Anonymous
Post 05/20/2022 11:06     Subject: Re:Is it weird to ask to wear protection?
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:I will not have sex with a guy if he can't show me a most recent STD test panel that is negative AND he needs to use a condom. My gynecologist told me that she has lots of patients in my age range (mid 40's to early 50's) that are divorced/single and come in with STD's. I have lived my entire life without an STD and I'm not about to start now. [b]I would rather not have sex.


The most prevalent STIs are easily cured. HIV and HSV are easily managed.

I can't imagine going without sex but you do you.


Yikes. I'd rather not get either of those. Managed? You might be taking medications for life if you get one or both of those. And infecting others. And having to disclose it at the dentist's office. Why would I risk that? No thank you.[/b]

Copied the above exchange because the new thing here of collapsing previous replies in a thread strips away context.

The last respondent above is right. It's so incredibly cavalier to just shrug and say, oh, STIs are curable and HIV etc. can be "managed." Not always, not for everyone, and that attitude that "it's no big deal now" comes with the assumption that one is going to be just fine even with an STD. Not to mention the utter selfishness of thinking it's manageable to have an STD yourself, with zero consideration for your passing it on to someone else. And if a person won't ask others for their STD status and won't use a condom, well, that person also is not going to be likely to disclose to a sex partner, "Hey, by the way, I have an STD but don't worry, it's manageable!"


Which is why married cheaters infuriate me!! “Oh he/she’s married too so low risk.” Doesn’t matter spouse is getting exposed without knowledge or consent. And some of these people are married to closeted gay men or men engaging in risky behavior behind their backs (screwing ONS or prostitutes/escorts). And many of these people are hitting up multiple others to bang off AM. I mean, they are cheaters. Really think they won’t cheat on their AP too?


+1


+100


+1,000
Anonymous
Post 05/20/2022 10:57     Subject: Is it weird to ask to wear protection?
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:Man here.

I hate condoms. Ruins the feeling.


+ One billion

But I still wear them.

The feeling of making a partner uncomfortable is way worse than the discomfort of a condom.


Thank you. From the bottom of my heart, thank you.


+1
Anonymous
Post 05/20/2022 10:53     Subject: Re:Is it weird to ask to wear protection?
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:I will not have sex with a guy if he can't show me a most recent STD test panel that is negative AND he needs to use a condom. My gynecologist told me that she has lots of patients in my age range (mid 40's to early 50's) that are divorced/single and come in with STD's. I have lived my entire life without an STD and I'm not about to start now. [b]I would rather not have sex.


The most prevalent STIs are easily cured. HIV and HSV are easily managed.

I can't imagine going without sex but you do you.


Yikes. I'd rather not get either of those. Managed? You might be taking medications for life if you get one or both of those. And infecting others. And having to disclose it at the dentist's office. Why would I risk that? No thank you.[/b]

Copied the above exchange because the new thing here of collapsing previous replies in a thread strips away context.

The last respondent above is right. It's so incredibly cavalier to just shrug and say, oh, STIs are curable and HIV etc. can be "managed." Not always, not for everyone, and that attitude that "it's no big deal now" comes with the assumption that one is going to be just fine even with an STD. Not to mention the utter selfishness of thinking it's manageable to have an STD yourself, with zero consideration for your passing it on to someone else. And if a person won't ask others for their STD status and won't use a condom, well, that person also is not going to be likely to disclose to a sex partner, "Hey, by the way, I have an STD but don't worry, it's manageable!"


Which is why married cheaters infuriate me!! “Oh he/she’s married too so low risk.” Doesn’t matter spouse is getting exposed without knowledge or consent. And some of these people are married to closeted gay men or men engaging in risky behavior behind their backs (screwing ONS or prostitutes/escorts). And many of these people are hitting up multiple others to bang off AM. I mean, they are cheaters. Really think they won’t cheat on their AP too?


+1


+100
Anonymous
Post 05/20/2022 10:51     Subject: Re:Is it weird to ask to wear protection?
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:I will not have sex with a guy if he can't show me a most recent STD test panel that is negative AND he needs to use a condom. My gynecologist told me that she has lots of patients in my age range (mid 40's to early 50's) that are divorced/single and come in with STD's. I have lived my entire life without an STD and I'm not about to start now. I would rather not have sex.


The most prevalent STIs are easily cured. HIV and HSV are easily managed.

I can't imagine going without sex but you do you.


You really go into this thinking that it's no big deal and you'll just treat whatever disease you get? There is NO CURE for HIV. While you can manage it, there is no cure. This means that once you get it, you could be infecting future partners FOREVER. You think that's no big deal?


You would also be severely limiting the number of willing partners. Many (most?) uninfected people are not going to knowingly have sex with someone who is HIV positive. You would plan on telling them prior to sexual activity--RIGHT?


Most people don't know they are infected. BJs without condoms are not a 'safer' alternative for women or men either.

https://www.cancer.org/cancer/oral-cavity-and-oropharyngeal-cancer/about/key-statistics.html

https://www.yalemedicine.org/news/throat-cancers-on-the-rise

https://medlineplus.gov/ency/article/000703.htm

https://www.kff.org/wp-content/uploads/2013/01/national-survey-of-adolescents-and-young-adults.pdf
Anonymous
Post 05/20/2022 10:43     Subject: Re:Is it weird to ask to wear protection?
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:I will not have sex with a guy if he can't show me a most recent STD test panel that is negative AND he needs to use a condom. My gynecologist told me that she has lots of patients in my age range (mid 40's to early 50's) that are divorced/single and come in with STD's. I have lived my entire life without an STD and I'm not about to start now. [b]I would rather not have sex.


The most prevalent STIs are easily cured. HIV and HSV are easily managed.

I can't imagine going without sex but you do you.


Yikes. I'd rather not get either of those. Managed? You might be taking medications for life if you get one or both of those. And infecting others. And having to disclose it at the dentist's office. Why would I risk that? No thank you.[/b]

Copied the above exchange because the new thing here of collapsing previous replies in a thread strips away context.

The last respondent above is right. It's so incredibly cavalier to just shrug and say, oh, STIs are curable and HIV etc. can be "managed." Not always, not for everyone, and that attitude that "it's no big deal now" comes with the assumption that one is going to be just fine even with an STD. Not to mention the utter selfishness of thinking it's manageable to have an STD yourself, with zero consideration for your passing it on to someone else. And if a person won't ask others for their STD status and won't use a condom, well, that person also is not going to be likely to disclose to a sex partner, "Hey, by the way, I have an STD but don't worry, it's manageable!"


Which is why married cheaters infuriate me!! “Oh he/she’s married too so low risk.” Doesn’t matter spouse is getting exposed without knowledge or consent. And some of these people are married to closeted gay men or men engaging in risky behavior behind their backs (screwing ONS or prostitutes/escorts). And many of these people are hitting up multiple others to bang off AM. I mean, they are cheaters. Really think they won’t cheat on their AP too?


+1
Anonymous
Post 05/20/2022 10:41     Subject: Re:Is it weird to ask to wear protection?
Anonymous wrote:I will not have sex with a guy if he can't show me a most recent STD test panel that is negative AND he needs to use a condom. My gynecologist told me that she has lots of patients in my age range (mid 40's to early 50's) that are divorced/single and come in with STD's. I have lived my entire life without an STD and I'm not about to start now. [b]I would rather not have sex.


The most prevalent STIs are easily cured. HIV and HSV are easily managed.

I can't imagine going without sex but you do you.


Yikes. I'd rather not get either of those. Managed? You might be taking medications for life if you get one or both of those. And infecting others. And having to disclose it at the dentist's office. Why would I risk that? No thank you.[/b]

Copied the above exchange because the new thing here of collapsing previous replies in a thread strips away context.

The last respondent above is right. It's so incredibly cavalier to just shrug and say, oh, STIs are curable and HIV etc. can be "managed." Not always, not for everyone, and that attitude that "it's no big deal now" comes with the assumption that one is going to be just fine even with an STD. Not to mention the utter selfishness of thinking it's manageable to have an STD yourself, with zero consideration for your passing it on to someone else. And if a person won't ask others for their STD status and won't use a condom, well, that person also is not going to be likely to disclose to a sex partner, "Hey, by the way, I have an STD but don't worry, it's manageable!"


Which is why married cheaters infuriate me!! “Oh he/she’s married too so low risk.” Doesn’t matter spouse is getting exposed without knowledge or consent. And some of these people are married to closeted gay men or men engaging in risky behavior behind their backs (screwing ONS or prostitutes/escorts). And many of these people are hitting up multiple others to bang off AM. I mean, they are cheaters. Really think they won’t cheat on their AP too?
Anonymous
Post 05/20/2022 10:36     Subject: Is it weird to ask to wear protection?
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:Man here.

I hate condoms. Ruins the feeling.


What ruins the feeling more - condoms or the possibility of an unwanted pregnancy or STD?


The thought of that risk just makes it hotter.


This statement is actually true for some people, men and women; they create opportunities for impulsive, risk-taking and the adrenaline rush needs the risk element. Research sexual acting out, ACES, etc. People who feel deeply powerless under their facade of confidence and casual assurances, and you cannot convince them otherwise. You could have sex with them but you can't make them feel responsible for, or reflective about, their behavior.

https://www.cnn.com/2014/01/31/us/utah-boulder-boy-scouts/index.html

https://www.brainfacts.org/archives/2013/the-moral-brain
Anonymous
Post 05/20/2022 10:20     Subject: Re:Is it weird to ask to wear protection?
Anonymous wrote:I will not have sex with a guy if he can't show me a most recent STD test panel that is negative AND he needs to use a condom. My gynecologist told me that she has lots of patients in my age range (mid 40's to early 50's) that are divorced/single and come in with STD's. I have lived my entire life without an STD and I'm not about to start now. [b]I would rather not have sex.


The most prevalent STIs are easily cured. HIV and HSV are easily managed.

I can't imagine going without sex but you do you.


Yikes. I'd rather not get either of those. Managed? You might be taking medications for life if you get one or both of those. And infecting others. And having to disclose it at the dentist's office. Why would I risk that? No thank you.[/b]

Copied the above exchange because the new thing here of collapsing previous replies in a thread strips away context.

The last respondent above is right. It's so incredibly cavalier to just shrug and say, oh, STIs are curable and HIV etc. can be "managed." Not always, not for everyone, and that attitude that "it's no big deal now" comes with the assumption that one is going to be just fine even with an STD. Not to mention the utter selfishness of thinking it's manageable to have an STD yourself, with zero consideration for your passing it on to someone else. And if a person won't ask others for their STD status and won't use a condom, well, that person also is not going to be likely to disclose to a sex partner, "Hey, by the way, I have an STD but don't worry, it's manageable!"


I am not sure there is any evidence that HIV can be transmitted through oral sex, and it is incredibly rarely transmitted through PIV. Even if your partner has it, it is nearly impossible to transmit through PIV, and it is incredibly rare generally, and especially among heterosexual people. You are innumerate if you are living your life avoiding sex because of that concern.

As to HSV, that is very common, almost to the point that you or your partners might have it without knowing it. Most STI panels do not even test for it. And it is very hard to spread without an active infection, and condoms don't necessarily prevent the spread! And of course, you don't have to disclose HSV to the dentist, and you don't have to take medication for the rest of your life to manage it.

It is always amazing to me how unaware people are of the actual risks and the lengths to which people will go to avoid them.
Anonymous
Post 05/20/2022 10:20     Subject: Is it weird to ask to wear protection?
I am responding to this comment: “Mid 40s single mom here. So one of the things that I’ve found while dating is that men don’t like to wear protection. Most of them will, but don’t like it. For a variety of reasons, I prefer to use condoms (even if I’m on the pill). I can’t really relax otherwise. I keep hearing some variation of “we can just get tested” or “you have trust issues” or “what’s the big deal.” It makes me feel like I’m the only woman asking for this. Am I being crazy?”

No, you are not crazy! And I’ve dated plenty in my forties and have only encountered one guy like this. Most wearing condoms is taken for granted. The only way I’m having sex without a condom is if I am married.

I’m not on birth control, so for me wearing a condom is a must for that anyway. But I’d still wear a condom even if I was on bc.
Anonymous
Post 05/20/2022 10:19     Subject: Re:Is it weird to ask to wear protection?
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:I will not have sex with a guy if he can't show me a most recent STD test panel that is negative AND he needs to use a condom. My gynecologist told me that she has lots of patients in my age range (mid 40's to early 50's) that are divorced/single and come in with STD's. I have lived my entire life without an STD and I'm not about to start now. I would rather not have sex.


The most prevalent STIs are easily cured. HIV and HSV are easily managed.

I can't imagine going without sex but you do you.


You really go into this thinking that it's no big deal and you'll just treat whatever disease you get? There is NO CURE for HIV. While you can manage it, there is no cure. This means that once you get it, you could be infecting future partners FOREVER. You think that's no big deal?


You would also be severely limiting the number of willing partners. Many (most?) uninfected people are not going to knowingly have sex with someone who is HIV positive. You would plan on telling them prior to sexual activity--RIGHT?
Anonymous
Post 05/20/2022 10:15     Subject: Is it weird to ask to wear protection?
Anonymous wrote:Mid 40s single mom here. So one of the things that I’ve found while dating is that men don’t like to wear protection. Most of them will, but don’t like it. For a variety of reasons, I prefer to use condoms (even if I’m on the pill). I can’t really relax otherwise. I keep hearing some variation of “we can just get tested” or “you have trust issues” or “what’s the big deal.” It makes me feel like I’m the only woman asking for this. Am I being crazy?


OP, some men are hoping that you will get pregnant even while knowing that you are taking BC (and then they can credit themselves with having super-sperm) and some really do not care if they pass an STI to you. Some men also consider BC a 'woman's job' and beneath their male concerns a la 'it's not my responsibility; it's the woman's'.

A partner who is able to respect himself also respects you and also cares about how you feel. You and your partner, together, agree on what works for both individuals to be physically and emotionally comfortable together.

Skip the words, pay attention to the behaviors and then ask questions if the behaviors do not make sense to you, then trust your gut and bravely give yourself permission to stay or go on a situation by situation basis.
Anonymous
Post 05/20/2022 10:07     Subject: Is it weird to ask to wear protection?
I would NOT want to have sex with someone who thinks it is WEIRD to have protected sex. So if some guy thinks it is weird, good riddance to him!
Anonymous
Post 05/20/2022 10:01     Subject: Re:Is it weird to ask to wear protection?
I will not have sex with a guy if he can't show me a most recent STD test panel that is negative AND he needs to use a condom. My gynecologist told me that she has lots of patients in my age range (mid 40's to early 50's) that are divorced/single and come in with STD's. I have lived my entire life without an STD and I'm not about to start now. [b]I would rather not have sex.


The most prevalent STIs are easily cured. HIV and HSV are easily managed.

I can't imagine going without sex but you do you.


Yikes. I'd rather not get either of those. Managed? You might be taking medications for life if you get one or both of those. And infecting others. And having to disclose it at the dentist's office. Why would I risk that? No thank you.[/b]

Copied the above exchange because the new thing here of collapsing previous replies in a thread strips away context.

The last respondent above is right. It's so incredibly cavalier to just shrug and say, oh, STIs are curable and HIV etc. can be "managed." Not always, not for everyone, and that attitude that "it's no big deal now" comes with the assumption that one is going to be just fine even with an STD. Not to mention the utter selfishness of thinking it's manageable to have an STD yourself, with zero consideration for your passing it on to someone else. And if a person won't ask others for their STD status and won't use a condom, well, that person also is not going to be likely to disclose to a sex partner, "Hey, by the way, I have an STD but don't worry, it's manageable!"
Anonymous
Post 05/19/2022 23:40     Subject: Is it weird to ask to wear protection?
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:I've been with 25 women in my lifetime outside of marriages. I think only 3 maybe 4 required I use a condom. A few asked me too be a use they were fertile but quickly changed their mind after finding out I had a V.

Flame me all you want but condoms are not the only way, or even the best way to prevent catching a STD. I'd almost rather not have sex if I have to use a condom, but of course I will.


Huh?
It's simple. Don't have sex with people who have STDs. It's not as hard as people make it out to be.
Anonymous
Post 05/19/2022 17:18     Subject: Re:Is it weird to ask to wear protection?
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:I will not have sex with a guy if he can't show me a most recent STD test panel that is negative AND he needs to use a condom. My gynecologist told me that she has lots of patients in my age range (mid 40's to early 50's) that are divorced/single and come in with STD's. I have lived my entire life without an STD and I'm not about to start now. I would rather not have sex.


The most prevalent STIs are easily cured. HIV and HSV are easily managed.

I can't imagine going without sex but you do you.


Yikes. I'd rather not get either of those. Managed? You might be taking medications for life if you get one or both of those. And infecting others. And having to disclose it at the dentist's office. Why would I risk that? No thank you.