I didn’t care at all for an early miscarriage of a wanted pregnancy at the age of 35– good riddance to a likely defective embryo l would have chosen to abort anyhow later on…that’s was how l felt…other women feel it deeply and mourn the loss…. This is to say, people are different about this stuff and your daughter may feel perfectly fine. She may also feel annoyed about the BF family being weird about it.
That would be the thing upsetting me— but again, people react differently and l would leave it alone on the therapy thing.

I would, however, highly suggest a Mirena/IUD - woman to woman- as a better BC method for a busy and forgetful 17yo.

I only ever terminated one pregnancy but when I did I had zero doubt and zero regret. I was already in therapy at the time but it barely registered. The bigger issue was that I realized I wanted kids but didn’t want them with that boyfriend. Sadly I married him anyway. We are now divorced. Thanks therapy!

If she had no conflicting feelings about it, was sure what she wanted, and did what she wanted, and is fine now, why would she need therapy? She made a mistake that she got out of. Lucky her. Why force her to muster feelings of trauma she doesn’t already feel? That seems like secondary trauma to me induced by society not your daughter’s real feelings. Support her real feelings. She is okay. Move on.

Let her be… she may need therapy in the future especially if she decides to start a family and that may bring to the surface feelings she repressed around this event.

Of all the things I needed therapy for as a senior in college, the abortion I had was not even in the Top 10. Leave her be.

Seems as though the young woman may have conflicting feelings, or at least feelings, bc she’s turning to her boyfriend for support.

Potential problems:
1. He’s an 18 year old guy
2. He may be influenced by parents, who are drawing away from the young woman and
3. the couple may be nearing a separation bc of college.

Don’t push

I am a huge fan of therapy but I absolutely didn't need it because of my abortion. I had no conflicting feelings at all. I don't think you want to send the message that abortion should cause conflicting feelings, you know?

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I wouldn’t push her, let her know it’s available and leave her be. I had an ex who prior to me had a “scare”, his gf got pregnant snd miscarried. They broke up shortly after. You have to push the condom thing , snd where is her father? She may need to hear things from the male side.

This. It's not really an abortion problem, it's a boyfriend problem. At this point they will either break up or double down and have a kid.

Pretty much. The dd may not need therapy right now, but may need it when he breaks up with her or pushes her to have a baby too young. Condoms should be in use at all times, no matter what kind of birth control dd is on.

At 22 you probably had a more worldly perspective that affected how you felt. 17yo may not feel as deeply.

Anonymous wrote:I wouldn’t push her, let her know it’s available and leave her be. I had an ex who prior to me had a “scare”, his gf got pregnant snd miscarried. They broke up shortly after. You have to push the condom thing , snd where is her father? She may need to hear things from the male side.

This. It's not really an abortion problem, it's a boyfriend problem. At this point they will either break up or double down and have a kid.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Just let her put the trauma past her. It's OK to do that. Whatever makes HER feel better.

As someone who plastered over trauma for thirty years, I suggest dealing with it now at 17 rather than with decades of emotional wreckage in your rear view window.

Having an abortion does not equal “trauma” for 95% of the women who have them.

Wrong. I know that’s you’re narrative but patently incorrect

https://www.ucsf.edu/news/2020/01/416421/five-years-after-abortion-nearly-all-women-say-it-was-right-decision-study
https://www.reuters.com/article/us-usa-women-abortion/overwhelming-majority-of-u-s-women-dont-regret-abortion-study-idUSKCN0PR1KP20150717
https://www.healthline.com/health-news/study-finds-99-of-women-say-they-do-not-regret-having-an-abortion
https://www.theguardian.com/world/2020/jan/12/abortion-women-do-not-regret-study
Also, you misspelled “your.”

I wouldn’t push her, let her know it’s available and leave her be. I had an ex who prior to me had a “scare”, his gf got pregnant snd miscarried. They broke up shortly after. You have to push the condom thing , snd where is her father? She may need to hear things from the male side.

I can’t read all these replies but wanted to say I think you are a great mom, OP. One size does not fit all when parenting and I can tell you want to give your daughter whatever she needs to weather this. If only all of us could have moms like that!

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It was not uncommon among the teen moms I worked with for a girl to intentionally conceive after a first unplanned pregnancy ended in an abortion or early miscarriage.

That's just what I was going to post. It's great a lot of you moved on from your abortions with no issues, but this is a very common thing, this is especially true if the girl senses her boyfriend is going to leave her, So Therapy isn't a bad idea, though I realize you can't really force her, but at the very least you need to be checking in with her OP, and talking about birth control.

This is why I would never tell my mom. Let it go!

Are you 17? YOu oddly seem to have stopped mentally maturing past your teenage years. Getting pregnant in high school while not shameful or the end of the world is a big deal and OP shouldn't just fob it off she needs to be aware of things so she can help her daughter.

I actually was a freshman in college when I turned 17 and was in that position. I was able to use student health services and take care of the situation myself.