Anonymous
Post 01/23/2022 19:34     Subject: the cost of working - SAHM vs WOHM
Daycare comes out of MY salary when doing calculations. Because if I choose to SAH, the expense is gone.

I quit my job until my kids were in school. I wasn't going to give away half my pay to daycare when I wanted to be with my kids. Why would I work for half pay and be away from my kids?
Anonymous
Post 01/23/2022 19:27     Subject: the cost of working - SAHM vs WOHM
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:Where is gender equality here? If I was the breadwinner husband and if my wife decided not to work anymore, I think I would lose some respect for her. Will most of those marriages end when one of the sides hit a mid life crisis?


I think a lot of husbands do lose respect in this situation and maybe don't realize it consciously.



Wow!! WOHMs are so concerned for the welfare of SAHMs and so many cautionary tales about DHs cheating on SAHMs. LOL! There is no data to suggest that more SAHMs get cheated on than WOHMs or more SAHMs get divorced.

WOHMs get divorced, cheated on, do more work at home, get paid less than men, don't get promotions and work for bosses from hell regularly. They cannot survive if other lowly paid WOHMs are not taking care of their kids and their homes. The same lowly paid WOHMs also take care of the kids and homes of wealthy SAHMs, but at least wealthy SAHMs do not curl up and sob in a corner when pandemic happens, schools are virtual, cleaning lady stops coming.


Absolutely wrong
"Economists at Boston University found that dual-income marriages are more secure, and couples are less likely to split than those in marriages with only one working spouse. Further, according to the book “Getting to 50/50: How Working Parents Can Have it All,” marriages in which there is a sole breadwinner get divorced at a rate 14% above average, the highest of any income split. And if income and housework is divided evenly, the risk of divorce is 48% lower than average. Why? The authors say it’s got a lot to do with the fact that dual-income marriages have more financial stability. Being a sole breadwinner carries a tremendous amount of stress, and having a partner to share the weight can lead to more harmony and compatibility."

"Researches have shown that stay-at-home parents are more likely to experience depression and anger than their working partners. According to an article in Education News, Stephanie Coontz, co-chair of the Council for Contemporary Families, reports “no matter the income level, mothers who stay home are inclined to more depression, sadness, and anger than their working counterparts.” Coontz also reveals that divorce rates tend to decrease for couples who are both active in the workforce."



DP. I googled the two quotes you posted, and I see no citations or links to studies for either of those statistics. It reminds me of when everyone was passing around the study saying daughters of working moms have better jobs/higher education/etc, but it turns out that the only criteria for a working mom was working for any amount of pay before your daughter is 14! Almost every woman in America does that unless they’re like Amish. Even if that case, the Amish ladies probably sold some pies before their daughter was 14.
Anonymous
Post 01/23/2022 19:22     Subject: the cost of working - SAHM vs WOHM
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:Where is gender equality here? If I was the breadwinner husband and if my wife decided not to work anymore, I think I would lose some respect for her. Will most of those marriages end when one of the sides hit a mid life crisis?


I think a lot of husbands do lose respect in this situation and maybe don't realize it consciously.



Wow!! WOHMs are so concerned for the welfare of SAHMs and so many cautionary tales about DHs cheating on SAHMs. LOL! There is no data to suggest that more SAHMs get cheated on than WOHMs or more SAHMs get divorced.

WOHMs get divorced, cheated on, do more work at home, get paid less than men, don't get promotions and work for bosses from hell regularly. They cannot survive if other lowly paid WOHMs are not taking care of their kids and their homes. The same lowly paid WOHMs also take care of the kids and homes of wealthy SAHMs, but at least wealthy SAHMs do not curl up and sob in a corner when pandemic happens, schools are virtual, cleaning lady stops coming.


Absolutely wrong
"Economists at Boston University found that dual-income marriages are more secure, and couples are less likely to split than those in marriages with only one working spouse. Further, according to the book “Getting to 50/50: How Working Parents Can Have it All,” marriages in which there is a sole breadwinner get divorced at a rate 14% above average, the highest of any income split. And if income and housework is divided evenly, the risk of divorce is 48% lower than average. Why? The authors say it’s got a lot to do with the fact that dual-income marriages have more financial stability. Being a sole breadwinner carries a tremendous amount of stress, and having a partner to share the weight can lead to more harmony and compatibility."

"Researches have shown that stay-at-home parents are more likely to experience depression and anger than their working partners. According to an article in Education News, Stephanie Coontz, co-chair of the Council for Contemporary Families, reports “no matter the income level, mothers who stay home are inclined to more depression, sadness, and anger than their working counterparts.” Coontz also reveals that divorce rates tend to decrease for couples who are both active in the workforce."



Your friend died of cancer and her family set up was abusive and you lose all respect for her. WTF? What were you trying to actually say?
Anonymous
Post 01/23/2022 19:15     Subject: the cost of working - SAHM vs WOHM
Anonymous wrote:My friend who was a working mom all her life, recently died of cancer. She made a whole lot of money and was fairly high up in an organization that is pretty well known in DMV. Her husband was in the same organization but never reached the heights that she did. Her persona was that of a go-getter. The videos of her professional success was all over youtube. No one knew what a lie her personal life was. She reached out to us for some help. Her husband was abusive to her all her life and cheated with prostitutes. Her two grown kids grew up scared, neglected and traumatized in the household. They are hot messes. She could not divorce her husband because there was a lot of wealth involved that she did not want to share/divide.

Behind the façade of a career, there was no aspect of her personal life that was good. I figured out that even after being economically emancipated she was a slave to her thinking. I lost all respect for her because she was a pitiful woman and her life was a wasted life.


WTF. You "lost all respect" for your friend because she struggled with domestic abuse. You are a horrible, awful person. I just cannot understand how you can be such a horrible person.
Anonymous
Post 01/23/2022 18:05     Subject: the cost of working - SAHM vs WOHM
Anonymous wrote:I think, it is unfair to think that SAHMs are keeping WOHMs from being paid well.


I think rich WHITE WOHMS and SAHMs need to vote for Democrats , because GOP sh1ts on our rights.


College educated white women vote overwhelmingly Democrat. The vast majority of rich people also vote Democrat. The poor and uneducated white women don't have the brain power to truly comprehend their voting choices. Why do you think they remain poor and uneducated? SAHM, in general, are poorer and less educated than WM, so draw your own conclusions. Don't blame us for the mess.
Anonymous
Post 01/23/2022 17:58     Subject: the cost of working - SAHM vs WOHM
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:Where is gender equality here? If I was the breadwinner husband and if my wife decided not to work anymore, I think I would lose some respect for her. Will most of those marriages end when one of the sides hit a mid life crisis?


I think a lot of husbands do lose respect in this situation and maybe don't realize it consciously.



Wow!! WOHMs are so concerned for the welfare of SAHMs and so many cautionary tales about DHs cheating on SAHMs. LOL! There is no data to suggest that more SAHMs get cheated on than WOHMs or more SAHMs get divorced.

WOHMs get divorced, cheated on, do more work at home, get paid less than men, don't get promotions and work for bosses from hell regularly. They cannot survive if other lowly paid WOHMs are not taking care of their kids and their homes. The same lowly paid WOHMs also take care of the kids and homes of wealthy SAHMs, but at least wealthy SAHMs do not curl up and sob in a corner when pandemic happens, schools are virtual, cleaning lady stops coming.


Absolutely wrong
"Economists at Boston University found that dual-income marriages are more secure, and couples are less likely to split than those in marriages with only one working spouse. Further, according to the book “Getting to 50/50: How Working Parents Can Have it All,” marriages in which there is a sole breadwinner get divorced at a rate 14% above average, the highest of any income split. And if income and housework is divided evenly, the risk of divorce is 48% lower than average. Why? The authors say it’s got a lot to do with the fact that dual-income marriages have more financial stability. Being a sole breadwinner carries a tremendous amount of stress, and having a partner to share the weight can lead to more harmony and compatibility."

"Researches have shown that stay-at-home parents are more likely to experience depression and anger than their working partners. According to an article in Education News, Stephanie Coontz, co-chair of the Council for Contemporary Families, reports “no matter the income level, mothers who stay home are inclined to more depression, sadness, and anger than their working counterparts.” Coontz also reveals that divorce rates tend to decrease for couples who are both active in the workforce."

Anonymous
Post 01/23/2022 17:55     Subject: the cost of working - SAHM vs WOHM
My friend who was a working mom all her life, recently died of cancer. She made a whole lot of money and was fairly high up in an organization that is pretty well known in DMV. Her husband was in the same organization but never reached the heights that she did. Her persona was that of a go-getter. The videos of her professional success was all over youtube. No one knew what a lie her personal life was. She reached out to us for some help. Her husband was abusive to her all her life and cheated with prostitutes. Her two grown kids grew up scared, neglected and traumatized in the household. They are hot messes. She could not divorce her husband because there was a lot of wealth involved that she did not want to share/divide.

Behind the façade of a career, there was no aspect of her personal life that was good. I figured out that even after being economically emancipated she was a slave to her thinking. I lost all respect for her because she was a pitiful woman and her life was a wasted life.
Anonymous
Post 01/23/2022 17:39     Subject: the cost of working - SAHM vs WOHM
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:I find it insulting that a woman who is highly educated will be willing to SAHM, to do all the housework etc. I wonder if this is also what they preach to their daughters? Yeah, I will pay for your college and grad school but please find a high potential husband so that you can be a good SAHM for him?


I’m not a SAHM for my husband. I’m a SAHM for me bc I want to be with my kids. I didn’t realize when I did well on my SATs and went to a good college that that meant I had to spend my day apart from my kids.


+ 1
I also think that apart from love and attraction, one of the reasons that my DH married me was because he was college educated like me and held the same values and goals. We both value education and took the task of raising a family very seriously. He respects me immensely because of my partnership. We all attract and marry people who gel with us. My husband respects parents who do a good job of raising their children in a nurturing environment. He is also a very involved parent and husband, so he pitches in wholeheartedly. He is also a very supportive partner when I was a WOHM.

If he was less than who he is, I probably would not leave my job to SAH, or I would not have had kids with him, or maybe I would not have married him in the first place.

Anonymous
Post 01/23/2022 17:30     Subject: the cost of working - SAHM vs WOHM
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:Where is gender equality here? If I was the breadwinner husband and if my wife decided not to work anymore, I think I would lose some respect for her. Will most of those marriages end when one of the sides hit a mid life crisis?


I think a lot of husbands do lose respect in this situation and maybe don't realize it consciously.


There are men who don't want to pay for their wives or kids. It is as simple as that. I would lose respect for my DH if he wanted to touch my money when I was earning. All the money I have ever earned will go to set up our kids. My DH is well compensated at work and he can provide for all of us.
Anonymous
Post 01/23/2022 17:27     Subject: the cost of working - SAHM vs WOHM
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:Where is gender equality here? If I was the breadwinner husband and if my wife decided not to work anymore, I think I would lose some respect for her. Will most of those marriages end when one of the sides hit a mid life crisis?


I think a lot of husbands do lose respect in this situation and maybe don't realize it consciously.



Wow!! WOHMs are so concerned for the welfare of SAHMs and so many cautionary tales about DHs cheating on SAHMs. LOL! There is no data to suggest that more SAHMs get cheated on than WOHMs or more SAHMs get divorced.

WOHMs get divorced, cheated on, do more work at home, get paid less than men, don't get promotions and work for bosses from hell regularly. They cannot survive if other lowly paid WOHMs are not taking care of their kids and their homes. The same lowly paid WOHMs also take care of the kids and homes of wealthy SAHMs, but at least wealthy SAHMs do not curl up and sob in a corner when pandemic happens, schools are virtual, cleaning lady stops coming.
Anonymous
Post 01/23/2022 17:20     Subject: the cost of working - SAHM vs WOHM
I think, it is unfair to think that SAHMs are keeping WOHMs from being paid well.


I think rich WHITE WOHMS and SAHMs need to vote for Democrats , because GOP sh1ts on our rights.
Anonymous
Post 01/23/2022 17:11     Subject: the cost of working - SAHM vs WOHM
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:Where is gender equality here? If I was the breadwinner husband and if my wife decided not to work anymore, I think I would lose some respect for her. Will most of those marriages end when one of the sides hit a mid life crisis?


I think a lot of husbands do lose respect in this situation and maybe don't realize it consciously.


The premise is faulty if you're referring to someone who is a SAHP. SAHPs do work, they just don't get a W-2 for it, or respect.


I think the issue becomes more prevalent when kids get older. Everyone can see taking care of kids is a full-time job before they are school aged. But once they are in school all day--and often in afterschool activities, it's often the case that the SAHP only spend a little more time with the kids than a WOHP. I think in some families the SAHP really does a lot when the kids are school-aged, but in many it starts to dwindle--the kids are more independent, they spend more time with friends, etc. So I don't see this trend with people whose spouses stay at home until the kids start school, but moreso when it continues indefinitely. I think families need to keep revisiting the initial decision to stay home and assess whether it still feels fair, like it's adding enough value to everyone etc.
Anonymous
Post 01/23/2022 16:25     Subject: the cost of working - SAHM vs WOHM
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:Where is gender equality here? If I was the breadwinner husband and if my wife decided not to work anymore, I think I would lose some respect for her. Will most of those marriages end when one of the sides hit a mid life crisis?


I think a lot of husbands do lose respect in this situation and maybe don't realize it consciously.


I work with some men who actively say this. Guys - if this goes through your head, please keep it to yourself and do not share with your coworkers. We lose respect for you. Your wives are lovely and have done a ton of things for you - like buy gifts for your admins, host the holiday parties for your team, host dinners, etc. Nobody wants to hear about how you wish she’d kept working or “is keeping her mind sharp”. Maybe some desperate woman will take you up on it and have an affair with you but it’s off putting to any woman with any self respect.
Anonymous
Post 01/23/2022 13:37     Subject: the cost of working - SAHM vs WOHM
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:Where is gender equality here? If I was the breadwinner husband and if my wife decided not to work anymore, I think I would lose some respect for her. Will most of those marriages end when one of the sides hit a mid life crisis?


I think a lot of husbands do lose respect in this situation and maybe don't realize it consciously.


The premise is faulty if you're referring to someone who is a SAHP. SAHPs do work, they just don't get a W-2 for it, or respect.
Anonymous
Post 01/23/2022 13:05     Subject: the cost of working - SAHM vs WOHM
Anonymous wrote:Where is gender equality here? If I was the breadwinner husband and if my wife decided not to work anymore, I think I would lose some respect for her. Will most of those marriages end when one of the sides hit a mid life crisis?


I think a lot of husbands do lose respect in this situation and maybe don't realize it consciously.