.have a relationship with with from now on out.

A wiser way would have been to create a trust for the grandchildren, with your responsible, employed son in charge.

Anonymous wrote:OP here. Also, my son ( that will get less money) seems to not be speaking with me anymore.

You can understand that he feels you "favor" the other son and grandson, right? You are partially disinheriting the son who did everything "right" to disproportionately benefit the ones who are already mooching off of you. That doesn't seem fair since your working son could be in an accident and disabled on the way home from your funeral. You can't predict the future. And you will destroy the sibling relationship this way. It's hurtful, OP, even to a grown man. He's not necessarily jealous or greedy, but he's definitely stunned that you would do such a thing. And you should plan on the unemployed son being your primary caretaker in the event you become disabled since you put all your eggs in his basket.

OP here. Also, my son ( that will get less money) seems to not be speaking with me anymore.

Anonymous wrote:So OP has 2 sons - one lives with him and has autistic son and other son is financially well off and has 2 ADHD sons. I think it seems normal for OP to want to leave more for the son she lives with who cannot support his autistic son.

I have 3 kids. We talked about it recently and we all said that if one kid is struggling while other sibling is doing well financially, kids said we can give more to struggling sibling.

OP here. My son has issues with the fact that his brother chooses not to work but is capable of working. Autistic grandson is mildly autistic and can work if he chooses.

Not sure I follow it all but if you have $ an d want to provide for autistic grandson the you should do so. Set up a trust now and appoint an executor. You can also set up what to leave to other gc and you should!

Our family did this for one cognitively impaired sibling. Oldest sib was executor. Impaired sib lived a good life with finances to support. When he died remaining funds dispersed to rest of sibs. Sibs will then leave to or help their own dc launch. No issues. Everyone loved and recognized disabled sib needed this $$ initially and honored parents wishes.