Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Op here. Wow, lots of feedback. First if all, I didn't tell my patents my teen wasn't invited. My sister did. My parents asked if we would all be sitting together at the reception and my sister told them.

Also, my sister has been talking about the wedding (and party) with my teen for a good part of the past year. She showed pictures of the hall, talked about the flowers, colors, all of it. So that's why my teen thought she was invited.

And someone thought it was weird that I texted my sister about this. Our relationship is basically this way. We haven't spoken in like 8 or so months. We text when we need to handle something so it's pretty standard for our relationship.

And for the pp that said I didn't reveal everything in my OP. I was trying to keep my OP short and I thought I posted everything that was relevant. Only agree reading responses did I realize more info was needed. I didn't intentionally leave out info.

You haven’t spoken with your sister in 8 months but your DD has been talking with her about the wedding for a year?

Op here. Yes. That's correct. My teen has her own phone and has a separate relationship with my sister. Although we primarily text, my teen and sister chat on the phone a lot. My teen doesn't have friends. She talks to her grandparents, aunts and uncles often. Sorry if you find that odd.

And for the other pp, yes, my sister sent her pictures of the hall (the room in the country club where the reception will be). She also sent some of the space where the ceremony will be, shared pics of the flowers. Asked my teens advice on stuff. It was very nice of my sister but now backfired Bensimon my teen is convinced I'm wrong and that she is invited.

On some po's advice, I won't lie to my teen, but will explain the truth. Unfortunately, it may harm their relationship going forward.

I call BS on this post - this is a troll. Keep changing your story.

Anonymous wrote:Op here. Wow, lots of feedback. First if all, I didn't tell my patents my teen wasn't invited. My sister did. My parents asked if we would all be sitting together at the reception and my sister told them.

Also, my sister has been talking about the wedding (and party) with my teen for a good part of the past year. She showed pictures of the hall, talked about the flowers, colors, all of it. So that's why my teen thought she was invited.

And someone thought it was weird that I texted my sister about this. Our relationship is basically this way. We haven't spoken in like 8 or so months. We text when we need to handle something so it's pretty standard for our relationship.

And for the pp that said I didn't reveal everything in my OP. I was trying to keep my OP short and I thought I posted everything that was relevant. Only agree reading responses did I realize more info was needed. I didn't intentionally leave out info.

You keep changing your story. A lot.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Op here. Wow, lots of feedback. First if all, I didn't tell my patents my teen wasn't invited. My sister did. My parents asked if we would all be sitting together at the reception and my sister told them.

Also, my sister has been talking about the wedding (and party) with my teen for a good part of the past year. She showed pictures of the hall, talked about the flowers, colors, all of it. So that's why my teen thought she was invited.

And someone thought it was weird that I texted my sister about this. Our relationship is basically this way. We haven't spoken in like 8 or so months. We text when we need to handle something so it's pretty standard for our relationship.

And for the pp that said I didn't reveal everything in my OP. I was trying to keep my OP short and I thought I posted everything that was relevant. Only agree reading responses did I realize more info was needed. I didn't intentionally leave out info.

You haven’t spoken with your sister in 8 months but your DD has been talking with her about the wedding for a year?

Op here. Yes. That's correct. My teen has her own phone and has a separate relationship with my sister. Although we primarily text, my teen and sister chat on the phone a lot. My teen doesn't have friends. She talks to her grandparents, aunts and uncles often. Sorry if you find that odd.

And for the other pp, yes, my sister sent her pictures of the hall (the room in the country club where the reception will be). She also sent some of the space where the ceremony will be, shared pics of the flowers. Asked my teens advice on stuff. It was very nice of my sister but now backfired Bensimon my teen is convinced I'm wrong and that she is invited.

On some po's advice, I won't lie to my teen, but will explain the truth. Unfortunately, it may harm their relationship going forward.

6:51 here. Your sister sent those pictures unsolicited or your daughter asked for them? It's nice they chat and text. SN can limit non family relationships-we have a SN now an adult. Also in the midst of a wedding where in person conversation with the couple committed a plus one thereby removing a couple from the list. Can't go over the cap.

OP's last post clearly defines why the parents are ticked and OP is stuck in a mess. Any couple that shares pics and wedding planning stuff should be inviting the person.

If this is not a troll, then this all has almost nothing to do with the wedding and everything to do with messed up family dynamics. And that is fine, but OP really needs to see the bigger picture here.

Clearly, if this aunt is so close to the special needs teen, then she should have some awareness that going on and on about a wedding that the teen isn’t invited to is hurtful. This would be hurtful to many grown ups without cognitive delays.

Second, it is pretty unusual for siblings not to be close at all but to then have some close relationship with the kids of their sibling. I’m not particularly close with either of my sisters. They barely know my Kids — which is fine, we are not close.

Third, someone marrying someone when they hate their kids and grandkids is next level crazy.

Fourth, the parents jumping on the “we are so mad about teen niece, we won’t go to your wedding either” is next level crazy.

I don’t think OP handled this particularly well, but my bet is there is years of history playing out in all this that could never be explained in one post. Ultimately, if OP typically keeps all these people at arms length then skipping the reception isn’t a particularly big deal. And if sister is so mad, then OP can skip the whole thing. Of course, there are many other choices that might have made sense, but they are not what OP chose to consider.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Op here. Wow, lots of feedback. First if all, I didn't tell my patents my teen wasn't invited. My sister did. My parents asked if we would all be sitting together at the reception and my sister told them.

Also, my sister has been talking about the wedding (and party) with my teen for a good part of the past year. She showed pictures of the hall, talked about the flowers, colors, all of it. So that's why my teen thought she was invited.

And someone thought it was weird that I texted my sister about this. Our relationship is basically this way. We haven't spoken in like 8 or so months. We text when we need to handle something so it's pretty standard for our relationship.

And for the pp that said I didn't reveal everything in my OP. I was trying to keep my OP short and I thought I posted everything that was relevant. Only agree reading responses did I realize more info was needed. I didn't intentionally leave out info.

You haven’t spoken with your sister in 8 months but your DD has been talking with her about the wedding for a year?

Op here. Yes. That's correct. My teen has her own phone and has a separate relationship with my sister. Although we primarily text, my teen and sister chat on the phone a lot. My teen doesn't have friends. She talks to her grandparents, aunts and uncles often. Sorry if you find that odd.

And for the other pp, yes, my sister sent her pictures of the hall (the room in the country club where the reception will be). She also sent some of the space where the ceremony will be, shared pics of the flowers. Asked my teens advice on stuff. It was very nice of my sister but now backfired Bensimon my teen is convinced I'm wrong and that she is invited.

On some po's advice, I won't lie to my teen, but will explain the truth. Unfortunately, it may harm their relationship going forward.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Op here. Wow, lots of feedback. First if all, I didn't tell my patents my teen wasn't invited. My sister did. My parents asked if we would all be sitting together at the reception and my sister told them.

Also, my sister has been talking about the wedding (and party) with my teen for a good part of the past year. She showed pictures of the hall, talked about the flowers, colors, all of it. So that's why my teen thought she was invited.

And someone thought it was weird that I texted my sister about this. Our relationship is basically this way. We haven't spoken in like 8 or so months. We text when we need to handle something so it's pretty standard for our relationship.

And for the pp that said I didn't reveal everything in my OP. I was trying to keep my OP short and I thought I posted everything that was relevant. Only agree reading responses did I realize more info was needed. I didn't intentionally leave out info.

You haven’t spoken with your sister in 8 months but your DD has been talking with her about the wedding for a year?

Odd. Maybe the sister, bride, sent some text messages with pics of flowers or was on facetime with OP and pulled up pictures. Hall? Before it was at a country club and the bride had directly told the niece she was invited.

So is this 11 page thread really about the bride having a small no kids wedding and the OP wants her teen invited?

When weddings are in the initial planning stage, most people have a tentative guest list to compare to venue capacity. Couples sign contracts knowing that limitation.

Anonymous wrote:Op here. Wow, lots of feedback. First if all, I didn't tell my patents my teen wasn't invited. My sister did. My parents asked if we would all be sitting together at the reception and my sister told them.

Also, my sister has been talking about the wedding (and party) with my teen for a good part of the past year. She showed pictures of the hall, talked about the flowers, colors, all of it. So that's why my teen thought she was invited.

And someone thought it was weird that I texted my sister about this. Our relationship is basically this way. We haven't spoken in like 8 or so months. We text when we need to handle something so it's pretty standard for our relationship.

And for the pp that said I didn't reveal everything in my OP. I was trying to keep my OP short and I thought I posted everything that was relevant. Only agree reading responses did I realize more info was needed. I didn't intentionally leave out info.

You haven’t spoken with your sister in 8 months but your DD has been talking with her about the wedding for a year?

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I don't understand all this "hate" against OP.

It's extremely messed up to disinvite the niece from the reception. It's rude and hurtful to not let your teen niece attend. I agree with OP that the sister probably doesn't want them there at all and is only upset about the parents declining. The easy fix is for your sister to invite her niece. It's not for OP to find a babysitter, go alone to the reception, consider sending her child and DH back to their hotel after the ceremony (???)
I would personally consider not going to the ceremony at all and think OP is being very gracious in going. I also agree with OP's parents. The sister is being a petty, spiteful drama queen for whatever reason and supporting such behavior is ridiculous.

She didn't "disinvite" the niece--that would be if she originally invited her and then rescinded the inviation. The niece was never invited in the first place

What an an odd thing to point out but perhaps the best word is really "semi-invite"? OP has said a few times that her sister had been talking to the niece for a good while about the wedding. I think it's safe to assume the niece assumed she was invited to both the ceremony and reception.

Op here. Wow, lots of feedback. First if all, I didn't tell my patents my teen wasn't invited. My sister did. My parents asked if we would all be sitting together at the reception and my sister told them.

Also, my sister has been talking about the wedding (and party) with my teen for a good part of the past year. She showed pictures of the hall, talked about the flowers, colors, all of it. So that's why my teen thought she was invited.

And someone thought it was weird that I texted my sister about this. Our relationship is basically this way. We haven't spoken in like 8 or so months. We text when we need to handle something so it's pretty standard for our relationship.

And for the pp that said I didn't reveal everything in my OP. I was trying to keep my OP short and I thought I posted everything that was relevant. Only agree reading responses did I realize more info was needed. I didn't intentionally leave out info.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think everyone is also missing that the teenager is invited to the actual wedding. I get that she is special needs and OP thinks she will be deeply hurt by not being invited to the wedding but SHE IS INVITED TO THE WEDDING ITSELF, which is the most important part. If she can't come to the reception due to her age, then she should be able to understand that.

+1

+2

Anonymous wrote:I don't understand all this "hate" against OP.

It's extremely messed up to disinvite the niece from the reception. It's rude and hurtful to not let your teen niece attend. I agree with OP that the sister probably doesn't want them there at all and is only upset about the parents declining. The easy fix is for your sister to invite her niece. It's not for OP to find a babysitter, go alone to the reception, consider sending her child and DH back to their hotel after the ceremony (???)
I would personally consider not going to the ceremony at all and think OP is being very gracious in going. I also agree with OP's parents. The sister is being a petty, spiteful drama queen for whatever reason and supporting such behavior is ridiculous.

She didn't "disinvite" the niece--that would be if she originally invited her and then rescinded the inviation. The niece was never invited in the first place

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think everyone is also missing that the teenager is invited to the actual wedding. I get that she is special needs and OP thinks she will be deeply hurt by not being invited to the wedding but SHE IS INVITED TO THE WEDDING ITSELF, which is the most important part. If she can't come to the reception due to her age, then she should be able to understand that.

+1

Actually, it's very rude to invite someone to the wedding ceremony but not the reception.

Depending on where the ceremony is held, it might be somewhat "open to the public" anyway. If its at a park, for example, there will be plenty of random strangers just walking past.

Anonymous wrote:I don't understand all this "hate" against OP.

It's extremely messed up to disinvite the niece from the reception. It's rude and hurtful to not let your teen niece attend. I agree with OP that the sister probably doesn't want them there at all and is only upset about the parents declining. The easy fix is for your sister to invite her niece. It's not for OP to find a babysitter, go alone to the reception, consider sending her child and DH back to their hotel after the ceremony (???)
I would personally consider not going to the ceremony at all and think OP is being very gracious in going. I also agree with OP's parents. The sister is being a petty, spiteful drama queen for whatever reason and supporting such behavior is ridiculous.

+ million

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think everyone is also missing that the teenager is invited to the actual wedding. I get that she is special needs and OP thinks she will be deeply hurt by not being invited to the wedding but SHE IS INVITED TO THE WEDDING ITSELF, which is the most important part. If she can't come to the reception due to her age, then she should be able to understand that.

+1

Actually, it's very rude to invite someone to the wedding ceremony but not the reception.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think everyone is also missing that the teenager is invited to the actual wedding. I get that she is special needs and OP thinks she will be deeply hurt by not being invited to the wedding but SHE IS INVITED TO THE WEDDING ITSELF, which is the most important part. If she can't come to the reception due to her age, then she should be able to understand that.

+1

+1. Plus, maybe I was some kind of weird teenager, but being told that I was allowed to skip out on an "adult party" (yuck, at that age) to stay in a hotel and have room service and watch TV with dad, I would have LOVED it.