Paying for university for both daughters. Funding retirement. Stayed home 10 years.

Anonymous wrote:


Why aren’t you asking dads?

Because women attacking and criticizing other women is acceptable. It's not acceptable to question men! Women must to everything well, but not so well they make other women jealous or question their own decisions. Also be pretty but not so pretty other women are jealous. Now do you understand? No matter what you do you're wrong in an other woman's eyes.

Why aren’t you asking dads?

Anonymous wrote:I am a poor planner, have poor executive function skills, did not finish college, and am limited professionally, earning a paltry 100k. You see, as a deeply flawed person with an unimpressive career, my pool of potential spouses was then equally limited. I am, however, decent looking and have a somewhat appealing personality so I managed to attract a reasonably successful and unfailingly kind spouse who is similarly flawed. He did earn his degree, but it was only from a middling SLAC, and his salary is similarly unimpressive. Together we can somehow maintain a household and raise adorable, average children, but not on one salary. So I work. Frankly I am not resourceful enough to figure out another way. Am I happy and fulfilled? No, but fulfillment and self-actualization seem to be reserved for a higher echelon of privilege that our 200k HHI does not begin to cover, and my kids are happy which is my priority. There are much worse off. There are many other women who I would not ask "why are you a working mom?".

OMG, is this satire? As someone with a PhD and similarly educated spouse, neither of whom makes a "paltry" 100k, I sure hope it is!

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The most interesting concept I this thread is the realization that the SAHMs who condemn WOHMs use WOHMs all the time! Their kid’s pediatrician, dentist, teachers, etc.

I never thought about it that way before.

Lol you probably shouldn’t be admitting to this…

Stop.

Anonymous wrote:The most interesting concept I this thread is the realization that the SAHMs who condemn WOHMs use WOHMs all the time! Their kid’s pediatrician, dentist, teachers, etc.

I never thought about it that way before.

Lol you probably shouldn’t be admitting to this…

We need the money.

I am a poor planner, have poor executive function skills, did not finish college, and am limited professionally, earning a paltry 100k. You see, as a deeply flawed person with an unimpressive career, my pool of potential spouses was then equally limited. I am, however, decent looking and have a somewhat appealing personality so I managed to attract a reasonably successful and unfailingly kind spouse who is similarly flawed. He did earn his degree, but it was only from a middling SLAC, and his salary is similarly unimpressive. Together we can somehow maintain a household and raise adorable, average children, but not on one salary. So I work. Frankly I am not resourceful enough to figure out another way. Am I happy and fulfilled? No, but fulfillment and self-actualization seem to be reserved for a higher echelon of privilege that our 200k HHI does not begin to cover, and my kids are happy which is my priority. There are much worse off. There are many other women who I would not ask "why are you a working mom?".

Anonymous wrote:The most interesting concept I this thread is the realization that the SAHMs who condemn WOHMs use WOHMs all the time! Their kid’s pediatrician, dentist, teachers, etc.

I never thought about it that way before.

+1. I have a SAHM neighbor who blows a gasket every time her cleaning person cancels to stay home with her sick kid.

Anonymous wrote:I grew up in a blue-collar community with many large Catholic families. When I was quite young, the father of one of my classmates died unexpectedly, leaving behind a wife and six kids. I remember the adults talking about how the wife did not drive and didn't know anything about the family finances. That made a huge impression on me and planted the seed that grew in my psyche that I would never be wholly dependent on my spouse/partner for support.

In practice, I have a supportive spouse who earns a good living through a business that offers minimal and expensive healthcare benefits. Well, he did earn a good salary before the pandemic. Now, his earnings have been cut drastically. I work at a lower-paying government job that offers amazing health insurance that my husband's business cannot afford to offer. I could not have known when I first went back to work after having kids that one of our kids would have a rare health condition that required frequent care from specialists. I'm also good at my job.

I'm going to echo what others have said about how you never know what life will throw at you. I'm cautious by nature, so putting all eggs in one basket was not appealing. As life has played out, the health insurance, stability, and flexibility that my job offers have benefitted our family immensely.

My grandmother lost her husband when her three kids were teenagers. She was very insistant that her children and grandchildren get a college education and prepare for a career

Anonymous wrote:The most interesting concept I this thread is the realization that the SAHMs who condemn WOHMs use WOHMs all the time! Their kid’s pediatrician, dentist, teachers, etc.

I never thought about it that way before.

Oh yeah that irony wasn't lost in me during the pandemic when all of my friends were talking about how great it is to work from home now that their kids were back to school/childcare setting and how they couldn't possibly go back to commuting to work and wearing a mask all day

Anonymous wrote:I worked for a long time until my youngest was 10 (3 kids). It was always crazy and reconciling the schedule was always a huge part of my "off-time" I always told myself it was worth it because I didn't think I was great with them when they were younger (lack of patience, expected too much, etc...).

When the lock downs came, I was able to work from home but started to realize that I really didn't enjoy my job. The kids needed more support with distance learning and they were involved in several activities that started meeting earlier in the evening or late afternoon since everyone was WAH.

I found that I loved spending time with my kids once they were older. They still needed me, perhaps even more, as their social lives and academic challenges/college applications became more sophisticated and harder to navigate on their own.

So, I quit my job. We have a lot less money but it is working out. This is my second summer at home and having the flexibility to do day trips, registering them in half-day camps and activities,and supervising college essay writing has been great. Do I miss the extra money? Sure, who wouldn't? But I do not miss the anxiety and stress of my job. That said, I realize that I'm lucky that my DH is very supportive and sees that having me home is a positive all around for our family.

I will never regret spending this time with my kids.

So… you are a SAHM, as you do not work outside the home. And you never answered the question.

Its a weird discussion that only people in the last 75-100 years can have. My great-grandmother, whose life I know the most about and was probably fairly typical for a farmwife, certainly worked although she probably only intermittently got any kind of payment for anything she did after she got married and stopped teaching.

She worked every day except Sunday (and even then had to take care of the animals), doing all of the housework by herself without electricity or indoor plumbing; cooking/cleaning/washing clothes and kids with water she pumped, hauled, and heated herself and soap she made herself; planting/weeding/picking/preserving food; caring for the chickens, dairy cow, pigs, and goats every day and making cheese and butter; butchering, preparing, and preserving every scrap of meat from the animals--which took 48 hours straight in the case of the pigs; and making or repairing most of the household clothing and bedding. That's off the top of my head, I'm sure she would list 20 other things she routinely did that I can't even fathom these days. Plus she had kids underfoot and/or was pregnant or nursing. A person can do in less than a day what took her a week to accomplish.

Women work outside the house now because, compared to the first 100,000 years of humankind, there is hardly anything that we must do in the home all day--food and shelter are easily taken care of, and there are safe places for children--and working outside the home is an attractive and workable option.

The most interesting concept I this thread is the realization that the SAHMs who condemn WOHMs use WOHMs all the time! Their kid’s pediatrician, dentist, teachers, etc.

I never thought about it that way before.

Anonymous wrote:Why did you decide to keep working after having your baby(ies)? What made you decide to continue to work? Was it a financial decision?

I am good at my job and enjoy it. Never desired to be a SAMH.

Took up a seat at a university to pursue my major.