Omg this is my pet peeve! It is the height of rudeness to bring someone who is NOT on the invitation (or plus one)! My DH and I argue over this regularly. I refuse to bring my child’s sibling unless they are uniquely invited, and he thinks it’s totally normal to bring a sibling.

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Anonymous wrote:My dd was invited to a no siblings party so we did something else with sibling ds during the party.
I noticed that one of the kids had her mother, her nanny and her grandmother at the party - and no, they weren't close friends with the host.

When I threw dd a bday party at Bowlmor, one of the parents asked if her husband could come. I had never met him and basically answered - no, let's keep this party focused on Larla's day. What I didn't say was, this is not your family's bowling excursion day on my tab.

When there is a cost per head, I think it is asking a lot of the host to take on strangers. When it's a party at home, or there is no cost per head, I think opening the party to siblings, especially if they are small kids, is a really nice thing to do.

So .. the "no siblings" phrase probably ought to be expanded to "Larla's friend + parent". There really isn't any reason for 3 adults to be in tow with a single child.

You told a parent that they couldn’t stay at a party in a public place like bowlmor? How old were the kids?

Hint: the words “on my tab” are key.

When you have a party that requires parents of course the parents are on your tab.

One parent, as that is all that is required for supervision of the small child. If the parents can’t be apart for two hours, they have codependency issues.

PP didn’t say that the parent asked that they both came she asked for the child’s father to bring the child, and was told it would prevent the focus from being on Larla.

No. Read it again. The mother was already going. The PP said it’s not “your family’s bowling excursion on my tab.”

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Anonymous wrote:We always rsvp no to any party that doesn’t include siblings. DH works on weekends and I’m not hiring a babysitter for a birthday party.

You should RSVP no in this case. The host family shouldn't have to pay for another kid because you are too cheap to pay for a babysitter.

This. Your inability to take care of your own kid is not my problem, and he doesn't need to be at a party he's not invited to. Keep it up and it will impact your other kid too.

That’s funny! Actually I find that is you are hosting a party, you have have the ability to handle all the kids invited either yourself, hired out, or from the “party host” of whatever venue you booked- or a combination of all three. It is rude and inconsiderate to plan a party, then require a parent to come
and stay the whole time, then be so super worked up about if a sibling comes and “your numbers”

These parties are stupid. Sorry.

DP

If you can’t find alternative arrangements for your other child, then just decline the invite. It’s totally fine! But the family is not obligated to invite all your kids, and it’s rude to ask to bring a sibling.

This. Mic drop.

Anonymous wrote:Wait what? Asking the host is rude?

My 6 year old was recently invited to a birthday party and I asked the hostess if my 3 year old daughter could come and she said of course, that she was happy I asked, and that she wanted all the other parents to know they should bring siblings but didn't know how to say that and that she wasn't sure which other kids had siblings.

Yes, it is. It puts the host on the spot and feel pressured to say yes.

Astonishing that so many adults don’t understand this.

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Anonymous wrote:My dd was invited to a no siblings party so we did something else with sibling ds during the party.
I noticed that one of the kids had her mother, her nanny and her grandmother at the party - and no, they weren't close friends with the host.

When I threw dd a bday party at Bowlmor, one of the parents asked if her husband could come. I had never met him and basically answered - no, let's keep this party focused on Larla's day. What I didn't say was, this is not your family's bowling excursion day on my tab.

When there is a cost per head, I think it is asking a lot of the host to take on strangers. When it's a party at home, or there is no cost per head, I think opening the party to siblings, especially if they are small kids, is a really nice thing to do.

So .. the "no siblings" phrase probably ought to be expanded to "Larla's friend + parent". There really isn't any reason for 3 adults to be in tow with a single child.

You told a parent that they couldn’t stay at a party in a public place like bowlmor? How old were the kids?

Hint: the words “on my tab” are key.

When you have a party that requires parents of course the parents are on your tab.

One parent, as that is all that is required for supervision of the small child. If the parents can’t be apart for two hours, they have codependency issues.

PP didn’t say that the parent asked that they both came she asked for the child’s father to bring the child, and was told it would prevent the focus from being on Larla.

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Anonymous wrote:We always rsvp no to any party that doesn’t include siblings. DH works on weekends and I’m not hiring a babysitter for a birthday party.

Same. And it has nothing to do with cheapness. It just isn’t worth the hassle for me to find a babysitter so I can spend 2 hrs standing around in a bounce house warehouse.

If you are going to require parents to stay at your child’s party then you shouldn’t book it at such a place that siblings will be a huge problem. If you want to do this, just expect more no responses than otherwise

Where is the other parent?

I always tag teamed with Dh when kids were younger. If we didn’t know the family and kid was just a random classmate, we would decline. If it was a close friend, both boys would have been invited. Most of the time, I would take turns with Dh taking invited kid to party.

Now I have 3 kids and parties are drop off.

What bubble do you live in that you can’t conceive of a family that doesn’t have two adults who are willing and able to center their work and their lives around getting a three year old to a birthday party?
I mean, yes, some people can and do. But it blows my mind that you cannot imagine anyone having a life or a job that doesn’t revolve around your child’s birthday party.

Most of our friends don’t work weekends. Dh is a physician and is on call on weekends sometimes. Of course parents are busy with other plans sometimes.

I just said that if it was a random classmate we don’t know, we would just decline and that if it was a good friend, sibling would have been invited.

We are actually a very busy family with 5 social family members. If it is a close friend, we prioritize. My 2 older kids are drop off age so even if we are not available, we can usually find them rides even if the birthday family picks up my child.

When we have a party, we check with closest friends for time and date. Some people can’t make it. Some people don’t rsvp at all. Some are single parents. Some parents can’t open an Evite. Some parents are divorced and the parent who had the kid that weekend didn’t know about the party. I’m well aware of all the types of parents out there.

That's really terrible to ask the birthday family to shag your kids because you are sooooo "busy."

What does shag mean in this context?

I think they probably meant “shag” as in “shag a fly ball” — chase after or keep track of — but yeah, it was a really weird word choice.

Yeah that is not AT ALL where my British educated mind went. And then I looked up the word and all I got was “type of carpet.” Now I am relieved.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

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Anonymous wrote:My dd was invited to a no siblings party so we did something else with sibling ds during the party.
I noticed that one of the kids had her mother, her nanny and her grandmother at the party - and no, they weren't close friends with the host.

When I threw dd a bday party at Bowlmor, one of the parents asked if her husband could come. I had never met him and basically answered - no, let's keep this party focused on Larla's day. What I didn't say was, this is not your family's bowling excursion day on my tab.

When there is a cost per head, I think it is asking a lot of the host to take on strangers. When it's a party at home, or there is no cost per head, I think opening the party to siblings, especially if they are small kids, is a really nice thing to do.

So .. the "no siblings" phrase probably ought to be expanded to "Larla's friend + parent". There really isn't any reason for 3 adults to be in tow with a single child.

You told a parent that they couldn’t stay at a party in a public place like bowlmor? How old were the kids?

Hint: the words “on my tab” are key.

When you have a party that requires parents of course the parents are on your tab.

One parent, as that is all that is required for supervision of the small child. If the parents can’t be apart for two hours, they have codependency issues.

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Anonymous wrote:We always rsvp no to any party that doesn’t include siblings. DH works on weekends and I’m not hiring a babysitter for a birthday party.

Same. And it has nothing to do with cheapness. It just isn’t worth the hassle for me to find a babysitter so I can spend 2 hrs standing around in a bounce house warehouse.

If you are going to require parents to stay at your child’s party then you shouldn’t book it at such a place that siblings will be a huge problem. If you want to do this, just expect more no responses than otherwise

Where is the other parent?

I always tag teamed with Dh when kids were younger. If we didn’t know the family and kid was just a random classmate, we would decline. If it was a close friend, both boys would have been invited. Most of the time, I would take turns with Dh taking invited kid to party.

Now I have 3 kids and parties are drop off.

What bubble do you live in that you can’t conceive of a family that doesn’t have two adults who are willing and able to center their work and their lives around getting a three year old to a birthday party?
I mean, yes, some people can and do. But it blows my mind that you cannot imagine anyone having a life or a job that doesn’t revolve around your child’s birthday party.

Most of our friends don’t work weekends. Dh is a physician and is on call on weekends sometimes. Of course parents are busy with other plans sometimes.

I just said that if it was a random classmate we don’t know, we would just decline and that if it was a good friend, sibling would have been invited.

We are actually a very busy family with 5 social family members. If it is a close friend, we prioritize. My 2 older kids are drop off age so even if we are not available, we can usually find them rides even if the birthday family picks up my child.

When we have a party, we check with closest friends for time and date. Some people can’t make it. Some people don’t rsvp at all. Some are single parents. Some parents can’t open an Evite. Some parents are divorced and the parent who had the kid that weekend didn’t know about the party. I’m well aware of all the types of parents out there.

That's really terrible to ask the birthday family to shag your kids because you are sooooo "busy."

What does shag mean in this context?

I think they probably meant “shag” as in “shag a fly ball” — chase after or keep track of — but yeah, it was a really weird word choice.

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Anonymous wrote:We always rsvp no to any party that doesn’t include siblings. DH works on weekends and I’m not hiring a babysitter for a birthday party.

Same. And it has nothing to do with cheapness. It just isn’t worth the hassle for me to find a babysitter so I can spend 2 hrs standing around in a bounce house warehouse.

If you are going to require parents to stay at your child’s party then you shouldn’t book it at such a place that siblings will be a huge problem. If you want to do this, just expect more no responses than otherwise

Where is the other parent?

I always tag teamed with Dh when kids were younger. If we didn’t know the family and kid was just a random classmate, we would decline. If it was a close friend, both boys would have been invited. Most of the time, I would take turns with Dh taking invited kid to party.

Now I have 3 kids and parties are drop off.

What bubble do you live in that you can’t conceive of a family that doesn’t have two adults who are willing and able to center their work and their lives around getting a three year old to a birthday party?
I mean, yes, some people can and do. But it blows my mind that you cannot imagine anyone having a life or a job that doesn’t revolve around your child’s birthday party.

Most of our friends don’t work weekends. Dh is a physician and is on call on weekends sometimes. Of course parents are busy with other plans sometimes.

I just said that if it was a random classmate we don’t know, we would just decline and that if it was a good friend, sibling would have been invited.

We are actually a very busy family with 5 social family members. If it is a close friend, we prioritize. My 2 older kids are drop off age so even if we are not available, we can usually find them rides even if the birthday family picks up my child.

When we have a party, we check with closest friends for time and date. Some people can’t make it. Some people don’t rsvp at all. Some are single parents. Some parents can’t open an Evite. Some parents are divorced and the parent who had the kid that weekend didn’t know about the party. I’m well aware of all the types of parents out there.

Most professional people (which DCUM is full of) don’t work every weekend, except for healthcare, some (not all) law enforcement, truck drivers (doubt there are many of those on DCUM) and a small number of others. Most of these people are 9-5 paper pushers. They’re just making excuses because they’re APPALLED that anyone suggests their entire brood isn’t welcome at another kid’s birthday party.

Healthcare, big law, consultants, first responders, restaurant business, retail, military, teachers/coaches. Lots of people work weekends.

And far more people don’t, especially in the DCUM tax brackets. Many, many 9-5 office drones.

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Anonymous wrote:You don't bring a sibling who has not been invited. Full stop.

It is actually important for siblings who were not invited to learn how to deal with not being invited. Also, it teaches siblings to deal with the fact that their brother or sister have their own friends. It is a way of teaching boundaries. I have watched moms argue that both their kids should go to a party when only one was invited because they want to "always keep things equal forever" between their kids. That is delusional thinking.

Ok. This is crazy. Most people I know work (some) weekends and both parents aren’t home in the middle of the day to babysit a three year old and an infant while the four year old goes to a party.
I assume that most people asking are asking because they don’t have other childcare. If people are asking because they feel that you need to accommodate their own weird neuroses, that’s a different story.

Then try harder, because millions of other parents find childcare just fine.

The idea that I am supposed to spend $80 for a babysitter and a gift so my kid can attend a 3 year old party is one that is very specific to upper class bubbles.

During the preschool years, it is fine, a little rude, but fine to ask to bring siblings.

It is during the elementary years where you can drop off that it is rude.

I went to a party recently where one family brought 4 kids AND grandparents to a pay per head birthday party. I’m sure the 4 kids would have enjoyed the activity. I think this party would have cost $30 per person so this guest cost the host $150 extra.

It’s not fine to ask to bring along someone who isn’t invited, preschool or not.

How does one even know who is invited these days? In the world of evites, I've never seen one where *only* one of my kids is specified as the invitee. I wouldn't even know how to do that with evite. Paper invitations are discouraged by my kids' school.

That all being said, I've found that basically all DCUM rules don't apply in my working-class majority-minority inner city neighborhood in Chicago. All birthday parties are gift parties, half of the invitations include a gift registry, and whole families typically attend. Oh, and people typically have no issues inviting some portion of the class that isn't 100% or all boys or all girls or whatever.

The person whose name is on invitation is the only person invited. Here is an example;

Johnny Johnson is invited to attend Michael Anderson's 4th birthday party.

If siblings are invited, then invitation would read:. "All Johnson children invited to Michael Anderson's 4th birthday party."

Do you understand the difference?

Here's another invitation etiquette:. Only the people's name written on both outside and inside are invited to wedding and reception
Example:. Outside envelope:. Mr. and Mrs. John Joseph Anderson, if family is invited inside envelope will say Mr. and Mrs
Johnson and family. Any one over age 16 should be sent a separate invitation. If no card is enclosed about reception then you are not invited to reception and no wedding present is expected.

The upshot is ONLY THOSE NAMED ARE INVITED!!!!!!!!?

Ok, thanks for screaming, it really made the point.

I have *never* received an invitation to a child's birthday party in an envelope. Every one my son has ever been invited to has been an email invitation and those all go to the parent's email. The name of the "invited" child has never been specified.
They always give you the option to specify the number of attendees in the RSVP. When my kid is older and the parties shrink in size and become drop off parties, I expect that will change. But right now, invitations take the form of the parent being invited via email to celebrate "Larlo's Sixth Birthday party at Skyzone."

But, maybe that's just because my local community is too poor to afford to send out paper invitations in envelopes? Or, too ignorant to invite people one by one? /s

Rich people baffle me sometimes.

Our school will not send out evites nor will they release parents email addresses. If you want to invite someone you don’t have contact info for you send paper invitations to the whole class. I imagine this gets easier in a few years when you have had more time to get in touch with people other ways.

And the invitation has the child’s non the outside. I don’t even know who has siblings aside from a few kids

PP, and that does make more sense. It’s literally the opposite at my kid’s school — kids cannot pass out invites.

Yes, if my older kid got a paper invitation with only his name on it, I would take only my kid and some day I hope it’s expected I can just leave him. But right now it’s not like that at all.

Buuuuut that’s not how it goes down in my school/neighborhood. Birthdays are more like cattle calls.

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Anonymous wrote:Wait what? Asking the host is rude?

My 6 year old was recently invited to a birthday party and I asked the hostess if my 3 year old daughter could come and she said of course, that she was happy I asked, and that she wanted all the other parents to know they should bring siblings but didn't know how to say that and that she wasn't sure which other kids had siblings.

Yes, yes it is.

DP here. I really think it depends on the family, the venue, number of people coming, financial situation, etc.

I loved to the DMV with a baby and toddler almost a decade ago. We didn’t know anyone. We wanted to make friends. We would be happy to host the entire family.

Now we have a ton of family friends, neighbor friends, classmates and friends from sports and activities. I’m always trying to juggle headcount and minimize hurt families. Every family we know has 2-3 kids. We simply cannot accommodate everyone. If it is a family friend (where the parents are friends with Dh and me), I am clear if it is a kid party or entire family including siblings are invited. If we are not family friends, I am annoyed you brought siblings. If it is at a venue, I have to pay for your extra kids. You may throw off my favors. I haven’t hosted a home party since Covid but I don’t want too many kids at my house even if my house is big. I don’t want younger or older siblings where activity is not age appropriate. My birthday child is not friends with your kid’s sibling.

There have been tons of parties where my other child would have enjoyed the party. I do not bring them or ask to bring them.

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Anonymous wrote:We always rsvp no to any party that doesn’t include siblings. DH works on weekends and I’m not hiring a babysitter for a birthday party.

Huh? How old are the kids? Can't you just drop off after like 4? My 4 just had a bday in the fall and we offered drop off as an option.

Have you read this thread? Clearly there are a lot of moms here that insist a parent need to be there helicoptering over their own kid.

Anonymous wrote:We always rsvp no to any party that doesn’t include siblings. DH works on weekends and I’m not hiring a babysitter for a birthday party.

Huh? How old are the kids? Can't you just drop off after like 4? My 4 just had a bday in the fall and we offered drop off as an option.

I always specified siblings welcome on my child’s birthday invitations. I always assume siblings are NOT welcome when there is no mention of siblings.
I don’t agree with the whole “it’s rude to ask the host blah blah.” I normally would not to bring along child #2, but occasionally DH would be out of town and I would either need to drop off, bring sibling, or not attend, so I would ask host if I could either drop off or bring sibling. The host could respond any which way, and I would not over think the response.
If a host lacks the ability to answer honestly, that’s not my problem. It’s really not hard to type back “sorry, no siblings, and it’s not a drop off party. Hope they can get together another time.”

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Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Wait what? Asking the host is rude?

My 6 year old was recently invited to a birthday party and I asked the hostess if my 3 year old daughter could come and she said of course, that she was happy I asked, and that she wanted all the other parents to know they should bring siblings but didn't know how to say that and that she wasn't sure which other kids had siblings.

Yes it’s rude. You are putting the host on the spot, and making it awkward if siblings aren’t generally invited, other families get sitters or make other childcare arrangements, and then show up and see that your child is a sibling. As with any party, the person who is invited is on the evite or card.

Again, I have not seen first grade evites that specify an attendee.

And, again, in my social circle, kids birthday parties still have adults in attendance. And siblings. And uncles without kids. And whomever the heck else the host invites. So, yes, sibling attendance is typical and therefore I assume it is not rude to verify that this is still the case.

Exactly - who the host invites. Maybe for those parties you were at, siblings and uncles WERE invited and included. That doesn’t make it the case for every party. That doesn’t mean you get to bring your entire family along any time your child gets an invite.